She is leaving me.

[Pinky188]

So, the love of my life is leaving me. She is EVERYTHING to me. My best friend! I am devistated!!! I don't know what I'll do without her! She is my rock! I feel so empty and depressed. She said that my crossdressing was never an issue but it really was. If She had told me the truth in the beginning I would have stopped! GOD! I don't want to go on anymore!!!

[Lucy_Bella]

So sorry to hear... I can believe when my last GF told me it wasn't an issue but I am sure it added to her leaving..

Stay strong.

[cinderellaman]

Sorry to hear that. Be strong

[Eryn]

The reasons that people give for breaking up are seldom the ones that actually cause a breakup. In most cases there is more than one cause. Your CDing may or may not have contributed to her decision.

As you say, you would have stopped if she had said that she didn't like it, but the added stress of keeping a part of yourself bottled up would likely have led to problems as well. It isn't an either-or thing.

[Daphne Renee]

Eryn is right. You might have stopped but for how long. Its likely you would have resented her for telling you you had to stop. I also believe it isnt just the one thing that caused her to leave. Even if you had stopped she might have left for a different reason. I am so sorry this has happened to you but you have friends here. I dont have any definite answers but I would be happy to listen if you wanted to talk..

[AnitaH]

Pinky, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I can feel your pain. You need someone that you can talk to, a counselor, a trusted friend. Please don't try to go through this alone. You have the support of all us here.

AnitaH

[Lorileah]

Pinky, I am sorry to hear about your pain. But I agree with Eryn, it may just be a more convenient excuse than the real reason. If this has never come up before it is unusual it would be the lynchpin now. Something like cross dressing is something that is easily discussed and if you feel that it is THE reason then you can make the offer to quit. As many here know it is unlikely you can do it and still be happy. But it is worth a try if you feel it is the main theme in the break up (look deeper there is something else you don't see).

I wish you good luck I know it hurts to lose your best friend in any manner.

[JessicaM1985]

I'm so sorry sweetie.... :'(

Anita is right hun, don't do this alone. It's hard enough even when you have trusted friends with you giving you support. My inbox is open if you want to talk dear.... *hugs*

[Megan72]

Pinky, stay strong do not let yourself down and do not sell yourself short. I dont know your faith but no God puts us through events that we can not handle. I am sorry for your pain as I have been in your place not so long ago, you will be fine no matter what happens. I am always available to pm if you need a friend. Kelli

[Angie G]

Sorry to get this news hun. Get help if you wish no togo on anymore.:hugs:
Angie

[DanaR]

I'm sorry that this happened to you. It may or may not have anything to do with your CD'ing. I might have just been her.

One of the things that seems to happen is that some of us get beat up for not being honest. There is a possibility that your SO wasn't totally honest with you. Sometimes thing just don't work out. Like I said before, I'm really sorry that this happened to you.

[Pinky188]

Im sure you all are right that crossdressing isn't the only reason that this has happend. I know it isn't. The reasons are a moot point by now. She fell out of love with me, and I am weak and alone now. The past two months have been hard on me in so many ways. First she moved out and we stayed in a "dating" mode. Then I lost my house of 15 years. After that I severed the tendons in my finger causing me to miss a lot of work. I cant pay my bills now. Now she has decided to leave me all together. I just can't take any more. I really want to just give up! I am so alone. After coming out, most of my friends have distanced themselves from me. I feel like a total looser!

[Megan72]

You are not a looser! Bad things happen to good people all the time. Dont shut your freinds out hun. Kelli

[Suzette Muguet de Mai]

Oh well, thats life. Get over it, find another one, be honest upfront and tell them you are a cder. Then live life again. You can't stop cding, its a curse so accept it.

[bellavaldez]

You cannot blame yourself for being who you are, we are not diseased nor do we chose to have this feelings and needs inside of us, we simply ARE, I am very sorry to hear about your loss but this is not the end it is a new begining and you need to accept it and begin to be true to yourself. Imagine those of us who take our relationships to the next level and then resent our significant others for not understanding or for trying to change us to the point that we make our lives a nightmare. Be strong NOW is the time to grow and become your true self. I wish you the best! Be strong, Hugs and best wishes, Bella

So, the love of my life is leaving me. She is EVERYTHING to me. My best friend! I am devistated!!! I don't know what I'll do without her! She is my rock! I feel so empty and depressed. She said that my crossdressing was never an issue but it really was. If She had told me the truth in the beginning I would have stopped! GOD! I don't want to go on anymore!!!

[Maria 60]

I know it looks a little down right now, but i believe it is very important to remain calm and stay focused. A few years back i made a few bad calls and things didn't go right. My late dad even though he knew i made some mistakes he turned to me a said, your still young you have lots of time to fix things, and i know it looks like you hit rock bottom but the good news is you can't go any lower, it's all up from here. I used those words to help me and i hope they can come to some use to you. Be strong.

[kimdl93]

If indeed this relationship is over, you need to give yourself some time to grieve. Allow yourself to go through all the phases of grief - anger, denial, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Its awful, painful and necessary. And in the end, you'll understand that the sun will rise tomorrow (someone told me that when I didn't want to believe it) and your life will go on. I know you don't believe that now, but life will go on and you will be happy again.

[shawnsheila]

Hang in there pinky. It seems like al hell has broken loose in your life right now but if just hang in there and persevere. You will come out stronger and things will change for the better. Keep you chin up and your heels on!

[~Joanne~]

If indeed this relationship is over, you need to give yourself some time to grieve. Allow yourself to go through all the phases of grief - anger, denial, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Its awful, painful and necessary. And in the end, you'll understand that the sun will rise tomorrow (someone told me that when I didn't want to believe it) and your life will go on. I know you don't believe that now, but life will go on and you will be happy again.

Excellent response as always :) Like Kim stated, Life does not end. This experience will make you stronger in time. You will find someone that will truly make you happy. Find someone who will love you for who you are NOT what they want you to be or just a meal ticket.

While a few were a bit harsh in their responses, I do agree with them. Your life didn't start with her and won't end with her.

[docrobbysherry]

Pinky, I felt just as u do when my ex left. I still loved her and it took time for that to die. But, it DID! I lost interest in women and sex for about 2 years. However, I kept on with the rest of my life, plodding on thru the gloom!

And, after a while, my attitude improved. My smile returned! Sex and women came back into my life! And, a notable one was Sherry!

Just keep on keepin' on, hun! This too WILL PASS! Eventually, u will enjoy all the things u used to again. Only with someone who appreciates U for who U R! She didn't! U really R better off without her!

[JamieG]

Pinky, my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how you must feel now. Please know that no matter what else happens, you will always have friends here on crossdressers.com.

[KarenCDFL]

I know it hurts now but is sounds like you got the better end of the situation.

Imagine never being able to be yourself for the life of the relationship.

You are much better off.

[KaTanya]

Pinky, head up, chest out, shoulders back. Bad. Things. Happen. If she chose to leave a caring person such as yourself, that's her loss.

As for you, get back to all the rest of your life that was working for you. If work was going well, focus on doing the best you can. Any hobbies you may not have had time to indulge in? You now have oppurtunity to do so.

It's not how many times you get knocked down, it's how many times you get back up. [/ring cliche bell]

[Cheryl T]

If She had told me the truth in the beginning I would have stopped! GOD! I don't want to go on anymore!!!

Yet here you are....

That in itself says volumes about your ability to STOP!

We've all said the we could stop anytime and we do not. This is not an acquired taste, not an addiction, not a body in motion. This is part of us...

[Lux]

Pinky,

I can personally tell you what happened to me. My ex wife's initial acceptance (don't see, don't ask) turned slowly into complete disapproval. This disapproval started an huge resentment on my part. That resentment was toxic to the marriage and I wanted out. Once I was out, I felt that there was no one that would understand or accept me but that was still better than non-acceptance. Fast forward a couple of years later I am engaged to the most beautiful, intelligent accepting woman. My cross dressing is under control because of the simple acceptance on her part that I was yearning for. I have never been happier!

As they say "time heals all wounds"... Hang in there!

[Erica Marie]

Hi Hon,
I am so sorry to hear about your break-up. I do honestly feel your pain. All women handle it differently. I am dealing with the same issues with my gf. We are taking things slowly and seeing to what point she can accept my dressing. The bad news I have for you, is unless you are so new to dressing, it probably wont stop. I can tell you this, I cannot count how many times I told myself I would stop. I threw away countless wardrobes of cloths over the last 26 years. Ive been married and divorced, partly because of my dressing. Now my current gf knows. She is very understanding but it is hard for her. Take some time and if you can remain friends with her, maybe things will turn around. But take time and find out exactly who you are. Maybe in time you will find you can honestly stop, but you must do it for you not for someone else. If they love you they will love you for who you are, not for what they want you to be.
Be strong and you will have a happier life.

[Pinky188]

Thanks everyone for the kind, and enlightening words. I am gonna move on and live my life for me! I hope to remain friends with her,but have no expectaions of getting back together. If it happens naturaly then its ment to be. If not, oh well. Im struggling with a lot of other hardships, but Im trying to be positive and get through them. Thanks again. It really means a lot!!!

[prettytoes]

Pinky, things will turn around for you. Keep your chin up! I have often found that when things seemed at their worst, life throws you a 180 and all the pieces suddenly fall into place. Be strong!

[karenlong]

its painful, i was told after 27 years and 2 kids, it was all my fault, even tho she was told 2 years before we married and said it was ok, most of the time dressing is the problem with women, no matter what they say it is

[taís]

there's a lot of good words and advice here, Pinky, and you should listen to the girls.
I'm very sorry about everything you're going though. but don't let the sadness overcomes you. rough times are great times to push our limits and keep thriving.
and if you're feeling lonely now, remember to love yourself. that is, don't be too hard on yourself; put any blame away and let it turn into experience; and respect your feelings, but don't let them stop your life. you'll work all the things you gotta work and in the end, your chin will be glamorously high. (you can start practicing anytime, btw... now? ^ ^)
and remember we're here. I'll be sending good vibes. ;x

[WsprsOnTheWind]

Pinky, would you really have stopped and if you had could you have been happy? Can we stop being who we are and is it fair of someone to ask that of us? Maybe the insecurity is within her and not b/c you are a CD. It's a hard thing for a woman to wrap her brain around. I can accept it but I can't understand it. Some women are insecure in who they are and can't be secure with anyone until they are okay with themselves. Maybe if you give her space and time things will work out for you two.

[knitknerd]

This is difficult and there is no way around that. It is difficult for the spouse too. Did she feel supported or did she feel like she was doing the supporting? My biggest frustration has been that there is so much support and information out there for the cross dresser and so little for those of us still trying to be a wife. I have felt lost, alone, and like my husband died and in his place was a stranger. Do you know if that is how your wife felt? Has she ever been that honest with you? If not, it is time for some very open conversations. Now is a good time when there is nothing left to lose. It could be that her leaving is a way of hiding instead of facing the truth. If so, she will need her space and she will need to see that she is not forgotten. I don’t want to give you false hope, but if she is shown that her needs are as important as yours, there might be a chance that the history, friendship, and investment of time could trump her tipping point. If she is unmovable, it is not the end of your world as much as it might feel that way. Tragedy is a terrible hell when we are in the midst of it. But it can lead us down a path of positive transformation that we might not have even dreamed of. Sometimes we just have to take those first blind, timid, and bloody steps into the unknown and risk more falls before we find a prize.

[MichelleP]

Pinky, I am sooo sorry to hear what you are going through. Please don't let this bit of misfortune overwhem you. Take on your troubles individually and take small actions toward resolving each one. Keep your chin up. It may take a while but, the days will get better, really. You'll always have friends here.

Michelle

[Pinky188]

Thank you all so very much!!!

[WsprsOnTheWind]

Did she feel supported or did she feel like she was doing the supporting? My biggest frustration has been that there is so much support and information out there for the cross dresser and so little for those of us still trying to be a wife. I have felt lost, alone, .


Knit, you echoed my sentiments exactly. I've often wished I had other wives to talk to and ask questions.

[Phylis Nicole Schuyler]

Pinky;
First off, we all are here to support you in written word and I wish there were some of us close by to support you with a hug and a shoulder to cry on. You will pull through with the help of your friends. We can say all we want because of us having gone through basically the same thing but your perception is different than ours so what we say may not fit what you feel you need. Seek a counselor before the depression gets too deep. As I used to tell my students and now you, " I have an ear you can bend and wear wash & wear shirts so you can cry on my shoulder." What you are going through is like bad gas; its a little stinky and painful, but it will go away.

Always remember; we all are here for you.

My philosophy on life is this (after fighting Large B-cell Lymphoma for 13 years and now this unknown disease that the V.A. is treating me for): You wake up in the morning; you see a sunrise; your name is not in the obituaries (long story re: my first ex-wife);you see a sunset; its a good day. All the rest in between is superfluous B.S.

PM me or any of us (that you feel you can talk to) if you fell the need.

As always;
Hugs;
Phylis

[Janelle_C]

Pinky I'm so sorry to her this its alot of our fears. I hope with time you can heal. Just remember you did nothing wrong its part of who we are I lived with guilt over just being me but no more. Just don't forget to love yourself. Shy

[ReineD]

Tragedy is a terrible hell when we are in the midst of it. But it can lead us down a path of positive transformation that we might not have even dreamed of. Sometimes we just have to take those first blind, timid, and bloody steps into the unknown and risk more falls before we find a prize.

Wow, knitnerd ... thank you for posting this! :hugs:

[Misskelly]

I'm sorry to here this but as many have said it not your fault just got to be strong sometimes thing don't work out but we got to keep trucking . But it good there so many people here you can talk to friend can help you through anything

[pantypixguy]

Hey Pinky, I went through the exact same thing a couple of years ago, so I know how you feel. As you already know, relationships end for many reasons. But the offending party (the leaver) will use anything and everything to make what they are doing feel right and to rally support for themselves. My ex told anyone and everyone about my CDing but she didn't just say that she added so much more that no one believed her about any of it. About a year ago I ask her why she did that (we have a child together so we still have to talk) and she said that when she first told people that I crossdressed nobody really cared, and she added the other because she believed it was gonna happen and people were more shocked and told her she was right to leave.

The bottom line is we are who and what we are, all of us have fears that we can and can't handle, and anyone has been taught what is normal and whether right or wrong they are going to leave by those standards.

I promise time will heal you and you'll be happier than ever. I love being on my own now!!

Hugs,
Kayla

[MsJanessa]

Darling, your fingers will heal, you will find a new job, another place to live, and a new SO and you life will go on--as far as stopping goes, that is extremely unlikely---if you had tried and she had stayed with you, you probably would have ended up dressing behind her back---better to start afresh and find someone more accepting--they are out there.

[Presh GG]

Pinky,
I just wish you happiness.

Presh

[Pinky188]

So I need to update you girls on my life. We are back together! But taking it slow. Crossdressing wasnt really an issue for her. It was other things that we both are working on to fix. I need to fix me, for her.And she needs to fix her, for me! We are best friends, and best lovers! We have a very strong love between us, so its worth fighting for! Thank you all so much for your support! It means very much to me! Thank you!!!!

[Alice Torn]

Pinky, Is it not something, how bad stuff tend s to hit in bunches!? My heart has been broken by so many ladies, that I can't recall all the ones, now. Being broke is really a bear, too, and all i can say, is be humble enough to ask for mercy from creditors. I have had to move 47 times in my life, never had a lover, no wife, no kids, no dating for years, now, forced to care for my harsh, angry father. I am 57. Nothing hurts as bad as a broken romance, but time will heal it.

[knitknerd]

This is good news! I hope you can both find some peace together. As hard as it is trying to muddle through differences, it is even harder trying to muddle through life alone.

[Jenny Doolittle]

Hang in there Pinky, things have a way of working out and there are always options, sometimes it is just difficult to see.