How much of your feeling do you realy share with your SO?

[Janelle_C]

:oMy wife is very supportive, but she does not know all of my feeling that I hide deep down. All she knows is that I like to dressup like a woman and that it makes me feel good. Since I've been coming here I have started to open up a little more I've talked about going out and she does not know how she feels about it. She does not know that I wish I was a woman sometimes not always she does'nt know the half of it. I'm afraid to tell her to much, but I told her that I'm nervous about my therapy becouse I don't know how my feelings are going to take shape. I'm slowly trying toget her to know that there is more to my feelings. So how much of your desires does your SO know?:battingeyelashes:

[Kathi Lake]

I think she knows my desires, but often fears that it is much more than that.

Kathi

[Fiona Scott]

I think about 5% of it but she is a real girl, has intuition, probably knows a lot more and chooses to keep it to her self.

OT but seen as an add in the local paper:

FOR SALE: Encyclopaedia Britanica. Not now needed. Hardly used. Got married........Wife knows Bl....dy everything !!!

[Marleena]

Mine is supportive. I don't hide anything from her because she understands me. She lets me be me but I don't overwhelm her with this part of me. At least I try not to.:)

[Momarie]

How long have you been married?

[Janelle_C]

I've been married for 30 years.

[DanaR]

My wife knows all about me. I just don't keep secrets from her. She knows all about the she in me. Neither of us are interested in being apart, so that isn't an issue.

[Nicola2876]

I can see why you are worried. Hearing "I like these girly clothes" is worlds apart from "I want to be a woman".
I wouldnt rush into telling her everything just yet.

[Marleena]

She does not know that I wish I was a woman sometimes not always she does'nt know the half of it. I'm afraid to tell her to much, but I told her that I'm nervous about my therapy becouse I don't know how my feelings are going to take shape. I'm slowly trying toget her to know that there is more to my feelings. So how much of your desires does your SO know?:battingeyelashes:

I agree with Scarlet, and Nicola here. You're not sure where you are going with this yet. Therapy should get you the answers though, then you will need to come clean with her, or at least you should.:)

[Rita D]

Has she known you like to dress for the entire length of your marriage, or did you tell her at some point afterward? When you told her about the dressing did she ask if you were gay, or wanted to be a woman? Those are often the next questions. I know they were when I told my wife about wanting to dress about 6 years after we were married. If she HAS asked you these questions and were not truthful at the time-I would especially wait until you have things sorted out for yourself, before you mention it to her. Good luck!

[DanaR]

If you are unsure of your feelings, don't tell her. But she needs to be part of any decision that you make. What I've seen within this community, is people on the fast track to become female. This is sad in so many ways, it usually has given their families no choice in what is going on.

[suchacutie]

My wife and I started the adventure we call "Tina" together from the first moment. She is Tina's mentor and confident. She asks probing questions and I give complete answers. I ask her questions about everything feminine and she gives me complete answers and support. It really is a wonderful and loving world!

[KiwiHeather]

Recently a friend of mine wasdescribing his fiancee's apprehension about his stag night (in Aussie) and he commented that if it could be half as good as what his girlfriend probably had in her mind it would be awesome.

The morale is that we can reassure and discuss things to the nth degree, but until our SO's come to terms with what we do/are then all the reassurance in the world will do nothing but reinforce the negative image they hold in their minds. Eventually with time and open conversation can these fears be removed. Unfortunately for some this will never happen as they see the man in a dress as a betrayal of sorts. They feel they have lost the man in their lives when all that has happened is the outer packaging has changed. The feelings etc from within are the same but sometimes it isnt enough.

I hate having to my feelings to myself and recently my wife said she was worried when we went shopping that I was shopping for me not her. We shop alot together for her as I am brutally honest about what does/doesnt work or fit right, but recently she has felt like it is less about her. Maybe she is right and I am living vicariously through her but we did this before I started dressing again and it was all okay. She knew the first time - took me to a place where I could dress, makeup,wig etc - Fetish boutique , gone now... - she tolerated it because it was limited to underwear and only very seldom, but now its different (10 years have passed I guess) and we have grown up more. Perhaps she has become accustomed to my male self and the old/new CD reappearing is shaking her confidence in me. I guess its hard because she has no-one to talk to about it and mayeb talking about it will make it too real. I dont know her mind and how it works, only been married 21 years so not enough time to figure it out yet (LOL - might take a 1000 years to do that).

I hate not being completely open and honest but when she wants to talk I will. For now its baby steps and she makes those steps with me holding her hand if she needs it. To be honest I dont know entirely how I feel about CDing most of the time and depending on my mood it changes too. Perhaps it a mix of this and the rest of life blending together that makes things complicated.

[Dawn cd]

One question is "How much of my feeling do I share with my SO?" and a second question is How much of my feeling do I share with myself? Because our feelings are still evolving, and we don't know ourselves where they are leading or what they mean. Why should we share something that is a mystery even to us? Our feelings come and go, sometimes they are stronger and sometimes weaker. We wonder if it is prudent to make an issue out of something that may go away completely. In this situation, we equivocate and keep silent...and are blamed for that silence later.

[Jenniferathome]

My wife knows EVERY feeling and thought I have about crossdressing. I hid one secret long enough, I hide nothing now. You Needto be honest with your wife

[Kelli Ca]

I try to be as open with my wife as I can Now, our marrige is stronger now that this last little secret of mine is out something was missing in my relationship, it was honesty.

[jillleanne]

My wife knows all about me. I just don't keep secrets from her. She knows all about the she in me. Neither of us are interested in being apart, so that isn't an issue.

ditto ditto here as well.

[sweetjan]

I don't hide anything from my wife. It has been her support that has helped me the most.
We have a honest marriage and we are both very happy about that.:hugs:

[GingerLeigh]

I'm too chicken to tell her EVERYTHING, and she's too afraid to ask. She knows much of it, but I have a hard time telling her it all.

[moondog]

My wife knows nothing about what I'm dealing with.

[shawnsheila]

My wife is still coming to grips with it and the topic does not com up very much other then her occasionally mentioning it to me. I am traveling at her pace with my CDing right now

[kimdl93]

She knows what I know. As for dreams, wishes or fantasies, we share those too. And I know she would have a difficult time if I actually sought to transition.

[Miranda-E]

MY SO know everything, they have to know everything. If they don't know everything, I don't know their reactions and feelings.
Its not fair to the SO to be used as the ultimate fashion accessory for a normal appearing life.

[Kali]

She knows everything I know, and I try to answer any questions she asks openly and honestly (sometmes, I don't know the answers).

I think that's the only way you can avoid being in the position of some of the people that are posting here about the dissolution of their relationships.

[Laura912]

My wife knows but she does not totally get it. Educating you SO can be a bit like driving on ice with bald tires...be wewy wewy careful. :)
Laura

[~Joanne~]

My GF, not married, doesn't know how far it goes. She may suspect due to our trip out one halloween and a few items that I have bought here and there that are female but she hasn't said anything about it. She also hasn't said anything negative about that which she does know. This sometimes makes me wondering what she is truly feeling. I don't push it though and feel if she had something to say, hopefully she will say it or ask about it.

If at some point we do decide to get married, I will have a serious sit down and explain everything at that time. I'll need that much time to put my thoughts together .

[Lux]

I have shared everything with my SO. I personally had to come to an understanding with cross dressing first due to the years of shame and guilt (sound familiar anyone?). Once I accepted myself and who I was it was a lot easier to open up to her.

She truly value's my sensitive side and loves that I like to talk about our relationship, something most guys she had dated struggled with. We actually read "The 5 Languages of Love" together early in our dating and that really took our relationship to a level I had never been to before.

I am sure it wasn't always easy for her to learn about this side of me but amazing communication made that road a little less bumpy.

I wouldn't be on this website without her support and communication that comes with discussing our feelings to one another.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Tolerates but it's a don't ask don't tell kind of thinggie.

[J'lyn GG]

:oMy wife is very supportive, but she does not know all of my feeling that I hide deep down. All she knows is that I like to dressup like a woman and that it makes me feel good. Since I've been coming here I have started to open up a little more I've talked about going out and she does not know how she feels about it. She does not know that I wish I was a woman sometimes not always she does'nt know the half of it. I'm afraid to tell her to much, but I told her that I'm nervous about my therapy becouse I don't know how my feelings are going to take shape. I'm slowly trying toget her to know that there is more to my feelings. So how much of your desires does your SO know?:battingeyelashes:


So you are admitting, even though you have a very supportive wife, who loves you unconditionally, accepts and supports you, that you STILL lie to her every day?

[Jacqueline Winona]

My wife knows I like to dress, she doesn't talk too much about it and certainly prefers me in "male mode." But she knows it's part of who I am and still loves me. I'd love it to be something we can share more, and she will tolerate me in a skirt, and has even given me panties.

[PretzelGirl]

She probably knows more than I do. I suspect for many of us, that is the case even if we don't realize it.

[WsprsOnTheWind]

It depends on what the topic of discussion is.

[CINDYO]

Well since she married a man, and since you asked, i would say keep it in check, she deserves that much, go to therapy, convince her that you need to go our occ, and maybe with her by your side, hopefully that can happen and she can still have the man than she married in all honesty:)

[Misti]

:oMy wife is very supportive, but she does not know all of my feeling that I hide deep down. All she knows is that I like to dressup like a woman and that it makes me feel good.... So how much of your desires does your SO know?:battingeyelashes:

About 60-65%, I'd say. It has been a very slow process of bringing her along for me, including buying a bra (my first with her knowledge, but not her consent - also a first BTW) today at Sears with her present and waiting in the car (all brought on by another thread I just posted in (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?167957-VS-bra-for-a-fraction-of-the-price. (#33))... :heehee:

Wish me luck, I may not survive the night... Who knows? :devil:

[Janelle_C]

So you are admitting, even though you have a very supportive wife, who loves you unconditionally, accepts and supports you, that you STILL lie to her every day?
Last weekend my wife and i had a long talk I was feeling very insecure and I told her there was feelings I have that i have never told you about becouse I was afraid it would be to much and you would leave me. And she never asked what they were. And right now she dos'nt want to know. She knows that I'm excited about my therapy and that worrys her a little but we talked about taking it slow and only talk about the here and now not all the things I think I might want to do until I want to do them. And until you spend a life time of holding in who you are and what you are feeling don't have the balls to call me a liar.

[Babeba]

Given all the very serious talks Crystal and I have had recently, if there was something she was hiding from me (emotionally or otherwise) I would probably be rather emotional (and pissed off, because we've been keeping it real).

[ReineD]

She knows that I'm excited about my therapy and that worrys her a little but we talked about taking it slow and only talk about the here and now not all the things I think I might want to do until I want to do them.

Your question in the OP covered such a wide range of possibilities. For CDers newly out of their last purge, the "not knowing" could be just wanting to get a bra. Or forms. Or hip pads or a wig. Or maybe just wanting to wear a nightie to bed. For CDers contemplating going out in public, the "not knowing" could be the desire to put on a dress and go shopping in the next town over. For other CDers, it could be fantasies about having sex with men (even if they are just fantasies that would never take place in real life). In this case, I agree with not dwelling on this too much with a wife. I felt devastated when my SO told me and it took some time before I could put it in perspective. My imagination went into overdrive, even though I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would not cheat on me. His moral compass is such that he would tell me first, and risk ending the relationship rather than betray me. But, I digress. :p

For some CDers, the "not knowing" could be the beginning feelings of wanting real breasts, perhaps HRT. And for others it could be the realization they are TS and they want SRS.

So. What exactly is it that your wife doesn't know or doesn't want to know about you?

That said, this is what I think is very common. It may not fit everyone, but it is a scenario that I see here over and over again: for years, many CDers stay in their closets. Their wives may or may not know, but the CDing for the most part consists of having very private time that the CDer does not wish to share with anyone. He may only be sneaking on one of his wife's dresses a few times per year. Or he may have a few things stashed away that he may put on a little more frequently. He certainly doesn't want the world to know, he still may think it is wrong for a man to put on women's clothes and enjoy it so much, so in the closet he stays. But then things begin to change. He begins to acknowledge some deeper feelings, and he begins to want to improve his presentation. He looks online at makeup tutorials. Joins forums. Looks at fashions with the idea of purshasing them for himself. So he tells his wife about the CDing. With that burden off his chest he feels freer to explore it a bit more. His presentation may be improving as the result of having joined a forum, and maybe now he feels there IS a chance he might take it out of the closet one day, and maybe even attend a TG support group. The desires become so strong that he is near bursting and he may even think that he wants to be a woman, or at least he's not sure why his attitude about the CDing has changed, from the time when he was content putting on his wife's dress twice per year, or dressing once per year at Halloween.

So now begins the conflict, and it is worse if the wife doesn't want to hear anything about it. Am I a transsexual? Should I see a gender therapist? I need to discuss my feelings with someone, they are unbearable. The situation leaves a lot of room for fantasy about unexpressed desire (or need), and A LOT of conflict since he doesn't understand why he feels so strongly about this. If the wife is semi accepting, there might be a push/pull between them for a few years, over each new thing that is required in order to go out and look believable: the forms, the leg shaving, the wig, the makeup, appropriate clothing. During all this time, the ultimate goal of coming out of the closet to meet others for validation becomes like a carrot leading to a goal that is seemingly not in sight. So the fantasies or the needs get worse. More confusion. More conflict. Do I want to become a woman? What's the matter with me? And in the wife's camp, she cannot understand why her husband wants to feminize himself so much or even want to go out. Does he want to become a woman? Will he want to transition? What will become of our marriage? So they don't talk about it.

Does this sound familiar?

Here is the scenario with a CDer whose wife is supportive: he explains he needs to go out to a support meeting and he needs to shave, get all the forms, waist cincher, etc, apply makeup, so that he will not be read the minute he steps out the door. She understands. Over a period of a few months he sets about this transformation (which I dare say brings on a feeling of euphoria since he has repressed himself for so long ... the pink fog). But, the energy goes into enjoying the moment rather than crack his head wondering what is wrong with him and is he a woman. Still, this is a difficult time for the wife as well since she doesn't understand the nature of her husband's elation over all of this, but they get through it. He begins to go to TG support meetings, they meet other couples, they venture out in the next town over for dinner or shopping. Within a year or two, the business of having learned to blend has become old hat. The "fantasy" is now the reality and it all falls into place. It is pleasurable to be out dressed, but it doesn't take on the euphoric feeling it seemed to in the beginning. Things are calmer, and the CDer now knows that he is who he is, a CDer who enjoys expressing himself but who also is a man (or he sees himself as having a blend of gender traits like my SO) and he has learned to have a balance with it all in his life.

The moral of this story is, the most difficult journey is in fact a very natural journey for most CDers, and this is simply coming into his own as a CDing man who needs to express his feminine self outside of his closet and who needs to look the part in order to do so. Even though it may look to the uninitiated as if he is transforming himself into a woman, he is not. He is simply catching up his girl side with his guy side. And when this has been accomplished, everything falls into place.

This has been my experience with my SO.

[Danni Bear]

as succently and eloquently put as always Reine

thank you

Danni

[Melissa Cross]

My wife knows pretty much everything about my CD desires and feelings. When I first told het I went too fast and that caused problems and overwhelmed her so take it slow in terms of sharing your feelings.

[moondog]

I don't lie to my wife, but there are things I have never shared with her. She has asked me about my therepy and I tell her I'm not ready to tell her what's going on with me right now.

[Joanna41]

For me...I happen to share all the feelings about cd with my fiance. She is amazing with all her support. While I have no desires to transition I log the dressing and all that goes with it.

Joanna

[Janelle_C]

Your question in the OP covered such a wide range of possibilities. For CDers newly out of their last purge, the "not knowing" could be just wanting to get a bra. Or forms. Or hip pads or a wig. Or maybe just wanting to wear a nightie to bed. For CDers contemplating going out in public, the "not knowing" could be the desire to put on a dress and go shopping in the next town over. For other CDers, it could be fantasies about having sex with men (even if they are just fantasies that would never take place in real life). In this case, I agree with not dwelling on this too much with a wife. I felt devastated when my SO told me and it took some time before I could put it in perspective. My imagination went into overdrive, even though I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he would not cheat on me. His moral compass is such that he would tell me first, and risk ending the relationship rather than betray me. But, I digress. :p

For some CDers, the "not knowing" could be the beginning feelings of wanting real breasts, perhaps HRT. And for others it could be the realization they are TS and they want SRS.

So. What exactly is it that your wife doesn't know or doesn't want to know about you?

That said, this is what I think is very common. It may not fit everyone, but it is a scenario that I see here over and over again: for years, many CDers stay in their closets. Their wives may or may not know, but the CDing for the most part consists of having very private time that the CDer does not wish to share with anyone. He may only be sneaking on one of his wife's dresses a few times per year. Or he may have a few things stashed away that he may put on a little more frequently. He certainly doesn't want the world to know, he still may think it is wrong for a man to put on women's clothes and enjoy it so much, so in the closet he stays. But then things begin to change. He begins to acknowledge some deeper feelings, and he begins to want to improve his presentation. He looks online at makeup tutorials. Joins forums. Looks at fashions with the idea of purshasing them for himself. So he tells his wife about the CDing. With that burden off his chest he feels freer to explore it a bit more. His presentation may be improving as the result of having joined a forum, and maybe now he feels there IS a chance he might take it out of the closet one day, and maybe even attend a TG support group. The desires become so strong that he is near bursting and he may even think that he wants to be a woman, or at least he's not sure why his attitude about the CDing has changed, from the time when he was content putting on his wife's dress twice per year, or dressing once per year at Halloween.

So now begins the conflict, and it is worse if the wife doesn't want to hear anything about it. Am I a transsexual? Should I see a gender therapist? I need to discuss my feelings with someone, they are unbearable. The situation leaves a lot of room for fantasy about unexpressed desire (or need), and A LOT of conflict since he doesn't understand why he feels so strongly about this. If the wife is semi accepting, there might be a push/pull between them for a few years, over each new thing that is required in order to go out and look believable: the forms, the leg shaving, the wig, the makeup, appropriate clothing. During all this time, the ultimate goal of coming out of the closet to meet others for validation becomes like a carrot leading to a goal that is seemingly not in sight. So the fantasies or the needs get worse. More confusion. More conflict. Do I want to become a woman? What's the matter with me? And in the wife's camp, she cannot understand why her husband wants to feminize himself so much or even want to go out. Does he want to become a woman? Will he want to transition? What will become of our marriage? So they don't talk about it.

Does this sound familiar?

Here is the scenario with a CDer whose wife is supportive: he explains he needs to go out to a support meeting and he needs to shave, get all the forms, waist cincher, etc, apply makeup, so that he will not be read the minute he steps out the door. She understands. Over a period of a few months he sets about this transformation (which I dare say brings on a feeling of euphoria since he has repressed himself for so long ... the pink fog). But, the energy goes into enjoying the moment rather than crack his head wondering what is wrong with him and is he a woman. Still, this is a difficult time for the wife as well since she doesn't understand the nature of her husband's elation over all of this, but they get through it. He begins to go to TG support meetings, they meet other couples, they venture out in the next town over for dinner or shopping. Within a year or two, the business of having learned to blend has become old hat. The "fantasy" is now the reality and it all falls into place. It is pleasurable to be out dressed, but it doesn't take on the euphoric feeling it seemed to in the beginning. Things are calmer, and the CDer now knows that he is who he is, a CDer who enjoys expressing himself but who also is a man (or he sees himself as having a blend of gender traits like my SO) and he has learned to have a balance with it all in his life.

The moral of this story is, the most difficult journey is in fact a very natural journey for most CDers, and this is simply coming into his own as a CDing man who needs to express his feminine self outside of his closet and who needs to look the part in order to do so. Even though it may look to the uninitiated as if he is transforming himself into a woman, he is not. He is simply catching up his girl side with his guy side. And when this has been accomplished, everything falls into place.

This has been my experience with my SO.
OMG are you living in my head. I could'nt have said it any better if I had tryed. Were going throw and what my hopes and dreams are. Thank you so much for being here with all of us who are new to our journey.

[LeaP]

OMG are you living in my head. I could'nt have said it any better if I had tryed. Were going throw and what my hopes and dreams are. Thank you so much for being here with all of us who are new to our journey.

That's because Reine is really a post-op TS who is only coming to self realization through participating in this forum as a moderator.

Seriously, Reine, your ability to understand and empathize is amazing. One would think you had felt it to describe it so accurately and with such nuance.

Lea

[franlee]

I think this is an ongoing saga. I have tried to share as much as I know myself, at any given time. As most people go, feelings can evolve, weaken, streghten and in some case just change altogether. So I think shareing is what a relationship is built on and grows on. I personaly share everything she wants to hear(discuss) and must admit I have a thing or two that are myown, not fantasies but personal desires. But if she ask I'd share them too.

[Launa]

My wife knows about 95% of what I'm feeling. The 5% she doesn't know about and is hard to discuss with her is the frequency I want to go out in public, the shaving, the eyebrow shaping etc... instead of staying locked up in my house and just putting on a dress and calling it good enough.

[Stephanie47]

I'm in a DADT relationship. Years ago I tried to explain my desires to cross dress with her, and, it did not go well-especially the part of wearing a bra when I had zippo to stuff into it. At least now if she finds a panty that I failed to carefully put away, it does not cause a scene.

[Acastina]

...
Its not fair to the SO to be used as the ultimate fashion accessory for a normal appearing life.

VERY well (and succinctly) put. I met my wife while en femme, and her ex was a late-onset CD who really ran off into self-indulgence, losing her in the process, so it's never been a should-I-tell-her-and-when-and-how issue. I do think about (and sometimes struggle with) exactly what you posit, often. She wonders about the depth of my gender issues, and I think she'd be happy if I could tell her I was quitting CD, but it's not a flashpoint in our marriage. That said, she doesn't know everything I feel in my heart of hearts, and that's probably for the better.

[ReineD]

That's because Reine is really a post-op TS who is only coming to self realization through participating in this forum as a moderator.

Seriously, Reine, your ability to understand and empathize is amazing. One would think you had felt it to describe it so accurately and with such nuance.

Darn, I though I had asked you not to blow my cover! :)

Seriously, I've been around this forum for a few years and after a while, individual experiences tend to form patterns.

[Tara D. Rose]

When I told my new wife of just a year and a half of what I once used to do. Having said what I once used to do, I mean having sucessfully purged and was doing good without that part of my history. I told her everything. I left nothing out for her to find out later. I think it is a mistake to give your wife just part of it. It's like telling her you love to dress as a woman and that's all that there is. But yet, only you know it is not all that there is. And then later on you add a little more to it, then of course a wife will ask herself(as I have seen on here many times), what esle is there that you have not told me?, Then a cd will later on tell his wife one more little detail. Then she hears this after she thought she had heard everything that there was by way of your crossdressing. To me, it is a major mistake to give your wife bits and peices along the way. I understand that you want to see how she does with "just a little bit", of the whole truth so that you can evaluate in your own mind and ask yourself from her initial response to half of the whole truth, to whether you may want to tell her 100% of everything by way of your crossdressing. This is a big mistake. Once you tell her part of it, why keep other things form her. It's wrong to give tidbits, and deliberatley withhold ALL of the truth about all of what you desire, ,,,,leaving her to guess and to ponder asking herself, is this all that there is to it? For all of we crossdressers are on different percentages along the whole spectrum of crossdressing.

When we speak of the whole spectrum, is it a race to the finish line? Are some of us "ahead" of others?, no, so many of us, do only this or only that, or this and that but not those other things. Spend the time with your wife one evening. Tell her that we are going to dedicate this evening to all of the truth by way of which you stand. Let it all out. I don't know you personally, I know you have issues of your crossdressing, and only "YOU", know of to what extent your crossdressing entails.
I hope you get the answers you seek, not only from my opinion but by all of the other opinions here on this site. But, not of us are on the exact page at the same time, but I do think, yes it is my opinion, that, when a cd wants to open up to his beloved spouse about his crossdressing, and to whatever degree it is in or where the cd wants it to go, or if the cd is confused and is a TS but doesn't know it yet, or if that isn't the case, etc. Only you know the whole truth of who you are. But as much as I am disagreed with on here,(which I don't understand), I do think that the mojority of members here would say to a crossdresser that wants to come clean and tell his wife about his crossdressing, should do the following:

#1 tell her you love her more than anything in the world.

#2 tell her you need to tell her something about yourself, that you have lived with and feel guilty about, becasue of not telling her prior to marriage.

#3 tell her everything and leave absolutley nothing out.
When the night grows long and everything has been said and told, answer all questions, fear not of whether she may leave you for it, for it's better that she leave you for all of who you ,,,,,,,than for you to selfishly fool her into staying with you by withholding 100% truth from her. Or to let her think she knows all of you by way of crossdressing, but yet only you know everything while she knows half of it.

#4 ALL of the truth at the intitial discloser.

I'll try to be very breif here, when i told my wife of what I "USED" to do way back in '97, I told her of how I used to dress, and would spend time alone at my previous's wife's second home, etc, etc, etc.
I told her that I cross dress, how it makes me feel. Yes I have had bi sexual thoughts, many times, but have never acted upon it, and no ,I don't want SRS, or to become a woman. It's a long story, but when those few days were over, she knew where I stood and I knew where she stood.
The biggest mistake you will ever make by telling your wife you are a cd, is by not telling her "one hundred percent all of the truth!!" It's really pretty simple, tell all or nothing.

I've seen many post's on here where a cd will say that they told thier wife that they like to wear panties and a bra and that thier wife is ok with that, BUT,,,,BUT, they did not tell her that they also want to wear dresses, wigs make up, etc. To me that is cowardly. If you want to come clean once and for all to your wife, then tell her all and everything, and leave no stone unturned. It will be the best for you.
I really never gave an introductory thread on here, maybe some day in the near future I will. Maybe someday I will. And I would do that with the hopes that my experiences through the many years will enlighten so many others on here that continue to battle with so much and feel so lost. No, I'm not totally happy, but then who is? But I do sleep good at night for I live by 100% truth of who I am to my beloved wife, and it's to her that all of me will and has revealed all of me , based upon my own convictions entrusting in her totally. I do not live a lie to her. Of course we have other issues unrelated to crossdressing, ie, her menopause, depression, etc, and when she is down and low on herself, then she attckes my crossdressing, which she hasn't seen since May 2011.
Just tell your wife everything, you'll be glad you did.
Love, honor, peace, and bliss and peace of mind be with you,
L&R................................Tara



PS: ReineD, are you a post op TS?.................now I understand.....lol...meant joyfully

[Janelle_C]

I did #1 and I did #2 and #3 has been offered up this weekend but she is not ready to talk about it yet. #4 I just don't know all the answers yet I just started to see a therapist. My wife wants to talk about the things I know and not the things I might know that I want to do.:battingeyelashes:

[moondog]

I too have performed #1 and #2. #3 is where it gets a little tricky for me...how do you tell your wife you think you might be a woman in a man's body? Not only that, how do you tell her you might be attracted to men as well? My therepist wants me to tell my wife, but I don't even know how or where to begin this conversation. I've jokingly told my wife several times that I'm a lesbian, maybe it was slipping out as a joke but was a deep truth that I was unable to comprehend when I said it to her.

[geri]

shy girl,
my SO has her head in the sand..............she is stubborn and doesn't realize or care about my feelings. i have recommended this forum to her but she refuses to sign in. i'm about ready to pitch it. i'm too old to change but to young not too.

geri danielle

[Tara D. Rose]

I did #1 and I did #2 and #3 has been offered up this weekend but she is not ready to talk about it yet. #4 I just don't know all the answers yet I just started to see a therapist. My wife wants to talk about the things I know and not the things I might know that I want to do.:battingeyelashes:

Shy Girl, That's all I was saying, is to tell her everything from the standpoint of how you feel now, and how you have ever felt. If she ask's questions that you do not know the answers to, you tell her that you do not know. You just need to give her ALL of your feelings, answer all questions that you can, tell her even of your confusions, that you're not sure how far you want to go with this. You're seeing a therapist and that's a real good thing. You should take your therapist's advice above all else on here. And I hope your therapist does advise you to tell your wife everything. It's only fair that your wife can deal know all that there is in your cd'ing. Like I said before, don't ever give tid-bits, or half truths or withhold anything. A wife is entitled to be given full disclosure, so that she can make decisions with, for, and about the whole you. If you're not sure of how to tell her everything , maybe she needs to go with you to the therapist, and he or she can help you convey your feelings that you feel confused about.
If she isn't ready to talk about it right now as you stated, then tell her that I'm here for you anytime day or night my love, should you ever need or want to talk about it.
L&R...............Tara

[DeSkirt]

I do not share my feelings with my wife.
She made it clear she was not interested in knowing about this part of me and I have no desire to push the issue.
I am disappointed, but not much I can do about it now.

[Wendae]

Quit trying years ago. It's not worth the silences that follow.

[Tara D. Rose]

Different situations in so many different marriages. It's all good for those of you that have tried and your wife isn't interested. For at least you have given all.
L&R.............................................Tara

[Delila]

:oMy wife is very supportive, but she does not know all of my feeling that I hide deep down. All she knows is that I like to dressup like a woman and that it makes me feel good. Since I've been coming here I have started to open up a little more I've talked about going out and she does not know how she feels about it. She does not know that I wish I was a woman sometimes not always she does'nt know the half of it. I'm afraid to tell her to much, but I told her that I'm nervous about my therapy becouse I don't know how my feelings are going to take shape. I'm slowly trying toget her to know that there is more to my feelings. So how much of your desires does your SO know?:battingeyelashes:

My wife is fully aware and supportive of my CDing. I hide almost every part of my being from her. She asked when I told her that I was a CDer if I thought that I would ever want to transition. I told her honestly that I of course would never consider transitioning. In reality. If I had a body to transition I would in an instant. I have only lied to my wife on one point, if My body did not have the issues that it does I would pursue transition without a second thought. I assume your want to keep quiet are for some reason I have to say if you don't have to hide something from your SO particularly an accetpting SO don't hide it.

[ReineD]

I told her honestly that I of course would never consider transitioning. In reality. If I had a body to transition I would in an instant. I have only lied to my wife on one point, if My body did not have the issues that it does I would pursue transition without a second thought.

I have a question: are you happy in your life? Do you have moments when you enjoy being a man and a husband to your wife?

[AllisonK]

Your question in the OP covered such....been accomplished, everything falls into place.

This has been my experience with my SO.

This is probably the best thing I have read since I joined here. Thank you for all of the insight you have given me. I know I should see a therapist. If not for the CDing, for all of the other things that I have happen to me as a child. I have often wondered where I fit into this wide range of being. I know I love my wife and I want to be with her forever but I would like answers to how in depth I want to go. Times I am conflicted and others I am sure of what I am doing. Again, Thank You from the bottom of my heart.

OT: Until recently I hid everything. Since I told my wife I am about 93 percent honest. That gives me 5 percent that I myself am unsure of and 2 percent for things like "does these pants make me look fat" < never gonna answer that one. lol.

[moondog]

I did #3 and #4, so now my SO knows EVERYTHING because I held nothing back. When she asks me questions I tell her the truth with no omissions. Scary, but liberating. She's accepting and helpful, so things are looking very promising for us.

It's because of many members of this forum that I was able to tell her my truth.

Thank you all.

[Tara D. Rose]

I did #3 and #4, so now my SO knows EVERYTHING because I held nothing back. When she asks me questions I tell her the truth with no omissions. Scary, but liberating. She's accepting and helpful, so things are looking very promising for us.

It's because of many members of this forum that I was able to tell her my truth.

Thank you all.

This is great new moondog. It does make you feel so much better doesn't it? For you to know that not only have you told your wife of your desires, but you told her everything and held nothing back. That's the only way to do it.
Love and Peace..........Tara