Told my mom about CD'ing

[Anna Abwaerts]

I was having a bad day, mopping about previous heartache and struggles of life. I try to lay out my problems, she tries to talk sense into me, but most of what she says is too naive and oldschool for me.

I thought it was about time, cause my CD wardrobe is growing, and it is just a matter of sooner-or-later.
I started like this: There is this thing, maybe you know, or maybe *sister* knows, ... but the thing is... I like to wear women`s clothes.
Her face became a huge questionmark. She asked: is that like a homosexual thing? I said not exactly. I tried to explain differences between transgender and just dressing. I referred to women who look masculine, act masculine. That she understood, and then said that there are men also, who are feminine. She unwillingly agreed. I said I dont want no surgery.
I sensed that she doesnt really approve, but there was no choice anymore. She said whats the cause? I said that I like cute things. She said that maybe I should wear more colorful things, like those guys on fashion shows :)
She made her point: as a women she does not understand it, men must be men, she said I still need my muscles, cant go out like that flying flowerful. Unwillingly I agreed, dont have the urges to go out in this town. She said people here wont understand. I also said my face wouldnt allow that.

I asked if she knew or suspected, she denied, has not really known, and has not talked about such matters with my sister.

Thats pretty much it. She said she will accept me as I am, but she is totally against homosexual thing, if I had male partner. I said I dont have chemistry with men, only with women. I said I will probably tell about CDing to my future girlfriend, she warned to better not tell, because it will end. I insisted that I know what Im doing, with previous passions I could not imagine telling them, but now I accept that and will be open if a deeper relationship develops.

Friday the 13th neutralised, has started bad, but fewer worries for the future.

[Rachel Flowers]

You're off to a great start, Anna. In time your mum may relax more as she sees that you're not changing into something strange, adn that this is just apart of you htat's walys been there.

And you're right that you can find a partner in future who accepts the whole you; it sounds like you're intelligent enough to make careful judgements about whom you come out to.

Good luck!

[kimdl93]

Its very hard for a person with long held ideas to confront and process something so new in a single sitting. Given time and information, your mother will very likely abandon some of those old school notions about cross dressing, particularly if you're there to give her the real dope. This will be a learning process for both of you!

[Rachel Morley]

In my experience, the sum total of a person's life, personality, attitude and life experiences up to that point will influence heavily how they respond when you come out to them. Your Mom is no different, and in fact, she may have even more parental expectations or hopes for you and your future, that's only natural for a Mother. Anyway, things might change as she gets used to the idea but I can somewhat relate as once when I told my best GG friend (this was when I was single about 12 years ago). I was absolutely convinced she would be cool with it and perhaps even help and encourage me ... boy, was I wrong! She was dead set against it and said I was "ill" and needed professional help! Gulp ... it didn't do much for my confidence after that I can tell you.

[Mindy More]

I wish my mom was still around to tell. I think she'd be more than understanding (she bought me my first male thong). Your very lucky to have yours even if she is a bit reluctant. Good luck

[DanaR]

It is nice that your mom was willing to talk about it. I'm sure that you will have other conversations with you. It sounded like her main concern was if you are gay. She is just trying to look out for you, you can tell that she cares.

[Lisia]

Your mother is only responding from a place she is familiar with, and it sounds like she may be a bit out of touch, but that is all to common. In my very limited opinion, the best you can do is reassure her that you are still her son, and that you are quite secure in your sexuality. There is nothing wrong with being gay, but if you are not, you will have to come up with your own ways to express that to her. It is unfortunate, but those of previous generations often need some extra help with understanding that all is not so black and white as they were brought up to perceive, there are often SO MANY shades of grey! Similar to the quandary of opening up to a SO, these uneducated questions often arise. If there is anything I have learned, it is that communication is key. Communication early and often!

Best wishes to you and your mother, and please keep us all informed as to the developments (if it is not too private), your simple post could help so many others who may not even be a member, but is just lurking in the forums looking for advice and information; trust me, I used to be one of them!

Lisia

[jillleanne]

Bad? Not a chance it started off bad. It started off wonderfully for you. She will continue to love you no matter what. That's good! Give your mom a big hug and remind her how much you love her also. She has opened a door for you so keep the communication going with her. She will bcome your avenue to the world around you.

[Anna Abwaerts]

Well now its the morning after and its nothing dramatic, saturday morning like usually.
I think it was better to tell her rather than she finds some stuff in my closet, now the worry is over.

I think she would be quite surprised that *right now* I have some female items on my own, I havent told her but I figure one minute she will stop and ask: wait, so what stuff youre wearing, where did you get it?
I think she would be curios what I have. I thought of just pulling eye shadow and mascara out of the drawer of my table and say: see, Im not lying, its for real. But havent done that, and it wouldnt be a problem anyway I figure.

Maybe she will think I wore some of her or sisters, but I find it quite wrong and its close to never that I have tried some of her stuff :heehee: Really, I could count those moments on fingers of my hand, so thats not an issue.

Yesterday I also asked, in jokely manner, why she always was so pushy with buying, suggesting be blue T-shirts and shirts? "If you did that then you must of have suspected something." She brushed it off and said she only thought that it will suit me (I have rather pale male clothing, so sometimes she complains of lack of colors).

When I pointed her about masciline women- she said she knows some like that, and I know too (in this town), she was a coworker with a woman like that, she sighed when talking about her: yeah, I think she even does not have a boyfriend. I see that woman sometimes in store, I saw her buying alchohol, but hope she isnt drinking herself alone to sleep. I have noticed 4 masculine women in this town.

Dunno what else to say. My sister could pose a problem, because she couldnt resist to tell her friends, but she lives in another city and comes home only bi-weekly. Certainly telling to your mom isnt as troublesome as telling your GF. And I figured, if I am who I am, and accept that, then I will gravitate towards and attract the right person for me.

[Laura912]

Please engage in a little caution here. Old saying I just made up..."it benefits neither the nail nor the board to keep pounding once the nail is driven in..." Let her have time to adjust to all of this. Also, she may want to have some woman to woman discussions with her daughter and may tell her about you. Then you have the problem with your sister. Was there a driving reason you had to tell you mother? I agree with others that telling the GF will be very important if this is to continue as part of you...and it will! Because I am closer to your mother's age, it is easier to imagine the things with which she is dealing. Our generation was not well educated about a lot of this. Best of luck to you.
Laura

[Phoebe]

Told my mother about my CD'ing some years ago. She wasn't surprised! She told me when I was four and five years old she sewed girls dresses and used me for a model and also to make the hem on the dresses. She had me get up on a chair and then she pined the hem so it would be even. Also she has a photo she took of me in one of the dresses. She won't let me take that photo, will have to wait until she passes on I guess. Also she sometimes sent me out in girls dresses to play with the other children. My father was in a Tuberculosis ward during those years. She never told my father about trying to pass me off as a girl. One nasty older and stronger boy was jealous of my girl looking eye lashes and held me down and took a match and burnt my eyelashes. My eyelashes are kind of thin to this day. May mother said, well don't feel to badly about trying to pass you off for a girl.

[Lucy Furr]

My mom found out about my dressing when I was in my teens. She caught me in drag. After that there were some awkward moments, even some jokes at my expense (my family does that, its not as cruel as it sounds). She never outed me, and never got mad. What she saw was that I was still the same son she had raised. As I went into adulthood I was a responsible and healthy member of society, that just so happens to dress like a girl when he feels like it. I agree with the slow change suggestion. Don't let it be a major upheaval because friends and family may lose sight of the real you, the person they loved before they knew you crossdress.

Edit: she also saw that I had great relationships with the opposite sex. Thus alleviating the homosexual worry.