Frédérique
01-18-2012, 06:57 PM
Some miscellaneous musings while Wikipedia is down... :sad:
To post or NOT to post – that is the question, but is lurking nobler in the mind? Lately I’m getting that “UGH!” feeling I used to have when I spent three years lurking, otherwise known as my time in the wilderness. I would approach the site, look in, read a few things, and leave abruptly, only to come back for a little more lurking, then leave again, rinse and repeat. I looked in last night, if only to gather momentum for some long-overdue writing, but I was not inspired to do so. I woke up today with a mission – is there something worth writing about, perhaps something new in regards to transgender, or crossdressing, or the need to step outside oneself? Other than the usual topics, I mean. I have an idea, and a dream (thanks, Martin), but, for now, I wish to discuss what the outsider, i.e. LURKER, sees. Quite frankly, I’m surprised I’m writing this, but please bear with me – Freddy is a friend to all crossdressers...
I see there is (or was) another discussion about that curious line between heterosexuality and homosexuality, the boundary that MtF crossdressers “skirt” consciously or unconsciously. You know, there are things called “latent homosexual tendencies,” and I’m surprised that this somewhat profound state of being is not discussed more in depth around here. The more knowledge I gain, the less I seem to know, but I think there’s something VERY mysterious about gender. You wear the clothes of the “other” side, and suddenly you may feel uneasy about where you are, why you are, or who you may or may not be. I found out through crossdressing that I have latent homosexual tendencies, according to those who make distinctions, but I see it as “beautiful,” which happens to be another one of those misunderstood concepts that purveyors of normalcy are unaware of. It’s too late for me, but IT, meaning homosexuality, is there (of course), like an incessant heartbeat that keeps me awake at night...
Carrying on from that train of thought, I see that a thread about the possibility of a MtF crossdresser having a relationship with a straight male (with romantic feelings) was closed. Speaking (or writing) from the standpoint of an effeminate male, dressed to express that fact and affecting feminine airs, I can honestly say that I would not entertain such a relationship. I have not met a male worthy of my time, in a romantic sense, but let’s backtrack a little – once upon a time, if a male had come into my life who was imbued with the characteristics I cherish, I would have had feelings for the person. However, he never appeared, or we never crossed paths, so my own crossdressing attempts to fill in this void in a less-than-efficient manner. In a way, I became the man I wanted to meet, and he happens to be effeminate. It gets confusing, but I can’t imagine being a partner, romantic or otherwise, to a male personage who characterizes all I wish to avoid. Now, if another CD’er or sensitive male homes into view, one who is tuned in to the same wavelength as I, we could indeed have a relationship, albeit abnormal in the truest sense – of course, neither one of us could be termed “male” or “straight,” if you wish to split hairs...
There was another thread about what others will find when you die, or have passed on to join with the rest of the dark matter in the Universe, or have pulled back the curtain to join the choir invisible. I find this idea to be highly amusing, not to mention poetic, and I’m going to do nothing about what is in my closet – let THEM figure it out! Anyone bold enough to enter my dark sanctuary of hidden desires will find a lot of skirts and dresses, blouses, shoes, aprons, robes, more shoes, sweaters, kilts, cute little hats, and still more shoes. There is very little left of my family these days, but there are a few young’uns who I KNOW have no conception of what a crossdresser is, beyond the usual, or casual, awareness of perversion, as prescribed by society, peers, and prejudice. Funny! Gee - maybe our uncle collected costumes for his artist’s models, you know, for reference. Think again! Oh, it’s just too delicious to contemplate...
In a dresser, not too far from the closet, you can find all manner of interesting underwear and hosiery, including breast forms – I think that last item will make everything quite clear, don’t you? Meanwhile, I have many volumes of my diaries, replete with descriptions (in detail) of my CD adventures, even though they are illegible to everyone but me. However, on my laptop, in external hard drives, burned CD-R’s and printed transcripts you can find the ultimate proof that I am (or was) a crossdresser. Remember - I was Freddy, but I’m dead now. I expect my loved ones to look away in disgust, or destroy the evidence, even though disclosure wouldn’t change anything. On a bookshelf, over the dresser, I keep more evidence of more hidden desires, attached to blessed crossdressing in a peripheral sense – I’m sure someone will skim the contents and come away with the sweeping yet superficial assessment that I was gay. Good! Maybe, just maybe, someone down the road will think I lived an extremely varied and interesting life, which leads us to the next, and hopefully penultimate, paragraph...
I see, in a type of post that recurs more often than not, that someone (a SO) found out about their partner’s crossdressing, and there will be hell to pay, as my father would say. Can anyone help the maligned individual understand? I would think about replying “You really need to get OUT more,” or look into the complex nature of human existence more deeply, i.e. look inwardly, if you TRULY wish to understand why a male would wish to wear female clothing. Existence is the key word here, and life is not only a zero-sum game, it’s also a finite period to use as one chooses. One dresses because one can, and I am living proof of that. Emotions fuel the need to dress, something I’m sure any emotive human being can understand. For some, there is a need, or a feeling, to be apart from others, while being together in an incorporative sense – a need to get in touch with touch itself, and openly worship those sensibilities that were hitherto ignored or dismissed...
For some, there is a conscious desire to go against the grain, or swim against the tide, or not do as others do (or say), and this manifests itself quite nicely in crossdressing, an expression of gender-blurring, love, and compassion for the “self.” If I dress, and I do, I MUST do it, just like some males must be males, and some females must be females, if only to make sense of their own existence. Apart from all that, it’s not a big deal, but in some instances we must hide what we love, if only to protect it from those who cannot or will not understand – imagine wanting to do something that nearly everyone tells you is wrong, for whatever reason, and you may begin to understand why someone (such as a friend, a family member, a partner, or a SO) would wish to keep it hidden, and safe from those who would trod on a dream...
I must say lurking is fun*, but writing is also fun! How many LURKERS are out there, or, more specifically, do you lurk more than you participate, or vice versa?
*You didn’t know I was looking in, did you? :heehee:
To post or NOT to post – that is the question, but is lurking nobler in the mind? Lately I’m getting that “UGH!” feeling I used to have when I spent three years lurking, otherwise known as my time in the wilderness. I would approach the site, look in, read a few things, and leave abruptly, only to come back for a little more lurking, then leave again, rinse and repeat. I looked in last night, if only to gather momentum for some long-overdue writing, but I was not inspired to do so. I woke up today with a mission – is there something worth writing about, perhaps something new in regards to transgender, or crossdressing, or the need to step outside oneself? Other than the usual topics, I mean. I have an idea, and a dream (thanks, Martin), but, for now, I wish to discuss what the outsider, i.e. LURKER, sees. Quite frankly, I’m surprised I’m writing this, but please bear with me – Freddy is a friend to all crossdressers...
I see there is (or was) another discussion about that curious line between heterosexuality and homosexuality, the boundary that MtF crossdressers “skirt” consciously or unconsciously. You know, there are things called “latent homosexual tendencies,” and I’m surprised that this somewhat profound state of being is not discussed more in depth around here. The more knowledge I gain, the less I seem to know, but I think there’s something VERY mysterious about gender. You wear the clothes of the “other” side, and suddenly you may feel uneasy about where you are, why you are, or who you may or may not be. I found out through crossdressing that I have latent homosexual tendencies, according to those who make distinctions, but I see it as “beautiful,” which happens to be another one of those misunderstood concepts that purveyors of normalcy are unaware of. It’s too late for me, but IT, meaning homosexuality, is there (of course), like an incessant heartbeat that keeps me awake at night...
Carrying on from that train of thought, I see that a thread about the possibility of a MtF crossdresser having a relationship with a straight male (with romantic feelings) was closed. Speaking (or writing) from the standpoint of an effeminate male, dressed to express that fact and affecting feminine airs, I can honestly say that I would not entertain such a relationship. I have not met a male worthy of my time, in a romantic sense, but let’s backtrack a little – once upon a time, if a male had come into my life who was imbued with the characteristics I cherish, I would have had feelings for the person. However, he never appeared, or we never crossed paths, so my own crossdressing attempts to fill in this void in a less-than-efficient manner. In a way, I became the man I wanted to meet, and he happens to be effeminate. It gets confusing, but I can’t imagine being a partner, romantic or otherwise, to a male personage who characterizes all I wish to avoid. Now, if another CD’er or sensitive male homes into view, one who is tuned in to the same wavelength as I, we could indeed have a relationship, albeit abnormal in the truest sense – of course, neither one of us could be termed “male” or “straight,” if you wish to split hairs...
There was another thread about what others will find when you die, or have passed on to join with the rest of the dark matter in the Universe, or have pulled back the curtain to join the choir invisible. I find this idea to be highly amusing, not to mention poetic, and I’m going to do nothing about what is in my closet – let THEM figure it out! Anyone bold enough to enter my dark sanctuary of hidden desires will find a lot of skirts and dresses, blouses, shoes, aprons, robes, more shoes, sweaters, kilts, cute little hats, and still more shoes. There is very little left of my family these days, but there are a few young’uns who I KNOW have no conception of what a crossdresser is, beyond the usual, or casual, awareness of perversion, as prescribed by society, peers, and prejudice. Funny! Gee - maybe our uncle collected costumes for his artist’s models, you know, for reference. Think again! Oh, it’s just too delicious to contemplate...
In a dresser, not too far from the closet, you can find all manner of interesting underwear and hosiery, including breast forms – I think that last item will make everything quite clear, don’t you? Meanwhile, I have many volumes of my diaries, replete with descriptions (in detail) of my CD adventures, even though they are illegible to everyone but me. However, on my laptop, in external hard drives, burned CD-R’s and printed transcripts you can find the ultimate proof that I am (or was) a crossdresser. Remember - I was Freddy, but I’m dead now. I expect my loved ones to look away in disgust, or destroy the evidence, even though disclosure wouldn’t change anything. On a bookshelf, over the dresser, I keep more evidence of more hidden desires, attached to blessed crossdressing in a peripheral sense – I’m sure someone will skim the contents and come away with the sweeping yet superficial assessment that I was gay. Good! Maybe, just maybe, someone down the road will think I lived an extremely varied and interesting life, which leads us to the next, and hopefully penultimate, paragraph...
I see, in a type of post that recurs more often than not, that someone (a SO) found out about their partner’s crossdressing, and there will be hell to pay, as my father would say. Can anyone help the maligned individual understand? I would think about replying “You really need to get OUT more,” or look into the complex nature of human existence more deeply, i.e. look inwardly, if you TRULY wish to understand why a male would wish to wear female clothing. Existence is the key word here, and life is not only a zero-sum game, it’s also a finite period to use as one chooses. One dresses because one can, and I am living proof of that. Emotions fuel the need to dress, something I’m sure any emotive human being can understand. For some, there is a need, or a feeling, to be apart from others, while being together in an incorporative sense – a need to get in touch with touch itself, and openly worship those sensibilities that were hitherto ignored or dismissed...
For some, there is a conscious desire to go against the grain, or swim against the tide, or not do as others do (or say), and this manifests itself quite nicely in crossdressing, an expression of gender-blurring, love, and compassion for the “self.” If I dress, and I do, I MUST do it, just like some males must be males, and some females must be females, if only to make sense of their own existence. Apart from all that, it’s not a big deal, but in some instances we must hide what we love, if only to protect it from those who cannot or will not understand – imagine wanting to do something that nearly everyone tells you is wrong, for whatever reason, and you may begin to understand why someone (such as a friend, a family member, a partner, or a SO) would wish to keep it hidden, and safe from those who would trod on a dream...
I must say lurking is fun*, but writing is also fun! How many LURKERS are out there, or, more specifically, do you lurk more than you participate, or vice versa?
*You didn’t know I was looking in, did you? :heehee: