Katelyn B
01-24-2012, 01:06 PM
Well, last night I reached the end of what seems like a very long 6 months, the last person I care about met Katie. This now means I never (excluding work for the moment) have to be him again, I never have to hide things in the house when certain people come over, I never have to hide who I am, never have to feel like I'm lying to someone.
It's a huge relief and an enormous weight off my mind. I made the decision to come out to each of my friends individually and planned it quite carefully. I'd arrange to see them for an evening, either at their or my house, then in the few days leading up to it I'd call them and explain the situation.
Each phone call was very stressful, and I never got better at it, but to my endless surprise nearly every single person was fine with it. When they met Katie in person I gave them that evening to ask any question they wanted, promising not to be offended, and it worked really well, though answering the same question did get tiring.
The funniest response I got was one of my male friends whose brain wasn't working as fast as his mouth promised on the phone to not try and seduce me. When we got together he was mortified he'd said it, but I just laughed.
I think the worst moments of self doubt always occurred just before answering the door or ringing there doorbell, that fear of rejection, or laughter, or hostility, of judgement, or just being hurt through ignorance. The number of times a throwaway comment (such as you don't have a very girly DVD collection) would cut to something I've struggled with, trying to reconcile who and what I am, were numerous and knocked my confidence, but explaining that to people seemed to help and mostly they didn't mean it in a bad way.
If I had any regrets it would be the one friend who, whilst not lost, I feel will be lost in time. He didn't know how to process it (quite a sheltered upbringing in rural England), and has since said you'll always be <insert male name here> to me, no matter how far you take it". It makes me sad he can't see beyond the physical and can't understand why I'd do this. I told him I had no choice, that it was this or shut myself away from the world as I couldn't face it the way I was, but aside from that I've had nothing but love back.
The problem is I have no idea what to do now, I didn't really plan beyond this point, to be honest I never thought I'd get to this point, but I've started building a life as a woman, and I'm not going back.
I think I need to take some time to enjoy what I have before considering what the next step will be, at some point my family is going to have to be told, and that is going to be hard, I need to think about taking the next step with my body, and work will need to be sorted. But, that can all wait, It's time to have some fun and get on with life without worrying about the next "coming out", I feel like I've been in stasis since this started, not really able to move forward, and that's all over now.
I guess the reason I wanted to post this was to let people know that it isn't terrible telling people (of course YMMV) that they can surprise you, and you can be accepted.
/Katie
It's a huge relief and an enormous weight off my mind. I made the decision to come out to each of my friends individually and planned it quite carefully. I'd arrange to see them for an evening, either at their or my house, then in the few days leading up to it I'd call them and explain the situation.
Each phone call was very stressful, and I never got better at it, but to my endless surprise nearly every single person was fine with it. When they met Katie in person I gave them that evening to ask any question they wanted, promising not to be offended, and it worked really well, though answering the same question did get tiring.
The funniest response I got was one of my male friends whose brain wasn't working as fast as his mouth promised on the phone to not try and seduce me. When we got together he was mortified he'd said it, but I just laughed.
I think the worst moments of self doubt always occurred just before answering the door or ringing there doorbell, that fear of rejection, or laughter, or hostility, of judgement, or just being hurt through ignorance. The number of times a throwaway comment (such as you don't have a very girly DVD collection) would cut to something I've struggled with, trying to reconcile who and what I am, were numerous and knocked my confidence, but explaining that to people seemed to help and mostly they didn't mean it in a bad way.
If I had any regrets it would be the one friend who, whilst not lost, I feel will be lost in time. He didn't know how to process it (quite a sheltered upbringing in rural England), and has since said you'll always be <insert male name here> to me, no matter how far you take it". It makes me sad he can't see beyond the physical and can't understand why I'd do this. I told him I had no choice, that it was this or shut myself away from the world as I couldn't face it the way I was, but aside from that I've had nothing but love back.
The problem is I have no idea what to do now, I didn't really plan beyond this point, to be honest I never thought I'd get to this point, but I've started building a life as a woman, and I'm not going back.
I think I need to take some time to enjoy what I have before considering what the next step will be, at some point my family is going to have to be told, and that is going to be hard, I need to think about taking the next step with my body, and work will need to be sorted. But, that can all wait, It's time to have some fun and get on with life without worrying about the next "coming out", I feel like I've been in stasis since this started, not really able to move forward, and that's all over now.
I guess the reason I wanted to post this was to let people know that it isn't terrible telling people (of course YMMV) that they can surprise you, and you can be accepted.
/Katie