Admirer under my own roof

[Lucy_Bella]

:doh: I have an Admirer living with me under my own roof ... What are the chances? I am secure in my sexuality so nothing has happened but, I have been dressed in front of and around this person a few times .. It has gotten to the point to where I will not even talk about it anymore let alone dress in front of this person..

At first I felt fine ( very therapeutic ) just to be able to express my dressing was a great feeling , but then after a few more times I started to get some bad vibes ( for me anyways ) and it started to get un comfortable.. It gets that way because I am the same person dressed in Fem or in DRAB ( this person doesn't see it that way ) and way to many obvious passes have been made ..

Okay ,,, so I kinda asked for it right?.. I don't think really think so , this person knows I am straight and it was made clear through many prior conversations.. Why can't I get a GG admirer ? Everything has settled down since I have been keeping Lucy back in the closet and stopped talking about dressing up ( he came across as a fellow CDER not an admirer starting out ) because I gave him a starter kit from my stash ..But I didn't expect to be hit on..:eek: I was just trying to help him out...

[Jennifer8]

like - WOW!!! really? IDK if I could deal with that. he only does it when you are dressed up? weird

[Misskelly]

Hmm this has to be hard , I mean specially if you have to stop being lucy cause he makes you uncomfortable . I'm guessing you don't want to tell him to back off or living arrangements can become awkward . But it might be the best thing to do it not fair to you to not be able to be the person you enjoy .

[Rebecca W.]

Hi Lucy Bella,

When you dress as a woman, I believe that his natural instinct is to be attracted to you because you are now a woman in his eyes. (Hormones take over) I suppose that not dressing in front of him anymore will suppress his desires towards your feminine appearance, when dressed. We are all here for you to talk with and just let us know how it all works out.

Take care,
Rebecca

[Kristy_K]

I would just to be honest with them about how you feel and how they are making you feel. They may not understand totally what this is doing to you mentally. Than again his T's levels could be controlling him and making him blind to what is happening. Which is normal with some males.

Kristy

[Blizzardx10]

I agree with Kristy, Its really something that varies from case to case. I'm also straight and like to dress up but I don't even have a person to help me through it. I just enjoy being the new me. So I guess what I'm saying is, that you have to decide what is important to you. If he is a close friend and you don't want confrontation then just continue with what your doing. However, if you want to gain you freedom back you will have to let him know that No means no. Considering you probably know those base desires are always strong regardless of orientation.

Be free man. If you need to chat I'll be more than happy to do so. I'm a little alone in this too and could use a friend. :)

[PretzelGirl]

One thing I don't see you mentioning is who's roof is it? Is he a guest, you are a guest, or neither? If it is your home, you do have the ultimate power. Even if it isn't your home, no should be enough and you have to make that clear. Dressing in front of him becomes a sticky issue no matter what.

[Lucy_Bella]

One thing I don't see you mentioning is who's roof is it? Is he a guest, you are a guest, or neither? If it is your home, you do have the ultimate power. Even if it isn't your home, no should be enough and you have to make that clear. Dressing in front of him becomes a sticky issue no matter what.

Sorry, this person is a guest and he is my ex Girl friends younger brother.. He moved in when she was still living with me. She also knew of my dressing and had no problem with it.. He got into some trouble and had to spend some time in jail. Lost everything he owned and is now making a fresh start.. My daughter and son-in-law and grand kids also live under my roof ( I am not out to them) .. This person is my son -in -laws older step brother.. My girl friend ( my son-in-laws older step sister) wanted me to let him know about Lucy when she was still living with me, his older brother ( big family) already knew ( he helped me on my first outing ) ..

We talked a few times before I ever dressed around him, it was made clear that I like women GGs..When we talked about dressing he would express his life time desires to also dress.. So I gave him some clothes, hair and odds and ins( things that where too small for me)so I thought I was helping him. I even suggested this site for support .. I stopped dressing around him because of the advances he would make in comments and jesters but he was a gentleman about it, still made me feel weird .. If I am in DRAB he doesn't do that and is very respectful.. He is in the closet with his family because he is also gay ( other than his openly gay older brother and sister and now me know this)..

I told him how I felt about how he treated me while I am dressed( uncomfortable) , he offered to move out ..I told him no I wasn't dressing around him anymore problem solved ..His income is starting to come back now and he should be out by the end of this next month .. I like my closet but when my kids are gone I like to wonder out into my own house sometimes ..I guess I will have to wait a few months now, I know what a wasp nest but it really isn't that bad everything is fine .. In fact he has now gone out on dates with other men ( still hiding this from his family) or so he tells me .But I am standing firm cause I think it's best to keep the dressing to myself and out of sight,, so still stuck in my room ..

It's been over a month since all of this .. I think he mistakenly thought because I dressed, I would welcome advances and it shows the level of most peoples thoughts.. it just wrong ..I don't think it's un common for most people to think that and I made it clear from the start I wasn't that way..That's also beside the fact that I am not that way but what if I was ? It still would have be wrong because this person is my exes little brother and related to my son-in-law..

[Karren H]

Since he's a guest just lay down the rules and tell him to back off or you'll kick him out on the street!

[GaleWarning]

I agree with Karen. You should feel comfortable in your own home. If he continues to make you feel uncomfortable, don't hesitate to tell him to leave.

[Shananigans]

His criminal background, income, and lack of housing makes him sound like a true winner.

You tried to be nice by giving some clothes and suggesting this site...you gave an inch and he took a mile. It sounds like you have told him your thoughts and feelings on this one, so if he continues to make you uncomfortable then ask him to leave. Sometimes silly people need it spelled out for them.

You'll find a GG that appreciates your feminine side, if that's what you want. It seems like there have been a number popping up on here recently...ya just gotta look around.

Good luck and welcome to the world of dealing with stupid men.

[stacycoral]

Lucy, the girls here have given you so great advise, Protect yourself please.

[DanaR]

His criminal background, income, and lack of housing makes him sound like a true winner.

You tried to be nice by giving some clothes and suggesting this site...you gave an inch and he took a mile. It sounds like you have told him your thoughts and feelings on this one, so if he continues to make you uncomfortable then ask him to leave. Sometimes silly people need it spelled out for them.

You'll find a GG that appreciates your feminine side, if that's what you want. It seems like there have been a number popping up on here recently...ya just gotta look around.

Good luck and welcome to the world of dealing with stupid men.
Great answer, I completely agree.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I don't say this to be mean, but allowing someone with a criminal record to live with you and the kids was a bad decision. Your first obligation is to protect yourself and the children, not someone else who is not even family by blood.

[Jonianne]

.....Okay ,,, so I kinda asked for it right?.. I don't think really think so......

Yeah, don't even go there. Unless you were specificly dressing to tease, it doesn't matter what cloths you wear. If a guest is making you feel uncomfortable in your own home, it's time for them to be moving on.

[soulsister GG]

He got into some trouble and had to spend some time in jail. Lost everything he owned and is now making a fresh start..

It's been over a month since all of this .. I think he mistakenly thought because I dressed, I would welcome advances and it shows the level of most peoples thoughts.. it just wrong ...

His criminal background, income, and lack of housing makes him sound like a true winner.

I am just in disbelief that a comment like that "true winner" is even mentioned. I mean from what I have learned on this site and accepting the lifestyle, each of you wishes not to be stereotyped and yet here are some who immediately stereotype your admirer as a loser because he made a mistake. You said he was starting a new life...I read most new CD's are trying to start a new life as well. Shannagan, you don't know why he was in jail or the circumstances so kinda harsh to judge isn't it? Just saying!!!

[Shananigans]

Sorry, SoulSister. But, I don't see how my answer is "stereotyping." I was just working with the facts that were presented. I'm all for people turning their lives around, but at the same time successful people usually want to be around other successful people. I certainly wouldn't be dropping my panties at the prospect of this guy...which is basically what he wants from the OP.

Can I be judgmental? Sure. But, I call it learning my lesson from dating a bunch of losers in my past. If you just got your get out of jail free card, have unreliable income, and are shacking up at your friend's house, you need not try. I don't see how this is mind-boggling. Remember that TLC song "No Scrubs"? There ya go.

I also would be kinda be disapproving if a friend started dating someone like that because I'd be worried he was trying to leech off of her. (It has happened). If they stick it out and he turns out to be a great guy...I'd apologize to his face and congratulate him on getting his sh*t together.

This isn't stereotyping. I don't really know many CDs that fit this dude's description. My SO is graduating college with a bachelor's degree and prospects of a master's. In some studies, CDs at shown to have an above average IQ and work in pretty much every field that you can imagine. I'd say That is more the stereotype than bumming on your friend's sofa.

[kimdl93]

Well, if he's moving out soon, you've cleared the air with him, and if since the conversation, he's minding his manners, then the best thing to do is exercise a little patience and retraint. Once he's moved on, you can get back to some semblance of normalcy. If he ever crosses the line again in any way, then , you may have to ask him to leave sooner.

[Katyana]

Sorry, SoulSister. But, I don't see how my answer is "stereotyping.".

As someone who just recently could have been described that same way, I would have to call it stereotyping myself. I not so long ago left my ex wife, was jobless ( economy in Michigan ) no place to call my home, and I to have a criminal background...from TWENTY years ago. Today, I am half owner in a photography business, will be going back to finish my business degree in the summer, and am currently redesigning the family room. So, my point here, is that the issue in all reality had nothing to do with his past, is had to do with the fact she felt uncomfortable in her own home, and not by a reason that had to do with his past. "Do not judge me only by the mistakes I have made, but also by my effort to correct them"

[Lucy_Bella]

Very sorry to everyone, I did leave a few key notes out about this person..He went to jail for DUI's he made a few mistakes and he paid for it with everything he owned. This person is studying for his masters in business and has been going to college for several years.. He could become a CEO of a major company someday who knows?

I am helping him to get back on his feet because he is a good kid, he can not help he admirers anymore than I can not help I like to dress.. But if I am going to choose the admiration , it will be me helping him get back on his feet.. What he does after that is his own business.. I wouldn't be helping him if I thought he was a bad kid or a loss cause..

[Shananigans]

Well, Lucy, I admire you for your patience and faith in people. There is something to be said for it, because I would have put his a$$ out a long time ago.

Of course, I'd lose my job and my license for a DUI, so my career would be over...but, it's good he still has prospects. You have a good heart and it's nice he has someone there to help him out, but I would not let anyone take advantage of my hospitality.

Also, Katyana, congratulations on getting your sh*t together.

[Barbara Ella]

It takes contact with people to really know what they are made of, and what they want to accomplish, so i congratulate you on helping this kid, Lucy.

With that said, he really is just a kid. He sounds immature, but promising. emotionally i bet he is totally a young juvenile in nature, and that can go a long way in explaining his immature, unthinking behavior toward you. It is also, unfortunately, a societal problem also, as said earlier. He really may think that you fishing for compliments when you dress, and he has no skell at complimenting a woman other than to hit on them, as internally he probably feels that the highest compliment he can pay anyone is to let them know he is interested in them.

Stay the course, and dont let him not move out when the time is right. Keep the children protected at all costs.

Babes

[Stephanie47]

You mentioned he spent some time in jail. That may be the key to his behavior. Was he somebody's jail house 'bitch'? Did he have a jail house 'bitch?' Supposedly male on male sex is rampant in the slammer. It could be feels he can convince you to try something you really don't want to do. I saw an interview on YouTube concerning the subject, and, it isn't pretty. I'd ask him to leave.