satisfaction

[Ashley in Virginia]

I posed this question elsewhere, but I would like to explore this further.

I feel like a girl. I am in pretty good shape, small build, 5'5", 140 lbs. But I am butt ugly. I look like a guy. I don't think that I will ever look like a girl.

On the inside, when I think about dressing and myself, I dont see the guy I am. I see a totally different image. When I dress up, I become dissapointed with how my look turns out. I look like a guy in a dress, period. Right now I am so aggrivated with this I wonder why bother with it at all.

Does anyone else feel like this? How are you coping with it. Have you found peace with it? Are you satisfied with your end product?

[Julie York]

I think you are being a bit harsh on yourself. You've posted some very nice photos before.

I think we all feel the same really. I look NOTHING like the very rare photos I show and it is a bit sad and depressing when I see the photos and think omg that's ME in a dress! But then there is just one or two and they are almost the image I have in my head.

I think given that you are slim and young that you should revel in it and explore looks and camera angles and such. It's there for the taking. She's in there somewhere trying to get out. Give her a little help! It only takes a little art of trickery to make it work.....oh and a bit of luck with the camera.

You have nothing to worry about, but I do know what you mean.

[Ashley in Virginia]

You have nothing to worry about, but I do know what you mean.

Thank god someone does. I was begining to think I am the only one who feels like this. I see so many posting pics and being blissfully happy about them. I post mine and look at them and think.... "gross".

[Sharon]

Grab the first one hundred women you see in any location and line them up shoulder to shoulder starting with the one you believe is the most beautiful, to the one who trails the pack (I advise you to tell the one at the end of the line that the line represents some other objective:) ).
I would hazard a guess that you would fall somewhere in the middle of the line, perhaps even somewhat closer to the beginning.

Simply stated, I think you're setting your expectations too high. Unless you're heavily doctoring the photos I've seen of you, you look very nice..., cute even!

Many GG's have the same feelings about themselves, so I suppose it's not unusual that we have the same hang-ups. Lord knows I wish I was better looking, but that doesn't mean I simply give up doing my best. I'd settle for being average.

Now, knock it off and be more objective about yourself and reality.

[Natalie x]

Yes, like you Ashley, I know, absolutely KNOW what I look like on the inside, but the damn mirrors in my place are so crap they make me look like a bloke in a dress. Recently, I was really down for that reason, I guess it happens to most of us at some times. I'm learning to live with it.

Someone once gave me a plate with a little prayer on it (but you don't have to be a believer for it to be good guidance): "God, grant me SERENITY to accept the things I cannot change, COURAGE to change the things I can, and WISDOM to know the difference."

I agree with Julie, you have posted some nice pictures. But we have to accept that we are not really women, we are just doing our best to get as close as we can to our ideal, and will always fall short of what we want to be. I think the secret is to keep the mental picture of your true, beautiful self, and blame the mirrors and cameras for getting it wrong.

Chin up, girl. You are young and pretty. Just learn to accept yourself.

[Tiffy]

Ashley, I know just how you feel. I feel the same way. And I am ugly. No two ways about it. But after so many years I have just come to the conclusion that I will always look like a guy in a dress. I am not sure what to do about it.

Kisses, April

[Ashley in Virginia]

I respect your opinions alot Sharon, but reality is my masculine features overwhealm and semblence of feminity(sp?) I may posess.

I agree about lining up 100 women and there are alot of wildly looking people out there. But my point is with 90+% of them, you can tell, "oh thats a chick" given just the structure of her face. And obviously that goes both ways.

What I am questioning is not so much of "am I pretty?" But more of will I be pretty enough? How can I go further without spakling on 5 pounds of make up?

[Jocelyn Renee]

Ashley, I think one of the problems a lot of us face is that we are our own worst critics. Perhaps a change in wig style or color or some new makeup techniques would help with your self-image. Also, never forget that you know what you look like; it can be very difficult to see past what you've known all of your life.

When I started going out again recently, after a 5 year absence, my wife and I ran into some people that know us, but did not know about Jocelyn. Here was my wife introducing our friends to "her girlfriend, Jocelyn" and they had no idea it was me - even though they were seeing me in the context of standing beside my wife.

Maybe you're being a bit hard on yourself and you should solicit opinions from others on your look or steps you can take to improve.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

Ashley dear, you're being waaaay too hard on yourself. :spank: I've seen your photos and you're quite cute. And I'm not BSing you about this. So you've got a boyish face -- so do a lot of GGs.

Look, we've all probably bought into the beauty myth just as much as many GGs, perhaps more than many GGs. And we've got an even harder time achieving that "ideal." So it's natural to feel you don't measure up. I'm insecure about my femme looks too. That doesn't mean you or I are hags. It's just the dark side of the magic mirror on the wall. At some times we're able to delude ourselves into thinking we look like the woman of our dreams, at others we can't stop thinking we're nightmares.

Are we going to be mistaken for GGs 100% of the time. No. And if that's your goal, unfortunately you're going to be disappointed. But being pretty is entirely possible, being treated like a lady is entirely possible -- even if people realize you're a guy in a dress. I've been out a lot and usually been treated quite well and I've got no illusions about being mistaken for a GG in close-up interactions. (The photos I've posted here are carefully chosen to be the best of the best.)

I know this sounds scary, but try this experiment: put your photo up on Hot or Not (http://www.hotornot.com/) (I know just the one to post). I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. Will you be a 10? Maybe, maybe not. I rated a 5, which is less than I'd hoped but higher than I feared -- and that still meant I was hotter than nearly half the women on there. And you're cuter than I am, so I'm sure people will find you attractive. As I said, I know that's a scary thing to do, but trust me on this one. You need a reality check, and in your case, it will be a positive one.

[Andrea's Lynne]

Ashley

Please don't be so hard on yourself. What Sharon says is true. Just sit in a mall for an hour and watch the women go by. Just like men, they come in all shapes and sizes.

I've had the same thoughts as you. In my mind I think of myself as a calendar girl type woman. When I dress, I don't come close, and it can sometimes be a disappointment. But if I look at the population at large, I feel I could fit in.

Lynne

[Shannon]

Ashley -- I don't have anything new to add here -- plenty of good advice. Commercials and pop culture are bombarding us with images of what is attractive, sexy, cool, hot, etc. (It's part of the sales pitch -- create desire). I am learning to accept what I look like, trying to learn more about how to look better, and to take small steps towards experiencing my femininity and CrossDressing in new situations. Am I ever going to look like the gurl that I feel inside me? No. And I'm okay with that now (I wasn't before). From your profile pic, I think you are attractive. We are our own worst critic. You have a lot of gurl inside you, and it is not simply how she looks, it is how she feels, how she grows, what she experiences, and how she relates.
Best wishes...

[Kaitlyn Michele]

ashley ashley!!!

i hear you...

1.- i've seen you're photos and they are very cute..you are cute!!!!..they are posed pics so maybe you feel the overall look is not as great, but then you go to the line up 100 girls argument...

lately i've been really checking out the women around me and there is no doubt that some of them have quite manly features(even though they are obviously women!!). we tend to forget we are one in a crowd..

2.- i agree that part of our behavior as cd's is getting all excited about dressing, and i am usually disappointed with the results...the other nite i had an opposite experience where i got made up dressed and couldnt beleive how i looked !!!! for me i can create a pretty nice figure but i'nm 6'2 and butt ugly en femme, so i concentrate on the figure and go from there!!..focus on your assets!!!!!

That day i took a bunch of pics, posted them got lots of compliments and loved every second of it... the other day, same thing...dressed,etc, hated hated hated the way i looked, didnt take any pics, didnt go outside at all, just no confidence and i stayed in and watched tv in my jammies!!!...in the end that felt good to me too because i just relaxed en femme...and didnt think about looking at myself!...

thats my 2 cents, i think your feelings are very valid and i bet we all share them, and now i know what's going thru my wife's mind when she is running around like a maniac about how lousy she looks and nothing fits her right!!!

michele