What Should Our Public Image Be, Ideally

[Beth-Lock]

I know, as an MTF trans, what my public image should not be -- what I would describe as something between a novelty and a freak. Neiher, of course, would I want it to be exploited on television or in an article in the print media, for its ability to attract viewers or subscribers. (Well, circus freak shows which are not completely different, are now considered politically incorrect, aren't they?) Of course, many trans would like people simply to respect their privacy, and see them as women, without gossiping about them and whispering behind their back, that they are trans.

Others seem either comfortable with, or resigned to being recognized as trans, and so a positive public image of trans, is important to them. Since they live their lives to at least a considerable degree as publicly obvious trans, they want this life to be accorded some dignity and respect. They would like their existence as a public trans to command tolerance and acceptance, as well as legal accommodation in respect to i.d., jobs and use of public washrooms, for example. Public harassement of trans of couse, should be considered by the popular culture to be as bad as sexual harassment in the workplace.

To give an example of where I am coming from, a nice woman at my old church suggested I give a presentation to her women's group , to which I belonged, on transgenderism. I could just see myself asked such questions as how I coped with it, and did MTF trans still have private parts under their skirt that they were self-conscious of. Anyway, I responded by saying that doing that was beyond my abilities and I did not want to be a poster girl for transgenderism. Certainly it would have outed me to those who still did not know I was trans, perhaps a considerable number in the church, and I definitely did not want that. I ended up, responding to her plea that they wanted to know more about it, by offering to find someone who did make such presentations, to appear before their group, likely in return for a donation to some trans fund or cause.

On rellection, I thought that asking me to do that, was not completely unlike asking a woman in the church with urinary incontinence, to do a presentation on that, and share with the group what she thought about having to wear adult diapers all the time. I guess one can always ask, but I would like it if the publiic understood that we trans do not always want to wear the label, and that the fact we are trans should be considered a private matter, and it be understood that it is socially unacceptable to out us, or ask us to out ourselves. Some things are private enough that they should be allowed to remain private, and it should be understood among the public that a person's transgenderism might be just such a matter, at least for many trans.

So far, it would seem that there is enough disagreement in the trans community on what we want, that even if public opinion were ready to move, leaders of our society might not be clear on what we want. It reminds me of the early stage of feminism, when pundits wondered what it was that women really wanted. It turned out, that women wanted to be treated well, meaning as equals, fairly and in a kindly, considerate and humane way, and with respect. Our public image should imply all that too.

[Traci Elizabeth]

As I have stated many times, I am not a transsexual. I am a woman. If anyone were to ask me if I was transgendered, I would look them dead in the eye and say, "Excuse me?" (really drawing out the word "excuse" and putting emphases on it). Then I would just look at them in silence. I would have to believe that would work every time.

You are right not to "broadcast" your gender to anyone. And if my church woman's group ask me the same thing, I would reply with the same "Excuse Me" but would add "why would I do that, I am a woman!"

Plus I would find that very insulting and very presumptuous.

[kimdl93]

I can understand and support your preference to blend in, not as the designated "trans", but as another woman in church. At the same time, I don't think there's any insult intended, nor should an insult be taken if someone asks you to speak as a trans-person. How did she come to know about you?

For me, as a trasngendered person, I realize that in many circumstances the people I meet will quickly recognize that I'm GM, despite the way I dress. And while I'd prefer to blend in or pass, I know this isn't entirely realistic in my case. So, either I stay in the closet, or get used to interacting people in the best way that I can. I've chosen the latter, and, no I haven't been asked to speak at a church yet, but if the opportunity came, I'd probably do it, and hope for the best.

[Traci Elizabeth]

My response is based on the fact that I do very much look like a woman (even back when I was trying to blend in the world as a male - my feminine looking body caused me much torment, abuse, and ridicule all my male life). I have the body of a medium to small size woman with very nice looking 36C breasts and I typically wear tops that show at least some cleavage or more relieving. So yea, I would take offense to anyone calling me anything other than a woman.

That's me and does not reflect upon anyone else.

[Sammy777]

While I perfectly understand your reasons for declining I do not think what she proposed was done in any sort of malicious way. But as they say, The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

I, myself sort of sit on the open/stealth fence.
First rule of fight club, you don't talk about fight club :lol2:

But if I am read/clocked, whatever and that person shows genuine [non creepy] interest in the subject I will talk with them. Especially people that might have known my evil male twin in the past.
But I say this with exception.
Once the top shelf is fully stocked and the new carpet is installed the information booth is closed. :)

[Traci Elizabeth]

.
Once the top shelf is fully stocked and the new carpet is installed the information booth is closed. :)


Now that is hysterical, I love it.

[Sammy777]

Now that is hysterical, I love it.

Thanks :)
I have all the permits, but construction still seems to be going slow upstairs http://i614.photobucket.com/albums/tt230/samanthaM76/open%20album/banghead.gif

If I may inquire..... Are yours home grown or store bought?
As much as I like DIY I may have to go prefab for desired results like that. :)

[Kathryn Martin]

I am a gorgeous professional woman, that is my image and what I am.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Thanks :)
I have all the permits, but construction still seems to be going slow upstairs http://i614.photobucket.com/albums/tt230/samanthaM76/open%20album/banghead.gif

If I may inquire..... Are yours home grown or store bought?
As much as I like DIY I may have to go prefab for desired results like that. :)


Mine are 100% Home grown. From a 36 ZERO before HRT to the 36C I mentioned above. I have two things working for me. I have always been very feminine looking and have always had low "T." For example I literally had/have no body hair and very little facial hair as well as no receding hairline typical of males all of which which I attribute to my life long low "T." Second, my doctor has me on mega doses of "E" as well as "Spiro." So Every thing I have gotten above is "la natural"

[Asako]

The ideal public image I would like society to have of us? That we're normal people who, quite simply, have a genetic body that doesn't match up with our brain's hard-wired identity. After all, if we're seen as "normal" by society...then nobody would give us a shit-storm of grief. Best of all that could come from that view, nobody would struggle or attempt/commit suicide over guilt and/or shame over being trans as it would be something considered "normal".

To clarify what I mean by normal:
Some person clocks you while you're out shopping and their thought is "Oh, a trans-person. Now, what was I going to make again?" and then they go back to what they are doing. In other words, a state of indifference to our presence that they essentially pay us no attention.

Though, I think my thoughts on this consist more of "naive" instead of "ideal" since there is MUCH I have not dealt with in terms of flak from the world. Flak that many of you have endured. Flak that I can only guess at as of this post.

[Jorja]

We are all different and will project different images to the public. We are no better or no worse than the other 7.2 billion people on this planet. You have to look to yourself and decide what image you think you should project. That can be anything from a very deep stealth church going woman to a wild and sex crazed tart to a circus freak. How do you see yourself? Make it so.

As for being asked to speak to a church women's group, I have done that. I made it perfectly clear from the first conversation that I would not be persecuted or ridiculed for the decisions that I have had to make in my life. I let it be known that I would walk out should that happen. If they wanted to truely know and try to understand, I was more than willing to talk. The ladies were very interested in what I had to say and did not ask me anything remotely out of line. Many of them have become close friends over the years.

It is completely up to you. Remain hidden away or be sociable and learn to interact with others. It's your choice.

[noeleena]

Hi.

So being on two main T V statons being intervied in front of about 3.millon people. interviewed for papers & then the net, letting people know who you are & much of your background. & talk to 100's of people & invited to do so. schools & many groups know you. a very public person , so you do stand out, just a bit.
& being able to answer ? s , & was it worth it. i belive so. as the feed back i have been given was pretty good.

You have to be strong & ready compleatly to do that.

...noeleena...

[Rianna Humble]

I agree with Jorja, we are all unique individuals whose public image will differ.

In the end, only Beth-Lock can say whether standing up in front of her church women's group is worth knowing that she will be outing herself to those who were unaware of her transition.

In the same way, Traci Elizabeth has the perfect right to live her life as a woman without any prefix to that word whatever if that is her choice.

I don't have that choice for a number of oft-repeated reasons, so if presented with an opportunity to speak about my experience I will always try to project a sympathetic and positive influence of trans-folk. With my friends - both old and new - I take the approach that between friends nothing is off the table. With other groups I may be a little more circumspect.

In general, I find that many people tend to agree with one of my newer friends who said recently "I have never regarded you as anything other than a woman" - this despite my appearance and difficulties with my voice.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Beth,

The bottom line here is that your an ambassador for the community as as such you need to conduct yourself as such.
You are not a cross dresser wearing 6 " spikes and skin tight dresses to clubs. In other words your not a parody Beth, your not an illusion you are you.
Be courteous, kind and mannerly concerning your actions because whether you know it or not they reflect not just on you but all of us.
Take pride in your appearance and take care to not associate with those that would cause anything that I just told you to not be heeded.
It sounds like your taking a proactive approach and thats exactly where you need to begin.


Julia

[abigailf]

Like Traci I am a woman. However we need to come to terms with certain things. Just as a person with a chopped off limb is an amputee, or a person born with out hearing is deaf, or someone born with both sex organs is a hermaphrodite, we as people born with the incorrect sexual organ are transsexuals.

Sure, we can live our lives as women and God bless each one of us when we reach that point, but in the end you are still transsexual.

With that said, and for the community at large we should always be ready and willing to educate the public on what it is to be transsexual.

I know, I shouldn't be the one to talk either, I get so caught up in being Abigail when I am out that I just don't want to go anywhere near the subject of being trans. But if someone asked me outright to talk about the topic, I don't think I was hesitate in the least. Even if it meant I would have to be outed.

Power to the transsexuals :)

[Hope]

My position has long been that I want to be passable enough that I have to out myself, and maybe do a bit of convincing to make people believe me. (i'm not there yet) But I always want to be comfortable enough with myself, and proud enough of my self to be willing to be out with the people I choose to be out with. (still working on this one too).

That means incorporating a bit of both worlds. To most folks, I am a woman, like any other. Tall as can be, but a competent professional woman. And I cultivate that look and presentation. But the people I work with? My friends? The people who inhabit the organizations where I give presentations? (I am going to a high school in a few weeks and I can't figure out why I agreed to do THAT one...) I have to be OUT Out out.

But with the people I haven't chosen to out myself to? You better believe that if I get asked "Are you a tranny?" I am dropping Traci's righteous indignation. People should know better than to EVER ask any woman that question. Ever.

And I think that is important. Because it gives the impression to the cis community, that trans women are exactly what we are - women. It is not one or the other, it is not "I'm a tranny" OR "I'm a woman" it is both / AND.

But that is me.

Not everyone is as comfortable being that far out - and that is cool for them.

[Kate T]

So who will you abdicate the responsibility of educating those who are GENUINELY interested (e.g. the church lady) too?

[Stephenie S]

So who will you abdicate the responsibility of educating those who are GENUINELY interested (e.g. the church lady) too?

That church lady needs to be educated with bit of Hope's righteous indignation. Hope's right! People should know better than to ask ANY woman that question.

S

[Rianna Humble]

Which question is that? All the church lady asked is whether Beth-Locke was willing to give a talk on transgenderism. That is not actually an invasive question from someone who is trying to be respectfully supportive.

[Hope]

Which question is that? All the church lady asked is whether Beth-Locke was willing to give a talk on transgenderism. That is not actually an invasive question from someone who is trying to be respectfully supportive.

The question was the "Are you a tranny?" question. That question should be met with a swift, and unambiguously negative response. Anyone dense enough to ask ANYONE that question deserves a swift kick in a sensitive place.

Answering the question "Will you lead a presentation / discussion on transgender issues?" a la Beth's church lady... well, that should probably be handled with a polite "no, but thank-you for asking" if the person in question isn't interested in fulfilling the request.

[Kate T]

I made an earlier response on this thread that was perhaps a little bit flippant and for that I apologise.

I have been reading this thread and a few others from TS members and I struggle a little with the "I am a woman, nothing else" and the denial and intense dislike of the label Transexual. My medical training and vocation means that I stuggle hard to see how on a purely biological level that there can be a denial of the term Transexual i.e. the external anatomy and psychological gender is female, the genetics and embryology is male (apart from IS conditions).

But I can understand why there is an intense dislike of the label. In part because I have an intense dislike of labels generally. I think the term is useful as a descriptive term however unfortunately what tends to happen is that it is then used to represent a "class" of people which then demeans a persons value as an individual.

However I would also encourage those who have undertaken that journey to not "pull up the information booth" as one poster put it. Your stories, experiences and insights are invaluable not only to those who identify as transgendered of any variety but also to the general community who will ONLY understand and learn tolerance and even acceptance through education and communication.

[Rianna Humble]

That church lady needs to be educated with bit of Hope's righteous indignation. Hope's right! People should know better than to ask ANY woman that question.

Which question is that? All the church lady asked is whether Beth-Locke was willing to give a talk on transgenderism. That is not actually an invasive question from someone who is trying to be respectfully supportive.

The question was the "Are you a tranny?" question. That question should be met with a swift, and unambiguously negative response.

If the question you have just cited was the question Stephenie was referring to, then one of us has a problem with reading skills. I don't see any reference in the OP to "That church lady" asking Beth-Lock "Are you a Tranny?"

Had that have been the question, I would agree that the woman deserved to be introduced to a "Clue by Four". As it was, I think that either your suggestion or Beth-Lock's actual reply would be very appropriate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~


I made an earlier response on this thread that was perhaps a little bit flippant and for that I apologise.

Hi Adina, it takes a very special person to be able to admit you got it wrong. Thank you.

Nevertheless, I think in this case, my favourite French proverb is applicable
The only person who never makes a mistake is the one who never does anything