Thinking about telling my sister...

[Jill]

This morning my sister called me right as I was putting on some pantyhose and asked me if she could come over and use my internet. I lied to her and told her that I was about to leave to go to class. When what I really wanted to say was come on over and be ready for a big surprise. For some reason I feel the need to tell her about it, I have felt the need to tell somebody. She has seemed like the best option at this point. Even though I really don't know how she will react. So my questions are: How do I know if I should tell someone, how do I know they are good person to tell? And is it a good idea to tell someone about it by just having them coming over when I am in full drag? I think that might be a little drastic but yet maybe just the easiest way to tell her. What do you all think?

[~Tammy~]

Jill,

I can only speak from my experience of telling my sister and obviously everyones situation is different.
Some people say why should you tell her at all? Why does she need to know?
Only ourselves can decide if we want to tell someone and who that someone will be. Everyone is different, some prefer to stay in the closet and some live 24/7 as a women. We all have to find our own paths and reach a level we can deal with.
For me it was mainly a case of feeling quite lonely after seperating with my ex. I had enjoyed the feeling of knowing someone close to me knew about my secret and wanted to share it with someone else. I have always been pretty close to my sister and believed her to be quite open minded.
I went to stay with my folks for a few days and had dreamt up a couple of different ways to tell her, show her pictures, hint at things, etc, but couldn't quite figure out just how to do it. In the end I decided I had to do it or I would come home regretting it.
I guess it really depends on how well you get on with the person you are going to tell. Do you know what they think of alternative lifestyles or sexual orientations.
Personally I don't think having them come round and seeing you in full femme mode would be a good idea. The instant shock they would probably get would either lead to rejection or screaming hysteria. Neither of which would be good for you or your sister. When telling both my ex and my sister I found it much easier to gently lead them into it.
With my ex I show her a skirt, she said thats nice, then I said I liked wearing it. Although she was still shocked it wasn't as bad as showing her a full wardrobe of gear.
With my sister I asked her what she thought of Eddie Izzard, it took her a while to realise he dressed up, and then I said so do I. I found this helped to compare the crossdressing theme with someone she could relate to, rather than let her think of some bizarre television show that discredits us.
The funny thing was, when I told her about this I also said you'll probably notice it on TV alot more, then at that precise moment someone changed the channel and a popular soap was on TV, and one of the characters was in drag!
The best thing about telling my sister though is now I don't have to run around the apartment hiding my fem stuff if my sister comes to visit :)
It will either bring you closer together as it did with my sister and I, or they will reject you. In my case it brought us much closer together.

Only you can decide, why, who, when, where and how.

Hope this is some helps in some miniscule way.

~Tammy~

[nuffsaid]

Well, she's your sister and from experience brother and sister have always had a closer relationship than a parent (mother father) relationship. It will usually take something Nuclear to break that kind of a bond.
Maybe the reason you feel the need to tell her about it is because you know that she'll accept it, but haven't told her yet because you want don't want her to loose the perception of her bigger/little brother. If you've felt the need to tell somebody she is probably your best option.
From what you’ve said, I don't see the relationship changing, and maybe you'll be closer with more to talk about.

How do you know if you should tell someone? You can find out their feelings toward crossdressing. They will tell you. You could watch a talk show like Ricki Lake with this person; when they are doing the drag queen show thing, or rent a movie about something in that context like “Tootsie”. You could find out what they think about it. (no Jerry Springer- too freaky).

How do you know they are good person to tell is really your call, and I don't think is it a good idea to tell someone about it by just having them coming over when your in full drag. Unless you think whomever can handle the shock, or you can deal with their initial reaction (It's usually laughter).

[eleventhdr]

Yes i would go right ahead and let her know she might just understand a whole lot better then most others would and maybe she will accept it and even be of some help to you in dresssing and trying to be your girlish self which is what most of us do want you know. I just wish I did have a sister to share this with or to even have been the sister that would have been very nice and great!. Oh well!.

[Marianne]

It's going to be different for everyone, and even different with different sisters.

I've got three of them, told one so far (although the others probably know by now).

My sisters reaction? She poked light-hearted fun at my lack of 'fashion sense'. Then she 'teased' me by telling me she'd just sent several dozen outfits to the 'Goodwill' store...

Then she waited a few moments until I had a mouthful of beer before adding "pity, they were almost all size 16/18 too, they would have looked good on you!". :eek:

Of course, this is the sister who once wrote to me enclosing nothing except a copy of a very old newspaper clipping from the local town newspaper of a pic of me back when I was a teenager and wrote "sEnD 500 DoLlArs oR i WiLL pOsT tHis On tHe IntErnEt!" on the bottom. (I responded several months later with a pic of her from the 1960's with a 'beehive' haircut!).

I guess it really comes down to just how close a relationship you have with your sister, whether you think it would have a positive or a negative effect, and whether you feel that you *can* drop something like that on her.

Only you can make that decision tho.

[Lawren]

Two of my three sisters just showed up at my door one evening when I was in "full drag". (The whole formal evening gown kind or drag) I had to make a snap decision so I decided that it was time and opened the door. It was only then that I saw the third woman! Not good! My sisters took it well. One has never mentioned it since and the other supported me. Even helped me pick out outfits. She has since become very "Christian" and doesn't know that I have started again. I've gone thru a purge since then. I have no idea what her reaction will be next and I don't doubt that she will find out. I eventually told my third sister and she also accepted it. I guess I'm trying to say that sisters can be very understanding about these things. Or at least mine were. I wouldn't recommend exposing the "full" image to her on the first occasion. Break it out to her slowly. If she does reject the idea then you will still have the option of not "doing it" or talking about it when she is around. It will be less traumatic on both of you.

[Rachel Elizabeth]

I showed up at my sister's home on halloween under the pretext of a party scavenger hunt. She insisted we sit and chat. I ended up staying about 2 hours and told her that I have always wanted to be a girl. It took her about 6 months to internalize it but since then, her comment is that she enjoys Rachel more than her brother.

We have gone to dinner, spent time going through our mother's old jewelry and trying it on, etc.

I have found that women [other than your wife] are much more understanding.

Hugs....

[samantha78]

Juggle the Idea around with a couple of different creative ways! for one just don't come out and say it! The thought of being truthful although may be in the best interest and right mind may repuls her! gently ask questions that pertain to the subject like I saw a program pertaining to crossdressing last night, did you catch that? or say something that doesn't directly implicate that you do! it also depends on how close to you sister you are!
If you are close and she is caring and understanding then tell her in not so many words!
It helps tp be discreet till the right moment!

[kristi cd]

I know it's nerve-racking - at least it would be for me - but just a couple things that may help possibly:

- Do you have an idea of what she thinks of CD's/TG's etc?
- Would she tell others you may not want to know yet? Family? Friends?
- If she looks at you differently (which she probably will a little bit) would that bother you? Regardless of it's negative or positive?

If it was me and the answer to the second two of those is "yes" or the first is negatively, you may want to find someone else. I don't really know if I've helped at all, just trying to put myself in your heels and see what I'd do. Whatever you decide I hope it all works out for the better, and we're thinking of you. ;)