What's SO Good About Being Gender-Enhanced?

[LeaP]

"SO" meaning significant other, that is.

Countering the steady rain of SOs dismayed by their partner's identity or crossdressing, it seems to me that there's much that is positive - or COULD be viewed positively were we not so focused on shame, guilt, and loss. At its very best, it offers the possibility of creating or opening a relationship between partners that extends to the very cores of their being, something very rare.

In addition, sex and gender-variant people are:


Intrinsically different and interesting,

Understanding of emotional issues and conflict on a very deep level,

Open to women's issues,

Capable of bridging typical male/female relationship issues,

Often unusually intelligent,

Often less engaged in male pursuits away from home



... (on a lighter note)


Interested in fashion and shopping

Willing to spend

Will spend time with you and your friends

Happy to go with you to get your nails done

etc.

Think happy possibilities, people! From time-to-time I hear about people arriving at the conclusion that being gender-variant is a gift, not a curse. What's your gift?

Care to add?

Lea

[JessHaust]

I could not agree more.

[ArleneRaquel]

Being Gender-Enhanced is a great blessing, I love this great addition to my life. :)

[RADER]

You sort of have the best of 2 worlds
Rader

[Persephone]

Great point, Lea!

But we should keep in mind that the majority of female SO's still want their guy around once in a while.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Karren H]

Personally I'd rather have been un-enhanced.........

[Laura912]

Because of my age (70), I always thought crossdressing was a curse until I started taking care of GG's as a career. Remember, this was at at time when there were few women in the field. Many of those who came to see me would comment that I listened and seemed to understand. (Not trying to show off here, please.) One day the light bulb went off. The sensitivity and understanding came from the cross dressing and all the blessings that provided. It wasn't a curse but a blessing in disguise...with heels etc!! Although only my wife knows, I finally got the message...yes, it is different but vive la difference! So, Lea you really nailed that one.
Laura

[Cheryl T]

I agree. All the benefits should out weigh the negatives for an SO.
Sharing clothes, fashion tips, only interested in other women for what they are wearing....

[Kristy_K]

Personally I'd rather have been un-enhanced.........

I would have to agree with you Karren. But since that isn't the case I will just have to just focus on the positives of it and enjoy life.

Kristy

[Diana Bain]

Coudln't agree more. On a lighter note...her jewelry collection has increased two-fold:D

[Stephenie S]

"SO" meaning significant other, that is.

Countering the steady rain of SOs dismayed by their partner's identity or crossdressing, it seems to me that there's much that is positive - or COULD be viewed positively were we not so focused on shame, guilt, and loss. At its very best, it offers the possibility of creating or opening a relationship between partners that extends to the very cores of their being, something very rare.

In addition, sex and gender-variant people are:


Intrinsically different and interesting,

Understanding of emotional issues and conflict on a very deep level,

Open to women's issues,

Capable of bridging typical male/female relationship issues,

Often unusually intelligent,

Often less engaged in male pursuits away from home



... (on a lighter note)


Interested in fashion and shopping

Willing to spend

Will spend time with you and your friends

Happy to go with you to get your nails done

etc.

Think happy possibilities, people! From time-to-time I hear about people arriving at the conclusion that being gender-variant is a gift, not a curse. What's your gift?

Care to add?

Lea

Did you share this list with your SO?

Is she indeed pleased about all your pluses?

If you asked her would she provide a completely different list?

Does she agree with your assessment of the value of your crossdressing to her?

S

[Lisia]

Did you share this list with your SO?

Is she indeed pleased about all your pluses?

If you asked her would she provide a completely different list?

Does she agree with your assessment of the value of your crossdressing to her?

S

This was not addressed to me, but I wanted to answer anyway. In my case at least, once I overcame my fears and opened up to her about it, yes to all of the above, except for the one about her having a different list.

Edit: and yes, she does still like to have her man sometimes too, but I try to communicate often about it, and so far she has not had too much Lisia. :D

[Ashley S]

Personally I'd rather have been un-enhanced.........

I couldn't agree more.

[Beverley Sims]

Sounds like a great idea if it works,
I have wasted? a lot of time in the closet and if I was un-enhanced I wonder where I would be now?
Most SO's chose their partners for very different reasons and I don't think one of them was gender enhancement.

[Kaz]

So easy for us to see the benefits! My wife wants me to do all the stuff she doesn't... Hedges, car maintenance, roofing incidents, organise stuff, make things okay with people, iron my own shirts (she doesn''t like ironing), cook... the list is endless... male these days... step up to the challenge and do it...

I really must get rid of the Christmas tree. It is sitting in the conservatory waiting to go... And fix the roof. My repairs of the summer have just come undone!

I guess I am unenhanced!

[bobbie c]

it's like anything else in life,it has it's upside and down, it's a matter of where you put the focus.also it's about communication with your loved one. for christ sakes try to enjoy the up sides of the 2 worlds,and there are many. I agree with with the list and i see this as an opportunity for so many things. it's not all about labels and certainly isn't all about the sexual aspect. it can fun, light hearted and certainly can bring a couple far closer together ...if they choose....or you can hang all the downsides and use this gift as a barrier and and source of "what ifs" and future "non problems". if kept in it's proper perspective and is a part of who you are as opposed to defining you, the opportunities are many. again there are 2 people involved....enjoy it and keep it balanced. i read over and over again about the saddness and the depression ...the attempts to label and define us..am i this am i that...my goddness live life and love your so, whether they are females, males or bi, gay,and any portion in between...thanks for the list and the reminder...hugs

[Stephenie S]

it's like anything else in life,it has it's upside and down, it's a matter of where you put the focus.also it's about communication with your loved one. for christ sakes try to enjoy the up sides of the 2 worlds,and there are many. I agree with with the list and i see this as an opportunity for so many things. it's not all about labels and certainly isn't all about the sexual aspect. it can fun, light hearted and certainly can bring a couple far closer together ...if they choose....or you can hang all the downsides and use this gift as a barrier and and source of "what ifs" and future "non problems". if kept in it's proper perspective and is a part of who you are as opposed to defining you, the opportunities are many. again there are 2 people involved....enjoy it and keep it balanced. i read over and over again about the saddness and the depression ...the attempts to label and define us..am i this am i that...my goddness live life and love your so, whether they are females, males or bi, gay,and any portion in between...thanks for the list and the reminder...hugs

What a nice thing to say. I mean it. I'm not being all smart-Alecky. It was nice to hear such a positive comment.

I like the smile in the avatar, too.

Stephie

[bobbie c]

stephenie...thanks...i appreciate that...its the way i strongly feel..

[CINDYO]

OH Lea
I so wish that your post was all it is about, My life has been overshadowed by such uncertainty since of learned of my husband being a crossdresser. Your post sounds so lovely but in reality the wonderful secure marriage of 27 years now is filled with such doubt, it has made me feel so betrayed to learn this and i so often read here that what a CDer says he is one day, month, year (ie straight just like to wear womens clothes occasionally)changes to something totally different. My uncertainty overshadows any happiness, as i now live day to day in the marriage and wonder what is going to come next, or what his inner thoughts really are. It feel like i am now walking on the edge of the marriage, and one that i have always loved so much. I so wish i had know prior to the marriage taking place, it would have been so nice to have been totally honest with each other (actually i was and always have been)

[LeaP]

OH Lea
I so wish that your post was all it is about, My life has been overshadowed by such uncertainty since of learned of my husband being a crossdresser. Your post sounds so lovely but in reality the wonderful secure marriage of 27 years now is filled with such doubt

It's not what it's all about, and I have enough drama going for several plays myself. I sympathize with the problems, Cindy, because I have lived them.

What this thread is about is the celebration of diversity. Almost ALL SO threads focus on negatives. That's OK to a point because they are usually started at the point when people are in pain, but something that never comes up is that we are all culturally complicit in the hiding. It's a vicious cycle, but you need to know that your reactions are PART of that cycle.

There have been cultures that recognize and value gender diversity. And truthfully there is much that COULD be celebrated, if we allowed it to be so.

Stephanie,

My wife would agree with everything on my list, but would still prefer not to have been presented with a gender-variant husband.

If there's anything I've learned from my wife, it's that my reactions and expectations are all about me. Every last thing I got angry about in her, pushed back against, fought, cried over - all turned to blessings and an increase in love over the long term. She humbles me time and again. We are both are in our rights to stand our ground and draw lines. In practice that just leaves us on opposite sides of those lines.

Give yourself up to each other where and when you can and the blessings flow, even if it means a radical redefinition of yourself and your life. I'm not saying that should be one of a couple or the other. I do think that intrinsic qualities like gender identity deserve special care, however. Be careful before you ask someone to actually sacrifice themself. Be careful that you know yourself well enough to know where your real limits are.

I confess to not having loved being trans. But I'm starting to.

Lea

[kimdl93]

These are all very positive attributes, but we need to make a concertedeffort to express them in our lives,so that our SOs can actually experience the benefits of having a gender enhanced partner.

[Sara Jessica]

Being able to find positivity in this whole thing is a function of self-acceptance. I love who I am, I love my perspective on things, but it's all I know. And just because my being TG brings a degree of angst to my wonderful wife, it wouldn't do either of us any good if I were to retreat into the shadows without the ability to celebrate who I am.

The key is to empathize with what our spouses and SO's go through as they travel along this path with us.

[david]

Hi lea after reading your post although i agree in principle with a lot of what you are saying. yes it can be rather disconcerting for the so of a gender variant person to find out that the person they married as a male is in fact a female inside.This can led to possibly a break up in their relationship but given time it can also maybe lead to a greater understanding of what it can mean to realise that as a crossdresser they can have someone who knows what it means to be a female in todays world with all the problems that go with it.Take shopping for example if the partner is of the femme variety then he will probably have kept up with the latest fashions so will be able to be advise you what can flatter you or not.He will be only to happy to spend time with your female friends and feel comfortable with them.So yes i myself as a late comer to the crossdressing scene do agree with most of your post. davinaxx

[suzy1]

You sort of have the best of 2 worlds
Rader

Rader got there first but I feel the same.
Now if only all people could see it that way.

[Karren H]

I would have to agree with you Karren. But since that isn't the case I will just have to just focus on the positives of it and enjoy life.

Kristy

Same here. I like being positive about what I have to do....

But fabricating "advantages" to justify something that you didn't choose and you have no control over just strikes me a funny. Like saying "one of the advantages of breathing is it helps move air the room... Way cheaper than an electric fan can! And if you brush your teeth first you don't need to buy air fresheners!" Lol.

[Foxglove]

Same here. I like being positive about what I have to do....

But fabricating "advantages" to justify something that you didn't choose and you have no control over just strikes me a funny. Like saying "one of the advantages of breathing is it helps move air the room... Way cheaper than an electric fan can! And if you brush your teeth first you don't need to buy air fresheners!" Lol.

I understand your point of view, Karren, and agree with it for the most part. Although I don't think I'd say "fabricating" advantages. I might just go with "searching for". That's seems a bit milder. Unlike you, however, I'm not unhappy being TG. It causes me some serious problems in life, yes, but they're not of my making. I like being TG and just wish that people would leave me alone to get on with it.

That said, I think that most of the advantages that Lea has listed above are not exclusive to TG's. I think it's possible to be those things even if one is a normal male or female. Just a question of being a thinking, feeling person and learning the lessons life has to teach you.

I'm having a hard time articulating what I want to say here, but it's basically this: I don't need or even want to feel special because I'm TG. A long time ago I was invited to join a group called "RASP"--Redheads Are Special People. I declined, telling myself, "What a stupid group! Do I really have to try to persuade myself I'm special because I have red hair?"

Red is just one color among others, and it's not like I did anything to earn it. And for sure if you're a redhead, you'll take a lot of teasing. But do I have to try to believe I'm special for that reason by way of compensation? If I want to be regarded as special, it would be because I'm so wise, generous, compassionate, understanding, etc.--although so far nobody's accused me of being any of those things. But I don't want to be thought special for something as insignificant as having red hair.

And neither do I want to be regarded as special for something as insignificant as being TG. It's just one possibility among others, and before I claim it as a special status, I'd really want to be sure that it does actually make me a better person than I would have been otherwise. I can't honestly say that it has. It just is. I just am. I don't need or want to feel special. I just want to be one person among billions than nobody takes any notice of in particular. I just want to go through life being me and feeling that everybody can accept what I am.

"This man is harmless, so why does he upset you?"

Annabelle

[Karren H]

I understand your point of view, Karren, and agree with it for the most part. Although I don't think I'd say "fabricating" advantages. I might just go with "searching for". That's seems a bit milder. Unlike you, however, I'm not unhappy being TG. It causes me some serious problems in life, yes, but they're not of my making. I like being TG and just wish that people would leave me alone to get on with it.


I've never done "mild" very well! Lol. And I'm not really unhappy... I just don't see this as a big positive or a big negative. More like extreme neutrality!.... It is what it is and I accept that and embrace it because I know its never going away...

[LeaP]

That said, I think that most of the advantages that Lea has listed above are not exclusive to TG's. I think it's possible to be those things even if one is a normal male or female. Just a question of being a thinking, feeling person and learning the lessons life has to teach you.

I'm having a hard time articulating what I want to say here, but it's basically this: I don't need or even want to feel special because I'm TG.

As an absolute statement, I'd agree. Thing is, much that has been mentioned so far isn't necessarily common in the run of the mill male population. Plus there really are some unique experiences - think about all the posts regarding experiencing harassment and discrimination and fear, for example, among those dressed and out - even when passing.

Another way a SO can consider things is that the person who attracted them has the qualities they like at least in part because they are gender enhanced. How can you love the water but hate the spring, once discovered?

Lea

[J'lyn GG]

As an absolute statement, I'd agree. Thing is, much that has been mentioned so far isn't necessarily common in the run of the mill male population. Plus there really are some unique experiences - think about all the posts regarding experiencing harassment and discrimination and fear, for example, among those dressed and out - even when passing.

Another way a SO can consider things is that the person who attracted them has the qualities they like at least in part because they are gender enhanced. How can you love the water but hate the spring, once discovered?

Lea

If you only knew. I love the water, I'm not sure about the spring. It's all those darn rocks I tripped over and twigs that slapped me in the face on the way to the spring that keeps me from loving the spring, out-right. Get what I mean?

[LeaP]

If you only knew. I love the water, I'm not sure about the spring. It's all those darn rocks I tripped over and twigs that slapped me in the face on the way to the spring that keeps me from loving the spring, out-right. Get what I mean?

Yes. Real people are really messy.

Lea

[Laura912]

Post by Cindyo
"I so wish that your post was all it is about, My life has been overshadowed by such uncertainty since of learned of my husband being a crossdresser. Your post sounds so lovely but in reality the wonderful secure marriage of 27 years now is filled with such doubt, it has made me feel so betrayed to learn this and i so often read here that what a CDer says he is one day, month, year (ie straight just like to wear womens clothes occasionally)changes to something totally different. My uncertainty overshadows any happiness, as i now live day to day in the marriage and wonder what is going to come next, or what his inner thoughts really are."



Cindy,
It seems your unspoken plea may have been lost in this thread. To get his inner thoughts, talk and more talk with each other. Also, realize that a lot of members appear to just enjoy the cross dressing. It is part of who they are and they finally have the courage to tell their SO's. Further progression is not for everyone, hence, the allusion to "diversity" in many of the other posts.
Laura

Ps: Haven't learned how to do the thing with the quotes yet. Sorry.

[Allsteamedup]

Perhaps you can help, Lea.

Married 35yrs. Known for 30yrs.
None of what you have written applies to my cder. He has no tender/gentle/sensitive qualities.
He is rubbish with female colleagues (got into trouble more than once for discrimination).
Lousy with fashion.
Won't spend money (well, not on me and the family;'she' does very well).
Takes me out about once every 15months.
Always goes with the guys at social events.
Has time-consuming male hobbies away from the family.
Lousy with emotional and womens' issues.
Avoids the whole world apart from his job, heavy engineering.

I joined this site to find out what the fun, sharing part of cding is. I am still looking.

To date no qualities of being gender-enhanced have contributed anything to our family life.

Unfortunately, as a woman 'she' can be bitchy (to the support group), competitive ('I dress better...'), always a taker and not a giver ('she' won't join in things), sloppy in her care of clothes and make-up......don't start me.
What positive things can I take from this?

(Well, you started the thread......!)

[LeaP]

Perhaps you can help, Lea.

Married 35yrs. Known for 30yrs.
None of what you have written applies to my cder. He has no tender/gentle/sensitive qualities.
He is rubbish with female colleagues (got into trouble more than once for discrimination).
Lousy with fashion.
Won't spend money (well, not on me and the family;'she' does very well).
Takes me out about once every 15months.
Always goes with the guys at social events.
Has time-consuming male hobbies away from the family.
Lousy with emotional and womens' issues.
Avoids the whole world apart from his job, heavy engineering.

I joined this site to find out what the fun, sharing part of cding is. I am still looking.

To date no qualities of being gender-enhanced have contributed anything to our family life.

Unfortunately, as a woman 'she' can be bitchy (to the support group), competitive ('I dress better...'), always a taker and not a giver ('she' won't join in things), sloppy in her care of clothes and make-up......don't start me.
What positive things can I take from this?

(Well, you started the thread......!)

I did indeed start the thread! I believe strongly that gender identity and expression vary naturally. Cultures throughout history have dealt with this variation in different ways, many accomodating and positive. There are - in the main - lots of positives to gender variation.

But I can't offer what I don't have. That is, any given case may present exceptions. You paint a pretty bleak picture and there may indeed be nothing positive in it for you (or for him). As a marginal possibility, he may be so suppressed that he's presenting hyper-masculine behaviors (despite the crossdressing) as compensation. Or he could just be a [pick your term]. The discrimination point you made is particularly interesting in that regard, as misogyny is typical of this pattern. If so, therapy could help. But who knows?

But really - 30 years? What have you been thinking? If he's THAT much of a disaster, maybe the positive in this for you is providing the trigger to move on? You've had plenty of time to think about it!

Lea

[moondog]

Allsteamedup,

Wow, I'm so sorry for you, it appears you've gotten the worst of both worlds. This is not sarcastic or meant to hurt you, I truly am sorry.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Same here. I like being positive about what I have to do....

But fabricating "advantages" to justify something that you didn't choose and you have no control over just strikes me a funny. Like saying "one of the advantages of breathing is it helps move air the room... Way cheaper than an electric fan can! And if you brush your teeth first you don't need to buy air fresheners!" Lol.

I agree


There is a big difference between being happy with who you are versus realistically thinking about whether being "this way" is a good thing....focusing on the positives as best you can is a healthy way to live life..

the world makes it incredibly hard on gender enhanced people.....
when you say you have the "best of both worlds" , you are limiting your world to what gender clothes you wear

as someone that transitioned I can report that taking gender out of my equation is enormously positive for my day to day quality of life...it was overwhelming the rest of my life , and i know this happens for cd's as well
.

[Tina B.]

I've never done "mild" very well! Lol. And I'm not really unhappy... I just don't see this as a big positive or a big negative. More like extreme neutrality!.... It is what it is and I accept that and embrace it because I know its never going away...

Add me to team Hutton! as Popeye always said, I am what I am.(but that don't make me special) If it where a matter of choice that I could take or leave it, I would have left it.
Tina B.

[Tina B.]

I've never done "mild" very well! Lol. And I'm not really unhappy... I just don't see this as a big positive or a big negative. More like extreme neutrality!.... It is what it is and I accept that and embrace it because I know its never going away...

Add me to team Hutton! as Popeye always said, I am what I am.(but that don't make me special) If it where a matter of choice that I could take or leave it, I would have left it.
Tina B.

[Tina B.]

Have to agree with karren again, it makes you different, but not necessarily special, I see no plus or minus, it just is, and life would have been so much simpler with out the enhancement.
Tina B.

[suchacutie]

I think that there are two very large advantages that the discovery of Tina has brought to our relationship: 1) My wife now knows that I have come a long way towards understand life from her perspective. Girls and boys are NOT socialized in the same manner, and the bigotry and prejudices toward women in this society have not been eliminated. Tina's education has touched upon a wide range of topics of which I was completely in the dark; topics that just never come up in "classic" husband/wife discussions. Then there is 2) my wife and I both are able to take a perspecitive look at the first 55 years of my life, which is the time I thought I was completely "male, and begin to understand just how much Tina has played a role in that life and our relationship. In addition, the question of how life will continue now that we are "armed" with this information.

It's definitely a brave new world! (sorry Aldus!)

[DanaR]

Add me to team Hutton! as Popeye always said, I am what I am.(but that don't make me special) If it where a matter of choice that I could take or leave it, I would have left it.
Tina B.
I wish to added as well. Is there a meeting somewhere for pizza and beer?:battingeyelashes:

[GingerLeigh]

I've never done "mild" very well! Lol. And I'm not really unhappy... I just don't see this as a big positive or a big negative. More like extreme neutrality!.... It is what it is and I accept that and embrace it because I know its never going away...

"Extreme neutrality". Oh that's good! I could do without this part of my life. It would certainly be far less complicated. How good it is to my SO? Ask her. I'm pretty sure that she would prefer it to just go away. That said however, I'm certain she'd not want me be a typical "dude" who watches sports all the time. She'd want me to continue to be as easy going and compassionate as I apparently am, to appreciate her efforts and fashion sense, and to continue to do tasks that are normally considered "less than male". There are many good things that come with it I guess, but it seems most people can't get over the non-conformation of gender. Lots of pluses, one big minus. "Extreme neutrality" indeed!

Ginger

[LeaP]

There is a big difference between being happy with who you are versus realistically thinking about whether being "this way" is a good thing....focusing on the positives as best you can is a healthy way to live life..
...
as someone that transitioned I can report that taking gender out of my equation is enormously positive for my day to day quality of life...it was overwhelming the rest of my life , and i know this happens for cd's as well
.

Well that's the thing, isn't it? You didn't so much take out gender so much as you started living as yourself, in integrated fashion? You didn't eliminate gender, you resolved, or reconciled gender.

The same SHOULD apply to anyone in the spectrum, should it not? I know that's not the way the world is, but shall we capitulate and reject anything that can't be reconciled to the binary? I know I phrased the question in SO terms, but it really IS about self-acceptance. Why should a SO see anything positive in anyone as resigned and (apparently) miserable as many here?

Lea

[NicoleWest37]

It would be nice to think of it as a positive in life and if it where a choice I guess you could , but it's not like we volunteered to be this way no more than my spouse volunteered to be female. We all cope the best we can just as our spouses who know have to cope as well. If I had my choice I WOULD BE FEMALE OR MALE BUT NOT IN BETWEEN.

[jillleanne]

Perhaps you can help, Lea.

Married 35yrs. Known for 30yrs.
None of what you have written applies to my cder. He has no tender/gentle/sensitive qualities.
He is rubbish with female colleagues (got into trouble more than once for discrimination).
Lousy with fashion.
Won't spend money (well, not on me and the family;'she' does very well).
Takes me out about once every 15months.
Always goes with the guys at social events.
Has time-consuming male hobbies away from the family.
Lousy with emotional and womens' issues.
Avoids the whole world apart from his job, heavy engineering.

I joined this site to find out what the fun, sharing part of cding is. I am still looking.

To date no qualities of being gender-enhanced have contributed anything to our family life.

Unfortunately, as a woman 'she' can be bitchy (to the support group), competitive ('I dress better...'), always a taker and not a giver ('she' won't join in things), sloppy in her care of clothes and make-up......don't start me.
What positive things can I take from this?

(Well, you started the thread......!)

Allsteamedup, is it really the 'gender enhanced ' situation that has created your situation with your spouse or does it just add to the complications at hand? I cannot imagine how being gender enhanced, or tg, could create the day to day relationship you experience in your life. I would like to believe there is far more to the issues you have than just him being gender enhanced. That said, with all the other issues, his being gender enhanced does not help matters but I do applaud you in your efforts to understand someone being tg. I would like you to know, being gender enhanced may be confusing to him, but it certainly does not make him the way you describe him in your relationship with him.

[jillleanne]

Well that's the thing, isn't it? You didn't so much take out gender so much as you started living as yourself, in integrated fashion? You didn't eliminate gender, you resolved, or reconciled gender.

The same SHOULD apply to anyone in the spectrum, should it not? I know that's not the way the world is, but shall we capitulate and reject anything that can't be reconciled to the binary? I know I phrased the question in SO terms, but it really IS about self-acceptance. Why should a SO see anything positive in anyone as resigned and (apparently) miserable as many here?

Lea

Well said. Unfortunately though, it may not be considered 'well said' by many unless they have reached the point of total self acceptance/reconcilliation.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Well that's the thing, isn't it? You didn't so much take out gender so much as you started living as yourself, in integrated fashion? You didn't eliminate gender, you resolved, or reconciled gender.

The same SHOULD apply to anyone in the spectrum, should it not? I know that's not the way the world is, but shall we capitulate and reject anything that can't be reconciled to the binary? I know I phrased the question in SO terms, but it really IS about self-acceptance. Why should a SO see anything positive in anyone as resigned and (apparently) miserable as many here?

Lea


Looking at your OP...one issue with self acceptance as it applies to what is good about CD'ing is that your list is not really true generally speaking...you are putting out your own list...these read more like things you like about yourself and how you positively view yourself...this is great..but its not a realistic assessment of a very large group of people..

You said..
In addition, sex and gender-variant people are:

Intrinsically different and interesting,
Understanding of emotional issues and conflict on a very deep level,
Open to women's issues,
Capable of bridging typical male/female relationship issues,
Often unusually intelligent,
Often less engaged in male pursuits away from home

dont get me wrong..lots of people OF ALL TYPES are open and understanding, and intrinsically interesting...

you simply cannot argue that a good thing about CD"ing is that CD's are "open to women's issues"...thats frankly BS...some are, some aren't.. just like any guy.

It should go the OTHER WAY.... you should be open to women's issues because you are a good person, and you should apply that openmindness to relationships to improve them...you should not use the idea that you are openminded as a reason why you are good...

[LeaP]

Looking at your OP...one issue with self acceptance as it applies to what is good about CD'ing is that your list is not really true generally speaking...you are putting out your own list...these read more like things you like about yourself and how you positively view yourself...this is great..but its not a realistic assessment of a very large group of people..

You said..
In addition, sex and gender-variant people are:

Intrinsically different and interesting,
Understanding of emotional issues and conflict on a very deep level,
Open to women's issues,
Capable of bridging typical male/female relationship issues,
Often unusually intelligent,
Often less engaged in male pursuits away from home

dont get me wrong..lots of people OF ALL TYPES are open and understanding, and intrinsically interesting...

you simply cannot argue that a good thing about CD"ing is that CD's are "open to women's issues"...thats frankly BS...some are, some aren't.. just like any guy.

It should go the OTHER WAY.... you should be open to women's issues because you are a good person, and you should apply that openmindness to relationships to improve them...you should not use the idea that you are openminded as a reason why you are good...

Kaitlyn,

I like how you think. Your last paragraph in particular gives me pause.

I'm not advancing what is, but what could be, were we more open to gender variation & expression. The fact that many of us are not only NOT many of the positive things mentioned, but not even open to them in many cases is due to more than individual variation. In any event, arguing the general from the specific, and vice-versa, is a logical error.

Gender variation is invalidated in every conceivable way. But there is beauty in it. It offers the potential to break down sexist barriers. It absolutely IS BS that CDers are more open to women's issues! Many seem intent on creating a persona that's based on stereotypes. What if instead they were allowed to experience what it was to be treated as presented instead of dismissed? Speak on topics they dare not? Express feelings that are ridiculed?

Lea