PURGING:feeling guilty-destroy all clothes..

[chantelle]

At some dates in my life as chris i have become guilty over my feminine self and destroy most of the most expensive clothes i have owned because it is wrong to feel so great as a girl and what not.THen for a while i feel manly and bamm it hits me between my big brown eyes that i just almost killed myself.How would this girl ever learn that destroying clothes cannot destroy
who we are only make us feel worse about it.My sisters would have killed me if i destroyed their clothes-maybe chantelle should think up a punishment for chris because he destroyed her clothes

P.S i dont have a split personality just easier to know which parts of
my personality is the better looking in a skirt.Ha.ha :) :) :D

[Sophie Yeats]

You could always do what I do.
Pack up all your clothes and stick them in the attic.
It's much cheaper that way. :)
Don't worry though. In time, with the right support you'll know that there is nothing wrong in exploring yourself and what you like.
Always remember that everyone is someone elses wierdo.
Hey I think watching football and listening to R&B music is perverted so there you go.
Hope this helps.
- Sophie xXx

[Marda]

Hey Chantelle,
~
Re:
"chantelle "At some dates in my life as chris i have become guilty over my feminine self and destroy most of the most expensive clothes i have owned because it is wrong to feel so great as a girl and what not. ""

YES, YES, & YES ... Purging is *GOOD* ... I did it almost 2 years ago

But *Don't throw your stuff out* ... Have "Chris" get in touch with me and I'll give him shipping instructions ...

No need to "OverNite Fedex" ... Ground freight will be fine !!! (I can wait another week to feel *Great* ... Ha Ha Ha Ha)
~
Love / Marda

[Tristen Cox]

At one point I had a small storage unit to put all Erica's stuff in. That way when the guilt got to be too much I'd just take it all over there. Kind of the out fo sight out of mind thing.

Just an idea...

Erica
Throwing the clothes out just makes you have to buy more, so store them 'out of sight', and if you chose(and you will) you can get them again. Purge safely.

[Bernadina]

Quotes:

"At some dates in my life as chris i have become guilty over my feminine self ..."

"That way when the guilt got to be too much I'd just take it all... "

-----

I don't understand the "guilt" thing. Sort of sounds a bit like the trip the Catholic Chuch lays on its members to keep them under control and poor.

What is there to feel guilty about?

[Lawren]

Don't ever destroy or dispose of your clothes. I'm just getting started again after a purge a couple years ago. It's simply unbelievable how much I miss some of those clothes! I've even got to grow my hair long again and that takes about 4 years. Major bummer!

[prisscilla]

yes I have done the ditch all this and it will go away syndrome :(
you are right it goes away for a bit ,but always comes back. :cool:
after some research on the internet Ive found that this is somewhat a common occurance amongst us cd'ers
I now deal with me by locking my stuff first in zipped gym type bags or carry alls ,then lock them up inna metal cabinet in the garage,I am especially fond of my shoe and boot collection and know that from here forward Ill never have that sick feeling of wishing I hadnt purged them all away,there are lots that I miss dearly from the purge,that aint happinin no mo ! :)

priss c

[crispy]

If you think that CD-ism is like alcoholism, and the way to stop is to throw all the clothes (bottles) away, then you must think it is an evil aberration and you shouldn't be doing it in the first place.

Once you are at ease with yourself (being on board this forum helps no end) then you should just relax and let it wash over you like a warm rising tide when you are lying on the beach.

You can never replace some of those old favourites that have gone out of fashion.

PLEASE DON'T EVER PURGE .... (cue for a song title?)

[Rachel Elizabeth]

I agree with Erica. I have "purged" my guilt at least 7 times. I have spent incredible amounts of money on new clothes once I had Rachel screaming in my head to "get out." I went to a storage facility and rented a their smallest unit. I would box things up well...use plastic wrap of some sort on the inside of the box[es] to keep out moisture and ugly little crawly things [ick!!]. It has saved me a lot of money and aggravation.

Not to say that I don't enjoy shopping.....


hugs....

[bralover]

i to felt guilty and foolish for what i was doing and burned all my "donna" clothes i bought more and again i felt foolish again i burned then i bought more and found the support of a good woman my girl friend showed me that i was not foolish and had no reason to feel guility be yourself and enjoy life :D :D

[joesephine]

I purged everything during the divorce. I miss clothing in my own size. I occassionaly sneak into the girlfriends, it's loose and doesn't really satisfy the urge. Alimony ends next year and hope the girlfriend is long gone also.

I doubt I will purge again, (hope anyway) I'm convinced I'm a girl inside.

Joesephine

[Jennifer_Ph]

I purge by boxing it all up and putting it in the attic... it's much cheaper when it comes time to "un-purge." :)

[carolynhcd]

Chantelle, I have purged more than once. Sometimes our life situation can be so fluid or so unstable that putting our girl clothes in a storage bin or the garage or attic is simply not an option. I also understand about guilt. This is really much deeper than mere religion, whether Catholic, Protestant, Jewish or any other creed. When I see so many say (as has happened over and over again to me) that they purge, but it always come back ; the girl inside starts screaming to be let out. The guilt, as I see it, is of two differing natures. One is a familial and societal nature: we are afraid to hurt our families and friends by being this ''different'' sort of person that many are unlikely to understand or accept. The second is a sexual nature: we are afraid to really be our duality, because this may keep us from having a wife or GG SO and yet to keep our dual nature secret is as unacceptable as it is to keep it entirely suppressed. Before my last purge, way back in the late '80's, I had a house to myself mostly and finally built up a nice wardrobe. I decided I had suppressed and denied Carolyn for too many times and for far too long. So, I spent a day having a marriage ceremony, a marriage between my male and female halves. I swore to never deny Carolyn her place by my side again. Even so, circumstances a couple of years later threw my life into turmoil and I had to make a decision: I could stay where I was and spend every dime I made and continue to live as Carolyn except to go to work, or I could take a single room, save every dime and move back to NC to take care of my aged parents. I purged, because there was no other choice. It wasn't out of guilt this time, just necessity. Love, Carolyn

[Vallari]

I purged a few times myself, but luckily my wardrobe was smaller :o . I have not had that feeling for a while now, and I really dont want to have it in the future either! My wardrobe is bigger now, and I can make quiet a bit of cute outfits!! plus a GG girlfriend of mine gave me some of her old clothes to wear too :D . If I purged now, I couldnt live with myself! I guess you do it a few times and then you reach a point where your happy and content with yourself (I hope anyways!) But then again Im just 18, so I guess I cant talk. Thats my two cents though! :p

[jessicadiane]

Purging is a horrible monster one in which I have succumbed to a couple of times at least.I have thrown things away that could never be replaced. I have thrown away dresses, two wigs, a pair of breastforms, shoes, skirts, blouses,slips etc. Basically hundreds of dollars worth of clothes and accesories.I have overcome this beast and never again will I purge for the rest of my life

[clarissa3d]

To many times to count! ohh it makes me sick to think of "THE PURGE" yikes

I have not purged in over 3 years. wow I feel better now.
It is a fight for balance I think. Once I admitted to my self that I am who I am and love my self "THE PURGE" feeling stopped.

:)

[carolynhcd]

Erica, dear, after seeing your latest pics, I beg you never to purge again. You looked so beautiful and so right in them I'm sure many of us are totally envious. I know I am and I encourage you and all the girls on this site to turn to each other for support when the dreaded urge strikes. Love, Carolyn

[Ted]

yeah... I went through a purge a few years ago.... learned my lesson.... Why spend all the money if you're just gonna get rid of it....

I buy and get rid of my femme clothes just like my male clothes.... when they wear out, of I don't like them anymore, I donate them away...

[Ted]

interesting solution.....

wish I had an attic years ago....

I just don't purge anymore...... money's tight!

[Ted]

that derogatory religious comment wasn't called for.

[NewShy21NJmtf]

As some of you may have read, Stephanie's back in the closet for the semester, except on this forum, because i lucked out and my roommates are not here very often, gives me enough time to destroy the digital evidence that i was here, should any of them choose to use my comp for anything. Anyway, I was gonna purge too, just try to get rid of it, but I thankfully did the lock up thing instead. I know I shouldn't feel guilty, but I still do.

Stephanie

[CindyT]

I think I still have some of the first clothes I ever got! I have clothes that I'm sure I will never again fit into and the funny thing is, so does my wife! I have more stuff stored away then she does! But I am reluctant to throw out anything, because you never know if we may lose some weight........ I have thrown some of the way-too-small out though.
`
There have been times when I was really close to purging due to guilt but I resisted the urge and just packed them away for a while. Those plastic tote bins from wal-mart work well!
`
About feeling guilty.....
When I feel guilty about getting away and exploring "Cindy" I make a special effort to spend extra time with the wife and with each kid on an individual basis and do something affordable that they really like. This makes me feel much much better.

[Girl.Faye]

that derogatory religious comment wasn't called for.

Sorry to say but, welcome to the internet...

Anyways, I've purged once myself. I told myself I'd never do this again (this was after being caught with a pair of panties in my dresser. I threw out a whole load of stuff... A week later, I regretted doing it.

[Lacycd]

I,too, went through a purging process not long ago.My dressing had gotten way out of hand.I thought of little else.Of course,I could not give it up entirely.Now...now I have added the crossdressing to my life;I do not let it rule my life.I appreciate it.I have fun with it.I let it enhance who I am.It seems to work wonders for stress relief.Anyway,this is my first public posting here.Wonder where this will lead.

[windycissy]

I too have purged many times, and come to regret it, until I hit upon this solution:

I bought a nice womens' suitcase, with wheels and a handle, that's easy to hide away, yet perfect for when I want to take Windy with me when I go out of town. My suitcase is brown so it doesn't look too girly when I carry it en drabbe. The trick is, I ruthlessly prune my wardrobe so that everything fits in my suitcase. I have room for five or six outfits plus a topcoat, two pairs of shoes, two purses, my wig, two complete sets of lingerie, a nightie, extra stockings, all my makeup etc. Whenever I buy a new dress, skirt or top, if I want to keep it, something old has got to go. This forces me not to splurge on things I don't really need, and helps me keep my wardrobe new and exciting. Ask Windy (http://snurl.com/askwindy)

[Marianne]

I've purged a couple of times.

Once when I moved to the U.S. about 17 years back, once the last time I got married about 14 years back.

I'd never do it again.

[carolynhcd]

Stephanie, you darling girl, please tell me why you feel guilty. Can you really try to think it through and put it into words? I used to live on a high cliff above the Pacific ocean and it was almost always foggy there. One night I was driving up the hill to my house and realized that I had stepped back, for the first time in my life, from the endless narration that was going on in my head. You know, like, "Gotta change lanes, put on the turn signal... God these panties just do NOT hold me in well at all... remember to wash your platinum wig tonight... get some nail polish in any other color besides ***** red...is there anything I can eat in the house?" etc. There were other things being said in my head as I drove and I tried to listen in a new, abstract way and realized there were many voices speaking in my head and they were not all mine. There were my parents and teachers and priests and friends. I realized that everything we do is governed by a narration in our heads and that many times that is NOT our voice speaking. I don't know if this will make sense to you, but I wish you would try to tell what it is that makes you feel guilty. Put it in perspective: you aren't harming anyone by being beautiful Stephanie. You're not damaging the planet, not killing, not polluting, not breaking hearts (although, if that is really your picture, you will), so, in the grand scheme of things, what's the big deal? I hope you can add to this thread and please let us all help you to realize that you are doing the one good thing. Love, Carolyn

[kristi cd]

Windy's got a great idea IMO. ;) Although I'd rather keep a few more outifts than that. :D

[crispy]

Carolyn is quite right to question why we should feel guilty. Trouble is that our society has developed to its present point of civilisation :rolleyes: and sophistication :rolleyes: :rolleyes: by making and following certain rules and conventions, and anybody who pushes the envelope is either an anarchist or a revolutionary. Society will always protect itself against people who carry such labels. It's called survival. :mad:

[Jen_TGCD]

Actually, it has been the revolutionaries that move us forward... break the static molds and allow new ideas to take root. All of us are the pioneers of a gender revolution and the new girls, hopefully, will be able to step into our heels without the fear and guilt that has plagued our lives. If not... if the mold cannot be broken... there is still the safety of the closet because transgender identity will exist no matter how much freedom we have... or don't have.

All of us are capable of allowing crossdressing into our lives if we look for the solutions and the balance. This forum is one of the best places, that I know of, to find that balance and the solutions to our dilemmas of spouses, family and friends. Thank you, World Wide Web ! ! ! :)

Okay, I can't help it... I'm a Hippie... it's in my nature to revolutionize injustice.

So... about purging... I still have my first dress!!! For a long time, I kept my stash so well hidden that sometimes even I couldn't find it... but I never did purge. Everything I had was too hard won and the "risks" I took to gather the few items I had was emotionally exhausting. No way was I going to get rid of any of it. I just became an expert in stealth... would have made the CIA envious of my techniques. Now, however, I have been down-sizing because I just had too much and most of it I never wore... and never would. No one, and I mean, no one... needs 75 pairs of panties. <<<LOL>>> I know, some of you will argue with me on that one.

Anyway, I agree with most of the other ladies... that you just don't purge. Store it somewhere... bury it in a water-proof container... whatever. At least, don't do it because of guilt or shame. Sometimes, it is best if you do, like CarolynHCD said in her post or just realize, that you eventually will have to replace it all. That is a fact!!!
---Jen---------
My personal mantra: Guilt Sux ! ! !