Stephanie Kay
10-28-2005, 02:19 PM
I was just thinking the other night about my life. Does this sound familiar to any of you?
I don't think I ever had any real male friends until I met some crossdressers like myself. My coming out fully and joyfully as Stephanie 10 years ago changed all that. Maybe you've experienced the same thing!?! As far back as I can remember the BIG SECRET existed, the big secret that I, a male, loved to wear dresses and panties and other things feminine. Now, THAT is a secret that I really never thought I could share with anyone at ANY TIME!!
I could never share this with the guys (or girls) at the schoolyard! I could never picture myself in the dugout at the ball field with the guys on my team, saying, "Hey, Vyto, did you see that great dress that Irene was wearing yesterday? Boy, I sure wish I could strut around in that. I bet it would feel so great with a sexy pair of pink nylon panties underneath. Yessireee!!" NOT an effective way to make friends in an ethnic neighborhood on the south side of Chicago in the 50's!!
I could never share this with the guys in my high school biology class or in the newspaper office(De La Salle "Meteor"--Chicago, Illinois)--I was Features Editor. Like, sure, I could see myself discussing the latest fashions that the girls were wearing in Chicago that fall by running a few pictures of me modeling the frilly blouses and tight skirts!! A few chuckles maybe, but then a one-way ticket out on the lonesome express!
College?? No way! I was finally just letting myself date girls without wishing that I could try on what they were wearing. Small Catholic colleges in the upper midwest didn't have any support groups for CDs (other than the confessional!).
And it only got worse. I met a wonderful, fun-loving woman and married right out of college. But the BIG SECRET was SOOO BIG that I couldn't even tell my wife, who so loved seeing me naked, but I could never get naked for her in my mind. And, for damn sure, I could never tell any other men especially after I married! So, all of my friendships (and even my marriage) were pretty shallow and superficial. No wonder I was so emotionally constipated!!??!! Scared. Ashamed. Really in need of a good friend!
Well, this began to change about 10 years ago when I finally told my wife that I had this very unusual interest. She cried long and hard, not so much because of the content of the BIG SECRET, but because of the SECRET KEEPING itself. It's impossible to keep the BIG SECRET and be honest, too, RIGHT? Raise your hands if you agree!! This was the start of my first real friendship. I felt different. I felt good. I finally started to feel what I had been missing for 46 years.
Then, the next big breakthrough came when I exited the closet into the light of day and met a fully dressed and made-up Stephanie. I met Stephanie and loved her immediately. I went to my first Tri-Ess meeting and met other CDs! The BIG SECRET wasn't big anymore. In fact, it wasn't a secret at all anymore! I could tell other men all about me, all of my thoughts, feelings, wishes, and desires and have fun doing it. I could finally be "one of the guys." FINALLY, something that I wanted all my life but could never let myself have. It's fun to finally have some men friends who like to do the same things I do! I can just go out with the "guys" and do "guy" things (like lingerie parties, and shopping for new spring dresses:) . And the burping, farting and scratching will be kept to a bare minimum, right, girls?:o ). Do you know what I mean??!! I've never, ever been in that situation before in my life and I am savoring it!! And I don't want it to go away either, EVER!!
I don't think I ever had any real male friends until I met some crossdressers like myself. My coming out fully and joyfully as Stephanie 10 years ago changed all that. Maybe you've experienced the same thing!?! As far back as I can remember the BIG SECRET existed, the big secret that I, a male, loved to wear dresses and panties and other things feminine. Now, THAT is a secret that I really never thought I could share with anyone at ANY TIME!!
I could never share this with the guys (or girls) at the schoolyard! I could never picture myself in the dugout at the ball field with the guys on my team, saying, "Hey, Vyto, did you see that great dress that Irene was wearing yesterday? Boy, I sure wish I could strut around in that. I bet it would feel so great with a sexy pair of pink nylon panties underneath. Yessireee!!" NOT an effective way to make friends in an ethnic neighborhood on the south side of Chicago in the 50's!!
I could never share this with the guys in my high school biology class or in the newspaper office(De La Salle "Meteor"--Chicago, Illinois)--I was Features Editor. Like, sure, I could see myself discussing the latest fashions that the girls were wearing in Chicago that fall by running a few pictures of me modeling the frilly blouses and tight skirts!! A few chuckles maybe, but then a one-way ticket out on the lonesome express!
College?? No way! I was finally just letting myself date girls without wishing that I could try on what they were wearing. Small Catholic colleges in the upper midwest didn't have any support groups for CDs (other than the confessional!).
And it only got worse. I met a wonderful, fun-loving woman and married right out of college. But the BIG SECRET was SOOO BIG that I couldn't even tell my wife, who so loved seeing me naked, but I could never get naked for her in my mind. And, for damn sure, I could never tell any other men especially after I married! So, all of my friendships (and even my marriage) were pretty shallow and superficial. No wonder I was so emotionally constipated!!??!! Scared. Ashamed. Really in need of a good friend!
Well, this began to change about 10 years ago when I finally told my wife that I had this very unusual interest. She cried long and hard, not so much because of the content of the BIG SECRET, but because of the SECRET KEEPING itself. It's impossible to keep the BIG SECRET and be honest, too, RIGHT? Raise your hands if you agree!! This was the start of my first real friendship. I felt different. I felt good. I finally started to feel what I had been missing for 46 years.
Then, the next big breakthrough came when I exited the closet into the light of day and met a fully dressed and made-up Stephanie. I met Stephanie and loved her immediately. I went to my first Tri-Ess meeting and met other CDs! The BIG SECRET wasn't big anymore. In fact, it wasn't a secret at all anymore! I could tell other men all about me, all of my thoughts, feelings, wishes, and desires and have fun doing it. I could finally be "one of the guys." FINALLY, something that I wanted all my life but could never let myself have. It's fun to finally have some men friends who like to do the same things I do! I can just go out with the "guys" and do "guy" things (like lingerie parties, and shopping for new spring dresses:) . And the burping, farting and scratching will be kept to a bare minimum, right, girls?:o ). Do you know what I mean??!! I've never, ever been in that situation before in my life and I am savoring it!! And I don't want it to go away either, EVER!!