View Full Version : I'm sure of it!

10-30-2005, 12:13 PM
For me it's been a lifetime of concealment and pain - not the sort of pain that would make me cry, but the emptiness of not being able to be what I believe I truely am... a girl. I have done a lot of growing and have made a lot of changes over the past 18 months, and I've given the subject of transgenderism very serious thought, and have decided that that's what I want to do - pursue the physical change. Now, my problem is that I've never utilized forums, professionals, or anybody about the tools I need to begin this transformation. I know of hormones, but I'm not sure which to get or where to get them; and I'd like to know the most reasonable (cost and safe) method of breast augmentation. I figured there would be people at this site that could have some answers for me, do any of you?


10-30-2005, 02:05 PM
There has been recent announcement of cellulose breast implants. As you may already know, cellulose is what forms the organic external membrane of vegetal cells. This is better than silicon because it eliminates the problems associated with the body rejecting it, and apparently the nasty risks of silicon implants (risks they might break, having to be replaced, etc...). They are also just as soft as silicon... So this might be something for you to consider. I don't know if they're available in the US or not, but they are probably the best breast implants available... And if you really want them, I'm sure you can find a doctor in a country where they are available.

As for hormones, you can order them from inhousepharmacy or medicapharma (google the name to get the URL). Inhousepharmacy doesn't ship to Canada, but it probably ships to the US. Medicapharma ships everywhere it seems.

For the regimens, you can consult this page: http://www.annelawrence.com/regimens.html

It seems the most typical regimen is between 2mg and 6mg of estradiol (oral estrogen) and between 100mg and 300mg of spironolactone (anti-testosterone). It's pretty standard and safe. Of course the dosage should vary depending on your weight and the amount of testosterone your body produces, along with your tolerance to these products.

Everyone is going to recommend that you get a doctor's supervision. If you don't, my recommendation is to start *safe* and *slow*. You could start with a very conservative 2mg of estradiol and 100mg of spironolactone, and see how your body tolerates it and react to it... Then you could step it up after some time, and see if you still feel well. Don't ever go above 6mg estradiol and 300mg spironolactone, because past that degree, it won't add any effect.

10-30-2005, 03:23 PM
There are a few good sites to check out for info. www.tsroadmap.com (also found at the top of this forum) is the first place I'd recommend looking. Nyx listed another.

The Standards of Care require you to see a counselor for three months before they'll recommend you to an endocrinologist for hormones. Hormones can have side effects, and can be lethal. So, going with the endo is a good idea. Hormones can also be ordered online if you don't feel like waiting.

http://www.tsroadmap.com/physical/hormones.html has some broad overview stuff about hormones, in addition to good links.

Breast aug's are usually done after seeing how you develop on hormones for a couple years. Some choose to have them done by TS specific doctors, but that's not necessary. Whether a TS specialist or not, though, make sure whoever does your work is reputable.

Your first order of buisiness should be seeking a couselor with gender therapy experience. If you're sure you're good to go from there, I'd schedule electrolysis next. Fun, fun :)

10-30-2005, 04:24 PM
This is not something to dive head first into. I was in counseling for about five months with a very experienced gender therapist who has had countless transsexuals as patients and who has seen fifty or more through the entire transition process. I went to her to keep peace in the family, not to transition, but in the first session she started talking transitioning. She was that sure of it. I went to the first three sessions in drab but the forth I went dressed. She then asked me if I was Jim or Julie. I started crying because the answer hurt. "Julie" I told her. It hurt because I knew what it meant. I had to face this without denial for the first time in my life and I knew that meant possibly losing family and friends.

I began HRT under a doctor's care last November after discussing it with my wife. She told me she'd be behind me all the way and "I'll be holding your hand all the way into surgery" when I have GRS. I told her she could discuss this with whoever she needed to and soon the word got out. After most family and a few friends knew I started to see the reactions. My son saw me dressed for the first time last December and hasn't talked to me since. After 23+ years of marriage my wife divorced me. Friends who know stopped calling. Only my daughter stood by me all the way. But she refused to believe I'd ever go through with it.

When I believed I was going to transition and that soon I'd be female I was so relieved this lifelong internal conflict would finally be over. I can't describe the feelings I had then. It was like the weight of the world had been lifted. There hasn't been a day in my life I didn't wish to be female but I realized can't do this to those I love. After I saw how much this hurt them I decided to abandon transitioning. That was a very sad day in my life.

If you choose to do this and do it without counseling and a doctor at least do some reading up on it. An excellent book is "True Selves" by Mildred Brown. I'll never forget reading the author's comment on her first experience with TSs when she attended their group session, "At that meeting I saw a level of emotional pain greater than I had previously imagined possible." I broke down crying when I read this because this has been my life and reading that just made me face the pain I've lived with for over 50 years. I tell you this because I want you to know everything I say here is for real.

Don't do this hastily. Give it a lot of thought. The changes it will create in your life are enormous. And I'll tell you something I heard when I was ready to make the transition and no words could be more true, "If you're ready to give up everything you have, family, friends, your job, then you're ready to transition". Take those words seriously. I wish I did.

10-31-2005, 08:34 AM
Ditto ^^^

I am in the very start phase of transistion right now, and I even before going to the gender counciler knew that I was not only TS but that I would be going one day through counciling. I have quite a few friends that are in the medical field which makes it a bit easier, not much but a little. Most of the people I know have taken the news well and have been supportive, although I have run into a few that have not, oh well.

You need to look at all the parts of your life to get a grasp on who you are and what you can loose. I am 23 years old and not starting a real career for 2 years. I have made plans either way, but after reading stories about people who have gone through this in my field (education) I have a plan that should hopefully perserve my job, although I am prepared to lose it temporarly. While this post is not about me and specific to my plans I can say I have spent not hours but days thinking about all the ramifications. It was at a point that I was either going to stick a gun to my head and pull the trigger or deal with this... and I like living.

I am lucky, I don't have a wife, kids or a huge block of friends to tell and deal with transistion. I am young and have a little more advantage than someone that is older. Just realize that as Julie said be prepared to lose everything, and when you don't feel relieved. It is kind of funny, I had a harder time telling my best friend (like a brother to me) about this over my parents. He is 100% fully supportive (knows the issues, both brothers are specilists in their fields as doctors. It took me over 4 weeks of fearing the loss before I told him one day amist lots of tears. His support has meant the most to me and finally given me peace in dealing with all of this.

You know you are ready to transistion when you don't WANT to transistion but NEED to transistion no matter the cost. Sometimes that means waiting, like in my case, sometimes that means loosing friends and family, sometimes a job or SO... my friend told me this and has been the biggest help ever...

"There will always people who will either hate or not understand what you are doing. You are not doing this for them but for yourself. Your true friends will stand there 100% with you through the hard times, the fair weather ones will not. It really shows how much they care about you when you finally tell. Who give a rat's *** about what they think anyway... you are not being selfish but are doing what YOU need to do"

Remember that...


Kim E
10-31-2005, 04:44 PM
I can't give you any better advice than has already been given by Julie. For your own good, educate yourself on all aspects of transgenderism. Seek counseling from a therapist who specializes in transgender issues. The road to resolving gender identity is long, hard, emotional, painful and yes, expensive. Proceed carefully and slowly, decisions you make, either good or bad, will have a profound effect on the rest of your life.
Good luck.


11-28-2005, 10:08 AM
Like you, this has been the biggest issue l have ever faced. Even just last night I was in that very conversation with my wife. Do I want to run the risk of loosing everything to make this happen? My answer was Yes! for me I want it to happen. But! I know that I'm in no way qualified to make a call like that without first checking with my Shrink to make sure I not nuts. So no matter what I feel, experts are there to help you clearly make a choice thats right. Not a choice made while so emotionally changed. Emotions are good, but make sure to take the time to look at all sides.

I once learned that in order to have a clear point of view. One has to have one first.(A Clear Point of View that is) So. read, ask questions, learn all you can about what to expect. But think it all the way through first.

BTW I made it a point to let my wife know that I in know what want to loose her or our daughter. But I know that this was the only correct thing to do for me. Living like I have been has been impossible with pain and confusion. She understood my feelings and is willing to accept what ever I find out in the end.. Take the time now. There is no turning back later..

12-03-2005, 08:49 AM
Julie made the best points I can thnk of...the need to talk through your feelings and thoughts (and fears) is something you MUST listen to and provide an outlet for...Assume that you could lose 90% of the friends and support you had before. Join groups (like this one) to develop a sense of community and history. If there is a TS community, I strongly suggest you get involved. Likewise, be sure to get the best medical and clinical advice you can afford. Good things coe to those who wait...