Are there stages of acceptance for transgender people?

[abigailf]

So there are 5 stages of acceptance; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. However, I am not sure they apply very well to gender variance.

I mean, in my mind I have accepted that I am a transsexual. Heck, I am transitioning and really looking forward to it. But I find that I get quite angry at times. I don't know if it is wallowing in self pity or just being pissed off about the change I am about to endure.

I can't stand that I am a transsexual at times. I wish I was like most everyone else, either a girl in a girl body or a boy in a boy body. Why have I been chosen for this? What did I do to deserve this? Why so long to figure it out (stupid, stupid, stupid)?

Last night in bed my mind was whirling and I started to cry, I wanted to just wail, but I had to hold back because both my daughters had friends over for a sleep over and it wouldn't be right for them to hear me crying.

Earlier that morning I was on the treadmill at the gym. Running has always been my escape. My favorite way to clear my head. But as fast as I could run it wasn't fast enough. At a modest 9.5 minute mile pace I still cried. Fortunately the tears couldn't be seen very well with the sweat.

I have about 3 days before my next estrodiol injection which I take every two weeks. I'm guessing that to be the primary cause for my emotional bouts.

Still, is it possible I haven't completely accepted being that I still get angry at times? Or maybe my order is just different. I mean I don't recall the bargaining stage either. I do recall denial, depression and acceptance. I had anger too, but it comes back. Is that to be expected?

Let's see how I feel after my next dose.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Hi Abigail,

I just remember being extremely angry all the time over being born this way.
I was an angry person for many years until I came to accepting myself.
Of course losing it all in transition brought anger again but after five years I'm slowly learning to let alot of that go.


Julia

[Jorja]

Abigail, I think the 5 stages is rather accurate for gender variance. However, we do not all seem to use all of the stages or all the same stages in the same order. In my case, I did not use denial. I always knew I was a girl. I accepted that I was a girl freely. My anger grew as I got older. Not so much because I was a girl stuck in a boy's body but because no one would listen to me. I cryed myself to sleep many nights because of it. I can remember bargaining with God, my parents, anyone I thought that might help. I will do this for you, if you will help me become a girl. My depression became so bad when everyone refused to help me. I tried to end my life three times and thank God I failed at that.

All of this took place 30 to 50 years ago. Back then, it was a major taboo to even think of my being something other than a male. There was no internet, no information available, I did not know another single person like myself. As I have mentioned before, a neighbor girl brought me an article clipped out of a magazine about Christine Jorgenson. I knew it was possible then and that was really the begining of my transformation.

It is possible that you have not fully accepted yourself. You have lived a lifetime so far as him. How long have you lived as Abigail? It takes time. It is OK to get angry. This life so many of us have been dealt really sucks and no one deserves it. Yet, here we are. The question is, what are you going to do about it?

Keep your head up and be proud of who you are and who you can become. It is not easy but if you really want it or need it, it is possible.

[abigailf]

Thanks girls. And Jorja, I thank God you failed too. Otherwise we all would be missing out. And yes, I have accepted me. It doesn't mean I can't get angry about it from time to time. Like Julia, in time I will learn to let a lot of it go. That I am sure of.

[LeaP]

Anger is a strange thing. It a theme that runs through my life. My sister once gave me a book "Angry All The Time" - she thought I had a problem (little did she know). I haven't spoken to her in a couple of years - too P.O.d at her over something else (LOL). For most of those years I didn't have a clue what I was angry about.

None of us asked for this. Why should you not be angry? Let it burn until it burns out - which it surely will. Besides, sometimes anger isn't striking out so much as the self arising in strength.

Lea

[Nicole Erin]

I read somewhere that depression is nothing more than anger without the enthusiasm.

Sometimes I get depressed over being TS and not being as passable as i would like. You know, things like being at work and the guys will flirt with certain girls but that never happens to me. Might have something to do also with the fact that I am not 21 like they are.

But yeah I think when acceptance comes is when you realize you have to live your life either way. Just take what you have and make the best of it.

For me, the acceptance thing happened mostly when I found myself divorced, alone, jobless, nothing to show for busting my ass working since I was 15 and finally realized I just didn't have much else to lose.
I think some TS have a hard time accepting themselves cause they sstand to lose a lot if they decide to live this life but if everything is gone or never was there, that is when you quit beating yourself up and realize, "This is who I am, why deny myself any longer?"

I would love to have FFS or go back in time and do things different but both are impossible.