Does everybody see something I dont?

[Jennifer8]

Im confused and need to vent and get some advice here
lots of small n big things have been happening to me and I never really put them together or much cared about it all until now. the more i think about it the more i figured out more is goin on then i think. so i started to make a list and i think im missing something cause everybody seems to get it but me and it makes me go WTF?

things about me i didnt think matter but do
Ive taken my fair share of bullsht over bein small n lookin more like a girl then a guy
Im not big or tall im thin and skinny I have long hair
I wear nail polish mascara eyeliner sometimes im not theonly one who does it
Once girls see Im a guy are surprised then i get you have great hair or eyelashes i wish i had them or im jealous or youd made a cute girl n sht like that all he time.

now I have 4 close friends n 3 are girls
I use my initals DJ cause i dont like my name n get told it confuses the **** out of people LOL i dont care so what its still better then using my first name it does get me in trouble sometimes lol

Stacys n ****** moms both know me n are like hi DJ shes in her room go in. Im like ur mom doesnt care were in here n like no ur ok
Stacy says mom DJs hangin here tonight -ok- call ur mom.
call my mom? her biggest worry is my mom knows im here? I sleep in her room in her bed n her mom knows n thats it? call my mom. she knows i like girls she met exg/f a bunch of times not like im gay
K ***** mom thought i was a girl for some reason till i met her like face to face!!! ***** told me after her mom freaked guess she isnt gonna be sleepin over any more now I was like why did you do that she prob ****in hates me now n shes like shell get over it I KNOW she let her mom think it cause look how she freaked

this girls clothes thing started a while back with Stacy cause shes always borrowing my sht or leavin hers at my house cause we wear the same size clothes. I think my mom washes more of her stuf then her mom does she puts it all away cept for stuff like girls stuff. Her t-shirts n jeans are always in with my stuff n id forget whos stuff was whos n started wearin her stuff no biggie she does it to me. were the same size and some of her stuff fit n looked good on me so i kept it lol Hey she has plent of my crap so. I didnt think she noticed. some suff I knew was hers and liked it sometimes i forgot if it was mine or hers but NO she deff knew i liked wearin her stuff n didnt say sht to me till later on.

She was deff waiting for something cause I stayed over her house one day and shes like change ur clothes why? slob! FINE here put this n this on why? cause its cute I dont do cute Stacy. STFU n quit bitchin like a girl. WTF?? oh come on DJ not the first time ur wearin my clothes. oh shit I didnt know what to say! just sat there i didnt know what to think or say

a minute felt like ****in forever till she sat down next to me n told me your diff n weird n your not like most guys n thats what i like about you . then back to Stacy again n get changed so we can get outta here TO DAY!! Ya more like the Stacy I know. And its just been gettin more n more ever since

So does everybody see it but me?

OH AND YA ---- it was Stacy who came up with the name DJ worked for me

[Kathi Lake]

Willow,

Yes, people see it. You know what? You see it too, but I think it frightens you and you don't want to see it. Just let go! Be who you are.

Kathi

[kimdl93]

well, I think you see it yourself, or I doubt that you'd be here to discuss it. From what I read, you seem to be denying that you enjoy wearing girls clothes, polish, mascara etc. And your friend evidently encouraged you to change into some of her things...and did you say no. Now the question is, what do you think about it?

It seems you're concerned that you might be perceived as gay. Well, (not that there is anything wrong with being gay), but sexual orientation is entirely separate from CDing. You can be a guy who likes to dress in girls things in private, you can be a guy who likes to dress up and present as a girl in public, or somewhere in between. And inspite of those things, you can also be attracted to girls.....

Teen years are difficult. You have a lot of things going on hormonally, and your brain has another seven or eight years of growth before its fully matured. (No teen likes to hear that, but its true). And many, if not most teenagers will worry about their sexuality and gender identification at one time or another. My advice to you is to go easy on yourself, try things out, discard the things that don't work for you and keep those that do.

[Jennifer8]

Willow,

Yes, people see it. You know what? You see it too, but I think it frightens you and you don't want to see it. Just let go! Be who you are.

Kathi

IDK ur right about part of it it like before all this happen with Stacy all the other stuff was just stuff like unconnected stuff and after what happen with her its like alll of a sudden BAM! all of this stuff came together and it really got me thinking then i wrote all this
It feels like im the last one to the party and everyones yelling SURPRISE!

[WillowWriter]

You are who you are. The best thing to do is always keep moving forward. You can't let yourself get the best of you, or you'll keep feeling worse. All the you wrote, that is very helpful you gotta think, you vented, and can look it over and see what you need to focus on. You're strong, stand on your legs and keep moving forward

[Kathi Lake]

. . . and it really got me thinking Good! Thinking is good. Not thinking (or even denying) is bad. Willow, you are you. Be proud of it. Love it! Accept yourself for who you are. If you're not sure who you are, think about it - actually let yourself go there and think about it. Might it be painful? Scary? Sure. But you'll find that when you do allow yourself to admit who you are, that all of the unconnected pieces will come together, and you'll understand who you are. And let me tell you, I'm sure that person is beautiful and wonderful.


It feels like i'm the last one to the party . . .Oh, Willow - you are not the last one to the party, just the latest one. Welcome!

:)

Kathi

[docrobbysherry]

U r so much more than u think u r. U r capable of so much more than u think u can! It's a LONG JOURNEY that's still in front of u. Don't rush it, don't deny it. ENJOY IT! Who u r and what u want to do will ALL BECOME CLEAR IN TIME!

Until, try to ENJOY THE JOURNEY!

[Sammy777]

It's easy to see why you get mistaken for a girl - but you are not the first one so don't worry to much about it. There are quite a few of us here that had the same thing happen when we were younger. It's one of those things that goes hand in hand with having long hair and you just learn to brush if off and move on.

The painted nails, mascara, guyliner have been around for a while now and seem to have some staying power this time around, so don't sweat it. It sounds like you don't catch much flack for it and it's pretty common these days, the perk of being young.
Alice Cooper, Ozzy, Mick Mars and every 80's hair band has been doing it forever. :lol2:

Sounds like nobody besides you and your friend have even noticed you too swapping clothes and if they did they just don't seem to care and it's no your the first one doing it either so don't get bent over it.

As far as your friends parents go, they sound pretty damn cool. Well except for the one :lol2:
You sort of screwed the pooch there a bit on that one, but you will survive.

From what you've said it sounds like you are happy being an Androgynous guy so go with it.
If later on you want to go further I don't think it will take much - you look rather cute already.
Plus you already have a friend in your corner who seems all to willing to help out. :)
So take it slow and see where it all leads you.

[Jenniferathome]

here put this n this on why? cause its cute I dont do cute Stacy. STFU n quit bitchin like a girl. WTF?? oh come on DJ not the first time ur wearin my clothes. oh shit I didnt know what to say! just sat there i didnt know what to think or say

a minute felt like ****in forever till she sat down next to me n told me your diff n weird n your not like most guys n thats what i like about you . then back to Stacy again n get changed so we can get outta here TO DAY!! Ya more like the Stacy I know. And its just been gettin more n more ever since
willow, this comment caught my eye. It seems you are most of the way out of the closet with your crossdressing, but surprised that others notice. Girls notice everything. You a luck to have a friend who sees you for you and could not care about crossdressing. Go with the flow. Talk to her about your real desires in this area.

[Ally 2112]

Just relax and go with it ! This someone acceppting you for who you are ! .Some of us have had very little of that joy

[carnut62]

I understand the mascara and painted nails, sure that has been done there is always a clic in school that does it. Did you put on Stacey's clothes because you wanted to try on girl clothes? Or because she originally suggested it and you just went along? It sounds like you are just wearing her shirts and pants. I take it that you either like it or are confused that you like it and that is why you joined this site. I say don't be scared of it, you are still young and have a whole lifetime ahead of you. Now is the time to be open and try new things.

Adolescence can always be confusing. Have you tried on any of her clothes besides just the standard pants and shirts? Maybe you should ask her to do a full makeover head to toe to see if this is something you would like to get into more.

[Chickhe]

If I was your age I would take advantage of the opportunity to play around with it... its already on the table, so experiment withh it. You will learn if this means anything to you. Have fun with it. I dont think you are the last to know, but sometimes others xan see your talents better than you can.

[Jennifer8]

screwed the pooch there a bit on that one
sounds like you are happy being an Androgynous guy so go with it.
WTF does screwed the pooch mean? I get it but still. Ya I am sortda


Girls notice everything. Talk to her about your real desires in this area.
Ya she deff noticed. I want to but theres other stuff goin on btw us im tryin to work up the nerve to talk to her about



Did you put on Stacey's clothes because you wanted to try on girl clothes? Or because she originally suggested it and you just went along? It sounds like you are just wearing her shirts and pants. I take it that you either like it or are confused that you like it and that is why you joined this site. Have you tried on any of her clothes besides just the standard pants and shirts? Maybe you should ask her to do a full makeover head to toe to see if this is something you would like to get into more.
uh it was cause they were there and they fit good and i ended up liking them. No she didnt do that til later. Ya just her jeans n tees. Ya I like the way they look n feel. She did take ok dragged me shopping I got some jeans, belt, tees.
No nothing else but shes deff pushin me to do more n Noooo no make over i know shes already dyin to n idk about that. IDK if im ready for that .

[Marleena]

If I was your age I would take advantage of the opportunity to play around with it... its already on the table, so experiment withh it. You will learn if this means anything to you. Have fun with it. I dont think you are the last to know, but sometimes others can see your talents better than you can.

Willow I found this post by Chickhe very close to what I would say but nobody mentioned counseling yet. If you get confused and overwhelmed about all of this you should be able to talk to a counselor at school (if you're in school) or get referred through your own doctor. Keep in touch with us here too as you go along.:)

[jillleanne]

Willow, you are so fortunate to have friends that simply like you because you are not afraid to express yourself for who you are. They feel comfortable around you and you should feel the same. There are no WTF's to question from your standpoint; they already love you just as you are so go ahead, express anything you want about yourself. They will give you their honest opinion about it, I'm sure, and accept it as a part of who you are. I think they already know you better than you know yourself.

[Kristy_K]

Willow, you are so fortunate to have friends that simply like you because you are not afraid to express yourself for who you are. They feel comfortable around you and you should feel the same. There are no WTF's to question from your standpoint; they already love you just as you are so go ahead, express anything you want about yourself. They will give you their honest opinion about it, I'm sure, and accept it as a part of who you are. I think they already know you better than you know yourself.

I agree that they are just helping you to be you. Go for it and enjoy life by being yourself.

[carnut62]

Ya she deff noticed. I want to but theres other stuff goin on btw us im tryin to work up the nerve to talk to her about

uh it was cause they were there and they fit good and i ended up liking them. No she didnt do that til later. Ya just her jeans n tees. Ya I like the way they look n feel. She did take ok dragged me shopping I got some jeans, belt, tees.
No nothing else but shes deff pushin me to do more n Noooo no make over i know shes already dyin to n idk about that. IDK if im ready for that .

If what you aluded to above is that you are working on an intimate relationship, congratulations.

Her pants didn't jump on you, something made you conciously think about putting them on right? You might offer to let her dress you up once if she will go out with you. Honestly I'm with Chickhe, and I think many others here who never had the opportunity you have right now are too. You are young it couldn't hurt just once, who knows you might like it. And if you don't then you know for sure you are comfortable with more of an androgynous look. They are just clothes after all.

[Jennifer8]

Willow I found this post by Chickhe very close to what I would say but nobody mentioned counseling yet.
No not ready for that


If what you aluded to above is that you are working on an intimate relationship, congratulations.

Her pants didn't jump on you, something made you conciously think about putting them on right? You might offer to let her dress you up once if she will go out with you. And if you don't then you know for sure you are comfortable with more of an androgynous look. They are just clothes after all.
Yes we have this weird thing going on IDK what to think but i need need to find out. Yaaaaa thats not gonna work shes already pushy lol. I think iam right now being androgynos works that deff sorta sounds like me i guess

-----------------------------------------------------------
I REALLY want to talk to her n find out whats gonin on im afraid if i do its gonna screwup are friendship n make shit all sortsa weird if im wrong n shes not into me
SHes coming here in like a hour afterwork to hangout I KNow i gotta do it n maybe toniite i will

[pj]

That's a lot of advice and responses to a post that, honestly, I couldn't even read. I don't know what language it is, but trying to decipher it gives me a headache.

Just saying.

[Kathi Lake]

pj, the language is "teenage girl." It is an odd one to most of us, but at least the syntax is the same. I would also say that Willow is worth trying to understand.

:)

Kathi

[Sammy777]

I couldn't even read. I don't know what language it is

pj, the language is "teenage girl."

Kathi nailed it.

PJ, once you get past the spelling, grammatical and sentence structure errors.
The lack of capital letters, punctuation and abbreviations it becomes quite easy to read :lol2:
Believe me, I have seen far worse, and not just from teenagers.

Here is a quick "teenage girl" [or boy] to English translation:

WTF = what the f_*_c_k
n or N = and
cause = because
idk/IDK = I don't know
deff = definitely [a very misspelled word BTW]
btw/BTW = By the way
til/till = until
sorta, sortda = sort of
wanna/wanta = want to
gonna = going to
Any word ending with "in" add a "g" to it. IE: tryin = trying

Single words or incomplete sentences marked with multiple "!" "?" punctuation usually denotes a conversation that took place between the person and someone else.

It is like learning a second language in some ways.
Hope this helps :)

[Jennifer8]

Kathi you think i talk like a girl? I guess because I 3 girls for friends. Thanks Sammy LMAO thats funny. You txt all the time ur going to start talking uh typing like that :) Im trying to be better see.

[Kathi Lake]

Ummmmm, yeah. Totally. :)

Your friends may be rubbing off on you more than you think.

Kathi

[Mollyanne]

Hi Willow, after reading your post(s) and the answers I understand your confusion and I'm sure you are "tight as a drum" (adult language for really up tight). One of the girls suggested getting to a therapist either through your family doctor or school. That might be the way to go for now in order to help you understand as to where you are and where you want to go. One thing for sure, DO NOT BE ASHAMED OF YOUR INNER MOST FEELINGS. We are all born wired a little differently. Stay in touch with us.

Mollyanne