Yay! My Boobs hurt: The first 8 weeks

[GirlieAmanda]

I have been away from the site recently because I have been starting my adventure in undoing the effects of that pesky testosterone. Yes, I have started physical transition including name change and looking for employment. I believe my transition had started 2 years previously but this was the beginning according to Harry Benjamin. I found a great therapist in PA who will accommodate me via Skype and physical sessions if needed. I moved to South Carolina but my official address is still in PA because I am about to change my name there in 2 weeks. YAY! The state allows for gender marker changes on the licenses too which is great. A very simple form. It is getting closer and closer. I have been coming to grips with the fact that my old name will no longer be a legal person. This is sad but yet it will always be MY name. It will be my given name. My TAKEN name will be Amanda. I will think of my self as Amanda and already do. But, it is important to me to not think of the old me as dead. Those years will always be mine. It was a good run, but now its time for the new and genuine me. Every time I go to show my ID it just reaffirms my desire to change my name. It just feels wrong .

On the physical side, I have been noticing my breasts are hurting and and are beginning to grow. Normally pain is not such a good thing, but in this case I have been advised that this is to be expected. I have never been so happy to have soreness. I sense also that my body seems to be softening ever so slightly. Maybe not so much the outside but it just seems that I am just a little bit squishier all over. I have a very overwhelming feeling of peace too. The mental effects are like a warm, soft hug. They are wrapping around me and making my mind and body vibrate with femininity. I believe my body was just waiting for this for so long. I have female levels of estrogen naturally which I never knew until I got a hormone baseline in November. I think I will have good results battling back the testosterone effects of the last 42 years. I believe more than ever that I was supposed to be a female at birth and my mind and natural hormones agree. I am just helping nature along and finishing a process that was interrupted in utero. Onward and upward!

[Melody Moore]

Hi Amanda,


First of all please don't be surprised to discover that you already had natural level of
oestrogen, because everyone has both male & female hormones. And its the same for
women having testosterone. But going by your photo you appear to me like a person
that will have a good genetic disposition that will feminise really well by being on HRT.

However be patient and don't keep looking in the mirror. Take snap shots on a camera
of angles and shots of your face & body every few months, then eventually you will be
able to have some type of visual reference about how much you are feminising over time.
Goodluck :hugs:

[Bree-asaurus]

I have to agree with Melody...

Seeing your picture many times before on this forum, I had assumed you were already on HRT because you have that natural feminine look.

I started progesterone probably 8 months after starting estrogen, and I stopped taking progesterone roughly a month or two ago because I felt that not much was happening. For a couple days last week... my boobs hurt like a biotch... and it was a very welcome return :P

[GirlieAmanda]

Actually Melody, I figured that I had a level of estrogen, but was pleasantly surprised and very glad to see that my level was 260 pg/ml which is off the charts of what should be in a male and actually goes into the female range. The range for males is 40 to 115 according to the test results. Thats well over 2 times the normal estrogen. It just affirms what I already knew. Heck I may have some dormant female organs in there who knows!

[Hope]

Welcome to the sorority.

And get used to the boobs hurting! I have been doing HRT at various levels for 9 months or so now, and my boobs have hurt pretty much every single day of the journey. And on the rare occasions when they don't, I stop and think "Oh no... what is wrong?" and they either start hurting again after a few hours , or I realize I haven't taken all of my estrogen for the day...

The pain is normal, and it indicates growth... so be happy with it.

One way you know you are a transexual girl is when you inadvertently bonk something into your boob, and it hurts, and you LOVE it.

Congratulations on making the decision and on stepping up to be who you are!

[Melody Moore]

Actually Melody, I figured that I had a level of estrogen, but was pleasantly surprised and very glad to see that my level was 260 pg/ml which is off the charts of what should be in a male and actually goes into the female range. The range for males is 40 to 115 according to the test results. Thats well over 2 times the normal estrogen. It just affirms what I already knew. Heck I may have some dormant female organs in there who knows!
Wow Amanda that is off the charts!

Have you ever considered a chromosome tests to see if you might be intersex?
While it is nice to know these things, it is better that you get to the bottom of
what is causing your unusual levels of oestrogen. And you don't treat this lightly
because if you are intersex, it could mean that you could also face a whole range
of other health issues & complications with dormant female organs turning cancerous.

Being intersex changes your care plans with regards to treatments & medications etc.

For example my body cannot tolerate any amount of Cortisone and it sends whole auto
immune & endocrine system into chaos. I have always looked naturally feminine especially
when I was younger and had much softer features. I also had a wider hip to shoulder ratio
than other typical males and was often mistaken for a girl as a teenager. As I got older my
breasts slowly started to develop in spurts, and I experienced a major oestrogen surge in
my body around the age of 31 and experienced sore breasts and swollen nipples & lactated.

My partner was pregnant when this happened & I experienced all the symptoms of a phantom
pregnancy, morning sickness, lower back pain, cramps in the lower abdomen, sore breasts &
the lactation. Before I started hormones I was a 14A in bra size, but now am a 14C cup after
and year & half on hormones.

In 2002 at the age of 40 years of age my health took a sudden downturn where I was getting
very sick, I had everything from chest pains to viral infections, including colds & influenza and
my body was struggling to cope. Doctors prescribed me antibiotics and also Cortisone, but while
the colds and flus went away, I eventually figured out that it was the Cortisone that was doing
far greater damage to my body including causing skin lesions on my forearms & when it was at it's
worst it was also all over the back & sides of my neck. Doctors had no clue what was causing any
of this and it wasn't until I started to question a lot of things about my body and other events in
my life that I started to get closer to the truth and where an effective solution to my health issues
might be found. Meanwhile the whole time this is happening, I am also struggling with gender issues.

I stopped taking cortisone & also within a month of starting on female hormones
all the skin lesions had went away and I dont get all the colds and flus anymore.

I copped some flack from some of the other trans women in my group for even wanting to find out
about my intersex condition. They thought I was just looking for an 'excuse'. That was not the case
I had a need to know the truth and I have since had scans done which has confirmed that I have had
female organs surgically removed because the scar tissue is still visible. So fortunately I am at less risk
of developing cancer in a dormant ovary. There are intersex women I do know that have had cancer in
a dormant ovary & one of them is a member of this forum, the other is another Australian woman I know.

So if I was you Amanda, I would start getting some tests done and start asking some questions
because I got told recently that it could be as high as 1 in every 10 transsexuals are intersexed.

:hugs:

[Julia_in_Pa]

Amanda,


Congrat's on everything that's going on!

It sounds like your HRT use is giving you what you always needed.

Being in PA I fully understand why you'd want to complete your name change here.

Fantastic news Amanda!


Julia

[Kristy_K]

Congratulation Amanda. That is right no pain , no grow. I love that pain. Also your skin will get very soft and cut or scratch real easy. I work on machines and all I need to now is just bump something and I have a scratch or a cut.

Kristy

[Kelsy]

I have been coming to grips with the fact that my old name will no longer be a legal person. This is sad but yet it will always be MY name. It will be my given name. My TAKEN name will be Amanda. I will think of my self as Amanda and already do. But, it is important to me to not think of the old me as dead. Those years will always be mine. It was a good run, but now its time for the new and genuine me.

On the physical side, I have been noticing my breasts are hurting and and are beginning to grow. Normally pain is not such a good thing, but in this case I have been advised that this is to be expected. I have never been so happy to have soreness. I sense also that my body seems to be softening ever so slightly!
Thanks Amanda,
It’s funny you mention the dying persona. My Therapist and I have been exploring that very thing recently. She reminded me that what was dying away was a fabrication, a persona that was built to protect the vulnerable person inside. Secondly she pointed out that few get the chance to examine closely who they are and have the opportunity to choose to keep the most important attributes in the emerging revealed person! It is a difficult process to deconstruct your personality but a necessary passage to the freedom of the new person. She has me examine my old regrets and to begin to remove their power. It is reassuring that all that is dear to me can be allowed to be part of my new life even the people I love provided they want to come!

All of the changes even the painful ones are welcome , the breast growth the body changes the change of thinking and the steep new learning curve are all received by me as happy signposts along my way. There is not one thing I wish I had done differently.

Seems you’re doing well Amanda,
Hugs Kelsy

[StaceyJane]

I was so excited when my breasts began to feel sore because it meant the magic potion was working.

[JohnH]

I also have breast soreness too. Also I notice that my skin is softening. I accidently drew a jagged fingernail over my face and made a cut 8 mm long.

John

[kimdl93]

Wonderful news, Amanda...at least in your case, having sore boobs can be considered a wonderful phenomenon! I wasn't surprised to learn that your estrogen levels were off the charts. You've always been a woman to me! And congratulations on the name change. Its so great to see you coming fully into your own!