What your family finds after you die

[darci.c]

I'm speaking of the paranoia I use to have before I decided that anyone who is going to know me is going to know the real me.

I remember coming up with complex and intricate plans to ensure that should I randomly die for whatever reason, that those I leave behind who would go through my things would either A) not find my women's clothes, (because I hid them so well) or B) Find them in the same spot where all the letters and mementos of all the women I've known in my life would be found. So that they would think something like this:

"Hmm... let's see. Giant plastic tote crate containing several large stacks of envelopes containing letters and cards from various women around the world. Most of these are "love letters", birthday cards, confessions, etc. A couple of empty wine bottles. Some books of poetry, some journals, taped locks of hair on pages with scribbles. Stacks of photographs of girls. 35mm negatives. A half-smoked joint. Ticket stubs from concerts, shows, art museums. Various items of jewelry. A ziplock bag with some crumbled remains of mexican mushrooms. Restaurant napkins with scribbled notes. A few works of unknown art. 15 pairs of panties. 6 pairs of shoes. 8 dresses. Carious other women's clothing. Couple of sex toys. Scented candles. Massage oil."

And my guess is that the observer would probably conclude that they were all kept for a reason: to remind me that all the women I knew in my life were real. I have something they wrote, something we did together, or something she wore.

Well, today the girl stuff is on the left side of my closet. Guy stuff on the right.

I'm wondering if anyone else has let fear get the better part of them?

[CindyT]

I think about this all the time! I told my kids that if I go, they must toss the box of videos in my closet, of course without watching them! I have so much in female clothing, like 3 totes and 2 duffel bags, hell they will surely know then! In reality, I don't think they will mind..... they will all be getting some inheritance.
Your idea seems very logical! I may consider a similar approach!

[DanaR]

I'm safe, my wife and kids know about me.

[Launa]

Yeah, this is a tough one. I'm lucky that if I were to die my wife could pitch all my stuff out the door for me and then the kids wouldn't have to deal with it. I'm sure you could find a way to store your stuff in a place away from your home and if you die you could have an attorney get it disposed of for you. However I'm not going to live with that fear!

[Joann Smith]

I'm safe, my wife and kids know about me.

I think i am ok too. The daughter keeps insisting on burying me in a dress...But i do have a CD friends photo album that she asked me to keep untill she got that silly purge thing out of her head ...I was worried about it getting found ,So what i did was put a letter explaining who and what it is inside.... then signed it " WHY ARE YOU ALL UP IN MY BUSINESS ANY WAY ! '

[Jocelyn Quivers]

My wife and most of my family knows about me so I don't worry too much. My only concern I still face is what to do with my ugly less than flattering pics that I have storred. Because I only would want my family to see the pretty versions of me.

[jillleanne]

I suspect if anyone looked in your closet after you are gone, would simply come to realize you had a special friend with big feet that you kept a secret from them, and move on with their lives. I want me grave mrker to read something like this:
" In memory of Kevin and Jill "
"May they Live Near a Mall"

[PretzelGirl]

This is a tough thing for those that aren't out to anyone. Even if you have a plan, you have to have faith that it gets done the way you asked. If you have everything under lock and key, you could have a note on the outside (throw away or property of my friend at 404-999-9999 and it is a friend who dresses). That is the problem with secrets that have a physical part to them, it is really hard to hide them forever.

[Cheryl T]

No fear here. I'll be gone, so what can they do to me?

They can find all my things, all my photos and the letter explaining who Cheryl is. If that changes their feelings for me, then what can I do. I am who I am and I can't be anything else.

[sman61]

I still have the urge to throw it all in sheer panic. Nobody knows in my life. If I did throw it all I know I would get some more. I have tried to think that when I'm gone who cares but it don't work. I think I would like a separate house that nobody knows about but, I need to win the lottery for that. So what to do? I really have no idea.

[Paula T]

No fear here. I'll be gone, so what can they do to me?

They can find all my things, all my photos and the letter explaining who Cheryl is. If that changes their feelings for me, then what can I do. I am who I am and I can't be anything else.

I keep thinking of this more and more as I get older. I think Cheryl has the right idea but then there is a part of me that thinks I should at least tell one of my daughters so she could explain or try to. Silly me I can't explain it so how could she. :brolleyes:If I were to die accidently now when they cleaned out my house they would see all those pairs of large size heels and outfits that don't fit my wife. I know I will have to do something as I am getting older every day. But on a lighter note having a bit more fun than some of my non CD'ing friends I sometimes think.

[StevieTV]

They will find a gold mine if they sell my belongings on ebay :)

[Tina B.]

My boys are grown men with lives of there own, I'm sure they will adjust and move on with there lives, how they feel about it is something they will have to deal with, but they will deal with it.
Tina B.

[Heisthebride]

I have thought about this. Make it known in your will or instruct your executor via a letter about your "secret", someone you can trust. Explain your feelings and why you didn't come out. Either have them sell or donate, your stash and if you want leave a photo album for them if they are interested. They can choose to see this side of you if they want but they also have the option or your choice to throw it all out and keep your secret. I think this would be an enlightening exercise for those of us in the closet.

[Sally24]

It can be as simple as leaving instructions. My children know about Sally so for me that's not the issue. They have been informed which bag has "toys" that they don't need to see. They know what to throw away without opening. Maybe those in a different situation would do well to leave similar instructions about a few boxes of their items. It could even be something written in your will for the executor to take care of.

[monalisa]

I think we need a secret society that has a key to our house and upon death remove all female articles and evidence before family and friends find our alter ego and our girly items.

[StarrOfDelite]

I was just thinking of something along these lines this morning. Got an email that a college fraternity brother collapsed in cardiac arrest while X-country skiing, is now in a coma and expected to either not survive or have significant intellectual and physical impairment of he does. This was totally unexpected, since he appeared to be in very good condition when I saw him at a reunion a couple of years ago. News of that ilk tends to raise concerns about how one's stash will impact upon post-mortem reputation. In addition to all of the above suggestions, I am also considering leaving a set of passwords to all my Masculine email and business accounts and an unprotected DVD which has all of the family fotos, along with strict instructions to destroy the hard drives in all of my computers. Most of my fotos are on password encrypted DVD's which I would recommend to everyone irrespective of life expectancy concerns.

[moondog]

I'll be dead so I won't care.

[Stephanie47]

If I pass on before my wife, she'll dispose of my wardrobe. However, she does not know the extent of it. It may take her a long time. She knows of the very large box and smaller one in the nightstand that has my original additions to my femininity. She does not know of the twelve Zerox boxes of garments stacked in the converted garage or the two boxes in the closet above the water heater. Actually, she may find some slips she may want to keep-very sexy. I've thought of decreasing my collection of over 400 slips. If she passes before me, I'd probably make a concerted effort to drastically reduce my wardrobe. There's no way I could ever wear so many slips under my eighty or so dresses. However, I would buy some more nightgowns as there would be no reason anymore to not sleep en femme.

[Krissie1962]

My executor knows about Krissie. nobody else does ? my things consume a full closet and dresser. the mens things are in a pile on top of the dresser.I worry every day when leaving for work ,if ill return home.If given notice of my time left ,I would tell my son about me ."explain why half of my house is locked when he comes over". IF my time comes unexpectedly.he will figure it out.
in any case does it realy matter? just enjoy life as much as possible. " in a skirt":D

[sandra-leigh]

My wife and my immediate family know about me, so that isn't an issue for me.

My thoughts have run more to whether I should leave instructions that my obit should explicitly mention my femme name, and likewise that any service should openly acknowledge my TG nature. I don't want this important part of my life to be hushed up like a shameful secret, and I do not want to just disappear without a trace. Most of my friends in the city have seldom or never heard my guy name.

And if they buy "guy clothes" to put me in for the viewing, whatever part of me survives the death of my body would likely Not Be Amused.

There are other aspects of my service that I consider leaving instructions about. Choice of religion (that will probably hurt my mother more than choice of clothes.) Songs I'd like played at the service.

[aprilmaeflowers]

It's already happened to me...got sick in 05, had open heart surgery, youngest sons wife got into marked "PRIVATE" boxes looking for my will, don't have one, but found my stash. I asked my son what happened to my stuff...he burned...but other than me jumping his asz for destroying my stuff, life goes on...

[AllieSF]

I just commented about this in another thread. When I am dead and gone, I really do not care. What I do is not illegal nor perverted. It will be a surprise for someone, and so be it.

[Julia_in_Pa]

They are going to find a black 1987 Mercedes 560 SEL sedan with 3 kilo's of coke and approx 50,000.00 dollars in the trunk.
It's in a storage locker outside Miami.


Julia

[Robertacd]

Quite frankly I don't care what they find or think because I will be dead.

[NathalieX66]

Quite frankly I don't care what they find or think because I will be dead.

Ditto.
Maybe they can have a garage sale with all my shoes, dresses ,and earrings.

[AnitaH]

I used to worry about this same issue when my things were hiding in a tote in the basement. Since I have told both my wife and my adult daughter this is no longer an issue with me. Although some other family don't know, at least not yet, I'm not going to worry about what they might think after I'm gone. What happens with the things will be someone else's problem.

AnitaH

[whowhatwhen]

Knowing them, they'll find the usual and probably cry/blame themselves.
Not much I can do about that, unless I leave a card that said "Hey, it could've been worse!".

[Annaliese2010]

To us, the time we are alive, indwelling, here in this 'Realm' this 'Dimension' this space & place in time is...the All & Everything! Duely so! Because it is the only perspective we have. Or is it? Science tells us this world, this urth, this Earth is 4.6 billion yrs old. The universe itself is 15 billion years old and modern man 1st appeared 60,000 yrs ago. We come we go and in time Everybody & Everything is forgotton, lost forever. Our human technology wont change the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics: ENTROPY MUST INCREASE!

We're fighting a losing battle if we think ANY of this really matters. My Philosophy: Work hard. Relax. Dont worry. Enjoy. Dont hurt anyone. Try to make a positive difference.

[patti1569]

I tend to agree with some others. I'll be dead so who cares. But, I must admit that I do think about it from time to time. My ex-wife knows so she would not be surprised. She would keep it from my kids who are to young right now to find out on there own. The only other person who would find my things is my sister. I think she already suspects I may be a CDer anyway. I am planing on telling her soon, then It wont matter at all. As my kids get older, I will worry more, but when they are old enough, I may tell them anyway.

[Tara D. Rose]

I told my wife that if I should ever die before her, that she is to take all of my famale stuff and give it to goodwill. And for her to take all of my pictures and delete them and or destroy them. My children and brothers and sister look up to me at well as my father. I want my legacy to be to remain intact with them after I am gone. I know so many people say who cares and what does it matter once we are dead? But to me as long as I'm alive, I feel I wouldn't want my family to ever know. The only difference after death and they found out, I just wouldn't have ot face them. So I would want my wife to burn, and delete all evidence, so that the memory of me spoken by my loved ones will be that of love and respect. My wife told me the other day, she was thinking that if I died, what would she do with Tara pertaining to cd.com?
I told her to delete all the pics from here and from flicker, and just post that Tara has passed away from this earth. I do feel gratefull that I have that benefit of a loved one left behind to delete all evidence. I think of others on here that have a wife that doesn't know of thier cd'ing, and they are the only ones in control of their life on here, when they go away forever, all of their pics on here and all of thier post will remain for a long time. Loved ones after the funeral may go into their computer and find a lot of evidence. I just feel that living this life of crossdressing in secrecy all of my life, I would want to continue to keep this part of me a secret also in death.
L&R.........................Tara

[Alice B]

No fear at all. Everyone in my extended faamily knows and the only one that would have access to my computer is my wife.

[Kate Simmons]

Unless your soul is hung up here after you pass, there is no reason to be concerned. What people think of us after we die is meaningless for so many reasons.:)

[eluuzion]

Isn’t Hide-N-Seek fun! Fun for the whole family! Greatest game ever invented, lol.

Hey, one (hypothetical) option might be to rig a house with a destroying cache of C4 connected to a 10-hour timer and engage it when you leave home every morning. Then when you return home every day, you could simply disarm it and reset it for the next day! (Similar tactics worked for “Brill” (Gene Hackman) in the movie “Enemy of the State”.) It would require having a good memory though…lol

Ok, bad idea… (And yes, occifers…that was a just a hypothetical joke!) :o

I am assuming this topic deals with the various options available AFTER the decision has been made to continue keeping all “evidence” of your CD interests confidential, while living and after you die…even if you die unexpectedly. (Which hopefully eliminates any back-peddling replies with advice about how you should “just tell everybody”). Same with the “who cares…I will be dead” option. Both options are certainly creditable ones, but I will assume both have been rejected, making them irrelevant. The goal is to prevent discovery after you die, right? I think it is a reasonable concern to consider (now).

I am not sure if this is on topic or not, but I am going to just let my mind ramble on the topic of hiding stuff so maybe nobody will find it if I accidentally run into some of the thugs I used to associate with when I lived in Colombia in the late 70’s…:D.

Here goes…

The advent/advances in computer/imagery technology are irresistibly compelling.
Before we know it, we have gazillion megabytes of images we rarely revisit, but can’t seem to delete. It is like our closet full of unworn clothes…the Pareto principle~…“80-20 rule” type stuff…80% of the time we wear the same 20% of our “favorite“ clothes. The rest sit idle on hangers…or in the case of the “closet CD”…stuffed into some secret hiding place, lol. Same applies to our confidential images.
Hey, we are just curious and geared toward perfecting the present...we aren't serial killers…lol.

That brings us back to topic here…if you can’t bring yourself to destroy confidential data, you have to take measures to keep it that way after you die (particularly unexpectedly).

I make a living playing hide-n-seek in the real world and tossed out a few tips before here. For what it is worth…here are a few more things I consider to minimize risk…

“Concealing” stuff is similar to “gun play.” There is always going to be somebody with a bigger gun than you have. I am good at concealing things. But there is always somebody out there better at finding things than I am at hiding them. I try to avoid contact with such people, lol. Life is game full of risks. I can’t eliminate all of them, but I can minimize them. My goal is not to win; it is to finish without losing.

Keep separate “identities” separate and confidential in every intricate detail. People are curious. The more suspect you become while living…the more intense they will search for confirmation after you die, lol.

Keep the total physical “stash” size to an absolute minimum, and avoid carelessly “spreading it around“ when using it. You risk overlooking something when you put it back. It is easier to hide small than big. One dress is less risk to hide than two dresses you rarely wear. Flash drives are smaller than disks, and hold more data. Keeping identical data in two locations doubles risk of discovery. (HD & flash drive, etc.).

The ideal location both personally readily accessible but also undiscoverable in your absence (or death). Consider the nature of the potential “searchers” when making the selection.

You can use the attorney route (similar to safe-deposit box) of granting immediate/confidential instructions/access to property for a specific confidential person upon your demise, etc. (to retrieve/destroy stuff) before discovery. But it is a legal rabbit hole that most people are not capable of setting up properly enough to pull it off, lol. Plus, most humans are not that “trustworthy” after they know you are dead, lol.

Creating an alternate “discoverable” hiding place is a worthwhile exercise. People tend to quit searching once they think they have discovered your “hiding place”. Just make sure the contents are convincing. Disinformation that quenches a searcher’s curiosity and suspicions is priceless. (Like a personal note admitting you are totally broke, etc. lol).

It is possible to for anybody to accomplish the topic “objective” here, if I am actually replying on topic...instead of just rambling thoughts. :heehee: But as usual, successful plans require designing strategies that resolve the challenges specific to individual circumstances. I could post volumes of tips and strategies without guessing the specific ones that would resolve individual challenges. Plus…

-nobody reads long posts anyway, lol
-some of my “suggestions” might not pass “legal” scrutiny, so I can’t post them here, lol.
- I need money to buy breast forms, make-up and food too. So I can’t afford to “work in depth” for “free”. lol But feel free to contact me via PM, if anybody has any specific questions…or needs some suggestions on how to hide stuff...maybe I can offer some (free) tips that may help…

oh, and I am concerned about how certain activities of mine might impact future generations...like my daughter, the family name and all of that Hollywood drama stuff you see on TV. So I have a plan in place that I believe will ensure that my CD interests will die undiscovered when I do, should I happen to perish unexpectedly. There is plenty of other stuff that will blow peoples' minds when they discover it after I die...alot more exciting than finding some CD stuff, for sure...lol. But it probably will not surprise anybody that knew me well...they all know I was a nut anyway...lol

Good luck making sense out this reply! :D

:hugs:
:love:

[SallyS]

I'd be DEAD....so I wouldn't care:D

[Vieja]

I have outlived them all except for my daughter and I doubt that she would lose any sleep over the issue.


Vieja

[Nicola2876]

I have a little diary with my clothes offering an explanation of some kind.

[xcdmargo]

That is something I think about a lot and even more as I get ready to turn 60 next month. I am deep in the closet as far as my family knows and I prefer to keep it that way. I don't really agree about the "I'll be dead so who cares" approach. I don't want to cause any additional heartache for my children and their families should they find out after I die. I feel I keep it a secret from them now to protect their feelings why would that be any different later on.
What I do is keep my computer password protected and have asked my wife to give the laptop I use for work (I work from home) to a good friend to deal with should anything happen to me. I also keep all of my Margo things in a storage room close by which is automatically paid for via a personal credit card. The storage room facility does not have my correct address only a PO Box. My thought is that after I die the credit card will become void and payment will cease and the facility will destroy my things.
Ah it may not be a perfect plan but it's all I have for now
I must say one of the things I really enjoy about this forum is everyone's honesty and their willingness to share ideas and thoughts so Thanks Ladies
margo

[daviolin]

No worries here. My whole family knows of Daviolin.
But before they were privey of Daviolin, I had a long letter, explaning the situation. I put it right on top of my stash. So when it came to light, there was an explanation. It would of been confusing for my family. Not knowing what it is all about. Now that they all know I discarded the letter. Daviolin

[kimdl93]

well, if they were to clean out my closet, they'd find that more than 1/2 my wardrobe consists of dresses, tops and womens jeans along with a half dozen pairs of heels, some sandals and two wigs. Fortunately, it wouldn't come as a surprise, because they know already.

[ArleneRaquel]

My closet is filled with femmy clothing, I have no desire to clean it at for any reason at all other than discarding torn,or not wearable items.

[Lucy Furr]

Just yesterday a friend dropped by my house. I was reorganizing my barn/workshop which is where I keep my fem wardrobe. The plastic totes were out in plain view. I casually directed his attention to the work I did outside...whew! That was close! I don't think he would understand about my crossdressing. I don't want to lose friends over this. But after I die I guess it won't matter.

I also keep a journal. The journal is about my life, but occasionally mentions my crossdressing. It is in plain sight on my bookcase. When I do pass away, at least they'll hear my side of the story instead of guessing.

[Lorileah]

I won't really care what they find at that time. People who are close know and they can donate everything to Goodwill (which will be a boon for someone here on these boards, so watch for that). The good thing is whoever does the cleaning won't have any sentimental connection to the clothes so they can just go. My dad is the only one who does not "know" and we can discuss it when we meet again in the afterlife. There are many other things that I think I would be more embarrassed over that may come out later. The person who is in charge of that (sorry Bro..but you got that nod) knows everything about me.

[Shananigans]

I think everyone has something to hide, whether or not you are a CD. My SO has a key to my apartment and knows where most of my things are, so I hope he would take care of it. I have a suitcase of various lingerie and toys that my family would probably feel better not knowing about, and I have a few journals filled various life experiences with sex, favorite substances to use and the stories that ensue, fights with my SO, doubts, and other generally very personal details. So, I hope in the case something happens to me, my SO would keep these things. But, if my family found them, they may regret it.

[Lorileah]

I have a few journals filled various life experiences with sex, favorite substances to use and the stories that ensue, fights with my SO, doubts, and other generally very personal details. So, I hope in the case something happens to me, my SO would keep these things. But, if my family found them, they may regret it.




I also keep a journal. The journal is about my life, but occasionally mentions my crossdressing. It is in plain sight on my bookcase. When I do pass away, at least they'll hear my side of the story instead of guessing.

Just a personal note. I am at the age where I wish I had things like this from people who have gone. These things are history, true heartfelt stories, that tell who you were. I know when I go the whole hard drive will be "nuked" because no one wants to go through it, but there are many writings there that would be good to explain who I was. I think things like this are good. I wish I knew what my grandparents went through, what my mother and father thought when they were 18, what my GF did the years she kept from me, my wife's feelings and her life before we met (and yes even the things she thought when we were together). The ideal is to relate these things person to person, but leaving a written account is next best. I would give a lot to hear how my uncle fought in WWII, how they felt when they heard JFK died or when Armstrong landed on the moon. Those things are gone forever.

[Shananigans]

Lorileah, I think this is a good point...but, the mere thought of my grandmother reading my journal still freaks me out.

In my defense, she has no idea what the heck a crossdresser is. I said, " You know, a male that wears clothes designed for females." She looked at me really confused and said, "So, a gay guy?" I shook my head and said, "Not always...just a guy that like to wear female clothes." She finally got up and said, "This is over my head...I don't know if I understand this class you're taking."

She would be very lost and disturbed in my journal.

[Krista1985]

It's sort of a morbid topic, but I saw something funny on this situation if you can believe it.

It was a comedic skit about an insurance company selling a special policy. Their agents would go to your house hours after your death, and clean out anything you didn't want your loved one's to find left behind. They'd replace the things with more 'noble' artifacts, like war medals, volunteer of the year plaques from a local soup kitchen etc. In the skit, they showed a grieving family cleaning out their beloved grandpa's house, finding all sorts of S & M gear. One of them said, "Dang! Grandpa was a freak!" followed by the announcers saying, "Don't let this happen to YOU!"

I'm fairly young and don't really give it much thought, but this service is a great idea! Just for grins :)

[julie w]

I was visiting my sister in Europe ,we were at a pub with one of my sisters girl friends when her friend told us that someone she knows husband died and they found
out he was a TRANSVESTITE , with horror , as for me I hope my long time SO will dispose of my stuff she knows but not supportive

[Eryn]

When my father passed away I found some rather "questionable" publications and videos among his effects. Am I devastated? Nope. They got tossed in the trash and I don't think any less of my Dad. Everybody has peccadilloes.

[Misti]

I'm speaking of the paranoia I use to have before I decided that anyone who is going to know me is going to know the real me. I'm wondering if anyone else has let fear get the better part of them?

Great feet there, Darci, plus a very timely thread, for me "Personally," as well.


Isn’t Hide-N-Seek fun! Fun for the whole family! Greatest game ever invented, lol.

The goal is to prevent discovery after you die, right? I think it is a reasonable concern to consider (now). :hugs: :love:

All excellent points, Eluusion, plus everybody's post herein so far, so much so, that I am making sure that I can get back to this Thread in 1 of 2 different ways: 1) I bookmarked it in my browser under the heading of "Security!", and 2) I can get back here through this post. :devil:

OK! That said, This really is an important and timely topic, given who and what we are (and so "secretly" represent?) - disregarding those who have not faced their mortality, yet - we're CDers (Confidential Dressers to some; Careful Dressers to some; Careless Dressers to others; Couldn't-care-less Dressers to all, et al.) that come from all walks of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. :daydreaming:

Yes ma'am, definitely "Food for Thought," for which I will now take my leave and partake deeply thereof. Again, thank you, Darci, for the Thread, Excuse please… :battingeyelashes:

L&R,
M.

[StaceyJane]

My family all knows about me, since my youngest daughter and I are the same shoe size I'll be lucky if she's not wearing my heels at my funeral.