KylieQ
02-05-2012, 11:05 PM
Right now I'm staring at my cart on Amazon trying to convince myself that I shouldn't buy the ridiculous amount of makeup that I just picked out...and I'm failing miserably! but anyway...
There seems to be an incredible shift in my day-to-day life in the last few months. It used to be that I could come home from work or school and dress or not dress and it wouldn't matter either way. That has all changed, however. Now I am showered and changed as soon as I get home without fail. It's not even a matter of it being enjoyable anymore...it just feels so much more, for lack of a better word, normal. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm dressed wrong when I'm in guy mode and the urge to get myself out of my apartment is stronger than ever. I find myself finding ways to get out wearing female clothing, but making that last step out completely presenting as female hasn't happened yet and I really don't know why.
Today, for example, I needed to make a trip to Walmart to pick up a few random things. I wrote a post some time ago about making a trip to the store late at night dressed in a somewhat androgynous manner, and that was something that pushed my limits a lot. This, however, was in the middle of the day and the only thing I changed was my shoes (from flats to chuck taylors, which can go either way) and headed out the door. I walked right in, didn't worry about who I saw or who saw me, didn't get any weird looks, got what I needed and headed home.
The bottom line is, I've gotten to a point where I spend more time dressed than not, and while it feels normal and right, it's also quite confusing. I feel like I've reached a very big crossroads and I have a feeling that I'm going to have to start making some very real decisions in the near future. There's not really a question anywhere in this post, more of me just venting out my feelings as per my usual, and, as always, thanks for being here and suffering through my overlong posts.
There seems to be an incredible shift in my day-to-day life in the last few months. It used to be that I could come home from work or school and dress or not dress and it wouldn't matter either way. That has all changed, however. Now I am showered and changed as soon as I get home without fail. It's not even a matter of it being enjoyable anymore...it just feels so much more, for lack of a better word, normal. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm dressed wrong when I'm in guy mode and the urge to get myself out of my apartment is stronger than ever. I find myself finding ways to get out wearing female clothing, but making that last step out completely presenting as female hasn't happened yet and I really don't know why.
Today, for example, I needed to make a trip to Walmart to pick up a few random things. I wrote a post some time ago about making a trip to the store late at night dressed in a somewhat androgynous manner, and that was something that pushed my limits a lot. This, however, was in the middle of the day and the only thing I changed was my shoes (from flats to chuck taylors, which can go either way) and headed out the door. I walked right in, didn't worry about who I saw or who saw me, didn't get any weird looks, got what I needed and headed home.
The bottom line is, I've gotten to a point where I spend more time dressed than not, and while it feels normal and right, it's also quite confusing. I feel like I've reached a very big crossroads and I have a feeling that I'm going to have to start making some very real decisions in the near future. There's not really a question anywhere in this post, more of me just venting out my feelings as per my usual, and, as always, thanks for being here and suffering through my overlong posts.