Something that's always been in the back of my mind

[Arrows27]

Hey all :)

I am not out as a cross dresser to anyone outside of the internet... I don't have any plans for that anytime soon. But if there is one person I've considered telling, my father.

When I was of high school age, being a teenage male ravaged by hormones and thoughts of pretty girls, I would (occasionally) browse certain illicit sites when I was home alone. Something that any male coming of age in the internet generation has done. Now the next step was obviously to delete the browsing history to hide my indiscretions from my family members (mainly my father, who was the primary user of that computer).

One day, a pop up was left minimized unbeknownst to me and was found by my father, who mostly scolded me for leaving it where my mother could have found it. He then mentioned how he occasionally found the history wiped and assumed I was the culprit. So from that moment forward I began more selectively deleting the browsing history.

It was during this more selective process that I began to find numerous profiles of cross dressed men buried in the user history. Now I've never mentioned that to my father, or any member of my family for that matter, so I can't say definitively that it was dad and not my mother or sister... but even entertaining the latter 2 seems kind of ridiculous. Obviously I can't say with certainty that he is a cross dresser or not, and it's always seemed like a terrible idea to mention the history that I stumbled upon.

If he is though, it's almost comical that we've been keeping the same secret from each other for so long out of fear of rejection, or misunderstanding, or whatever reason. The dilemma on my end is I can't think of a way that I could find out, without outing him (if he is) or outing myself. So for now, I will continue to respect his privacy, while keeping my own secret, but always in the back of my mind entertaining the idea that a cross dresser is hiding his cross dressing from the cross dresser that raised him.

[moondog]

I guess you could leave a little of your crossdressing browser history intact so he can see it, and then see if he takes the first step to open up, considering he seems pretty cool about knowing you're using the family computer for looking at porn. Telling my dad would probabaly incite another heart attack and kill him, so until he dies of some other cause nobody in my family will ever know.

[Arrows27]

heh, this was like 8 years ago, I no longer live with my parents :P

I liked the idea though haha.

[moondog]

Then have a few beers with him and let it all hang out...figuratively speaking.

[kimdl93]

sometimes its better to leave well enough alone. I agree with your decision to respect his privacy...and not jump to any conclusions. Besides, it can be difficult for a child to learn that their parents have feet of clay. I learned, many years after his death, that my father had an affair...and although I still love and miss him, it changed my perspective of him somewhat. Maybe it also made him more human in my eyes.

[Karren H]

I wouldn't go there if I were you... We found a red teddie in my fathers closet after he passed away and everyone assumed it belonged to his girlfriend... Everyone except me! Lol. Even if he were still here I wouldn't have mentioned it....

[Stephanie47]

If you did not wipe your browsing history after every usage, it is probable someone discovered your interest. Someone is your household could have been trying to gain some understanding of your interests without confronting you. I use Mozilla Firefox which automatically deletes browsing history. I would not raise any issues with you dad. You do not need his acceptance of your cross dressing. If he is a cross dresser, he does not need your acceptance.

[Diana Bain]

...you never know, he might be a member of this forum?????

[docrobbysherry]

Like Karren, I think discussing YOUR situation with your dad would be a mistake! However, u DO have legitimate question RE the CD things u found on the household computer! If u must pursue this, u mite couch it with your dad this way:

"Here, have another beer dad. Did I ever tell u about my friend Fred at work? Nicest guy, but he has this odd hobby. He dresses up as Frieda sometimes at home. Even has a facebook page in her name with PICTURES! He reminded me that when I lived at home, I saw a few pics of CDs that someone had been looking at. Do u know what I'm talking about?"

Then, shut up! If he runs with it, fine. If not, shut up perminantly!

[moondog]

With a beer, men seem to open up and talk more with a beer in one hand.

[Janelle_C]

Be careful once its out there you can never take it back. Even if you start to get him to answer the questions you have it might come back to you. One little wrong look a grin and its out there. I often wish I was brave enough to tell the people that I love that I'm a CDer and I love it but I'm afraid that it will change everything.

[Laura912]

Consider the questions:1--Would you be happy with your dad knowing you are a cross dresser and he really is not? 2--would he be happy knowing you are a cross dresser and he is not? 3--How would it affect your relationships if either knew about the other?
And, lastly as a side note, we found panty hose in one son's room when he was young, and I have always wondered...but I am not Arrow's father.
Laura

[josee]

I am becoming convinced that there is some kind of genetic aspect to crossdressing and /or Transgenderism. I keep reading things like your post. Then there is my own. My mom told me more than once that my grandpa was "eccentric". That he wore silk underwear. So he at least undressed. Never had more than that to go on but it's something.
Perhaps some day there will be a study or scientific discovery to back it up. It almost makes sense as we have determined that it is something we are born with and can not seem to escape.

[Ressie]

I am becoming convinced that there is some kind of genetic aspect to crossdressing and /or Transgenderism. I keep reading things like your post. Then there is my own. My mom told me more than once that my grandpa was "eccentric". That he wore silk underwear. So he at least undressed. Never had more than that to go on but it's something.
Perhaps some day there will be a study or scientific discovery to back it up. It almost makes sense as we have determined that it is something we are born with and can not seem to escape.

I've suspected the same with male members of my family. One of my nephew's has obviously had a lingerie fetish. I remember long ago finding one of my brother's porn mags with the TS pics bookmarked. Why were my grandfather's two brothers lifetime bachelors? Lots of little parts of a puzzle, but not enough evidence to be sure.

[GingerLeigh]

Say nothing to him about YOUR suspicions, nobody likes to be outed. If you want to tell him about yourself, that's a different story.

Ginger

[stacycoral]

I will have to with many of girls here, and just let it lay, it is respect for your father, and if he bring it up that different. Good luck

[Melissa Rose]

I would also leave things alone. Being that you found profiles of cross dressed men, it is possible your father is an admirer and not a cross dresser which could open up a huge, nasty can of worms.

[sue ellan]

just let sleeping dogs lie.

sue ellan

life is like a roll of tp. the closer to the end the faster it goes.

[Acastina]

It was during this more selective process that I began to find numerous profiles of cross dressed men buried in the user history. Now I've never mentioned that to my father, or any member of my family for that matter, so I can't say definitively that it was dad and not my mother or sister... but even entertaining the latter 2 seems kind of ridiculous. Obviously I can't say with certainty that he is a cross dresser or not, and it's always seemed like a terrible idea to mention the history that I stumbled upon.

If he is though, it's almost comical that we've been keeping the same secret from each other for so long out of fear of rejection, or misunderstanding, or whatever reason. The dilemma on my end is I can't think of a way that I could find out, without outing him (if he is) or outing myself. So for now, I will continue to respect his privacy, while keeping my own secret, but always in the back of my mind entertaining the idea that a cross dresser is hiding his cross dressing from the cross dresser that raised him.


I've suspected the same with male members of my family. One of my nephew's has obviously had a lingerie fetish. I remember long ago finding one of my brother's porn mags with the TS pics bookmarked. Why were my grandfather's two brothers lifetime bachelors? Lots of little parts of a puzzle, but not enough evidence to be sure.


I am becoming convinced that there is some kind of genetic aspect to crossdressing and /or Transgenderism. I keep reading things like your post. Then there is my own. My mom told me more than once that my grandpa was "eccentric". That he wore silk underwear. So he at least undressed. Never had more than that to go on but it's something.
Perhaps some day there will be a study or scientific discovery to back it up. It almost makes sense as we have determined that it is something we are born with and can not seem to escape.


I wouldn't go there if I were you... We found a red teddie in my fathers closet after he passed away and everyone assumed it belonged to his girlfriend... Everyone except me! Lol. Even if he were still here I wouldn't have mentioned it....

More grist for the mill of biological origins: does CD run in families? I've heard of numerous families in which most of the males turned out to be gay, so gender and sexual anomalies do sometimes have genetic links. I was supposed to be the first girl in more than 80 years in my family, but that honor fell to my sister, 13 months later, and she turned out really butch. Given that it's the father's Y chromosome that makes us male, isn't it possible that genetic differences from him affect how we developed in utero, rather than some defect in our mothers' systems?

On the larger question of whether or not to approach your dad with your thoughts, I agree with those who urge caution. Give it time and let life take its course. Perhaps some day you'll sit down together and...

On the other hand:


I would also leave things alone. Being that you found profiles of cross dressed men, it is possible your father is an admirer and not a cross dresser which could open up a huge, nasty can of worms.

Agreed.

[Christine1954]

I would definitely say nothing unless the subject was introduced by your father, which seems very unlikely. I know for a fact that my elder brother crossdressed when I lived at home with my parents as I found his stash when searching for a place to hide mine. I have never mentioned it to him and will never do unless he brings up the subject.
Christine. :)

[Arrows27]

I would definitely say nothing unless the subject was introduced by your father, which seems very unlikely. I know for a fact that my elder brother crossdressed when I lived at home with my parents as I found his stash when searching for a place to hide mine. I have never mentioned it to him and will never do unless he brings up the subject.
Christine. :)

Interesting!

I feel the same way, I said in my original post that I think it's more important to respect his privacy and respect his secret (if there is one), than to air out the family's dirty laundry (Panties... I guess)

So, I also thought I'd clarify that I'm not actually interested in opening the can of worms of telling any member of my family, suspicions or not... there are far too many potential downsides. I was more musing about the fact that it's possible that 2 people would be hiding the same secret from each other.

Secondly, if for whatever reason it was revealed to me that my father was a cross dresser... would my reaction be "oh, ok, well that's certainly interesting". Or at that point would I turn around and let go of my own secret? Who knows?

[GBJoker]

1: I agree with most posts here and say... Yeah.

2: I don't understand why it's so easy to eliminate your mother and sister, and automatically assume it's your father... Maybe CD's and TGs are more stereotypical than they are willing to admit?

[Arrows27]

1:
2: I don't understand why it's so easy to eliminate your mother and sister, and automatically assume it's your father... Maybe CD's and TGs are more stereotypical than they are willing to admit?


Date and time stamps mainly.

[vivianann]

Watch the movie " THE WORLDS FASTEST INDIAN" there is crossdressing scenes in the beginning of the movie that is in the late 50's early 60's setting, this movie is based on a true story. Watch this movie with your dad, and watch his reactions during those scenes to get an idea of his reactions. You might be surprised.

[Arrows27]

That is a wonderful movie!

[Sammy777]

I would browse certain illicit sites when I was home alone.
the next step was obviously to delete the browsing history.

He then mentioned how he occasionally found the history wiped and assumed I was the culprit.
So from that moment forward I began more selectively deleting the browsing history.

It was during this more selective process that I began to find numerous profiles of cross dressed men buried in the user history.

First off - Were you the only one that deleted the history?

Sounds like your dad had no problems leaving the history on the computer for anyone to look through. That is not the Modus Operandi of someone who could possibly have something to hide.....

Lastly, before I can go on could you elaborate more on what "numerous profiles of cross dressed men" means.

[Arrows27]

First off - Were you the only one that deleted the history?


yeah...


Sounds like your dad had no problems leaving the history on the computer for anyone to look through. That is not the Modus Operandi of someone who could possibly have something to hide.....


you know... that's the only part that has left me confused even 8+ years after the fact, why none of that stuff was deleted. It's possible that he didn't expect anyone to be going through the history. Or perhaps it was an open secret between my parents. But there are too many reasons to begin to speculate


Lastly, before I can go on could you elaborate more on what "numerous profiles of cross dressed men" means.


From what i remember, and my memories of the actual profiles are not fresh, the history seemed to indicate it was a yahoo (or similar) user group of a bunch of cross dressers. None of the profiles were sexual in nature, it wasn't a fetish thing, it was just men in dresses and what not (much like the avatars found on this site). I'll be honest, at the time i was not interested in delving into the content of the web history. It felt like an invasion of his privacy. I actually still feel that it is an invasion of privacy which is why I havn't talked to him about it, nor do I plan on it.

My original post was supposed to be more about the idea of 2 people keeping the same secret from each other, than it was asking for help on how to broach the subject with him 8 years after the fact. But I'm sure that didn't come across, as I am a terrible writer.

[retrofitme]

If your dad is 'in the closet' it is his choice to out himself or to remain there. By the same token, you have your own choice as to whether or not to out yourself to your Dad. I'd definitely err on the side of caution and not out your Dad (if he is indeed closeted) - it's simply too risky to your relationship.

[Sammy777]

From what i remember it was a yahoo (or similar) user group of a bunch of cross dressers. it was just men in dresses and what not.

If the visits to the site were a one time thing then it could be as simple as harmless "joking" link/email sent to him. You know - Like "Hey Bob check this out" LOL [You mentioned earlier in pointed to him by the time stamps]

I would be inclined to suspect him of doing more if it was more then once and a history of visiting similar sites as well over a period of time.



My original post was supposed to be more about the idea of 2 people keeping the same secret from each other.

Well I would call the internet history only circumstantial evidence of his possible activities.

If you want to come out to him about yourself that is one thing,
but I would not mention the past - at all -.

If he is in fact a CD'er you should respect his right to privacy and let him choose when and if he reciprocates your truthfulness in return.