what to do? and shopping crisis!

[CDAllie]

I am 20 years old and a cross dresser, been with this site for a while but i am on and off and not very consistent. this is because i am confused and do no know what to think.

On one hand i love the man i am and i want to let him nourish and grow. on the other hand i have a beautiful women inside me wanting to emerge and share the feminine side of myself with the world. it is so hard to decide which to choose, can i have both?

I also want to know how anyone out there feels when they shop as a boy, i did my first trip to victoria's secret and had a blast. although i go alt of questions like "shopping for your girlfriend?" i just said yes. How do you think they would treat me if i said it was for me? also im afraid of becoming a regular customer on a lie like that, im sure they would catch on. do you think they would be accepting of CDs?

[~Joanne~]

Yes, that's the beauty of being a CD. You can choose which side you want the world to see when you want them to see it. Some CD's go on to transition but a lot of CD's are happy and content with both sides of their beings. I personally enjoy being joanne on a daily basis for awhile but am also happy to be in drab and do the guy things also. I guess the answer is determined by your own mind set :)

From reading this forum you will find that the regular stores, VS, JCPenny's etc, etc, etc mostly do their jobs regardless of your appearance and are very helpful. Not all mind you, but most. It really doesn't matter WHO your buying for, your money is the same as everyone else's .

[PretzelGirl]

Hi Allie! Everything is about balance. If you find you enjoy girl time and you also enjoy guy time, then you have to work it. Which side is pulling on you more? Some weeks it may be 50-50 and other weeks one side might dominate. It doesn't matter as long as you feel content inside. For anyone not fully transitioning, I highly encourage having important activities for both sides. You are a special person, celebrate your whole self! So your question is what to choose? Choose the whole you.

As far as shopping, you will see many here that shop in drab for themselves. Others dress to shop. You can do it either way. Just go with your comfort level. There is no book. Just decide what you are okay with and that is what will probably work for you.

[kimdl93]

Sue and Joanne pretty much nailed it. You have the good fortune (some would argue that point) of being able to enjoy the best of both worlds. You can find what ever blend of genders that suits you.

[Karren H]

I think you can have both... If it what you want.. Makes life more complicated but it basically requires good planning and scheduling skills...

[jillleanne]

The confusion is normal and will probably continue for some time, maybe forever. That all depends on how well and how soon you learn to accept who you are meaning gender enhanced; having the desire and ability through acceptance to express both your masculine and feminine personalities. The sooner you come to understand there is nothing wrong with you and you totally acccept yourself, the sooner total peace and happiness within yourself is discovered. You are just another person in the world that happens to like wearing clothes associated with both birth genders( according to current social beliefs) depending on how you feel that day. Go ahead, be that man or woman that day, depending on how you feel. That's part of your beauty and of who you are.
The sales agents in the stores couldn't care less who wears what these days. You might run into the odd one that thinks you are weird or something so you can either take the time to explain yourself, or just go elsewhere, your choice. You're the one doing the spending so you are in control. I'd just tell them it's for me becuae they fit better, they feel better, and they definitely look better. lol

[Melissa Cross]

I've never felt any pressure to choose between male and female. Some weeks I spend a lot of time as Melissa and some weeks I don't dress at all. That's what is great about being a CD. My feminine side is always there inside of course.

In terms of shopping, When I shop en drab, I used to tell SAs that I was shopping for my wife but now I confidently state I'm shopping for myself. When en femme they obviously know. I've never had a problem shopping in drab or en femme. Take it slow and do what you feel comfortable with.

Melissa

[Jenniferathome]

Allie, you can have both. It's great. Enjoy both parts of you, male and female. As for shopping at VS or anywhere, yes, they will begin to assume you are a cross dresser if you frequent the place. So what? They want to sell things, they do not cared those things are worn by you or your girlfriend. I'll bet that of you told the sales associate that the items were for you, you'd get even better service and get things that fit right the first time...

[AllieSF]

Hi Allie. Now why does your name sound so familiar? Anyway, you have gotten some great advice so far and mine will probably say the same thing. One Balance. I am old and I started very late dressing, so from the voice of late experience, it actually is fairly easy to find that mysterious balance if you have the right attitude. I personally, have a great balance right now in living my male life and my frequent female outing one very happily and successfully. Now, I do need some balance in how I let my female side outweigh my male side when it comes to time allocation. For one thing I spend way too much time on this site and not doing some things that I should and need to do, like minor home improvements. I think for you, if you can just accept that you like to express your feminine side once in awhile, that you can then take the questioning out of why you do that. I don't think anyone here really can say why they do this when it is so outside what a normal man would do as a side activity. If you can accept that the answer is really not necessary and that what you are doing is not wrong in any way, then you are well on your way to finding the balance.

As for shopping, I have been buying gifts for women, girls, girlfriends, daughter, nieces and so on most of my life. I never felt bad about buying gifts, except for those panties for my wife. Even that became a non-issue once I realized that other men do that and Victoria's Secret became a household word. With all my courage going out where I want dressed as a woman, I still sometimes for whatever reason, do not feel like saying that the cute top or skirt that I am looking at or take to the check out counter is for me. At those time, I will ask for a gift receipt just in case it doesn't fit, or I may say I hope she likes it and that it fits her. Little lies of no consequence. It doesn't really matter to them, nor is there an explanation needed for you to buy something from their store. So shop and enjoy. As many have and will say, practice makes perfect and also takes away the fear of doing something that may seem scary. Good luck, enjoy life, both sides and welcome to the forum.

[Vickie_CDTV]

You can have both sides of yourself, being a dresser does not mean you will become less of a man (nor will dressing inevitably turn you into a TS), and being a man does not make you less of a dresser.

If you are uncomfortable buying in person, you can always buy online. I don't make a judgment one way or another, if you would rather not buy in person you have plenty of other options available.