I think a checklist is in order for transitioning

[michelleinktown]

So I think that we should be able to compile a list of stuff and that we could put that information into some sort of checklist of things to do while transitioning. It doesn't need to be in a logical order right now because everybody is different, but it should include coming out and to who, HRT when to start, wardrobe, when we go fulltime, when FFS is complete if we choose to do that, name change, etc. etc.

So here is a start

1. Coming out to Parents (date)
Friends
Work
Siblings
Full-time
2. Informing Dr.

3. Therapy

4. HRT Start Date

5. Electrolysis Start
Finished

6. Wardrobe enough to wear

7. Exercise

8. Quit smoking

9. Name change checklist???
Driver’s license
Passport
Government ID

10. FFS
Consultation
Fees
Surgery date

I am not in this alone I am looking for help , voice training is very important and yes there is no order to this now and can be tweaked in time. First lets have some fun with it and then maybe we could come up with a good checklist if anybody would care to use it.

Michelle


Thanks Michelle

[Jonianne]

Don't forget to start saving $$$! Lots of $$$!

[Jorja]

So why reinvent the wheel in the process? Try this site http://www.tsroadmap.com/index.html

[Rianna Humble]

Number 6 is impossible, and (for me) so is number 8

I cannot afford numbers 5 & 10

Does this mean that I can't transition? If so, I'd better tell everyone at work.

[Inna]

1. try everything possible to realize that you are not a transsexual but in fact much of a bloke playing dress-up.

2. If 1 fails, say: "S%$ D*$#*&^&F@#!$%!$S%$*#&$^% that usually helps to clear the throat for your first voice feminization session.

3. repeat step number 2 until you start feeling better, then repeat step number 1 and see if anything changed.

4. if step 3 did not result in denial proceed to step 5

5. look good into a mirror and ask "Mirror Mirror on the wall am I truly a transsexual amongst them all"

6. if mirror remains quiet then possibility of being transsexual is 50/50, proceed to number 7, if in fact it does speak to you, immediately pick up the phone and call for psychiatric assistance!

7. From this moment all the reality based thinking has no value what so ever, you are entering "NoMen'sZone" :)

8. Before entering NoMensZone, check for the following:

a. bank account containing $100,000.00
b. divorce lawyer
c. small cute hall in the wall

9. number 8 doesn't really mean anything but sounds good if you in fact have $100,000.00

10. welcome to the family hon!

[DebbieL]

I liked Inna's version a lot - great humor - and great truth too.

A few for those who are transsexual and thinking they can't transition.

1. If you wanted a Barbie Doll when you were 4 and a Bra when you were 11 - you absolutely should keep reading.

2. If you were frequently "sick" so you could stay home and dress up - keep reading.

3. If the boys in your class threw rocks at you when you were 6 and asked you for dates when you were 15 - keep reading.

4. If you tried using Nair on your face to keep the hair from growing back - keep reading.

5. If you tried to cut off the circulation to you testes with rubber bands or other strangulation - keep reading.

6. If your wanted an Orchiectomy more than a vasectomy - keep reading.

7. If you hear the name Lorena Bobbit - and Smile - keep reading.

8. If you found out you had a Bass voice, and tried to hide it - keep reading.

9. If the thought of spending the rest of your life as a man makes you want to drink yourself into a coma - keep reading.

10. If you felt more comfortable with the gay community than your church - keep reading.

11. If you hoped that you would stop wanting to be a girl if you could get married and have lots of sex - keep reading.

12. If you decided not to get married or not to have sex because you wanted to be a girl - keep reading.

13. If you have ever tried to kill yourself, or have someone else kill you - because you couldn't be a girl - keep reading.

If you made it this far, you probably have two choices.

1. - You can go through the transition - going through the pain, expense, tharapy, and legal process - and live the life you wanted.

or

2. You can get married, get divorced, never see your wife or kids, overeat, drink too much, take too many drugs. If your lucky, you'll be dead of a heart attack or stroke by the time your 50 and be reincarnated into a girl's body so you can be what you wanted to be - too bad you won't remember how badly you wanted it.

3. If you don't transition, you could end up living into your 90s, but you still won't be able to afford the transition - but you can afford 9-lives tuna instead of Star Kist - because all you have is social security. And the sad part is - you'll STILL wish you had transitioned - or could transition now.

[Traci Elizabeth]

I am going to take my To Do list and go home....

I think this is silly because there is NO checklist that would fit more than one person as we are all unique with our own individual life unlike any one else.

And if you think you need to find a checklist then maybe transitioning is not what you need.

[Sammy777]

So why reinvent the wheel in the process? Try this site http://www.tsroadmap.com/index.html

Because some of us like custom Mag wheels instead of the factory steel ones ;)

[Badtranny]

You know what's sad? That Inna's checklist was so much more realistic than Michelle's.

No offense Michelle, I know you were just being lighthearted but I fear that if a few of us play with this list it can make some of these things seem too easy, and God forbid; fun. I get contacted from my blog every now and then from girls that I believe are not really TS and they say I inspired them, or they ask me questions about what they should do next. (poor things don't have any idea that I'm just as lost as they are) Some of the things they ask me are related to shopping, using women's restrooms, if I ever hang out with any of my girlfriends in panties, when do I tell guys about my extra part, how do I hide it when I'm aroused, etc etc. These are not questions TS people would ask. I think being TS sounds like fun to a segment of CDrs, and I think trying to break the "steps" down sort of makes it less scary, and I think it NEEDS to be scary. It also gives life to the lie that there is only one way to proceed. I've met and chatted with several TS broads on this board and I don't think any of them have traveled similar transition paths. Some just went full time one day and let the chips fall. (got balls?) Some did it more gradually. Some like me, won't be going full time until my face is fixed.

Many of these "steps" are major life decisions that have consequences to match. I have a young TS girl as an FB friend and watching her take some of those first steps through her postings is painful for me. I really feel for this girl. She is atypically brave for someone her age, but typically vulnerable and lacking in self confidence. Being young is a double edged sword, you have so much but your are wholly unaware of your value. A list like this just seems to minimize the courageous efforts of TS people as they plow forward through the BS and the hate.

It's funny because a year ago I may have introduced the very same idea. These days I feel myself bending under the pressure of a transition that has gone on forever. I burst into tears in my doctor's office today, (after he walked out) because we were talking about my FFS plans and he would prefer that I waited at least another few months. I told him I can't wait anymore, I have to get this done somewhere somehow, he said he understood and we would talk about it next month. He squeezed my hand and walked out and I cried all of a sudden. In fact I'm crying now, because, I don't even know why. This process is grueling and my "steps" have been all over the list and I wouldn't even know how to begin putting things in order.

I don't want people to think being trans is easy or clean or pretty. I do love being out and I do love being free, but I wonder every day if this is all worth it. Why am I like this? Why do I care what people see? Why can't I just be a dude?

I swear that if I could just put on a bra (yuck) and make this all go away I would. Where does that go on the list?

[Melody Moore]

I am going to take my To Do list and go home....

I think this is silly because there is NO checklist that would fit more than one person as we are all unique with our own individual life unlike any one else.

And if you think you need to find a checklist then maybe transitioning is not what you need.

I am with Traci here, because I believe that you need to take transition however
it comes & you know what they say about the "best laid plans always going astray".

One thing that concerns me is the fact that you have decided to out yourself before going into
therapy and starting on hormones which I personally think is crazy and see this as a potential
road bock. I think it is crazy to out yourself before going to therapy, because therapy is about
making sure that transition is really for you. And besides that your therapist can help & also be
supportive to you when you are going through the "coming out" process. Also postponing going
on hormones until after you do come out, could become a roadblock that stands in the way of
you starting your transition. So I would swap 1, 2, 3 & 4 all around for a start. But as for the rest
well I think its ok to use such a check list as a guide, but transition will never go how you might
expect it. And remember Murphy's Law "if something can go wrong it will". So I think you need a
more flexible & adaptable approach to transition because if you don't then be prepared for a lot of
disappointment. Goodluck!

:hugs:

[michelleinktown]

So why reinvent the wheel in the process? Try this site http://www.tsroadmap.com/index.html

I had no idea that this existed and I thank you for this information. Since I am fairly new on here I have been doing my own sort of checklist and this site tsroadmap is going to help me lots. Thanks

[Sammy777]

I think a checklist is in order for transitioning

1) Make a list
2) Check it twice
3) Find out who has been naughty :devil: or nice :D

Son of a **^%#@#@(&%$# B*itch!

1) Text Santa informing him he took the wrong list with him
2) Start new list from memory while waiting for reply
3) Hmmm eggs, milk, oooh chocolate donuts,
No no Focus dummy!!

1) Put that list on frig door, start list again
2) Add a note to self: Don't make shopping lists when hungry

1) OK - To Do List, Focus!
RING RING - &^@$%(*&%
2) Yes Santa, no, no, yes, email it, no attach it, no, yes, just, OK, OKKKK TTYS.
3) Realize Santa is not as tech savvy as you would think.

1) To Do List
2) I could go for some chocolate chip cookies and some milk
3) Blame Santa for #2
4) Laugh to self about blaming Santa for "#2"
5) Go get yourself cookies and milk

1) Make list.
2) Vow to follow list.
3) Realize your list is flawed and sucks big time.
4) Cry.
5) Realize life goes on.
6) Cry some more.
7) OooooooooO Shoe sale!
8) Realize your broke and can't even afford them on sale.
9) More Crying.
10) Say F*ck lists, eat cookies in celebration of your defiance.

1) Realize life goes on ................ :battingeyelashes:

"She told you exactly what you needed to hear. Sooner or later you are going to realize just as I did, there is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path." -Morpheus

[Nicole Erin]

Most realistic -

1) Decide if this is how you want to live, realizing that your life will change in many ways. It is a lot of work. The fun of dressing soon vanishes when you get full time.
2) Be realistic about what you can or cannot afford now or in the future. Make plans and goals accordingly.
3) Train your femme voice best you can. (one of the few major things that doesn't cost money)
4) Start building the courage to live as you want.

Most important, realize that despite your best efforts, you are never going to have a normal female life. Your being TS will always be an issue, you will never have pop out a baby, and whatever stages of youth are gone are gone. You will not go to the prom in a dress or any of those things so many long for.

[arbon]

8. Quit smoking



Did not get the exercise part down (my daughter is trying to change that though!) but realizing the direction I was moving in did motivate me to quit smoking 2 years ago - eats up a lot of money that can go to all the other stuff and and really increases the risks of hrt - think it is awesome to see in on you list.

[kellycan27]

Geez.. everyone's a critic. We all have to start somewhere. So it seems that some of you believe you have built the better mouse trap.. just remember.. opinions are like A-holes, and every a-hole seems to have one.. even me :heehee:
Thanks for your offering Michelle, and for at least trying to be constructive.

Kelly

[Hope]

So how about we start the list a bit earlier in life? How about we get honest and add:

1) Stop trying to kill yourself.



A few for those who are transsexual and thinking they can't transition.

10. If you felt more comfortable with the gay community than your church - keep reading.


Yeah... this should have been a BIG red flag for me...

[Julia_in_Pa]

Michelle,

I will add this; Do not put off what you can do today concerning transition.
Become very detailed in what your doing concerning such.
NEVER EVER TAKE ANYONE OUTSIDE THE COMMUNITY AT FACE VALUE WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR TRANSITION!!
You can be nice to them. You can be agreeable but always scrutinize everyone from medical staff to your family when it comes to your survival!
A transitioning person is most vulnerable when they blindly believe that someone outside the community accepts them for who they are without a long period of time separating when you told that person to the time they still say they are in your corner.

No matter how much you have accomplished concerning your transition you will find that there is more work to do, much more.
When you find yourself exhausted from all of it and are sleeping ALOT then you know your on the right track.

Keep yourself grounded in reality because it's far too dangerous to day dream.

This is your life Michelle, keep yourself in control of it because your going to feel pulled by people in every direction.

Do not take your eyes off the goal, if you do it's far too easy to get lost in all of this so refocus and get back on task immediately.
This is your life Michelle, transition is deadly business, treat it as such.

Get busy you have work to do.


Julia

[Badtranny]

Geez.. everyone's a critic. We all have to start somewhere. So it seems that some of you believe you have built the better mouse trap.. just remember.. opinions are like A-holes, and every a-hole seems to have one.. even me :heehee:
Thanks for your offering Michelle, and for at least trying to be constructive.

Kelly

I just apologized to 'shelle for contributing to the meangirls vibe. After re-reading my post I feel like it may have come off as unnecessarily emotional. I was indeed very emotional when I wrote it but the OP was harmless. I'm blaming the hormones!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Actually ms Hobbes I liked your note...

You are doing everything right...you have thought this through..and yet sh.t happens, and transition is brutally difficult.

I liked the ops list and it's fair to work it so that you have the best plan...
I'd change the order a bit, and I'd check the info on ts roadmap to get stuff you missed..

Girls that fail to plan invariably suffer more setbacks than girls that don't..

[Aprilrain]

Next time I do this I'll have to remember to make a check list

[Jorja]

Next time I do this I'll have to remember to make a check list

I am sure you will find once is quite enough!

[Hope]

Girls that fail to plan invariably suffer more setbacks than girls that don't..

Definitely.

but lets also be honest, and say that those plans get wadded up, tossed out the window and rewritten, sometimes as often as hourly... particularly as one starts to experience acceleration.

By all means - plan. Read. Know what you will need to do. Know what to expect. Know what the challenges are, and how others have over come them. Figure out what is right for you. Plan. And then do it some more and revise away and be willing and ready to revise your plan, or start all over from a blank slate, as soon as your needs change... and they will.

But by all means, DO the work, learn as much as you can. Be as prepared as possible.

[Rianna Humble]

Girls that fail to plan invariably suffer more setbacks than girls that don't..

I agree with this to an extent, but I tend to treat any plans like I treat a recipe in a book, they are a great guideline but need to be improvised upon to make a real success. After all, as has already been said
The best laid plans o' mice and men gang aft aglee

Take my case, I had plans to start my RLE in July 2010, go to the NHS Gender clinic 3 - 4 months later & be on hormones by the end of the year. It actually went:

* Start of RLE 30 June 2010 (IT at work couldn't do it for the following day)
* First Gender Clinic Appointment 6th June 2011 :sad:
* Letter telling me I must go on the standby list for the standby list for voice therapy August 2011
* Second Gender Clinic appointment brought forward :yippee: to 7 October 2011
* Start of Hormones 2nd week in December 2011

[Sammy777]

you are never going to have a normal female life.
Your being TS will always be an issue,
you will never have pop out a baby

That is a cynical, close minded and rather demeaning thing to say.

Don't assume all of us are unable or willing to get past all things TS' and move on with our lives.

Please don't take YOUR transition experiences and convert them into some blanket term for the rest of us.

The ability to bear a child is not the end all, be all defining pinnacle of womanhood.
Plenty of natal woman can not give birth and that does not make them any less of a woman.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

You can't know your plans are all f@$&ed p unless you have a plan..

[Nicole Erin]

Plans always look good on paper. Plan according to how things are NOW instead of how you hope they will be.
"With my present situation, I can afford..." is more realistic than "by then I should be making this much money" or whatever pipe-dream one may have.

I might be wrong about this but I don't honestly believe that transitioning will change a person a whole lot.
Well like me - the only difference with my life as I see it is - I present differently. Hey I admit completely that my life is a POS. Sure I live as a woman (whatever that means) but my job pays next to nothing, and even after earning TWO degrees in different fields, I am still working crappy hours for near minimum wage. I don't blame my so-called "transition" on that.

[Melody Moore]

Most important, realize that despite your best efforts, you are never going to have a normal female life. Your being TS will always be an issue, you will never have pop out a baby, and whatever stages of youth are gone are gone. You will not go to the prom in a dress or any of those things so many long for.
WTF? I have have never read such a bigoted & transphobic comment as this. Since when
did these things define a woman? This comment reminds me of that stupid Libra Tampon Ad
that offended trans women & cisgendered women everywhere who don't bleed once a month.

Nicole, to read your comments I find them both hurtful and scornful to be making statements like
this, especially to those of us who were intersex and denied the opportunity to be who we truly
are. There are many things that both men & women miss out on. So does missing out on going to
a prom or not being able to have a baby or fix your car make you any less a man or a woman?

This is as crazy as saying that a girl is not a woman because chooses to wear jeans instead of a dress.

[Sammy777]

I might be wrong about this but
I don't honestly believe that transitioning will change a person a whole lot.
Well like me - the only difference with my life as I see it is - I present differently.

You finally got something correct. "You being wrong." :)

So, what you're telling me is you think all TS' shouldn't bother to transition, forget HRT, and hell why not SRS too, because they won't change you "a whole lot". You might as well just be a F/T CD'er because the only difference in your life will be that you will "present differently".

What a crock of shit.
Just because you missed prom and didn't turn out a super model
that doesn't give you the right to rain on everybody elses parade.

[Melody Moore]

I might be wrong about this but I don't honestly believe that transitioning will change a person a whole lot.
Actually I have to agree with Sammy, you are right about this in that you are wrong.

Transition does change a person a hell of a lot, I know for a fact that my quality of life has improved tenfold. I
am happy & really enjoy life now, instead of being depressed and not caring whether or not if I lived or died. In
fact with the way my health was prior to transition I am 100% convinced that I was going to die within 3-5 years
because my endocrine & autoimmune systems were in crisis. Even though I was intersex, I believe that severe
gender dysphoria can also play a huge part in that which I also know affects many others here.

There are no hard and fast rules to follow with gender transition, however it is essential to have some type of
guidance, albeit a guide or a list or better still a fully qualified gender therapist. Especially to deal with some of
the crap that gets thrown at you by other members of the so called "transgender" community who make things
a lot harder for others than they need to be. So how about you ease up Nicole because you got a lot to learn.

[Badtranny]

So how about you ease up Nicole because you got a lot to learn.

Hey Mel,
Nicole doesn't need to ease up cuz all she's done is make a couple of statements. I happen to disagree with her contention that transition is not important but she is speaking from her experience and not mine or yours. All we know is what we know right?

She is never afraid to say something honest and her posts never seem contrived to me and these are the people who should be encouraged to post rather than the hordes of "me too" lemmings that only serve to promote group think.

What she said is not all that offensive considering the source. She has a unique perspective, I'm more curious about what got her there than I am offended.

[Melody Moore]

Sorry Melissa, but I beg to differ, I cannot stand generalised statements that are made by someone
who sounds they are talking on behalf of the community, especially when it comes to what defines our
gender & how much it changes someone. I am sure there are many people who will disagree with her
on this. And for me personally, the more I see this, the more I just want to get up & walk away from
this community. Others get upset if I make a generalised statement that affects a marginalised part
of the community, so its about time, that everyone took this into account nowadays. I respect that
it is just her opinion and it is how she sees things, but some people, including myself find such comments
really offensive. If this is what I got to keep reading here, well I am really unsure how much longer I will
be around because I have had enough of the bigotry & transphobic disrespect by others in the community.

I am also especially irked by the fact that some CDers here have the nerve to jump in on a transsexual
related discussion topic when such a person who isn't undergoing transition really has no clue about it.
It appears to me some people here have an agenda to dissuade others from the idea of transitioning.

Life is confusing and difficult enough when you are transsexual without others
making horrible statements that I feel were purely intended to make others feel
bad about themselves. Even if it was not her intention this is what happens!!!

[Inna]

Guilt, pain, regret, frustration they all make for a volatile concoction. Emotions run high and despair shouts out loud at any one who can listen. I had been there, homophobic brute bloke, who would act as though I would rather beet up a gay then talk to. Why, denial in the strongest form possible to preserve the image I was holding onto for my dear life. I might had hurt lots of innocent, I was hurt all the time by unknowing bullies who bruised her within me by words of encouraging my false manliness.
If someone speaks out and says things which become hurtful to us, chances are they them selves are hurting immensely and don't quite know how to cope with their pain. Everybody hurts at one point, I still do.....but I found solace in knowing the fact that we all truly are not that different, but some hurt because of the darkness surrounding their hearts.

[kellycan27]

IMHO having a plan or "list" is probably the most important thing that one can do in order to achieve your goal of transitioning. Plans do go awry, so contingency plans are also a good idea. I have seen so many TS girls (especially younger girls) that run helter skelter towards transition and end up in limbo.Their need to transition consumes their lives...... to the point that they can no longer function in a manner that actually allows them to move forward. A plan/list is not written in stone.. it's a guide. Things change and you have to adjust, but at the very least by having a plan you have something to fall back on. Personally I am a meticulous planner, probably almost to the point of being anal about it.

Off topic, but .........


The other night my husband ( who by the way .. I planned on marrying before he even had a clue) and I were watching a movie, and this guy was giving his girlfriend a hard time about her constant planning. My Husband says .. she's just like you. I said what do you mean? He said.. you plan on planning things. I said what are you talking about? He said you plan on making plans to go to the grocery store....................Oh really? yes you do that. Do you think that's dumb? No I just think it's a little silly sometimes. You think I am silly? No baby............... Let me tell you something. I work a full time job, and i work side jobs and I take care of the house, you, the kids,the dogs, the cooking, laundry, marketing and the finances, and had I not planned my day I wouldn't be sitting here watching this stupid movie with you, nor would you have been able to insult me...bla,bla,bla. When I stood up to leave the room he had that deer caught in the headlights look on his face.. Oh and by the way, if you had plans on fooling around later... change them, cause that ain't gonna happen. :battingeyelashes:
Guess he didn't "plan" on pissing me off. :heehee:

Kel

[sandra-leigh]

At my last gender therapy session, less than a week ago, I raised the point with my therapist that I did not have any plan or checklist. Or a goal.

I do what works for me, and I recognize that what works well enough for me now might not work for me later. The trend for me is towards a more female life, but if for some reason I were to swing back towards male in part, that would be acceptable. The major problems I have in my life wouldn't go away if I were to fully transition; life is more complicated than that. At the same time if I find at some time that I need to fully transition, then I will do what works.

Being a specific gender is not my goal. Living a productive and satisfactory life is my goal.

Thus, in my situation, checklists are not of any value to me, at least not at this time. I am not (deliberately) heading from "here" to "there": I am "here", I am moseying along, living the life I have now.

What is the goal of transition? I know that for some MTF, it is to become "as female as possible", but in the larger sense, the goal of transition is to arrive at a point where you are comfortable with your gender and body parts and manner of life in that gender. And when you get to somewhere comfortable, you shouldn't be putting yourself down because you skipped paragraph 17 subclause 11-b part III: just go ahead and live.

Now, if you do have something specific you are trying to accomplish, how-to information and reminders about things people tend to overlook can be very useful. But that, I would say, is not really a transition checklist. It might be a "How to change your name in The Independent City-States of The Northern Plains" (do NOT dot your capital I's!), and it might be "What to do if your HMO refuses to fund prostate exams because they classify you as female" -- but master plans are not necessarily productive, IMHO.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Nobody said lists are "absolute "... It is taken as a given that lists are to adjusted and adapted as needed.....nobody..stop assuming people make lists then can't change...that's baloney

if you aren't the type to list things out, bully for you ...are you seriously advising people to just skip any planning?? Are you mocking people that carefully plan out their lives? Who said anything about paragraphs and subclauses?
Who said people that make lists are not totally cool about big changes or adjustments? Nobody...yet the critics come out and make arguments about the meaning of the word list..

[kimdl93]

Geez.. everyone's a critic. We all have to start somewhere. So it seems that some of you believe you have built the better mouse trap.. just remember.. opinions are like A-holes, and every a-hole seems to have one.. even me :heehee:
Thanks for your offering Michelle, and for at least trying to be constructive.

Kelly

ahem, Kelly's message bears repeating. I doubt that many contemplating transition harbor illusions that it will be easy.

[sandra-leigh]

are you seriously advising people to just skip any planning??

Was that question addressed to anyone in particular?

[Kathryn Martin]

Michelle, if you seriously consider transitioning then making a roadmap is a wise thing to do. As time goes on the roadmap will be elaborated on and will become more detailed. I planned my transition very carefully and was rewarded with a smooth uneventful transition without any hitch. You are doing the right thing.

Those of you who even discuss the merits of careful planning, seriously either grow up or get a life.

The practicalities of transitoning require planning financially, professionally, anticipation of set backs, the coming out process, pulling together of information to support your rle preparation, lining up medical appointments so that you have whatyou need to start hormones and have surgery when the time comes. Contingency plans for when the bottom fall out of your support system, you name it. If you see your roadmap as a living document to be adjusted and revised when required then you will have a clear plan. Would anyone really want to undertake a step of this magnitude without at least giving themselves a real chance of success.

[kellycan27]

At my last gender therapy session, less than a week ago, I raised the point with my therapist that I did not have any plan or checklist. Or a goal.

I do what works for me, and I recognize that what works well enough for me now might not work for me later. The trend for me is towards a more female life, but if for some reason I were to swing back towards male in part, that would be acceptable. The major problems I have in my life wouldn't go away if I were to fully transition; life is more complicated than that. At the same time if I find at some time that I need to fully transition, then I will do what works.

Being a specific gender is not my goal. Living a productive and satisfactory life is my goal.

Thus, in my situation, checklists are not of any value to me, at least not at this time. I am not (deliberately) heading from "here" to "there": I am "here", I am moseying along, living the life I have now.

What is the goal of transition? I know that for some MTF, it is to become "as female as possible", but in the larger sense, the goal of transition is to arrive at a point where you are comfortable with your gender and body parts and manner of life in that gender. And when you get to somewhere comfortable, you shouldn't be putting yourself down because you skipped paragraph 17 subclause 11-b part III: just go ahead and live.

Now, if you do have something specific you are trying to accomplish, how-to information and reminders about things people tend to overlook can be very useful. But that, I would say, is not really a transition checklist. It might be a "How to change your name in The Independent City-States of The Northern Plains" (do NOT dot your capital I's!), and it might be "What to do if your HMO refuses to fund prostate exams because they classify you as female" -- but master plans are not necessarily productive, IMHO.

The OP was addressing "transitioning" with that specific goal in mind. You obviously don't have a dog in this fight so what's your point other than to say that you don't need a master plan? It's moot anyway because you don't have that specific goal in mind. I like red sports cars............ what does my liking red sports cars have to do with the OP?

[Jorja]

IMHO having a plan or "list" is probably the most important thing that one can do in order to achieve your goal of transitioning. Plans do go awry, so contingency plans are also a good idea. I have seen so many TS girls (especially younger girls) that run helter skelter towards transition and end up in limbo.Their need to transition consumes their lives...... to the point that they can no longer function in a manner that actually allows them to move forward. A plan/list is not written in stone.. it's a guide. Things change and you have to adjust, but at the very least by having a plan you have something to fall back on. Personally I am a meticulous planner, probably almost to the point of being anal about it.

Off topic, but .........


The other night my husband ( who by the way .. I planned on marrying before he even had a clue) and I were watching a movie, and this guy was giving his girlfriend a hard time about her constant planning. My Husband says .. she's just like you. I said what do you mean? He said.. you plan on planning things. I said what are you talking about? He said you plan on making plans to go to the grocery store....................Oh really? yes you do that. Do you think that's dumb? No I just think it's a little silly sometimes. You think I am silly? No baby............... Let me tell you something. I work a full time job, and i work side jobs and I take care of the house, you, the kids,the dogs, the cooking, laundry, marketing and the finances, and had I not planned my day I wouldn't be sitting here watching this stupid movie with you, nor would you have been able to insult me...bla,bla,bla. When I stood up to leave the room he had that deer caught in the headlights look on his face.. Oh and by the way, if you had plans on fooling around later... change them, cause that ain't gonna happen. :battingeyelashes:
Guess he didn't "plan" on pissing me off. :heehee:

Kel

Well he didn't plan his response very well, that's for sure. ;)

Having a plan for transition and moving forward is an essential part of the process. As Kelly said it is not something set in stone but it is a guide. There are so many things that one needs to do and pay attention to that you can get lost very easily and end up not moving forward.

[sandra-leigh]

The OP was addressing "transitioning" with that specific goal in mind.

Not provable from the original post. No final goal or destination or specific result was mentioned in the original post.


You obviously don't have a dog in this fight

Look again at the original topic, "I think a checklist is in order for transitioning". There is little doubt that I have been transitioning and will probably continue to do so, which is a different matter from where I might end up. Transition is "movement across" or "a change in state", not necessarily a specific end result.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Was that question addressed to anyone in particular?

Yes it was.

It was You.

Everyone here can see where you are coming from.

[Rianna Humble]

The OP was addressing "transitioning" with that specific goal in mind.

Not provable from the original post. No final goal or destination or specific result was mentioned in the original post.


Surgery date

Perhaps it's just my lack of reading skills, but placing surgery at the end of a checklist for transition definitely seems to me to indicate a specific end-point.

On the other hand I'm less sure about the checklist being valid for the transition of someone who can say
if for some reason I were to swing back towards male in part, that would be acceptable.

[Melody Moore]

I personally believe to effectively transition you have to have a fairly good understanding of some of
the issues you will need to address and will also have to overcome on the path to gender transition.

Setting goals & working towards them is important and this is something I am working very hard on
right now to overcome a huge financial hurdle to save the money I need for SRS. I started saving
here last year and had $3000 saved up, but after deciding to get my own place instead of sharing
with others, those savings vanished virtually overnight, so that was a bit of a setback, but getting
myself properly settled started to become a lot more important to me, so that is why I moved.

Fortunately though I have recently picked up more web design clients and started to replenish
those spent funds. But I can see how if you are too tightly locked into a plan, and don't have
other contingency plans, then things can become very difficult. Even though I have set myself
goals, I haven't locked myself into a specific period in which to achieve this because you cannot
predict what setbacks you might have along the way. When I have all the money I need to cover
my costs, I will be booking my surgery and off to Thailand ASAP. How quickly I get there isn't as
important as my health and sanity. So I have to be prepared to deal with setbacks or any other
hurdle that might present itself or I won't have any chance in making it at all.

[Rianna Humble]

No, surgery was listed after FFS (which already includes the word surgery) - so unless the OP was envisaging that the initial FFS would go wrong, this has to be another kind of surgery.

[Kelsy]

I planned almost everything out once I knew which way I was going and I tend to be a " don't worry it will all work out " type but this is too important to not atleast to have general outline and some goals. I planned the exact date I initially came out and coming out is still ongoing! You cannot plan for how others will react and what their impact will have on you. I planned hair removal as a step and thats in progress. I have researched and are planning FFS which I need to have go full time and this is where it begins to get sticky! Money! Money and savings are a huge issue and if I was to advise anyone I would suggest two things Start young and save and take care of your credit. With those two things going the rest seems to fall into place. without them transition is hell!>>>>>>>>>>>> just sayin' :)

Kelsy

[Kristy_K]

Plans always look good on paper. Plan according to how things are NOW instead of how you hope they will be.
"With my present situation, I can afford..." is more realistic than "by then I should be making this much money" or whatever pipe-dream one may have.

I might be wrong about this but I don't honestly believe that transitioning will change a person a whole lot.
Well like me - the only difference with my life as I see it is - I present differently. Hey I admit completely that my life is a POS. Sure I live as a woman (whatever that means) but my job pays next to nothing, and even after earning TWO degrees in different fields, I am still working crappy hours for near minimum wage. I don't blame my so-called "transition" on that.

I have plan very little of my transition. I do have my FFS plan and my SRS plan. But that is about it. Even them plans was only thoughts to begin with.

As for transitioning changing my life. I didn't think it would change my life so I didn't transition for years and stay depress.

OMG was I ever wrong about that. It change my life beyond my imagination.

I can't even begin to tell you of how many positive ways that transitioning has change my life.

Hugs,
Kristy

[stacie]

LMAO...It has been a while since I been here and I see it is still the same old people bitching and fighting over stupid things.