Where do I fit in

[Janelle_C]

I had a very hard weekend. I just started therapy and have been talking to my wife about things down the road that I don't even now if and when I will be able to do like going out to events en femme. I think I was overwhelming her. She snap at me a little and I started to feel very insecure. And I started to question what I'm doing and why I am doing this. I started to feel that I was destroying my family and I should just stop. I was a emotional wreck all weekend. I talked it out with her last night and we agreed to just take it a little slower and I overreacted and we are fine. I got her to read a some of the post from other SO which I think helped. I still don't know how much of my fem side will take over down the road or if i will be able to strike a balance between the two. I want to know it all now but I guess I well have to be patient and that is so hard. It seems that I've been waiting for ever for this.:daydreaming:

[Karren H]

That's understandable. Many people fear the unknown... Especially when it applies to the future... Vs the status quo...

[kimdl93]

Many of us have the same concerns. I would like to suggest that ultimately, you have to make choices based on your priorities. Obviously, your family has to be a top priority. That doesn't mean that you have to deny yourself...and it doesn't mean that the choices and priorities you set today are necessarily etched in stone. It just means that for now, your balance point moves a little - one way or another - to accomodate both your needs and your responsibilities. It may help to make a choice, and chose your direction, rather than feeling like your live is being controled "by your fem side". It may also help if you start thinking of your feminine side as part of who you are, rather than as an alter ego.

[DanaR]

I'm sure it is very frightening to your wife as well. I'm very careful what I tell my wife, because I don't want to worry or hurt her as she is important to me. I'm also honest with her about my feelings. I heard this years ago and it is so true, "don't run if you are on the wrong road".

Be careful what course you set for your life, make sure it is the right one. It is easy to find yourself on dead end roads.

[Jenniferathome]

Keep in mind that while not new to you, it is very new to her. Move at her pace, not yours.

[Barbara Ella]

Sorry you had a bad weekend, but we all know these short down times are bound to happen and we need to be aware of the triggers and work to lessen the impact. You have made the right decision to go slow. WHen two people are involved it has to happen, regardless of how it makes you/me feel, it is best for the couple. I find that I should not discuss the future. My wife knows it and worries enough about future changes that might or might not happen and my bringing it up puts it too much in the forefront of her mind. Yes, you worry about it, but best to keep it as only one really worrying.

You will be surprised at how her mind will work on things, and arrive at decisions that are best for all on her own. Let her set your pace, and concentrate on enjoying what you can at present to the fullest. Hopefully if she sees you happy being in the present she might be more willing to advance the front a little, just not talk about doing it in the future. keep yourself and her centered in the present.

This is my focus right now, and we have been very happy, and she has less worries weighing her mind down with less future concerns. If even I do not know what I might do, no need to discuss them. Push the envelope a little slower, but try to more fully enjoy what I can do now.

Babes

[sissystephanie]

You have gotten some very good advice in reply to your OP. If you follow that advice, you should not have any problems! Remember, if you truly love your wife then your life moves at HER pace. I was married for almost 50 years to a totally supportive lady who knew that I was a CD when we married! I lost her to cancer 7 years ago. She always knew that I was her man, no matter what clothes I had on!! That is what counts, if you want to have happy marriage!

[Janelle_C]

I do love my wife very much its just hard to not share my excitment. But I do under stand her fears to. Its just that she is such a loving and accepting person she would never think anything bad about a CDer she met or would she hesitate to greet and talk to someone CDing. So it hurts a little that she dos'nt know how she feels about going out with me dressed. But I do know that there is a difference.

[candice44]

My wife knows I crossdress but she doesn't know that I am transgendered. Very soon I have to explain to her that this goes way beyond just dressing up. I already know she will be broken hearted because that will mean the end of us.

[AnitaH]

My wife knew about my CD before we married but it was understood that I was stopping. Now 16 years later I know I never can and that I am transgendered. It was a difficult conversation to have with her. I don't know where this might be going and the changes I have gone though leaves her in fear that I might transition. I don't know and can't reassure her that will not happen. But we talk often and openly about it. Talk to you wife but don't overwhelm her. Your transgendered issues have a major impact to her life also. Remember there are other things in life besides CD or transgendered issues, talk about them don't let this one issue become the only topic. Do the things necessary to show her that you still love her and value her. She loses a sense of security when you're not sure where you fit in so you may have to make an effort to ease comfort her.

Wishing every thing works out well for you both.

AnitaH