Not sure how news worthy this is...

[Julie1123]

Just to recap a bit first. I've been wearing panties for a few years now but just recently started to delve more into crossdressing. I told my long time girlfriend about it when I realized it was more than just a passing curiosity. She said that she was not into it at all but didn't want us to break up and didn't want to keep me from doing something I wanted to do either so we came to the agreement that as long as I did it in private when she wasn't around she wouldn't mind. We also agreed that I wouldn't bring it up (this was my idea) so that I didn't make her uncomfortable but made her promise that if she ever started feeling differently about it that she would bring it up, or if she ever wanted to know anything about it. She agreed that was a good idea but did tell me that she would most likely never bring it up.

Well she brought it up. Not really bad I don't think. She simply said she wished she could be more accepting of it. We talked a bit about it. I reassured her I was ok with the way things are as long as she was still ok with the way things are. It was hard to restrain myself from pressing the conversation to talk about it more but I don't want to overwhelm her.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much. She told me she would never bring it up again, but now she has. I would love to be more open about it with her even if she never wanted to see me dressed. Trying not to get my hopes up that she'll slowly come around given time.

[sissystephanie]

Part of the problem between the two of you is how far do you want to go with your crossdressing? Do you have desires to actually be a woman? Or do you just like to dress like one? I have been crossdressing for well over 60 years, but have never wanted to be a woman. I just like to dress like one!! I told my late wife that I was a CD when I proposed to her and she accepted me "as is!" She did my makeup and fixed my wig for the almost 50 years we had together before cancer took her. She always knew that I was her Man, no matter what I had on!! I am not sure that I agree with Scarlet Rose's idea, but you are right about not overwhelming her with info. Take it slow, and she will probably come around to be more accepting!! Good Luck!!

[Julie1123]

Stephanie, that's spot on for how I feel. No desire to change my sex, but I love wearing women's clothes.

[WsprsOnTheWind]

I reassured her I was ok with the way things are as long as she was still ok with the way things are. It was hard to restrain myself from pressing the conversation to talk about it more but I don't want to overwhelm her.

It's such a shame that all couples can't just accept each other for where they are with it and maintain a loving relationship. From what I have seen from many CD's who post here they would be happy with a woman that would accept them at any comfort level. As difficult as it seems for CD's to find a woman they can be comfortable enough to be themselves with, I would think they would be thankful. Unfortunately some can't seem to get enough and tend to be self-absorbed and want more and more from the SO that they finally just suck the life out of them to the degree that the SO just gives up and quits all together.

Johnny, I am so glad you are being patient with her and okay with where she is with it. Sounds like you have your priorities straight and your relationship is the first priority to you. Just keep being patient and don't push her. If you push too far you will lose her.

[Laura912]

The last three people are spot on, as our Brit friends would say. Leave the bait in the water and let her make the moves. Enjoy what you have. It is so very tempting to try for more, but let it float there for her. Seriously consider asking, "What would you like?" when she brings it up. Go with the flow. Let it bod along. Wait...simile overload!!
Laura

[rachaelsloane]

The fact that you told her and did not keep it a secret says a lot about how she respects you. Don't push too far or too fast and let her take the lead in wanting to learn more and at some point, maybe want to see you dressed.

[Alice B]

Although it is hard, if you do not push the issue then the odds are that she will slowly come around more and more. My relationship with my wife started that way and now after several years she is totally accepting, I can dress around her and she does not freek out. I can go out dressed, attend DLV for a week, but I doubt that she will ever want to go out with me dressed. Thas OK with me.

[karenlong]

if she mentions it again ask to go to this site and talk to others , might help her

[ReineD]

Well she brought it up. Not really bad I don't think. She simply said she wished she could be more accepting of it. We talked a bit about it. I reassured her I was ok with the way things are as long as she was still ok with the way things are. It was hard to restrain myself from pressing the conversation to talk about it more but I don't want to overwhelm her.

I don't think you could have handled this any better! If you sensed that she was making an apology for not being able to be involved in something that you care about, there is no point in pressing her.

If she brings it up again though, I don't think it would be too much to ask her if she is merely expressing sorrow over not being able to be involved, or is she bringing it up again because she wants to find out more about it? At this point you might want to tell her that you would like to describe to her what this is all about for you, if she is interested, but if not you understand. :)

Karenlong just suggested if she brings it up again you should mention this site. As much as I hate to say this, this site would be way too much for someone who is still unsure about the CDing. We have some rather contentious topics here.

[WsprsOnTheWind]

I can go out dressed, attend DLV for a week, but I doubt that she will ever want to go out with me dressed. Thas OK with me.

You cannot know how I appreciate seeing CD's state their level of okayness (I just created that word, lol) with the fact that their partner isn't at a comfort level of doing things.

Reine, I will have to say this site has helped me immensely since I came here. I was further along in my acceptance of it though than Johnny's SO seems to be. There have been so many people here who have helped me see that what I am feeling is okay and I am not wrong b/c of my limitations with it. If it wasn't for some on this site being understanding, I would have probably been very bitter and hardened toward the whole concept of CD'ing.

Johnny, I wouldn't do anything about this right now. I would wait it out and if she mentions it again let her lead the conversation and be available to answer any and all questions she has and be open and honest with her.

[Kate T]

Karenlong just suggested if she brings it up again you should mention this site. As much as I hate to say this, this site would be way too much for someone who is still unsure about the CDing. We have some rather contentious topics here.

Agreed. Perhaps the TriEss site? I am biased because I am a member but the Australian Seahorse website (www.seahorsesoc.org) is quite good. Nowhere near as overwhelming as this site for a newbie so to speak but some good links to simple 1-2 page FAQs on stuff like What is Crossdressing, why do they / we do it, Info for partners and SO's.

[WsprsOnTheWind]

I don't think I would send her any websites unless she specifically asked for them.

Adina, I'm not a newbie at this point but I am going to check out the seahorsesoc site. I didn't know of it. Thanks for sharing.

[docrobbysherry]

Good job, Johnny! I told a woman I was dating awhile back to see what she would say and if she would be accepting. All she could say was, "OMG! I can't believe it! I don't know what to say!" She repeated that same line the next two times we spoke. In my mind I kept thinking, "U can't even think of ONE question to ask?" So, after 3 strikes, she was out!

[Barbara Ella]

Johnny, you are right where you need to be. Remain honest and open to her questions. do not bring in any outside sources unless requested. Her repeated statements will indicate the depth of her interest and possible acceptance, and you two will discuss them as they come up. Stay the course.

Babes

[ReineD]

Reine, I will have to say this site has helped me immensely since I came here. I was further along in my acceptance of it though than Johnny's SO seems to be.

Precisely. :)

I want to make clear to everyone that I am not suggesting keeping your wives away from this site.

BUT ... if a wife wants to learn about the CDing here, she will need to also understand there are many different motives for the CDing, stages of development, etc, although this site can be overwhelming if she is the least bit reticent about the whole idea. It's difficult to separate which of our members are TS vs. CD, hetero, bi, or gay, when reading all the posts about wanting to be a woman full time or wanting to be with men. A newbie wife has no way of knowing how much of this is progressive or if her husband is not aware of the changes to come. It is also difficult to determine from reading many of the posts whether someone genuinely wants to be with a man when dressed vs. just engaging in a fantasy.

This is not a site to recommend to someone who is turned off by the idea of CDing.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Everyone wants an accepting partner and honesty is the only way you can get there. My wife married me, the manly man I presented to her 27 years ago, I only told her about my crossdressing 6 years ago so needless to say it was a big shock. She is about as OK with my crossdressing as I could ever expect her to be, we have many moments of total lets girl it up and some moments of please slow it down. If I had told her about this before we married who knows what would have happened, she says she probably would have still married me. Oh how I wish I had given her that choice, she deserved it and so does everyone else that is in the same position as she was way back when....... The only way you can be sure is to be open before the "I do's" are spoken.