How many of you are members of TG groups, and how has it helped you? [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

Cheryl T

01-25-2012, 11:32 AM

My wife and I have been members of Tri-Ess for the last 7 years or so and it has helped us in many ways.
She has learned that we CD's are not "perverts"...we are not "weird". She has learned that we are just average people with an extraordinary aspect to our beings.

She has learned that this is not a choice we make, that it is not an addiction. It is who we are.

I have learned that I can relax and be myself without fear of ridicule. I have grown as a woman and have been able to develop my style, my personality and myself as a whole person.

I have learned that I have the confidence to be myself, to venture into the public eye and not fear reprisal and ridicule and that I can handle much more than I thought possible.

I have learned I can be me.

docrobbysherry

01-25-2012, 11:47 AM

My wife and I have been members of Tri-Ess for the last 7 years or so and it has helped us in many ways.
She has learned that we CD's are not "perverts"...we are not "weird". --------
She has learned that this is not a choice we make, that it is not an "addiction".---------------
Thank you, Cheryl, for pointing out all the reasons why I am NOT welcome and have NOT tried to join our local Tri-Ess.

Laura912

01-25-2012, 12:59 PM

None. None. None.
Laura

whowhatwhen

01-25-2012, 02:23 PM

Nope, but let us know.
I've read a few posts about drama bombs though, but maybe that's only .01% of things.

RachelOKC

01-25-2012, 02:25 PM

I'm joining a TG support group soon. I have had email contact with them and I like what I'm hearing so far.

Have you outgrown them, or continue as a member?

Have you had a bad experience and left them?

Thanks, Marleena

I visit a number of Bay Area TG groups; some social and some support. I've definitely outgrown some groups and I've had bad experiences with others. Most have been adequate. Nothing is perfect but you make the best of it until it just doesn't meet your needs anymore.

One support group I stopped visiting was dysfunctional because it wasn't well moderated and was always the same people kvetching about the same things. Another was a social group that met at a coffee shop and only sucked because of a crappy physical layout. You couldn't stand and mingle, you couldn't easily change seats, and you couldn't talk to anyone that wasn't right next to you. One group I went to back in the 90's prohibited everyone who wasn't a hetero CD so we went off and started our own damn open group.

I don't like it when groups (especially social) are exclusionary on the basis of sexual orientation, gender identify, and manner of dress or expression. I'm not always going to understand someone else, but meeting and getting to know people who are different is probably the best way to change that. Of course, it's a double-edged sword since some groups *are* tightly focused, like my transgender parents support group. Visitors, including non-parents, are welcome but if people aren't there for the discussion about families and relationships then they're not going to be welcome for long. People need to use their own judgement about whether a group is right for them or not.

Anyhoo, give it a shot and see how you like it!

ArleneRaquel

01-25-2012, 02:31 PM

I've never been a member of a support group and don't plan to join when. Just me being me.

joank

01-25-2012, 02:37 PM

Just this one. Used to belong to another one as well but I never went to a meeting.

Phoebe

01-25-2012, 02:41 PM

Have attended Tri-Ess chapter meetings in the past. I felt that being a single male I was out of place and haven't attended for a while. I have attended CLCC http://clccmn.org on and off over the years. Have recently reconnected with CLCC and met some nice people. :)

JessHaust

01-25-2012, 06:47 PM

I belong to a social group, with a mix of married CD's, Single CD's, Transitioning TG's , generally confused individuals and a few stragglers.
We pretty much take anyone that does not cause trouble.
We always have fun, and there is almost always 'talk' between ourselves.
It's not strictly 'Support' but it sure has made a big difference to me.

Debglam

01-25-2012, 08:43 PM

I am a proud member of the River City Gems (http://www.rivercitygems.org/)! I can't praise the group or its members highly enough for getting me out of the closet and comfortable in my own skin! I've made lots of friends and got to meet lots of wonderful girls on this forum through my connection with the Gems. Face-to-face interpersonal contact with other girls is an absolutely wonderful experience! As others have said, TG groups, like any groups are going to have people that you are really drawn to and others maybe not so much! That's life. I'll say in my experience, I haven't met anyone I didn't like.

Debby

Anna Lorree

01-25-2012, 08:46 PM

Debglam

01-25-2012, 08:51 PM

I keep an eye on the River City Gems in Sacramento, but there are no local groups that I have been able to find. I don't attend River City Gems meetings because they are about 5 hours drive away from me. I sincerely wish I did have a local group, I would certainly want to attend.

Anna

Hi Anna,

There are girls that travel into Sacramento for our events and stay in a hotel where we also occasionally have events. (Very friendly - I was locked out of my room while dressed once and it was no big deal.) If you are ever interested in the details, feel free to PM me or the group. We would love to have you attend!

Hugs,
Debby

Karren H

01-25-2012, 09:07 PM

Really never even considered joining the local TG group. Just don't think I need any support or help...

kristinacd55

01-25-2012, 09:11 PM

The meetup group I joined last year morphed into the one I'm a part of now and it's the main reason I've come somewhat out of the closet. It's been a really fabulous experience for me :)
Oh, and most of are all of the get together's are in New Hope PA.

JessHaust

01-26-2012, 12:15 AM

Really never even considered joining the local TG group. Just don't think I need any support or help...

Karren,
I don't know you but from your posts, you seem to be one of the most happy, well adjusted girls I have seen (ok read). You don't need to get support, you should give support. Shame you are not down in my nneck of the woods, you would be fun at our events.

Marleena

01-26-2012, 12:18 AM

Karren,
I don't know you but from your posts, you seem to be one of the most happy, well adjusted girls I have seen (ok read). You don't need to get support, you should give support. Shame you are not down in my nneck of the woods, you would be fun at our events.

I wish I was more like Karren! I'm going to need support moving on though..

Thanks for all the replies so far.:)

NathalieX66

01-26-2012, 12:44 AM

TG support groups made me earn my wings by getting me out my front door. I've met lots of friends through them. It was the alternative to gender counselors. If you need a counselor, get one.
Now I go everywhere. I'm just a girl in the world nowadays, what more do I need?

sandra-leigh

01-26-2012, 12:46 AM

I'm a member of a social group called Masquerade (http://www.masquerade.ca) and attended a few meetings of a tg support group. The support group wasn't quite for me.

The Princess is too modest: for years, 3/4 of Masquerade's social events were due to Chantal's initiative and planning!

The specific TG group that Chantal refers to wasn't for me either, at least as it was the last time I went to a meeting. It is now run by someone else and now has different members, so it might be a very different experience now. Back then, it was too much a gripe fest for me, closer to a group therapy session. (And, to be honest, it was obvious to me that my presence was disturbing some people whom I already knew did not like or trust me. They clearly needed to be at those meetings, and I didn't feel that same need, so I stayed away to give them their space.)

About the only inferences that should be drawn from this, are that (A) TG groups differ; and (B) sometimes "needy" or dysfunctional people are members of the group, if only because there isn't anything else for them.

Leslie Langford

01-26-2012, 01:41 AM

I tend to lean more towards noted comedian Groucho Marx's point of view on this subject, who was once quoted as saying "I don’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member." :eek: :heehee: :doh: ;)

DanaR

01-26-2012, 01:41 AM

Marleena,

I've heard, and do not know for sure, that some TG support groups have an agenda. So it might be worthwhile checking them out good before joining, just to make sure you are on the same page as they are. My only experience with groups, is with a crossdressing social group in Seattle; which isn't really a support group.

rachaelsloane

01-26-2012, 03:50 AM

Like Debby, I also belong to the River City Gems in Sacramento and attend all of the events I am able to as I live in the Bay Area, but the drive up and interaction with all the members has been wonderful.

Karen Francis

01-26-2012, 12:46 PM

Support groups sure do come in all shapes and sizes. The group I have the most experience with is the Lehigh Valley Renaisance, which meets in Allentown PA. Very helpful in taking the first steps when going public. I have attended other similar groups, usually learning something everytime. Very personal decision, but outside of the TG world, I attend "group" events associated with other hobbies, i.e. car shows etc. Seems to be the logical thing to do, share a portion of your life with others with similar interests...

AllieSF

01-26-2012, 03:15 PM

I am a member of a few local San Francisco Bay Area meet up type groups, and also a member of the River City Gems Yahoo group. I attend some of their functions when I can. My primary purpose for joining any group has been to network and meet new friends who may live reasonably close to me, have a complimentary, as well as, similar personality, presentation, maturity and character. My results have been good and as RachelOKC says not all groups offer what one may be looking for. I do not go to the groups for support. My favorite local group after the Gems is the TG/GG Mutual Admiration Society. The organizer does a fantastic job of finding funky and eclectic bars and restaurants to meet up at. I always enjoy those outings.

StaceyJane

01-26-2012, 03:24 PM

I went to two meetings of the Austin Tri-Ess group but decided I could do better on my own without paying dues.

VickysBFF

01-26-2012, 04:08 PM

I am not a member of any group but for anyone interested or curious about groups and such I would recommend going out to any events as a sort of first step. I attended an evening specifically for the Transgender community at our local LGBT center a year ago and really enjoyed the event and the chance to meet and talk to other transgendered people.
I don't really have the interest in going to regular meetings but this type of one-time event was worth it.
Also, whenever your local Pride occurs (generally during the summer months) I highly recommend going as usually there are a couple of events/attractions for the CD/TG community and it provides a chance to meet and speak to others without going to a meeting or joining a group.

Sometimes Steffi

01-26-2012, 10:27 PM

I am a member of several DC groups, but one of them is far superior to the others.

We go out a lot, in a large group, so I feel much more comfortable and safe while O&A in a group setting.

Plus, I got to meet a great group of girls in all different situations.

I've also met up with a Denver group while traveling there, and I met some members of a Houston group.

Unfortunately, my Houston trips ended just around the time I discovered the Houston group.

It's always more fun to be O&A in a group, IMHO.

eluuzion

01-27-2012, 12:45 AM

Internet "forums", "groups" and "clubs":

"A place where a bunch of people get together and create their own personal "Disneyland", that they gradually begin to refer to as "reality". :heehee:

I have not found anyone yet (on this planet) that "thinks like I do". :daydreaming:
I feel groups create a valuable resource for many people that need or desire such things in their lives.

People typically join "groups" with an expectation of bonding with others who "think like I do". From my observations, the reality of being accepted within most groups requires a commitment to "think like they do". For me, those are two different objectives that by default, do not represent a creative or constructive opportunity when combined.

I get all of the support I need right now from my pantyhose...:D
I feel that "joining" any group is in some degree, taking a step away from curiosity and creativity.However I do participate in some (like this forum) to indulge my irresistible fascination with trying to understand the complexities of how people "think"

but that is just me...:hugs:

:love:

Sally24

01-27-2012, 08:31 AM

I've helped start several "social" groups in New England. Our main objective is to offer TG people a safe, public venue to het out of the closet. Our members are as varied as their names and ages. Most are TG but more and more we are having girls go full time. We seem to average 2a year actually getting surgury and transitioning. That was rare even just 5 years ago.

I think the theraputic effect of talking to others with "similar" issues can't be overstated.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/sisters_of_boston/

Debb

01-27-2012, 09:33 AM

Really never even considered joining the local TG group. Just don't think I need any support or help...

Karren -- you don't need help or support. That said, and I am not saying this to appeal to your vanity ... you have something to offer. If there's a social group you feel any slight interest in, honestly there are girls in that group who could use a positive role model such as yourself.

I speak as one of those girls -- I am in Minneapolis, so not specifically targeting you here. The group I participate in (mentioned earlier, CLCC) has offered me the benefit of seeing others, of getting to know others, of learning to accept .. myself. My eyes have truly been opened by attending meetings (when I can). It is a HUGE deal to be around others "like me", so to speak.

Marleena

01-27-2012, 10:09 AM

Thanks for the replies so far, the group I'm in contact with as TG support/social group. The replies here make me think it is a good idea.

Barbra P

01-27-2012, 11:11 AM

I belong to a local group made up of primarily crossdressers and a few transsexuals. In the spring of last year I was emerging from a purge that had lasted years when I found this site and I thought it was great that I could finally converse with other crossdressers. But I also had a desire to meet face-to-face with other crossdressers. I started looking on the Internet and immediately found TRI-ESS, but there wasn’t a local chapter but I did find a link to Neutral Corner (NC) through the local LGBT center.

I sent an Email requesting some information and it was answered with an invitation to attend the next monthly meeting. I sent another Email explaining that I had never been out in public dressed en femme and was extremely nervous about walking into a local restaurant so dressed. I was informed that it was customary for new members like myself to come in drab – not a rule carved in stone, just a recommendation.

My 28 year old daughter accompanied me to my first meeting. We ended up sitting next to the organization’s president, a transsexual (MTF) and she made both of us feel welcome and at ease. I was sufficiently impressed enough that I decided to join. It is customary at the start of the meetings to go around the tables and everyone introduces themselves and at my third meeting, the first meeting en femme for me, I heard a name that sounded vaguely familiar. At the time I couldn’t figure out why but later after leaving the meeting it dawned on me that I had seen the name here on the forum and we had even traded a few PM’s. Then I discovered another member of NC that was also a forum member, then another, and yet another. It has sort of become a custom that we arrive early and spend the better part of an hour in our own informal meeting; I find the impromptu meeting is usually the highlight of the evening.

Is the group meeting perfect, no, some months the main topic holds little interest for me, but I enjoy being with the other members. I also wish that there was some time set aside to socialize, but the pre-meeting sort of makes up for the lack of social time. All in all I enjoy the group.

PretzelGirl

01-27-2012, 03:20 PM

The value of a group can vary among different people. For some, support is greatly needed. For others, it may be purely social and the ability to get out to meet and spend time with others is rewarding. But groups do need to be focused or anyone looking to join has no idea what they are about. So it may be true to an extent that groups have a distinct thought pattern, but it isn't a "we are better than you and you should think this way" type of thing. It is just so they have an identity. If a group is a free for all, it probably isn't going to last long.

I am a regular at my Tri-Ess and I also show up at two other groups in my area. Why three? Well, because they are there! :heehee: But each gives me some different insight. Even more than that, I make friends at each and every group and enjoy myself at them.

Princess Chantal

01-29-2012, 08:57 PM

The Princess is too modest: for years, 3/4 of Masquerade's social events were due to Chantal's initiative and planning!

Such dependency most often become a weakness to social groups

NathalieX66

01-29-2012, 10:51 PM

I'm a member of New Jersey Support Group, which is all-inclusive, and also a sister orgnanization of Tri-Ess.

I've been out in public for two years, and I made the choice to decide between counselors and support groups. I wanted to hear about other peoples' experiences so I went the route of support groups.
The only problem with my experience with support groups, is I saw a couple of of "boo-hoo, my life sucks because I was born in the wrong body" from some attendees, and all I wanted to do was get out and be me. I don't feel like being depressed. I hope I don't sound too unkind here, but I feel like I graduated from that point.

I'm a full and loving supporter of those that suffer from GID, but hey, I want to go out and have fun!

t-girlxsophie

01-29-2012, 11:22 PM

My local group,Crosslynx TG group was the first place I ever went out to,and where I was seen by anyone else,I was made welcome and quickly made friends,I have no doubt without it,I wouldn't be where I am today.It has always been a well respected group.It was out of action for last 18 months but It is back again,now a registered charity and we are hoping It will help all those ppl out there needing help or advice.Now I go mostly as a social event I know I missed it

Sophie

joan47

01-30-2012, 07:33 AM

I belong to a group of ladies in the Tidewater area of Virginia, Rau Tau, formerly with Tri Ess but broke off many years ago, there are about 30 members currently, we meet once a week at hotel, nice room, very understanding hotel staff, and changing room. We have cd's and wifes from Richmond, Norfolk, Wiliamsburg area. Good group of ladies...

divamissz

01-30-2012, 09:05 AM

A support group helped me get out of the house, learn about the community, and meet people who became friends. I also learned that for some people, a support group is a nice, safe bubble that is as much of a closet as staying home can be. When I started, it was a godsend, but eventually I did outgrow it. I remained a member more to support their work than because I needed it.

When I moved to Dallas, I joined a local support group so I could meet people and learn about the city. But it was not that long before I felt like I'd outgrown its usefulness, too. What I needed was a more social group-and found that through a local Meetup.

Both groups folded, eventually. The New Orleans one had been losing members for some time; post-Katrina, it collapsed. The Dallas group suffered from a lack of interest and embezzlement and died on its own.

I think support groups are good things if you need peers to guide you, and give you the confidence you need to progress. And it's a place to help others who were in your position not that long ago...