Are you real?

[Anne2345]

I am a male. Yet, presented with the opportunity, I don the apparel of a woman and present the face of a female. Is it a masquerade? Is it just an illusion? Am I even real?

I am a male. Yet, I wish I had been born female. A majority of my time is spent within my birth gender. I feel wrong in so doing. But not one day, however, passes that I do not contemplate the wrongness of my gender, womanhood, and my lot in life.

I am a male. I can pinch myself and feel pain. I can rub myself and feel comfort. I can caress myself and feel pleasure. I can see myself in a mirror. I can feel the nick of a razor as I cut myself shaving the masculine away. I believe that I am real enough, yet I am not really who I desire to be.

I am a female. Yet, despite the reality of my feminine persona and psyche, my true gender is a false reality. I am not who I would be. I am not real.

Who are you? Are you content with simply crossdressing, or do you desire more? Are you real? Are you who you would be? Or would you be someone else?

[kimdl93]

Wow, Anne, that's a tough question. I have so many of the same feelings, and questions about myself. At times, particularly those rare occassions when I must present as male, I feel that I'm masquerading as one. And all physical signs would suggest my maleness.

But in my heart and mind, there's a different reality. With each passing day, I attempt to live in a manner that is true to my heart. In that respect, I feel that I'm becoming more real every day.

[moondog]

I find this almost too easy to answer:

I do not know who I am.

I desire more than simply crossdressing.

I am not real.

I am not who I would/should be.

I would be someone else.

[Amanda22]

These are such "core" questions. I absolutely feel I have a soul mismatched with a physical body. What people see (male body) is not who I am inside. Since I can remember, I've felt somehow short-changed when it comes to identity. Like you, every single day of my life has seen me pondering this situation. Crossdressing relieves the pain of my situation, but the pain is always there and will never leave. I've long envied boys who are masculine and girls who are feminine because to the largest degree, their outsides match their insides. What a luxury. That's the vast majority of peoples' starting point in life, but I never and will never even get to "square one!"

So in order to deal with myself and see the positive of life, I say that the real me is really a complex mixture that no one understands except another transgendered person.

[Karren H]

Yeah! I'm the most real person I know!!! :). Reality is user definable.... Imho.

[NicoleScott]

I absolutely feel I have a soul mismatched with a physical body. What people see (male body) is not who I am inside. Since I can remember, I've felt somehow short-changed when it comes to identity.

Forum: Transsexual Forum
This forum is for those with the external genitalia and secondary sexual characteristics of one sex, but whose personal identification and psychosocial configuration is that of the opposite sex.

[LeaP]

You are all too real, in each and every aspect you have described. The alternative explanation for what is essentially a tragedy is not unreality but that you are crazy. Not that the situation isn't driving you crazy, but that's different. You're not crazy.

So, physically male - real

Psychologically, emotionally (etc.) female - real

False front - real (real phenomenon)

Dressing - real behavior

Conflicts and dysphoria - real

It's the reality that's doing you in, Anne.

I'm as real as you are. And about as pleased.

Lea

[Lucy Furr]

I am Portuguese, from the Azores. The women in my family are strong, and hard working, almost masculine. But when there is a wedding, party, or something like that they become very feminine. Flowery dresses, heels, make up. I believe that is what I am. I work like a man when necessary, and am feminine when I can be. In this sense I know who I am, and its real.

[LeaP]

Sorry to spoil the party of woah and chest beating but I am quite happy being me. I have a bit of a sideline that gives me a buzz if I am in the right mood and .....that's it. No angst. No waking up in the wrong body. Just an unusual interest. So yes I am real.

Glad to hear you are real. So, apparently, is the lack of empathy.

Lea

[Foxglove]

I can pinch myself and feel pain. I can rub myself and feel comfort. I can caress myself and feel pleasure.


Yes, Anne, you're very real. If you weren't, you couldn't do any of the above.

You're just in a real dilemma, which we all understand here. It's a dilemma that I haven't wanted to face or have decided to face at times, depending on the season or my moods or who knows what else.

Is it an illusion? If we're illusory, then so is the entire human race. There was after all some ancient Greek philosopher (I forget his name) who proved that nothing exists. I'm pretty sure he was wrong.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[Dana7]

What an interesting and introspective thread. I find myself on both sides of the fence at times, being real and yet sometimes not feeling real.

There are times when being male has many rewards. Self assertion, dominance without feeling overbearing, self determination, and of course, machismo. (to a reasonable degree) Even just relaxing as a guy can be rewarding, being able to be sloppy and generally grungy without guilt definitely is a plus when it's time to be laid back as a guy. That's something women seem have a much harder time with.

And then there are times when being feminine has its own distinct rewards. From the physical, the sensual, and the external, to the emotive, the intuitive, and the sensitive internal aspects, feeling like a woman many delights.

I prefer to enjoy both, each in their own season. And for what it's worth, during the moments I'm in each respective realm, I feel real in both.

:battingeyelashes:

[JessHaust]

I am real, and I am me. I like me.

When I'm in girl mode, I try to be the best girl I can.

But I have other modes as well
Cyclist mode, you know, one of those guys in a pack Bicycles on the weekends with the tight jerseys and spandex shorts, blocking cars on the highway.
Handyman mode, in overalls tearing out and replacing a kitchen, with a blow-torch sweating copper pipes,
Farmer mode, on the tractor putting out hay for the cows.
Camper mode, backpacking 15 miles into some mountain woods for a weekend campout.
Renaissance mode, at the fair in my puffy sleeve trader outfit, sword hanging at my belt.

Theses are all me, and I'm glad I have them all. Would not give up any one for the others

[Kerigirl2009]

I am me, but not the me that I should probably be. The problem here is I want what I have right now (male mode) I love my family. Now If I was out to everyone and they where able to still love me as me only the real me (the woman that I hide inside) then my life would be alot more filled with happiness because then I could truly be happy on the inside as well as the outside.
So back to the question? Am I real. my answer is this people know me as Kevin and he is real. However, I could be a better person if they also knew the other side of me (Keri) Becasue then I could stop hiding who I am and give my true feelings and opinions.

[suchacutie]

Hmmm, I've never experienced anything "simple" about crossdressing. The first day I was just showing off my legs. Suddenly we were looking to buy me a dress, and Tina was the most logical thing in the world.

I have no trouble at all seeing the reality of both of my genders. Neither is a masquarade, and neither is in "costume".

My two genders are different...sometimes very different...and maybe that's what makes it all so logical for me, and what makes them so real!

Just ask my wife! She'll tell you about the reality of both of my genders!

I have no doubt that yours are just as real!

[Marleena]

I see another thought provoking thread about your inner struggles Anne.

As for me, I'm as real as it gets, gender dysphoria and all lol..My signature tells it all.:) I'm okay though when Marleena looks at me in the mirror, she is me. In a perfect world Marleena would be 24/7. I have a wife and family though, so I need male mode to finish this life. It is what is.

Like Joe Cocker says, "I get by with a little help from my friends" here.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Oh yes, I paid the price to be real starting on December 11th 2006.


Julia

[Loni]

define real please.

my finger hurts..does this say i am real? or am i just a figment of my imagination...if that is the case i am having a very long nightmare.
i need to wake up and put on a cute dress and go someplace.

[kimdl93]

I wasn't asked for empathy. I was answering the original question. Do you think it was an original post asking for bleeding hearts to unite in their sorrow at the unfairness of life, or was it how you feel about yourself.
OK I will try again.
"Oh woah is me. I am desperately unhappy too and life is crap so I know exactly how you feel."

That's a bit harsh, SR. Over the past few months, Anne has been pretty open in talking about the emotional challenges she's faced as she tries to come to grips with being transgendered. And her post simply attempted to express the ongoing conflict that many of us feel. And honestly, if we want to let our hearts bleed a little, that's ok too.

[Cheryl T]

I need a drink...........

I dress, therefore I am, I think, ... at least I think I must be....

[JessHaust]

I wasn't asked for empathy. I was answering the original question. Do you think it was an original post asking for bleeding hearts to unite in their sorrow at the unfairness of life, or was it how you feel about yourself.
OK I will try again.
"Oh woah is me. I am desperately unhappy too and life is crap so I know exactly how you feel."

You know, if you don't like the post, just move on. Please don't feel obligated to post a reply.

[meri]

Anne,
Not real here. My view is spirit in body, in essence, I view my body as something that I encounter life on Earth with. Like a diving suit, a tool, nothing more. I always take good care of my tools, so I take good care of my body too.

As to gender, an illusion, something to accommodate and allow us to create bodies for other people that also want to life and "grow" on Earth.

Problem is we tend to get caught up in our bodies and over-identify with them and begin to think they are the real "us". Truth is, my body isn't the real me anymore than my wetsuit is.

That being said, I enjoy playing with gender and my body and if I had a closet full of different bodies, I would wear a different one each day.

[jayme357]

What an interesting question. It seems almost an "Alice in Wonderland" kind of statement. I would think that the definition of "real" is different for every one of us, and since we are all very different, that seems to be a good thing. If we are to have peace of mind then we have to have the privilege of deciding what is right (real) for us. If I had to guess I would say that many if not most of us have found a place where we can enjoy all facets of our lives. There are days where the femme side seems to be where we want to be, but there are other days where we are really happy to be up to our elbows in (fill in the blank). My problem stems from my inability to convince my SO that I really don't want to actually be a woman. She is convinced otherwise. The fact that I get so much pleasure from my dressing is probably misleading so I can understand her concern. I am two different persons. When I am Jayme I am [U]very[U] happy. But when I am the other guy in the house I am pretty happy too. (If that is really true why do I underdress every day). "Tis a dilemma for sure. That there are nearly a million messages on this site speaks volumes.

[Amanda22]

Hey Scarlet Rose, I don't think anyone resents how you feel. At least I hope they don't, because that wouldn't be respectful. I actually think it's a blessing to feel the way you do about your gender identity. I didn't choose to have a gender identity issue; it just happened. And I suppose the phrases "born in the wrong body" or "woman trapped in a man's body" have become cliche, but it is my reality. Honestly, I really am glad you are so self-assured with who you are. Thanks for bringing your viewpoint.

[NicoleScott]

A lot of beating up on SR for answering the question as it was asked: Are you satisfied? Yes. I wasn't born in the wrong body. No angst over it.

My first post was an attempt to point the way to the forum more appropriate to support such issues. I don't understand why threads like this don't get moved.

[GBJoker]

Hmm... I guess I'll go in order, in order to maintain... orde-- Whatever.

1: Who am I? I am... Many things, and nothing. Obviously, one can describe me with a variety of words (adjectives, I think...), but none of them feel true. I feel unable to actually define myself.

2: Content with simply CD'ing? At this moment... sort of...

3: Am I real? No. Not in the slightest, I think... Based on a rough definition of "real" from how you seem to be using it in the post... So, no. Definitely not real here.

4: I am not who I want to be. At the same time, I'd hate to be any one else. Every one else's life just feels... Easy.

[LeaP]

Just because someone asks how miserable you are ...
The question was "Are you real?" I replied accordingly. ...
It was not meant to be offensive ... scrambled their brains with gender identity problems and just wear women's clothing because they enjoy it.

You have the question right. You did answer - rather completely, in fact, the offense being in the unnecessary prefatory language in your initial reply. If you can't see that, I don't know what else to say, other than you are piling on in the same vein protesting in subsequent replies. (see above)

The subject matter - the notion of reality vs dysphoria, is interesting. Anne's parsing it into categories made me think through it and actually changed my thinking.

That there are threads that include points of gender conflict SURELY is no surprise, here of all places. IMO, to even remark upon it in a negative way is to undercut one of the principal reasons the site exists. NOT NICE.

This is my last post in this thread, with deep apologies to Anne for my part in derailing it. I'm very sorry, Anne.

Lea

[sissystephanie]

I am very definitely real, in every sense of the word. And I am a real man! Yes, I am a crossdresser! I wear feminine clothes because I LIKE TO, not for any other reason. I have no desire at all to be a woman. Dress and look like one, yes! But be one? No way!! As Scarlet Rose said in his/her last post, I am one of those CD'ers who wear women's clothing because I enoy doing so. And that is being REAL!!

[Julie Hall]

Let's see....1. I am me, whomever or whatever that is. 2. No, I am not content. I don't know if I desire more or desire less. 3. Unknown, I'm uncertain of the definition. 4. I don't know who I would be, but I most certainly don't want to be me.

[Amanda22]

Forum: Transsexual Forum
This forum is for those with the external genitalia and secondary sexual characteristics of one sex, but whose personal identification and psychosocial configuration is that of the opposite sex.

Thanks for pointing me to another forum where my contribution will be welcome.

[Tammy V]

I can relate to you point of view and personally I know my male side is real. Real but an empty, plastic shell of a human being that has never been happy. The only time I can be happy is when I get to be my true self, which I am doing more and more and am pusuing living full time but that time time. I do feel like my male life is real in that in it exists, but it is a fake persona and real pain.

[IngeInCO]

I am in that same boat, cd is a big part of me but I also embrace my masculinity as well. I feel like I'm real!

[TGMarla]

My first thought, in reading all of the posts, is that there are a few ladies here that are being wayyyy too sensitive about nothing. Scarlet Rose merely joined in a conversation, and gave a valid answer. And Anne isn't looking for sympathy here, she's merely being introspective, and iviting us to do the same. Crossdressers include a vast spectrum of psychological types, from the profoundly and deeply transgendered, to those that simply enjoy the activity for their own reasons. The question was asked; she answered. It's that simple. Now everybody stop being so thin-skinned, please.

And Amanda? Your input in this forum is very welcome. Don't doubt it.

As for me, I have had times in my life that I felt the exact same way that Anne does. But sooner or later, we all must come to a crossroads, and decide how our lives will be. Like Anne, I wish I'd been born female. But that did not happen. My choice, when all boiled down to gravy, came down to a simple choice: transition, or remain as I am. I chose to remain as I am. Transitioning might well not make me any more "real" than I am now. I'd never be a genetic female, never bear my own children, never have memories of growing up as a little girl. So in a sense, transitioning might make me less "real", an more of a masquerade than I am when I crossdress. I mean no offense to transexual women when I say this. Everyone's answers for themselves are different, and made for different reasons. I just feel that for myself, surgery cannot make me a woman. It can make me appear as one, but I can never have the whole enchilada. And my life as a man isn't so bad that I need to take drastic measures to alter it. That realization is not the same for everyone.

So am I real? You bet! I sure am. I'm a real live crossdresser. There is a large part of my psyche that is decidedly feminine. But I am also male, and think like one much of the time as well. I don't put on a mask to pretend I'm male. I have no problems living in the world as a male. However, I don't share the female part of my life with many people. That doesn't make either side of me less real. It's just my personal business, and my personal choice. This is me living with the choices I decided to make. I have learned to be content with merely crossdressing, and no, I don't really require or desire more than that anymore. No, I'm not who I would be, but nothing can ever make me who I'd rather be, not surgery, not transition, not anything. But I am me. And life is a great gift. I'll go ahead and live it, and make it the best that I can. It will not involve gender reassignment.

But it will involve some lovely ladies' wear, pretty hair, cute jewelry, wonderful perfume, killer shoes, sexy hosiery, lacy underwear, and bright red lipstick! And lots of it. :D

[Anne2345]

And Anne isn't looking for sympathy here, she's merely being introspective, and inviting us to do the same.

Exactly! Well stated, Marla! :)

[AnitaH]

Am I real? Let's see, I eat, I drink, I breath, I diet. I must be real everything points to me being real. When was the last time I felt real I ask myself..

Thanks for a thought provoking thread.

AnitaH

[LeslieSD]

Anne,

That's a beautifully written poem. Thanks for sharing.

[prettytoes]

I consider myself very real. Yes, I sometimes wish that I had been born a woman. I very much prefer the many styles and pretty, soft, and sensual clothing that is designed for women. Would I give up everything in my life if given the chance to switch genders (hypothetically, of course)?...no chance! I love my life, my family, and all I have achieved as a man.
I simply enjoy wearing short skirts, pantyhose and tights, sweater dresses, silky panties, bras, shaving my legs, etc, etc, etc. It relaxes me, makes me feel good...comfortable...and generally at ease. It just feels right.

We all seem to have our own reasons for crossdressing, and varying ultimate goals. Mine is just to do what makes me feel good. For various reasons, I choose to do it in the privacy of my home, and share my desires only with the woman I love. This is me, it is who I am, and I am very happy with my life just the way it is. My one wish would be the same as many here...that society would accept us all, no matter what we are wearing.

[Dawn cd]

Maria, and Anne, and all of us are fundamentally human beings before we are men and women. Humanity is our core, the most real part of us, so it's good to celebrate that truth and momentarily set aside the many ways we express it.

[Nikki A.]

I am real in that exist. My feelings are real to me and and thats all that matters to me. Am I content, no, in that I'm always looking to push the envelope and where it takes me is still an unknown. I have progressed further than I thought I would have and that is a reality, I've been out as Nikki and that is a reality.

[Andy66]

Wow, what an amazing thread... well, except for the bickering.

Anne,
Not real here. My view is spirit in body, in essence, I view my body as something that I encounter life on Earth with. Like a diving suit, a tool, nothing more. I always take good care of my tools, so I take good care of my body too.

As to gender, an illusion, something to accommodate and allow us to create bodies for other people that also want to life and "grow" on Earth.

Problem is we tend to get caught up in our bodies and over-identify with them and begin to think they are the real "us". Truth is, my body isn't the real me anymore than my wetsuit is.

That being said, I enjoy playing with gender and my body and if I had a closet full of different bodies, I would wear a different one each day.
Yeah, that more or less sums it up for me -- what she said, although a lot of other people wrote things that I identify with too.

I feel that I am real, but sometimes I find it hard to believe that the world around me is real. My body in and of itself does not bother me too much; but sometimes it makes me sad when people react to what they see (a very female looking body) instead of reacting to the personality within.

[patti1569]

I'm so not real. If life and society were different I would present differently all the time. I don't feel like I'm trapped in the wrong body, but I would like to dress as a woman full time. I know I could, but fear is holding me back. I'm moving forward, but I know that I will never be fully "real" with the world around me. It's not ideal, but it's life I've been given. I'm doing the best with what I've got! All that being said, I've got more than I need, and my wardrobe is getting bigger so life is pretty good right now, real or not. xx Patti.

[mishmam32]

I think we are what we were put on this earth to be. There are plenty of white kids who want to act and dress like black kids but will never be black, and vise-versa. Short people do things to appear taller, large people want to be small. Guys want the thrill of dressing like gals. It's human nature to desire what we are not or what we do not have. Enjoy life as best as you can, if you think that means becoming a woman, then go for it.
How was that?

[KellyJameson]

There is a movie called " The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" that I relate to very well from the perspective of being in a body that does not allow to the extent I (desire?)(need?) the ability to experience life. In the movie due to a stroke the survivor had "locked in syndrome" where the mind is alive, intact and aware but the body was largely just a piece of meat and the only contact with the world was by blinking his eye. (true story)

My life circumstances would allow me to push back against reality and pursue a sex change but I fear that I would lose more than I would gain so I choose to live as closely as possible to what is a more natural expression of who I am, a woman in a mans body.

I was born real but the world has made me feel unreal because what I am is not how I present and so everyone experiences a dissonance in my presence between my very feminine energy and my masculine body.

A body that I have subconsciously (without understanding of motive) and later consciously (with intent) feminized to lessen the disharmony between (how I feel) and (my external appearance) at the expense of causing even more difficulty in my relations with others.

For me it is a question of pain, how much I'm able and willing to bear and the type of pain. The pain of me made into a facsimile of a woman with the limitations this would impose on me but the freedoms it would give me against the pain of staying as I am with a different set of limitations and freedoms.

Always living with the unknown (fear)of what these two different paths would bring. At this point the scales are in balance and what will change them is going into myself to have a deeper understanding of me and my reasons for why I am what I am as well as why I want or need to change. If I come to believe that I as a male was socialized to feel and identify with the female I will not change but if I should come to the conclusion that I am truly in the wrong body because of genetics and fetal influences leaving me with no escape from this disharmony because it is part of my flesh and blood than I will either learn to accept this pain or act on it to seek escape.

I do believe in my case the understanding will lessen the pain because I will at least have the answers for many of my lifes torments that have created so much failure and conflict in my life that have to this point been indecipherable. My childhood or the difficulties of being human does not explain the unique form of suffering that I have always experienced that much of the world seems to have escaped. Being what I am has brought amazing gifts but at an extremely high price and the price is exhausting. Walking around in this body makes me tired even though it is very healthy and most say pleasant to look at. I should be very thankful but yet all I think about is escape. Hope my answers make sense Anne, I often walk that fine line between sanity and insanity but who knows maybe I fell off a long time ago

[JessicaM1985]

Do I feel real? No, not always. I often find myself wishing that I was born a girl. But this has a lot to do with my childhood. I have often wondered that had I been born female, would I have had to endure the same pain, suffering and abuse that I did as a boy. Or would it have been even worse.

I also often wonder if people could sense the aforementioned dissonance between my male and female self clashing for control, and as a result, why I spent so much time bullied and treated as an outcast.

I am male, but I am also female. At times one had dominance over the other, but I am always changing, always shifting. I am a chameleon when it comes to gender, and I blend in with my surroundings well.

I am both Adam and Jessica; the yin and yang of my existence. Without one, the other cannot survive. Without the other, there is no balance and the equilibrium of my life is upset. It has taken me so many years to realize this. I don't, however, discount the possibility that one side will conquer the other and that I may spend my life living only as Adam or only as Jessica. But for now, I remain in an endless internal gender battle, and with no clear victory either way in sight.

[elizabethamy]

Wow, does this resonate, Anne. I'm trying to understand where my reality is after losing the grip I thought I had for more than 50 years. What am I? What is my reality? Is this a one-way road that leads inexorably to transition? Is it a choice? Or is it (another metaphor) more like a mysterious box I'm in, and I'm trying to find out how big the box is and what's in all of its corners? No, at this point, I do not feel real. I work, I eat, I sleep, I have a family, I do all that I ever did, but now doubting who is the "real person" living the daily life. What makes this incredibly hard, so amazingly hard, is that there doesn't seem to be any way to know how I will have learned all that I need to know. In some ways I envy those who have "known all their lives" as much as I envy those whose urges will always be satisfied by a snapshot in heels. They are real because they know. You can't know what to do until you know who you are, what your reality is, and is going to be.

Anne, I'm with you, in your corner, though I'm not sure I'm any more real than you are!

love,

elizabethamy

[April_Ligeia]

Not everyone is following your ontological questioning. I am as real as my heavily photoshopped avatar photos. The photos, and April, are REAL.

[5150 Girl]

Yea, I can identify with the origonal post....

[vivianann]

Real or not, all I can say is the desire to crossdress is real. I know we are not real women, however I love emulating them.

[Kate Simmons]

Oh, we are real enough but sometimes the clothes and premise get in the way. A real person is really themself regardless. That's how you know if it's real or imagined.:)

[eluuzion]

Q) Who are you?
“ME TARZAN” J

I am innately curious and creative. (“Creative” just sounds better than “unpredictable.” Lol). My behavior and decisions answer that question and define my character up to current status. I do not allow myself to define any further because it sucks the life out the creative spirit and drive to explore unknown territory.

I figured out early in life that I assess the world differently than what most people would describe as “normal”. I believe definition and structure comes at the expense of creativity and exploration. Particularly when applied to self-analysis. In short, the more I define who I am in my mind, the more my mind is also defining who I am not (without verification through trial), which narrows my perception of the possibilities I could pursue with a potentially successful outcome. (Without any verification through trial).

Best explanation I can offer…you have to be there to get it…:D

Q)Are you content with crossdressing, or do you desire more?

With all due respect, I do not think in those terms. I am very careful about how I think and construct “questions”. They can turn optimistic thought into pessimistic thought when you are formulating an answer, depending upon how you ask them. Your question inserts a subliminal assumption that a current status is a concession position (“less”) to what you could achieve (“more”). The goal “more”, which defines nothing concrete, simply creates a cognitive perception principle that (nothing is ever “good enough”). So, that question is like answering my front doorbell…chances of anything good resulting from answering it are low, :D.

Anyway…I can say this… I am happy and doing everything I desire to do related to my crossdressing now. If I am not having fun, I just do something to make it fun, or find something different to do that is fun. This is how I approach everything. I am extremely curious by nature, so I never view any position I am in as stationary, so I am constantly moving forward exploring. When I do see an interesting issue…I do set goals to get there.
Yes, I am always having fun…and yes…I will check out your medicine cabinets if I use your bathroom…it is just my nature, lol.

Q) Are you real?
I am going to give you a definite maybe.:heehee: Why don’t you just squeeze me and find out for yourself?…:battingeyelashes:…could not resist that one. :heehee:

What you see is what I am. I may have a twisted approach to viewing the world and myself, but my abstract reasoning and dependence upon logic seems to be a firewall for self-deception. The only area I seem to be susceptible to infection is when I am attracted to a specific woman. I have driven off that cliff many times in my life…

Q) Is it “real”, or an “illusion”?

Considering my “name”…anything other than the obvious answer would be committing hypocritical suicide…now wouldn’t it? :hugs:

:love:

[jennifer easton]

Cheryl T I'm with you girl friend, ah Scotch and water over here bartender, and don't even go there my good man !! yes I'm real Jenni

[jillleanne]

........................Who are you? Are you content with simply crossdressing, or do you desire more? Are you real? Are you who you would be? Or would you be someone else?[/QUOTE]

Am I content with 'simply' crossdressing? I know who I am. Yes indeed, I am very real. I was able to identify and accept my gender self for who I am. I question not my place in society which allows me to express myself without fear, etc. I question not my gender for I have accepted me which allows me to share myself without lies. I am at peace with myself and live my life each day knowing who I am. What I do not know is which pair of shoes I will wear, but that matters not; I love both of me equally.
Anne, I would take comfort knowing you have or will discuss/share your thoughts and feelings with a successful gender therapist. The internal fire burning will only be extinguished by actions taken by you. There are no 'cures' in words, albeit some comfort over a short term, but to rid the demons that consume you will require assistance that words here cannot replace. Be kind to yourself and ask for help by those that are best able to assist you.

[AndreaCD1963]

I am real.
Andrea exists 24/7
"He" exists 24/7
WE both co-exist 24/7

What we are wearing or how we are presenting doesn't factor in to the question "Am I real". For me, Andrea is a mental and emotional state of being, not an external presentation created by clothing, makeup, shoes, jewellery, etc. The external presentation of femme attire and accessories is an added bonus to my duality of existence - as are all of the other feminizations that I do, whether they are temporary or permanent.

For me, reaching a level of self-understanding that accepted duality of co-existence without the necessity of external presentation, has enabled me to simply be me.

I am me.

[IngeInCO]

I'm so not real. If life and society were different I would present differently all the time. I don't feel like I'm trapped in the wrong body, but I would like to dress as a woman full time. I know I could, but fear is holding me back. I'm moving forward, but I know that I will never be fully "real" with the world around me. It's not ideal, but it's life I've been given. I'm doing the best with what I've got! All that being said, I've got more than I need, and my wardrobe is getting bigger so life is pretty good right now, real or not. xx Patti.

I guess my wardrobe in the 'real' world would change but I still think i feel real.

[GingerLeigh]

Who am I? Am I real? Oh yes. I am VERY real. I see the reality of who I am reflected in the eyes of the ones I love. I am a son, brother, husband, father. I have a softer side to be sure, but "she" is kept VERY close. I am not exclusively him or her, I never was. I am the sum of both. This is my reality and I am happy with that, at least I am now. Try to find some peace between your two sides. No point in fighting yourself.


Ginger

[NathalieX66]

Until I finish my metamorphosis....a.k.a. "making adjustments" , I will not feel real.
Making adjustments is not the same as "transitioning" , which involves HRT, and surgeries, and legal matters. I'm happy where I am now.