What thr beep?

[Pinky188]

So, a crazy thing happen to me today at work. I am standing in at a shop that is one of 8 in my state, whome I work for. Im doing this because I severed the tendons in my finger so I cant turn wrenches. The company put me here to help get it running corrctly. (Its a new shop with new employees). I get along with everyone there except this one guy. So I was looking over a car with that one tech. An Audi. (Which is my fav!) He apparently didn't like me being their and let me know! He started getting loud and irate! Well, I know I shouldnt have but, I told him to calm down. It was then that he REALLY started yelling at me! At that point I, (Yes me, The freak!) called him a freak for over reacting, he is an insecure/immature person. So thats when it happen! Now remember, Im standing in at this shop temporarily. I have only known this dude for a few days. But, thats when he yelled as loud as he could, "Im not the freak! Your the one who likes to dress like a woman!" Everyone heard! I was like... "Did he just say that? And how does he know?" I just walked away. The topic never came back up and everyone else kept on treating me as normal! But Im so wondering, is that just a random cut down, or does he know about me? I cant think of one reason how he could know. Im baffeled!

[WsprsOnTheWind]

Could it be that he does know somehow and that is the reason for his angst against you? You know how the fear of the unknown makes people last out in anger. Next time he says something about you dressing like a woman tell him that maybe if he tried it he would be calmer and not go off the deep end as much. It's worth a try. lol

I have lusted over an Audi A6 for years now. <sigh>

[karanne]

As you haven't (to your knowledge) given him any reason to suspect your 'girl' side, it could be he was shooting in the dark. More importantly, I think by simply walking away it may have confirmed it.

You may want to try the diplomatic approach to this guy. Buy him a cup of coffee and see what his problem is. I'm assuming you're in 'guy mode'. Does he just not like you for some reason? Does he feel passed over - that he should have gotten your job? Is he having troubles at home with the wife/kids/inlaws?

Sorry, I'm a Mercedes girl ...

[Pinky188]

Ha!! Girl, thats funny!!! And YES! I love my A6!

[WsprsOnTheWind]

OH, I want one that you can manual shift or automatic.

Tell him that you can still kick his a$$ with 3 inch nails and 7 inch heels any time he wants to take it out back and you will show him who the better man is. lol

It sounds like he was too on the money about the dressing to have been shooting in the dark.

[Allisa]

Wow that would "freak" me out too.I remember when a "freak" was just a guy with long hair.Does anyone else know about your CDing?You should have just given him a limp wristed middle finger as you skipped away.
Lisa.

[Pinky188]

OH, I want one that you can manual shift or automatic.

Tell him that you can still kick his a$$ with 3 inch nails and 7 inch heels any time he wants to take it out back and you will show him who the better man is. lol

It sounds like he was too on the money about the dressing to have been shooting in the dark.

Oh, he would totaly kick my a#&!!! I would never do that! Im not a fighter!!

[Pinky188]

How did he know? No one else I work with does. I act like a total boy at work. Im confused!!

[Pinky188]

Karanne! M-B? Come one girl!

[Cherry Lynn]

I received the same remark from a sales associate at a supply house I deal with several weeks ago. I do have peirced ears and long hair but I ride a Harley and a lot of bikers have peirced ears and long hair so I do not know if someone outed me to him or what.

[prettytoes]

Maybe he is also a member here....you never know!
IMO...he hit the nail right on the head, doesn't sound like a stab in the dark. Maybe he knows someone that knows, and got some inside info on you.

[Pinky188]

Maybe he is also a member here....you never know!
IMO...he hit the nail right on the head, doesn't sound like a stab in the dark. Maybe he knows someone that knows, and got some inside info on you.

That would be crazy!!

[WsprsOnTheWind]

But he doesn't know that and most bullies back down when confronted. I was kidding anyway. I wouldn't advise ever starting a fight. It's always best to walk away.

[sterling12]

Perhaps he "dabbles," as either an admirer or as a closeted CD. Perhaps he picked up on some subtle clues that anyone not part of The TG World wound miss.

Like? Do you remove hair from your arms? Do you pluck your brows? Do you "underdress," and could he have spotted some colorful panties, when you bent over? I think it's got to be something that cuts him close to the bone.

How long is your tenure going to be at that place? If your The Boss, you have to have a quiet talk with him (with a witness present,) and establish some Ground Rules. Fights in The Work Place are not tolerated, and insubordination to a boss normally gets you fired.

Now, you might be in The Process of being evaluated for Management. So, how you handle this situation might be important.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[sandra-leigh]

How much does gossip get around the shops? If you've worked for the same company for several years, then even if there were no Big Things, some people might have put smaller clues together.

Another question would be how different you look when you are Dressed for public? Is it possible that he saw you when you were out for the evening? Or that someone else in the company saw you and word got around?

Any chance he was one of the people who have "hit" on you in the past, and is now The Man Scorned ?

[Genifer Teal]

How long is your tenure going to be at that place? If your The Boss, you have to have a quiet talk with him (with a witness present,) and establish some Ground Rules. Fights in The Work Place are not tolerated, and insubordination to a boss normally gets you fired.

Now, you might be in The Process of being evaluated for Management. So, how you handle this situation might be important.

Thats is how I see it. You need to take the high road. Calling him a freak might have been a poor choice. Regardless, you need to establish that you are the boss, and he, as a worker, stands out as not working well or has some issues. Regardless of his personal opinions of you, he needs to get over it and show he can do his job well.

Maybe he is a loos cannon and has been upsetting the other workers before you came. Don't over look the possibility that there were issues among the workers before you arrived. Hope you sort it out.

Gen

[JessHaust]

Do you go out? Maybe he was somewhere you were, before you knew him. You did say that you have only known him a few days. My group often meets at Gay and lesbian bars, even though few of us are gay. Maybe thats where he saw you?
Oh, and my A3 has the paddle shifters on the steering wheel. It' a dual clutch auto manual. Thats way off subject and nearly as confusing as cross dressing!

[KellyJameson]

Sounds like you are a victim of the company grapevine. That is to specific of an accusation to be an accident in my opinion.

[ColleenCD]

Pinky,

Clearly someone, sometime at your previous work location has learned about you. This is probably someone who was involved in your transfer that shared this information with your new manager who in turn carelessly passed on this information to others at your new location, based on the homophobic reaction by your coworker. I doubt he's a lurker or member here since his reaction was so verbal.

If I were you, I'd let things settle down and observe the looks, questions, comments and behavior of those around you. If no one comes forward, then find an opportunity in private to have a mature conversation with the tech. I'd ask him why he said the things he did. He'll either start the trail of information or be the luckiest psychic on the planet. By the way...this issue treads on HR issues in many states.

Best of luck,

Colleen

[Laura912]

Pinky,
Lots of good advice by everyone. As a supervisor, it would seem prudent to approach him and say we did not start out well. Please come into the office and discuss our interaction. (If he refueses, then tell him he will come into the office.) Start out by asking what in the world made you call me a cross dresser? You may learn something. Open a dialogue. Do not loose your cool. However, based on his initial reaction, do not tell him about you. Let him present his rumors/facts. Tell him sorry, those are wrong. (Assuming you wish to stay invisible.) Ask him what you can do to help him in his work...this can let him know you are not a threat.
Laura

[moondog]

Hey Pinky,

His comment is far too exact to be pure luck because, having served in the Army and worked at a ship yard among other male dominated trades, I can attest that if a guy wants to verbally slam another guy "You dress like a woman!" isn't it...you're a fag, queer, c-ck sucker all come to mind. I have been called many things over the years, but no one has ever said that to me...yet.

Personally I see finding out how he knows or where he got his information moot. He knows and that's all that really matters. Obviously he knew from day one and it's causing him some serious emotional distress, which is why he was treating you that way from the first day you entered that shop. If he's willing to scream this so the entire shop can hear you better believe he's been telling his co-workers.

This is something you need to address with management because he's creating a hostile work environment for you, and ignoring this will not make it go away because he's not going away. Whether you use that as a way to out yourself or not is entirely up to you, but this is something that, in my opinion, will only get worse the longer you're at that shop.

I like the "S" series...especially the S8. Wish I had the money, but then if I did I would have FFS, boobs, and SRS instead.

Good luck.

[LeaP]

) ... it could be he was shooting in the dark.



No in a million years. With guessing like that, the guy should be playing the lottery.

Lea

[Karren H]

Probably something to do with those woman's jeans you wear? Lol. People know more than you think they do. I've had coworkers point me towards the women's restrooms to change into my mining gear and had a VP warn me not to wear heels to work!

[moondog]

Hi Karen,

Should we start a show called "America's Next Top Miner?"

[Misskelly]

Like so many have said that not a normal angry slur so he know somehow there is many options to this but as many have said it better to nip this in the butt in the best possible way before it becomes any worse

[Marleena]

Pinky this guy is creating a toxic workplace for you and the others. I agree with the other posters it has to be handled before it gets worse. Good luck!

[kimdl93]

yup , saying "calm down, you freak" was definately a poor way to diffuse a situation. I don't imagine anyone much cares what an angry guy yells.

Are you going to have to work with this guy much? It might be a good idea to develop some constructive strategies for diffusing his apparent anger and insecurity.

As for his knowledge - maybe it was just a lucky guess. If not, you're not as closeted as you think - and evidently it doesn't matter all that much to the company.

[dutch-anita]

is he dating somebody you know? or knows you or knows pinky? (my "friendly" ex told a few :-)

[sandra-leigh]

I am not sure that asking him why he said that would be productive. If he doesn't already know for sure, then he is going to be making statements and you are going to be in the position of denying or confirming them, giving him more to go on. Even if he has something solid, do you want to be in a position of confirming or denying?

As a supervisor, do not give him a chance to control the discussion based upon what you might or might not have done. "This is not about me, this is about your behavior". Read him the policy riot act: "No matter what you think someone has done, you will not act that way, especially not towards the management." "If you have a problem working with someone, do not take the matter into your own hands; bring the matter up to with your supervisor." "You will be working with a wide variety of co-workers, and working with the public or in circumstances where the public might happen to overhear. You are a representative of the company. If you don't think you can handle that, then this is not the workplace for you."

And, of course, you should make sure the supervisors are on the same page, trained the same way in handling personnel matters.

You should not have called him "freak", so you will need to apologize about that or do whatever the policy says would be appropriate: you need to make an example of yourself with respect to the way you handle that mistake.

[sometimes_miss]

If you are out to anyone, anywhere, you're fair game for the word to spread. People love gossip. To this day, I fear telling a very few past co-workers that I crossdress; both of them occasionally drink, and sometimes people say things when inebriated that they usually wouldn't.

[vivianann]

I would have said takes one to know one. Lol

[darci.c]

um... either this person is as psychic as the only real psychic person i have ever known, or your mind has the powers to manifest your fears in the people around you.

[Marleena]

Pinky did you ever resolve this problem? It's been a while.

[Pinky188]

Pinky did you ever resolve this problem? It's been a while.

Thank all of you for your kind words! Yes Marleena, it was resolved. Im back to turning wrenches at a shop near my home. Same company but a differant shop. Word travels fast within the company however! So everyone at my current shop had heard about the "incedent". Everyone agrees that that guy is a douche bag! They made some light hearted fun at me and that was it. I get along very well with most everyone in the company so the guys knew that it could not have been my fault. Anyway, Im not real worried about it. Im glad to be at a shop that has cool people working at it again!! Thanks again girls!! You all are awesome! Now I have to get back to my Soiuxie and the Banshees!!! Good night girls!!!

[JessicaM1985]

I think it is entirely possible that he just threw a random shot in the dark and hit jackpot. I've been accused of crossdressing in the past despite doing it maybe once or twice a year st the time. It was just people trying to take a sucker punch at my masculinity.

I agree that professionalism is the key here. Apologize for your comments, then remind him that his comments are unacceptable as well and if he persists, he will be reprimanded for it. Also remind him of discrimination/harassment in the workplace laws that are in place for a reason.

Me personally, I would be mad as hell too, but I have to stop and think for a minute. I may be the first CD/TG person he has ever come across. I have a chance to win acceptance by showing that I'm a good, level-headed person and not "unstable" like many who are prejudiced against us would assume. Maybe prove you are the better person by offering a beer and a chat with the guy to find out why you bother him so much....

[Marleena]

I'm glad it all worked out for you Pinky.:)

[Ava Tryptyk]

I'm glad to see the situation turned out for the better, Pinky. As for how that guy could have found out, maybe he knows your e-mail address and you may have used similar e-mail addresses on this site, and links brought him to these forums, but I'm just speculating. If you don't have to deal with that guy anymore, then it really doesn't matter! Just remember to be professional in the workplace and refrain from name-calling even if you're angry.

[jillleanne]

He probably thinks he knows more than you. Alot of people like to start at the top and work their way down. As for his knowing of you? Could be a millions ways he knows. Anything from hearing it from someone else in the company to seeing any fem traits you may have like clean shaven arms, etc. Ever sell anything on the net? I sold some brand new footwear I had bought a few years back and never wore so listed them on the net and a local person I know inquired about them, so he had just outed himself to me unknowingly via the net.