"Why do you need to go out?"

[Jenniferathome]

Is what my wife asked me last night. I usually ask my wife every few weeks if everything is still cool with my crossdressing. This is just to get some conversation going and she never disappoints. Notably, she recognized the "need." Her question got me thinking, and I offered this:

* There is a challenge of "passing" and I like a challenge. It tests my skills.
* It's boring to get dressed and just sit. I asked her how she would feel if she got dressed up and then just sat. She said she'd hate it but of course would only dress up IF she was going somewhere:)
* it gives me an opportunity to show the world this is "me" without having to yell it or explain it. Some sort of physical validation, I guess.

I am sure there is more,but I like the questions from her that make me think.

[Debglam]

I agree, particularly the "boring" part. For me though, going out means meeting up with other girls. This is the main reason that I need to go out.

Debby

[STACY B]

:2c::2c::2c: Just like I told my wife ,, You are the only one that sees me , An of corse she said so,, An then I said well you see me goin threw it every step of the way, An I realy want your advive,,,, sometimes you need someone else to see an whatch there reaction so you will know how far you have come ,, Baby steps at first then ya know how far it can go . But I dont blame you its exspensive to get all dolled up just to sit around an do nothing . Your at that point that we all get to where stayin home is not enough ,,Just wish there was somewhere to go where I live, Ya have to go out of town an try it first then build up from there like I said baby steps. Ive been out so just set up a little road trip one night not to far just far enough to get your feet wet . :thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

[docrobbysherry]

I'm with, Deb on this. Going out shopping at Macy's dressed? I don't like going there in drab! Wearing blendy granny dresses and facing hysterical SAs? That's NOT my idea of fun!

The great thing about going out with other girls is, I can dress more like Sherry! And, if a mob with pitchforks finds us, I'll probably be able to outrun at least a few of the girls in our group!

[AllieSF]

I also agree with the boring part. Plus, since I am extroverted and very social, I "need" to go out to feed that part of me. I love going wherever I would go in male mode and doing the same things, plus I love meeting and talking to complete strangers.

[Jilmac]

I understand the validation part but the need for me to go out vanished a while ago. Now it's just the sheer pleasure of being out and being me.

[kimdl93]

I agree with all the reasons you've stated. I quickly became bored with confining myself to the house. And thee is definately a feeling of validation in being out with other people and having positive experiences. I view the challenge as being able to blend...and look as nice as I can

[ArleneRaquel]

At my stage of life validation is not an issue, but going about my routine chores, shopping for groceries, taking the trash out,bring in the mail, and so on, I present as female which is how I want to be seen.

[danielle_from_cal]

That's an intriguing question that your wife has posed. Do any of us really "need" to "go out". I mean, it is unlikely that we are going to die or suffer horrifically if we do not get dressed up and go out? Probably not.

For me, the first time I went out dressed in public, it was as though some inner force was driving me. I wanted to "show off" this female-looking side of me, but I also wanted to see the reaction of others. I think that it is similar to an entrepreneurial desire to stretch ones comfort zone to "test the waters" to see what others think of an idea.

I suggest that you think of the need to "go out" as being an entrepreneurial experience (or experiment). Try it, see if it helps you achieve any goals, and determine if there is a desire in the market for you to do it again. America was built on entrepreneurship; you are just approaching it from a different angle.

[Acastina]

Three good reasons (and Debglam makes four). We hadn't been out for some time when we went to Sacramento for New Years Eve. I wasn't quite prepared for my reaction when we got to the club. I was almost giddy, and I realized that it had been too long.

[Laura912]

Having just gone out for the first time late in life, it was a sense of completing a journey, or arriving at some sort of destination. Dressing and staying in was nice but the trip out left a sense of fulfillment, sort of like for 70 years there had been all this training and practice, then came the final exam. I can also understand the feeling of validation that others have.
Laura

[Melissa Cross]

This is a great question. I used to be satisfied dressing and staying home. When I started to go out as Melissa I was soooo nervous but know it's easy and I do have the need to go out when I'm dressed. I think the validation reason is probably true for me and I guess it makes me feel like a woman to be out and about in the world presenting as a woman. Having someone outside my family accept me as Melissa when I'm out and about is validating for me.

[CorrieCanda]

I've thought of dressing right up, yet I'd need a wig and never even tried putting makeup on.... where do you start? Here in cowboy country I'd be afraid in getting jumped and beat up.... I've seen adds on the net locally about drag queens looking for friends yet I'm thinking it may just be a set up to get beat-up... When I lived on the BC coast I met some drag queens through some band mates yet we did not even go into teir apartment. We just said hi and bye. Now that I think of it a regular bass player I had for awhile used to come to our jams wearing a dress and high heels yet no make-up or wig. I was not sure what to think and just accepted him as is. I thought it was just part of his get-up. Never thought to ask..... Man, I'd love to dress up and go to a busy mall in another town and just see what would happen. I bet most would not even notice....or....

[thechic]

For me as im Ts The reson I have to go out is, to buy food, take the kid out and about and to school ,go to work to earn a wage get to the fire station when the pager goes off,and live life,etc. I dont always go out in the best looking gear,but im being pressented as female 24/7.

[t-girlxsophie]

Theres no mystery or big secret.I do it cause I like it.Also wouldn't it be boring just plonked in front of the TV night after night

Sophie

[NathalieX66]

I hate tv.
I would rather be out & about in public.....not for exibitionist purposes, but to be me.
That being said, I can't ever recall seeing an exhibitionist, except for the cowboy hat & underwear guy with a guitar in Times Square. At least he is being himself.

[KellyJameson]

You used the word validation and for me that is exactly it. For me it is belonging to that world that feels like my birthright.

[dominique]

The reason I went out was that I felt I had reached a point in my dressing that I had to explore the boundaries simple as that.

[Shelly Preston]

If you get to a point in life where you are happy with how you look then going out is the next natural step. At least this was how I saw it.
It can quickly feel like an open prison when you are confined with in the boundaries of your property.

[velvet]

i have never been out ,,except to bring in the washing. so i am a realrisk taker,,,, yes the time will come when the walls will tell me its time,i guess

[jillleanne]

I think it confirms the reality of oneself being gender enhanced. It's a part of the the expression you need to feel 'right' about yourself; to show yourself you are real and that being gender enhanced is real and not something that should be hidden at home. It confirms your reality in the world. Not to mention hitting all the sales you have been missing out on lately.

[jaglover]

isn't there a bit of thrill-seeking in it for some of us? Taking a risk, 'daring' yourself to do it?

[Launa]

Dressing up and hanging around the house is ok, my real desire to go out is that I don't have to hide anymore and be a 100% woman while I'm out in public. The freedom to do what I want is the best feeling I can have. I want to live a life out there in the world, have friends, be social, go to events and in general have fun. I can't do that anymore in lockdown mode around the house.

[Cheryl T]

I worked so hard to accept myself and to become who I am that I could not possibly conceive being relegated to these 4 walls forever.

[Katyana]

This is an easy one for me. I love that I am who I am, that I get the opportunity to express both sides of myself. For me, I simply want to experience life as a woman from all sides, its long past just being in the clothes for me. But most of all, this is who I am, I am not a man, I am not a woman, I am comfortable being both, and want to experience all life has to offer regardless of which mode I may be in.

[Veronica27]

Crossdressing is a means of self expression. Being closeted means you are not allowing yourself to have freedom of expression, because your audience is limited to yourself, perhaps your spouse, and your four walls.

I began crossdressing in my early teens, and have been doing so now for about 60 years. Until a few years ago I was totally closeted, and remain so for the most part. As the years passed, a form of frustration began to grow and my crossdressing seemed to lack a reason and became somewhat unsatisfactory to my well-being, partly because I was not allowing my own self-expression. I have managed to get out to a few CD functions in recent years, however, and it has been very liberating. After attending an event, my need to express myself feels satisfied, and I often go a lengthy period without sensing any need to crossdress. Invariably, the need returns, and I find myself dressing more and more frequently, but rarely completely as I begin to feel "what's the point". Nobody dresses up to sit around the house. I want to do things, even when at home, as I have lots of hobbies, chores and such, but the more crossdressed I am, the more it restricts my abilities to do those things. Quantity of time spent begins to outweigh quality of time in an attempt to satisfy the desires, but that fails to be fulfilling. It requires the next event or outing to stop that vicious cycle. I guess that explains my need to get out.

Veronica

[skirtsuit]

I wonder that sometimes myself and can understand why many would think that it's a deeply strange thing to. However, I really love it, showing off a nice outfit and feeling the freedom of a dress or skirt and the hose rubbing the lining....

I am a fetish CD and have come to believe that once you start going out the public becomes part of the fethish. It's an extra thrill

Best,
Dot

[RenneB]

I'm goin with MsArlenne on this one. I need to go out to go shoppin for groceries, the post office and to the mall for ... you know stuff... When I'm out enfemmode, that's what I'm doing. Since I get to go out this way almost every day, I have to do the regular things that everyone else does.

First few times out last year, it was a thrill and I had butterflies all over the place inside of me. After a while, no more butterflies and had to get down to doing the things around the house and shoppin like the rest of 'us'. Wish it did't take two hours to get ready, but I'm working on that too. Got the outfit/makeup down to 60 minutes today... waaahoo..

Renne.....

[Lorileah]

Mostly because for 45 years I stayed home thinking that there would be tomorrow to do things and then life let me know that wasn't true. That if you don't do things you will regret it. If you do things you will learn from it. I don't want any more "I wish I hads" in my life. I don't mind the "Damn that was stupid...don't do that agains" though

[Crissy Kay]

I think a face transplant may do it!!!

[NORMA59]

My wife accepts that I am a CD but doesn't let me wear a wig or make-up so don't think i'll be getting out anytime soon,any ideas. NORMA59

[Annaliese2010]

No difference than the many reasons anyone has to go out: Shopping, eating, working, hanging out & having fun.

[Valerie1973]

It gets too boring staying home. Even going for a drive is boring. I have to get off the car now and even if its just a walk feels good. Nonetheless I always have an encounter that leaves me with a huge smile. Every time I've gone out: "Ma'am?" Wheres.......? "Oh, miss? or "Ladies" if I'm in a crowd. 'm not that passable, what gives? I don't care. I need the cool wind blowing on my legs, learning to walk woman steps, passing is important. What everyone said.

[Brenda Freeman]

For me it is a thrill, I do not get out much but when I do I am nervous until I get out of the neigborhood then I feel great, a little nervous when I walk into places but settle down quickly and just enjoy the feeling. I try to meet a few friends for dinner and a drink and we settle down quickly and just become a couple of girlfriends having fun. When I get home I feel so Happy so yes I enjoy getting out for sure.

[MarinaKirax]

I think the need to go out may be different than the desire to pass when we go out. I think the desire to pass is a reinforcement of our feminine image; we can see ourselves as female in the mirror, but having the world see you as feminine, and respond to you as a woman is more validating.

If there is no desire to pass (and I have been read a few times - and I find it excruciating. I want to curl up and die) then I think that person isn't looking to the outside world for validation at all. They are actively rejecting the worlds view of them and doing what feels right (like Karen Hutton says - I reject your version of reality and substitute my own!). I think (oh, God, please don't flame me for my hopeless generalizations...) that wanting to pass is more classically crossdressers, but if passing isn't as important as simply dressing as female, I see that as more classically transgendered. So maybe there are a few reasons to go out. MK

[rachaelsloane]

It was something I had only fantasized about until last year and joined this forum and realized it was something I really needed to do. Once I made the decision that I was going to do it, I just needed the right moment and I found it at the River City Gems annual "Sparkle" formal event last October and now try to get out with friend I met here at least once a week in SF. It always that first step that is the hardest.
Rachael

[Barbara Ella]

My going out has been limited to going to the mailbox completely en femme, as I did this evening. Minimal risk, but still there. I am still so new that true going out is beyond my comprehension, but i can clearly see that it is in my future whether I acknowledge it or not. I want to do things. i am going to do things

Babes

[velvet]

hey babes, i had the same when i "went out" into the backyard and bought in the washing enfemme, bit of a thrill

[Veronica27]

:)
I think (oh, God, please don't flame me for my hopeless generalizations...) that wanting to pass is more classically crossdressers, but if passing isn't as important as simply dressing as female, I see that as more classically transgendered. So maybe there are a few reasons to go out. MK

An interesting observation. I tend to agree with you on the first part, but am not so sure about the second part. Many of us simply do not have the ability to pass, but still have the same desires as the typical crossdresser, without feeling any form of gender duality which would be typical of a transgendered individual. I like to crossdress for a number of reasons, including stress relief, the thrill, the adventure, the overall experience, but because of my size and shape, I am extremely noticeable when wearing female clothing. I could be expertly transformed, but that initial shock of seeing what appears to be a woman with those proportions, invites a second, more careful glance to confirm. To me, passing is the ability to negate that second look, and just be more or less oblivious. The inability to pass, however, does not lessen the frustrations of being closeted that many of us feel.

Just an additional observation on your point, and not meant as a flame.:)

Veronica

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Your wife gave you the answer to why do you need to go out when she said she only gets dressed up when she is going out. Why is it any different than why you go out???? You get dressed up and go out, even if it is just to drive around.

[Asche]

Let's turn the question around: why do you need to stay home? Why could you not go out at least sometimes dressed in a way that expresses an important part of who you are?

Let's say you are a NY Giants fan (can you tell which local team is all over my local news media at the moment?) You get the sweatshirt, the pennants, the cap, etc. Do you wear your Giants clothing only at home and change into something neutral when you go down to the ShopRite for a six-pack, or do you keep them on and shout "go Giants!" every time you see someone else wearing the logo? Do you leave the bumper sticker on your dresser, or do you put it on your car?

Do you even need to give me an answer?

People who have been raised to check the "M" box and not the "F" box generally do not start wearing pantyhose and dresses just because all their sweatpants are in the wash. They have to really want to. It means something. It's something important to them. Maybe even as important as the S(t)upor Bowl. (OK, maybe that's going too far. Would you allow a comparison with the local high school game?)

Wouldn't it feel a bit uncomfortable if they believed they had to hide that part of themselves away? That they could never let anyone (or anyone outside a small circle of "safe" people) see it?

[Dawn cd]

I believe most of us go out because it somehow ratifies who we are. It's nice just to relax inside while dressed, but inside dressing only goes so far. After a while, it doesn't seem to "count." Out in public other people give a "yes" to our identity—whether they know they're doing it or not—and that "yes" is very precious to us.

[Dena]

To feel the caress of the breeze!

[Silentpartner GG SO]

My husband says he has no desire to go out in public and that he's happy just getting dressed to sit and watch TV, have dinner or sit with his PC - I cant really understand this as it seems a waste - he's got some really nice dresses, blouses, skirts etc. and a couple of wigs - do you think he will eventually want to go out dressed? It worries me a bit that he may do as we live in a tiny village with some very nosy sods who would have a ball if they found out!

Personally speaking as a GG, I hated wearing dresses, stockings, tights etc. for work and now I dont go out to work I dont even possess a pair of tights, or a skirt and I only have 1 dress- womens clothes are so uncomforable - I cant imagine why anyone who didnt have to wear them would want to but clearly you all enjoy it immensely. Give me jeans & T-shirt or jog pants any day!

[Beverley Sims]

I need to go out to get some fresh air and a change of scenery.

[Marlana]

I'm lacking a wig and fashionable clothes. My wife will bolt and I have nobody to meet out. So for now, I'm staying in and dreaming of the day.

[Loni]

for the same reasons if i was dressed as a male.
food,mail,gas,shopping,stack firewood,work on the truck/in the yard,ride my bicycle or motorbike,a good walk,etc.

[vivianann]

Because I dont want to hide my femme side from the world anymore. It is a sense of freedom that is out of this world, and I love it.