A Con Job

[Anne2345]

It is difficult to conceive and conceptualize the notion of normalcy. Within the confusion, I challenge you to compare and contrast the concept of “normal” as it relates to gender. I concede and otherwise confess that it is a difficult exercise, with no concrete conclusion.

It is conceivable, however, that the answer lies within social conditioning. Of no small consequence, boys are raised on blue, and girls on pink. The gender conspiracy thus begins at birth. Society thereafter constrains and consequently constricts the individual, seeking conformity no matter the cost.

As a group, we are conscious of this conservative social agenda, and condemn the bigotry. Hatred, misunderstanding, and being feared is not to be condoned. Although we do not consent to the unwritten social rules constructed by an uneducated general public, we concentrate on conquering our fear of cutting across the social milieu. In this, I congratulate each and every member of the transgendered congregation.

Considering that many members must conceal their true nature from an unforgiving community, however, in this context, it is amazing that we continue at all. In this, we make many concessions and few confessions. Consistent with this condition, many of our identities remain confidential.

Would that society offer a conciliatory overture, back away from conflict, offer a conscionable resolution to the current construct, and a seat at the social conference, however, positions would change. Instead, entities such as the Tennessee Legislature confirm that such arguments are not conducive to resolution, and concoct ridiculous reasons to consider us less than “normal.”

In the face of such contention, I feel yet further contained, and less confident in, our fellow man to follow his true conscience. After all, how can one conclude there is harm in simply connecting the feminine and the masculine into one glorious unit? It is not as if we confide in the devil, conjure up black magic, or harbor some contagious disease! The concentrated conceit of those that hate is indeed appalling and cause for concern.

However, our very existence contradicts the validity of the uneducated masses. May we constantly remind each other that we are people, too, and that we may affirmatively run contrary to the nay-sayers.

Concerning the unduly length of this submission, I shall strive to condense this content in the future, and conform to less repetitious conduct. Please, however, do not confiscate my keyboard, as I concur that perusing my conclusory sentences is much akin to receiving a concussion after being bashed in the head with a conch shell.

Con amore,

Anne

[Sue Too]

HUH???? What brought that on?

[GingerLeigh]

All I can say is WOW! Once again you hit it on the head.

[Julia Welch]

Ooooo ... someone ate a dictionary today ;)

[Debglam]

Things change slowly, or at least slowly according to our individual timelines. If you want something a little uplifiting, take a look at the rebuttal posts to the trans hating Girl Scout. As far as politics, and you know you always have to wonder what is "politics" and what is real, take a look at the TN State Legislator's webpage. His photo looks like a casting shot of a bloated politico who is caught in a men's room stall being bad! :heehee:

The best we can do is be true to ourselves, fight together for our rights, and one-by-one, demystify the whole trans thing for the general public. Ten years from now (hopefully less), trans will be like LG is today. "Oh yeah, my (neighbor, coworker, boss, etc.) is trans."

[Marleena]

Things change slowly, or at least slowly according to our individual timelines. If you want something a little uplifiting, take a look at the rebuttal posts to the trans hating Girl Scout. As far as politics, and you know you always have to wonder what is "politics" and what is real, take a look at the TN State Legislator's webpage. His photo looks like a casting shot of a bloated politico who is caught in a men's room stall being bad! :heehee:

The best we can do is be true to ourselves, fight together for our rights, and one-by-one, demystify the whole trans thing for the general public. Ten years from now (hopefully less), trans will be like LG is today. "Oh yeah, my (neighbor, coworker, boss, etc.) is trans."

What Deb said! I'm still digesting your wording in your post, Anne.:)

[moondog]

Big boys don't cry. Man up. Walk like a man. The list could go on, but the point is Anne is correct, from birth we're conditioned by our families and society on how THEY believe we should act given which genitals we have at birth. Those who do not fit into what our families and society deems appropriate are viewed as flawed in some manner and therefor requiring "fixing." And yes, there are those in society who believe we are seduced by the devil, deviant, and even worthy of prosecution. I had never thought much on the subject until the need to dress hit me.

Thank you writing this so well, Anne.

[Dawn cd]

Sure there is social conditioning, and transpeople have suffered from it, but some social conditioning seems to be inevitable in human nature. Which of us can say we are free from social conditioning in all aspects of our lives? So while I understand your frustration, Anne (you sweetheart), I suggest that the ignorance and rigidity displayed by the "socially conditioned" is not the same as hatred. People can learn, and they do change. And while we suffer in the meantime, no one promised us that life would be one big bubble bath.

[kimdl93]

I fully and completely concur!

[LeaP]

I disagree. Conditioning is maintenance. What's being maintained is the ongoing denigration of women. Julia Serrano describes what's going on as a perfect storm of misogyny, oppositional gender discrimination, and trans-misogyny. Trans women get it in the neck for emulating women and exhibiting femininity. Trans men do not get the same kind of venom. Neither do tomboys, butch lesbians, and androgynous females, as is often pointed out in the forum. Going male is rewarded because, acknowledged or denied, our culture still values and rewards masculinity more than femininity. Breaking the cisgender boundaries FtM, therefore, is implicitly understood and tolerated. But a man becoming female is incomprehensible and the reaction is ferocious.

Oppositional gender is the unstated and heavily-enforced view that the genders are distinct and opposite in nature, necessarily. It runs very deeply in our subconscious but, again, conditioning is only one of the means to the end, which is ultimately suppression of femininity. The subtlety in it is in confusing different kinds of differences and capabilities. A small female is not a match for a large male in a fight, all things otherwise equal, for example. That does NOT translate into a woman being unable to address her own protection needs. It also does not mean that traits that are regarded as feminine are only found in natal females.

In contrast to your comment that we constitute a contradiction, I read things in this forum every single day that reinforces gender stereotypes! I want to share your congratulatory statement. It certainly applies to those brave enough to be out (and I'm not one). Those who are not are complicit in maintaining the opposition. It's out of fear of real consequences, which is the reality of the enforcement, but it doesn't make us any less complicit. Who else do we think is going to break it down?

Lea

[busker]

Of no small consequence, boys are raised on blue, and girls on pink. The gender conspiracy thus begins at birth. Society thereafter constrains and consequently constricts the individual, seeking conformity no matter the cost.

As a group, we are conscious of this conservative social agenda, and condemn the bigotry. Hatred, misunderstanding, and being feared is not to be condoned. Although we do not consent to the unwritten social rules constructed by an uneducated general public, we concentrate on conquering our fear of cutting across the social milieu. In this, I congratulate each and every member of the transgendered congregation.

Considering that many members must conceal their true nature from an unforgiving community, however, in this context, it is amazing that we continue at all. In this, we make many concessions and few confessions. Consistent with this condition, many of our identities remain confidential.

Would that society offer a conciliatory overture, back away from conflict, offer a conscionable resolution to the current construct, and a seat at the social conference, however, positions would change. Instead, entities such as the Tennessee Legislature confirm that such arguments are not conducive to resolution, and concoct ridiculous reasons to consider us less than “normal.”

In the face of such contention, I feel yet further contained, and less confident in, our fellow man to follow his true conscience. After all, how can one conclude there is harm in simply connecting the feminine and the masculine into one glorious unit? It is not as if we confide in the devil, conjure up black magic, or harbor some contagious disease! The concentrated conceit of those that hate is indeed appalling and cause for concern.

However, our very existence contradicts the validity of the uneducated masses. May we constantly remind each other that we are people, too, and that we may affirmatively run contrary to the nay-sayers.



Con amore,

Anne

Anne, what we need are more enlightened PARENTING BOOKS. That is where the blue and pink start. Tradition is difficult to break and until that starts to change , the world over, it will be blue for boys, etc. Much of the remaining problems have their origin in religion of one sort or another, beginning with the "christian" religions. We have a warped society that largely believes in words written more or less 2000 years ago and fail in most ways to really challenge them. The bedrock of UNenlightened society are the various books of religion with their warnings and hatreds and promises of burning in wherever. If every person had a PhD type education, we would not be talking about this in my estimation, but due to low education and a poor one at that, we suffer the fools at large.
That we are still following our path sounds a bit heroic and it isn't at all. The resistance fighters in France or Poland or Czechoslovakia or Norway or Denmark--they were herioc and often paid the highest price to wear their livery of freedom.

One problem I see for crossdressers is that what we do is inextricably connected to sex. How dare we try to present ourselves as "women" and confuse the poor sod who knows only the missionary position. While what we do is on a higher personal plane, the aveage joe can hardly express his own basic desires in any meaningful way. Most studies of sex that I have read pretty much conclude with sex is about a fifteen minute preoccupation so the guy can get his rocks off, the woman be damned. This is still a fact in 2012, never mind Erica Jong's time, Or Betty Friedan's. People can weear anything they damned-well please except women's clothing--the ultimate no no. imitate a general, a cop, a pilot, whatever, and people w=may think--wierd, but the minute one puts on a dress--it whole game changes. This will never change in my opinion.

The other problem as I see it is that we mix and allow to be mixed, religion and politics, and more so these days. The more we allow that, the worse the situation will be for everyone. In the Soviet Union, it was being a political dissident that got one sent to the gulag, in America, it's religious dissent that gets one sent to the gulag of public opinion. The legislators from TN will always have some sway as long as people remain mired in religious tradition. The bible only admits of Adam being the HERO and eve being the tart who lost paradise for everyone.

[Debb]

Wow, it really pays to enhance your vocabulary.

[Kaz]

I don't see Lea's point totally contradicting Anne's actually. The arguement rather complements it. The Nature view that the two genders are distinct is correct - well in part. The sexes are distinct (gender refers more to an expression of sexuality). In the natural order of things there are males and females and it like that in order to reproduce. Our species works on the basis of two gene sources coming from different individuals, one of which grows the off-spring. This way of reproducing allows for increasing diversity and a stronger means of species survival.

Social conditioning is based on this fundamental difference. The term gender is used universally instead of 'sex' because it is deemed more appropriate for us to express our chosen or preferred 'gender'. It seen as more politically correct in an attempt to promote equality. Thanks to societal conditioning the vast majority of people have just used the word gender to replace the word sex in identifying which side of the reproductive fence you are.

It is not that long that women wore very distinctly different clothes than men... society's way of emphasising the two sexes. The gradual liberalisation of women, which was long overdue, allowed women to also wear the trousers (pants in America), and gradually we reach a place wear women can wear pretty much what they want and it is accepted. Lesbians have always been accepted more than gay men. In the UK lesbianism was never illegal. So women expressing as butch etc.. have become accepted along with the successful acceptance of the LG community.

But if men are 'superior' to women, why would want to present as women? It potentially threatens the sexual stereotypes in a very overt and visible way.

People hate what they fear and they fear what they don't understand. So we need to educate.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I have no idea what you wrote, but your new avatar is gorgeous.

[Dana7]

What a convivial connection and creative collection of constructs compiled for social correction!

A concise conclusion for your current concern, no congress of conformists could conscientiously discern.

But compassionate conciliators and careful conferees could conceivably construct a compromise which could console and appease.

:battingeyelashes:

[Lucy_Bella]

Just because some of us fly under the radar doesn't mean we don't wear a "Transgender " label.. Sometimes a movement can fall victim under it's own demeanor . Any successful movement starts from a strong foundation , with out that you are just a fad in passing.. To be taken serious, education to society must play a role, but how can we educate those to understand us when we have trouble in our own ranks?

Our foundation should consist of all of us as a whole and if you ask me personally , we have way too much finger pointing amongst ourselves on who is and who is not doing the right thing for a un foreseen cause's.. The only way out of that would be a better understanding of each other.. When I first joined this support site , I came here to understand myself, all I received was conflict .. But I knew there was others who where more like me than different with in the "Trans " umbrella ....

So some can say while staying in the closet will only hurt the " cause " , dressing ****ty, out of the age range or having body hair in a un Western feminine way ( some Eastern women do have hairy bodies as a society)..Some can say that T.S.'s are the ones who should take credit for the "cause "( do all the work) and Cder's are grabbing their dress tails because we live in fear ( some truth to it ) ..But then again the Gay community really lead the way ,so many straight CDer's find some dis comfort with that ( because some are married with a full time job convincing their wife they are straight )..

Problem is we want Society to drop everything and accept us !! We want diversity from Society but we can't even get diversity from our own group.. I think a better understanding of ourselves and respect to that understanding would a better help in Society to accept us.. Because, to be honest when it comes to some Threads here at this site..I am confused.. But not as a individual but how we think of each other..

Great Post..Thank you..

[Kelly DeWinter]

I have a real problem with this kind of thread.... I WANT to understand .... so I READ ... and I have to REREAD again and again .... then all of a sudden my head EXPLODES ! I have a inborn inabilty to hold too many concepts between my ears.

I'm sticking to the picture section of the forum.

Kelly

[Cynthia Anne]

I have know problem understanding what Anne is saying here! And I agree fully with her! But sometimes I just want to be me and read things in a much easier volcab! So when I says thar yaint nutten wrong with that thar post af Annes It just me bein' who me is! Hugs!

[KellyJameson]

"In the 1800s most infants were dressed in white, and gender differences weren't highlighted until well after the kids were able to walk. Both boys and girls wore dresses or short skirts until age five or six. Differences in clothing were subtle: boys’ dresses buttoned up the front, for example, while girls’ buttoned up the back. Why no attempt to discriminate further? One theory is that distinguishing boys from girls was less important than distinguishing kids from adults. Childhood was a time of innocence, whereas adulthood typically meant grueling physical labor. Perhaps mothers decking out their little boys in dresses thought: They’ll get to be manly soon enough."

But from the 1890s onward, boys' and girls' clothing styles started to diverge, with boys dressed in trousers or knickers at progressively earlier ages. Jo Paoletti of the University of Maryland, a longtime specialist on the topic, reviewed more than 500 descriptions and images of children's clothing appearing in print between 1890 and 1920 and notes a rapid "masculinization" of boys' wear, for reasons that remain obscure. http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2831/was-pink-originally-the-color-for-boys-and-blue-for-girls

In my opinion it was the beginning of the power of mass media............

The Robbers Cave Experiment http://www.age-of-the-sage.org/psychology/social/sherif_robbers_cave_experiment.html

The Robbers Cave experiment on intergroup conflict and co-operation was carried out by Muzafer and Carolyn Sherif and others as a part of research program at the University of Oklahoma. This large-scale Intergroup Relations Project was established as an interdisciplinary "psychological" and "sociological" approach to the testing of a number of hypotheses about intergroup relations.

Within every individual is a self identity based on belonging to various groups that creates us and them relations

The man or woman group
The Republican or Democrat group
The child or adult group, thousands of group identities held inside our heads dictating how we are expected to act/believe as members of this group with a mask for each identity to go with the role we step into. These identities are always in relation to others.

Than there is the relationship we have with ourselves in the privacy of our own minds, those thoughts we do not necessarily share. I believe to experience a relationship fully with ourselves we must discover and develop the person we were destined to become that is independant of any group. To become that person all beliefs learned from others must be challenged. Just as the child grows and begins to assert their autonomy by challenging parental authority the individual must continue on this path as an adult to transform the clay that makes them who they are that was shaped by others hands into a new continually evolving form shaped by their own hands (mind). This is a painful exhausting process with unknown rewards whose concept is so abstract many do not comprehend the need so suffer without understanding why.

The problem is and always has been the same problem, individual freedom in relation to the group (a collection of individuals belonging to groups who do not want to become individuals because of the work and risks involved)

True individuals have certain traits that threaten those who do not want to think for themselves because they are trapped by the fear of their own inadequacy to provide for their own survival, the perpetual child who must always be defined by group membership. Being transgendered must be an act of courage even if it is born from desperation and by this very act threatens group think because only an individual is capable of walking this path and cowards (group think) hate individuals because their very existence illuminates the others cowardice and sloth. (refusal to become autonomous) Life is either movement from cowardice to courage or control to escape reminders of ones own fears

HAMLET: To be, or not to be--that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep--
No more--and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep--
To sleep--perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th' oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th' unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprise of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action. -- Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia! -- Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remembered.

Life is always about the problem of fear, ours and others.

[Allisa]

Spoken like a true lawyer.

Lisa.

[Cindy M]

Lots of thought...
Well said Anne!
:)

[jillleanne]

I do hope you never have to write a thesis. They best give you a head start and a black marker. Cute though in a way.

[Geneva Lake]

Anne, you are a magnificent writer.

[docrobbysherry]

Not that you're off base, Annie, but I think you've missed some things!

Parents without gender issues simply raise their kids the best they can. Without a thot about gender issues! It's NOT bias so much as clueless! They don't worry about aliens much either! They just want their kids to grow up to be happy and successful. Gender issues probably never come up until the kids themselves talk about them. And then, after seeing the parent's bewildered, negative response, THEY may never mention those issues again! I think parents now look at whether their kids may be homosexual, but not trans!

Next, consider how the vanilla public thinks of us. I'm NOT speaking about hate or intolerance. Because those r INEXCUSABLE, PERIOD! But, many of them think of what we do AS OUR CHOICE! And, from their point of view they're ABSOLUTELY RITE! We CHOOSE TO WEAR CLOTHES OF THE OPPOSITE GENDER! Being trans may NOT be a choice, but the wearing of the clothes IS! So, they ask themselves this question;
"Why would he choose to look like a homely woman when he could be a reasonably good looking guy!?"

When you've answered THAT question to THEIR satisfaction, then you've answered your thread question!