father was less then ideal

[litlejohn]

Just needed to vent it for a moment. Way personal and emotions are runnning high.I just trust the people on here next to my SO and my best friend. need a hug.I wanted to put this to words because my anger was getting the best of me. tyyping it out helps alot

[Jacqueline Winona]

Parental relations are always tough. Hang in there!

[DanaR]

What happened? Did you tell your father about yourself?

[litlejohn]

This may of not been a good place to bring this subject into but I do highly value your opinions and thoughts. Just having a bad day that had nothing to do with dressing or has everthing to do with it. I don't know

emotions aside do you think upbringing... male envolvement or lack of influence us to dres?

I think I would of gotten here anyway

[ReineD]

emotions aside do you think upbringing... male envolvement or lack of influence us to dres?

It's one of the many theories: distant or cruel father, or overly close with the mother. But there are many CDers here who've had terrific relationships with both parents. And there are many people who've had dysfunctional relationships with their parents, who do not CD.

Other theories are a hormonal influence in utero, or a neurological or anatomical intersex condition.

The truth is, no one really knows why some people are crossdressers or transsexual.

[litlejohn]

We are who we are because we are? makes perfect sence to me( even if spelling is wrong)

[Vickie_CDTV]

In my case, I cannot imagine it wasn't the case. Thanks to my old man I grew up clinging to my mother from the moment I was born until I was out of high school. When one has the kind of father who would let his pregnant wife lie on the floor bleeding about to give birth and refuse to come home to help her and leave it to his 4 year old son to comfort her, well... those kind of things.... change you... forever... how can't it wire or rewire one's mind from what it was before and could have been.

[litlejohn]

We all have situations or life events that shape us into who we are as people. it shouldn't matter what clothes we wear. I'm still me Wrong?

[DanaR]

We all have situations or life events that shape us into who we are as people. it shouldn't matter what clothes we wear. I'm still me Wrong?
What you are saying is true, life events do have a lot to do with how we are. And clothes shouldn't make a difference either.

[litlejohn]

I started this thread because i was having a bad moment dealing with what i percieved as family. I'll tell the whole story. Dad was a hard working alcholic who never made it to anything i did and molested my sisters. I could of killed him but he died from emphysema before i could.I am a side part to my kids. trying not to be to much over the top but i'm right behind them in anything and everything they do. over compensate is what my best friend says.I'm ok with that. They will never ask where is dad.

[Shananigans]

Parental issues are hard. My father was never really the "father figure" in my life. He has said he shouldn't have been a father. So, my dad is like a big brother that never got out of his frat years and my grandfather is my father figure who shows his love by fixing my car, checking my oil, and filling up my gas tank.

My dad also had a distant father and vowed not to be like him. But...he didn't really do the greatest job at that. I think in his older age he is regretting what he has missed...just like his father did in his old age.

It sounds like you have made the vow to yourself and your kids not to be like your dad. Keep to you word. My mother smothered me in response to my father being so distance. I hated her as a teen, but love her for it now. Just when you think you are over compensating and smothering too much, then you're probably doing a good job. Your kids might hate you for it for a while, but being 24 and having my mom say "love you" 4 or 5 times before hanging up the phone is actually really nice now lol

You sound like a good dad and nothing like your father.

[litlejohn]

I'm waiting til I can talk to my 17 yr old daughter again without wanting to choke her. She is awesome. she just has to believe it like i do. and not talk back would be really good

[litlejohn]

Now that I've had time to calm back down. if anyone has something( we all do ) This is the place in my mind to let it out. You will find someone with common ground. We may not fix what is broken, but we will be there with you. i know it has helped me just to have someone listen to my crazy mind

[Shananigans]

Teenagers suck...give her a few years.

I was a total a$$ to my parents for a while...I think it's just the usual process of things.

[Anna Abwaerts]

Father was less than ideal
My father was less than average. I will repeat what was said: My father was never really the "father figure" in my life.
If he finds out about my crossdressing- I dont care, he has no saying in this.
I also often think that I do not want to be like him, and I would need to be super ready and steady in my life before I consider kids. Just dont want them to experience same path I had.

[Julia_in_Pa]

By the grace of God I was adopted by an angel of a woman when I was fifteen months old.
My biological father was abusive and a piece of filth. I looked for ways to kill him when I was a child after hearing what he did to me.
Due to alcoholism and drug use he died when he was 49 on October 31st 1987.
On that day I held a party at the beach in Ft. Lauderdale Florida.


Julia

[Foxglove]

My dad was great in ways, far less than ideal in ways. It's funny, too, how, when you're young, you feel guilty about being mad at your parents. The way I see it, there's absolutely no reason not to be mad at them if they deserve that anger. But you love them nonetheless for the good they do for you. I know when I was growing up, my emotions were all over the place. Never really quite sure where I was with my folks.

[kimdl93]

most dads, myself included, are less than ideal, but many people are just not equipped by intellect, expereince or example, to be effective parents. And yet most do reproduce and muddle through parenting. I'm very sorry that your father has left you with anger. Vent and then set your mind to moving on and, if the opportunity presents, strive to be a better parent than your father was.

[Karren H]

Maybe he's thinking the same thing abut you? My dad was a good father to us... But listening to my mother she had a way different opinion of him as a husband. After the divorce.. So she's biased... And she came from a long line a small breasted men haters like my grandmother. I fall into that catagory.... Lol But were all human... Being a parent isn't intuitive for some people. I just hope my kids think I was better that average...

And I started crossdressing way before dad and mom split. So that had nothing to do with it at all.

[Aprilrain]

In my case, I cannot imagine it wasn't the case. Thanks to my old man I grew up clinging to my mother from the moment I was born until I was out of high school. When one has the kind of father who would let his pregnant wife lie on the floor bleeding about to give birth and refuse to come home to help her and leave it to his 4 year old son to comfort her, well... those kind of things.... change you... forever... how can't it wire or rewire one's mind from what it was before and could have been.

Cruel, abusive, emotionally unavailable men are not unusual in this world. I do not think that is a plausible excuse for much of anything. Humanity has been dealing with this reality for millennia and children turn out in all sorts of ways from such experiences. I'm more inclined to believe that having fathers around is in all likelihood not that natural in the grand schema of things

[LeaP]

I started this thread because i was having a bad moment dealing with what i percieved as family. I'll tell the whole story. Dad was a hard working alcholic who never made it to anything i did and molested my sisters. I could of killed him but he died from emphysema before i could.I am a side part to my kids. trying not to be to much over the top but i'm right behind them in anything and everything they do. over compensate is what my best friend says.I'm ok with that. They will never ask where is dad.

Believe me, I get the alcohol thing. 3 uncles, one aunt, and my grandmother all died of either cirrhosis or alcoholic brain poisoning. My son, one brother-in-law, and a cousin are alcoholics. My mother was borderline. I have the tendency, but can keep it under control. It is an absolute demon. My advice is to learn to deal with it dispassionately, else it will consume you. The "hardworking alcoholic" comment was interesting - this is a pattern that is pretty common. At least he provided.

You sound like you're doing well not being the same. He's dead and gone. Why the anger now?

Lea

[litlejohn]

I just want to thank everyone who offered thier perspective on this subject. Most days I deal with it fairly well, last night was me not wanting to dealing with it alone. Like I said everyone has thier own life events to sort thru. As bad as I think I had it I have to look no further than my own sisters to see they had it worse.
Time to put on the big girl panties and suck it up buttercup. Shopping would probably help. Thanks again

[retrofitme]

My parents divorced when I was 3 or so, and I only saw my Dad a handful of times until I was 18 or so. We've since forged a decent relationship, but those years of separation have had their effect. I'd say that we are friends, but not really father & son.

[Aprilrain]

I know very few people without daddy issues and the few i do know who had a great relationship with their fathers have mommy issues LOL its inescapable it seems.

[drushin703]

My dad was the greatest non-angel I have ever met. He drank way too much , ate too much sugar and salt and died befor his time. He knew that I crossdressed
in the home he provided for me and my mother but he never mentioned it. Not once did he even bring the subject up. His lack of anything , not love or time,
not caring or concern, not wisdom or drink caused his son to become a tranny.....It just happened because everything in this life happens. I, like you Littlejohn,
have had bad moments with my parents but no bad moments led me to the room where the pantyhose and bras were kept...dana

[Sammy777]

I'm waiting til I can talk to my 17 yr old daughter again without wanting to choke her. She is awesome. she just has to believe it like i do. and not talk back would be really good

If your teenaged kids don't like you then you're probably doing a good job raising them. :)

Just give her some time to come around - say like 5 or 6 years :lol2:

[Ava Tryptyk]

The thing about teenagers is that they are filled with angst and can say and do really hurtful things without realizing how hurtful they are actually being. The hormones that teenagers go through direct their feelings toward their own problems and causes them to forget about how other people feel, even those who are close to them. You aren't doing anything wrong, with time and maturity your daughter will come to understand.

[Vanessa5]

I will admit to not being a perfect father. I do make mistakes. I also apologize when I do.

That being said my father wanted nothing to do with me. One of my last memories of him was him trying to smother me. Now (after 20+ years) he says it wasn't him. Not something I could just forget or erase from my memory. Or just one of the many "positive" (ha ha) experiences at his hands)

I think I have broken the proverbial cycle by not using corporal punishment (although with dear ol dad it could be constued as General Luetenant super sergent) with my kids. Encouragement goes a long way and my children are well balanced and happy.