Had an appointment with a local psychiatrist today.

[Melissa Jill]

I was really worried that I wouldn't be comfortable talking about my transgender issues but he was so nice I felt really at ease and was able to tell him everything.
He said that whilst I definetly have gender issues, further analysis is needed to see if I would need the surgery as hes not sure on that. I know why that is too, its one question that was asked I couldn't really answer.
"Do you think you would feel more comfortable in a womans body?"
I struggled to answer that because I don't really know, I don't feel uncomfortable in my own body and I wouldnt feel uncomfortable in a womans body. Id prefer it sure, but comfort hasnt really crossed my mind.
Well, hes referred me to the Gender Identity Clinic in London, who can then prescribe me hormones. But the waiting list to be seen there is about 9 months. urgh, nine months. But at least things are moving forwards.
All of a sudden everything feels a lot more real and Im a little scared. I wanted to wait a while because at the moment Im only on a temporary contract with my job, but all of a sudden I feel like I need to do things sooner. I need to slow down.
Ive started telling my friends. They've been pretty cool about it. I need to tell my parents. THATS what Im worried about.

[david]

melissa jill do not be scared it took me the same time to see a gender specialist in glasgow namely the sandyford clinic my initial interview took one and a half hours after which i was told that i was definately a trans woman in mind and i was asked the same questions regards to becoming a woman again i could not answer that so i was prescribed female hormones which have helped me to fully come to terms with how i feel .I can only say this to you again do not be afraid as if you do not go ahead with the transition you will regret it in the future.My so did come with me to find out whither what i was feeling was in fact true and was reassured that this was what i was in fact a transgender woman in a male body.We are still together and both of us are in love so go for it girl it is your life enjoy it.I do with no regrets. davinaxxx

[DebbieL]

If you don't have much experience living as a woman, then it would be much harder to make that statement honestly. This is why they usually recommend living as a woman for at least 1 year, full time, or as close to it as possible - before considering SRS. However, they can usually start hormones, electrolysis, and other "reversable" procedures before that. Your GP may be able to prescribe hormones as well. You still want to be seen by the Gender Identity clinic, and would want to start living as a woman as much of the time as you can (from when you leave work to when you go into work, growing your hair, and doing facial hair removal now - laser, electrolysis, and plucking can be started immediately. It's not cheap, but if you plan on transition, it's a key element - at minimum it shows a commitment.

[Melissa Jill]

Yeah, Im looking at electrolysis as I reckon I can afford it. Ive been growing my hair for about 14 months, Im learning makeup stuff. I have found a voice therapy thing online which I am starting. When I do get that appointment in 9 months (or so) time I plan to be pretty far along.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

You would be well served to think this through more before you go telling people... you don't NEED to tell anyone!! yet.

This is from experience..

Having support from friends and loved ones is true blessing if you are going to move forward with a meaningful transition..
Telling them now only serves to confuse and trouble them...nine months is a long time!! once you tell them, then what??
the exception to this rule is parents/loved ones that you simply KNOW will be supportive...some people are just so loving and nurturing and you can spill your guts and all your confusion and they will just hug you and love you....if you have that type of person around you then by all means share this

also when you do share, you need to educate as well...you need to get lots of info together so you can answer questions for people that will concerned for you..

if you don't ever transition, there really isn't a good reason to share your crossdressing with someone unless you really want to...

people will simply have no idea what to do with you if you share all this before you know what to do about it..and you will likely be disappointed that most people will marginalize you or shrug their shoulders with indifference at best. (even tho they may say nice things to your face)



lay low, get your stuff done, THEN start telling people when you know what you are doing..

[Melissa Jill]

You would be well served to think this through more before you go telling people... you don't NEED to tell anyone!! yet.

This is from experience..

Having support from friends and loved ones is true blessing if you are going to move forward with a meaningful transition..
Telling them now only serves to confuse and trouble them...nine months is a long time!! once you tell them, then what??
the exception to this rule is parents/loved ones that you simply KNOW will be supportive...some people are just so loving and nurturing and you can spill your guts and all your confusion and they will just hug you and love you....if you have that type of person around you then by all means share this

also when you do share, you need to educate as well...you need to get lots of info together so you can answer questions for people that will concerned for you..

if you don't ever transition, there really isn't a good reason to share your crossdressing with someone unless you really want to...

people will simply have no idea what to do with you if you share all this before you know what to do about it..and you will likely be disappointed that most people will marginalize you or shrug their shoulders with indifference at best. (even tho they may say nice things to your face)


lay low, get your stuff done, THEN start telling people when you know what you are doing..

ok, thank you for the advice. I have every intention of fully transitioning. If it were up to me I would go all the way. Should I tell my parents yet? I mean, I feel I should and the psychiatrist says I need to tell them, but as you said 9 months is a long time...

[kimdl93]

Glad you're able to see the psychologist and got a referral to a Gender ID Clinic. Hopefully, over the coming months, you'll be able to resolve the struggles and ambiguous feelings. It may be that there's a place where you'll be comfortable that doesn't require surgery. Its really a matter of finding that place. then, perhaps decsions will be a little easier to make.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Well what would you tell them exactly? What do you want from them?
Can you guess whether they will help or hinder you?

[arbon]

Parents - they are tricky! I don't have advice to give really, I put off telling my mom until I had to because she knew something was up and was worried, and by the time I told her a lot of people in town knew and the rumors were running fast so she was going to find out anytime. She was upset that I had not come to her sooner, she felt a little betrayed by my lack of trust, but in my defense I put it off because I did not think she would take it well, which she hasn't as it has worried her sick - it is almost like I told her I was dying. Telling my dad was not such a big deal because he lives far away.

I don't really understand why your psychiatrist thinks you should do it so soon, is it to prove to the system that you are serious?

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Melissa, don't worry about not being able to answer the question about whether you would feel more comfortable in a woman's body. The psychiatrist was being a little forward in his questioning. His job is not to diagnose you as requiring surgery, but to ensure that there are no mental health complications and to get you the referral to Charing Cross GIC - which he is doing.

He also seems to have set the wrong expectations for your first visit to the GIC - the don't prescribe hormones before you have been independently assessed by two gender specialists. I know that they are currently breaching their declared 18 week waiting list, but provided that your Primary Care Trust plays fair, you may not have to wait 9 months for the first of the two appointments. They will make the second appointment at the end of your first consultation, but you might like to do what I did and ask if they can also put you on the list to take a cancellation - I gained 2 months by doing that.

If you are really sure about needing to transition, you may want to consider doing the deed poll to change your name before you go to Charing Cross - they will take that into account in the assessments.

Someone may be able to find the link to the old sticky about telling a partner about cross-dressing. I do understand that you are TS rather than CD, but I found a lot of the advice in that old sticky to be very helpful when I needed to tell my father who was then 88.

I think you may be right about slowing down, but these things tend to take on a life of their own.

[Katelyn B]

...Ive started telling my friends. They've been pretty cool about it. I need to tell my parents. THATS what Im worried about.

Speaking as someone who just finished coming out to every last person in my life (aside from family), whilst it's great to no longer have to hide your true self the one thing I've noticed is that every conversation I get into ends up becoming about my transition. I've heard its similar (though not really equatable) to telling people you have cancer, every conversation you have is about it, regardless of what your actually talking about. Its annoying because all you want is to be treated like a normal person and not a special case, but that just what seems to happen. Whilst its great people want to talk about it, sometimes it gets overwhelming sand tiring to (from my perspective) keep covering the same ground over and over again. To the point I almost wish I'd left someone of the list just so I wouldn't worry that at some point we're going to get onto "it" again. I'm hoping it will subside at some point in the future

I have no advice regards telling your parents, I haven't told mine yet, but then in my case our lives don't really intersect very often so it isn't an issue, I guess I prefer to keep them in ignorance and the (pretend) image of a happy family in my head.