High horse

[Aprilrain]

Well it happened, I really didn't think it would, I'm still kind baffled actually.
I was out to dinner with some friends, two TSes and a CD. The server screwed up and put my dessert on another girls bill and hers on mine. Long story short in the course of explaining the situation she called me HE. :eek: I was mortified, pissed off and wanted to cry all at the same time. Not that it matters but I honestly thought this person (the server) was a young black man until he...er she introduced herself as Britney. Let's not make any bones about it I'm a bitch so when the gender ambiguous server brought our desserts I said, "thank you sir" and of course I didn't tip her. (I know, bitch, I'm ok with that!) the part that hurt the most was that I just spent $$,$$$ on invasive facial surgery in an effort to eliminate all of the masculine telltale features from my face. Not only did I blow a years worth of wages on this surgery but I have permanent weird side effects from it too. (like the top of my head is numb) needless to say that experience has shattered my new found confidence and I feel like I'm back to where I was pre FFS, constantly wondering if people "know" or not. :sad:

Anyway I'm pretty sure the moral of this story is; don't hang out with trannies!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Your picture is great, and it is only going to get better. You have 6-24 months of slowly improving femininity coming to you. There is no way that face goes with a guy already...pictures can lie, but we've seen lots of FFS and yours is the typical excellent result...pls trust me...i have seen it over and over.. the fact you have real hair is a huge plus...your hairline already looks great..

It could be that other parts of you (hands? shoulders?...) were noticed because of your group. Outside of a group, the idea of gender is something that just flashes into minds...once the server saw someone as transgendered, the filter was changed...otherwise, one glance at you , and any male features are going to get discounted because of your face

confidence is a serious matter...you get to transition your way, and i know you want to blend in perfectly...people are delusional about passing all the time, but you are not.

btw...that numbness is totally unpredictable...i have it permanently and i even have some switched nerves where i touch a spot near my eyebrow and feel it on the top of my head...also i can bump the top of my head, and not know it hurts until my head aches all over..that's happened twice on my car door...

[Julia_in_Pa]

April,

Listen, take it from the raging C*n/T herself that you my dear have a beautiful face that is extremely feminine.
I would not say this it it were not true.
as for the silly little man you did just fine.


Julia

[Frances]

Anyway I'm pretty sure the moral of this story is; don't hang out with trannies!

This^
It's unfortunate, but true. Then again you may pass for the GG girlfriend of one soon enough. It happend to me at Dr. Brassard's of all places.

[Sally24]

Also remember that people make mistakes in their speech all the time. To expect to never get the wrong pronoun is unrealistic. And unless the server was being mean, yeah you were acting like a b*tch.

[Aprilrain]

Well I would think yes I have other body parts that give me away if nothin else in 6 feet tall, taller than 98% of woman. my hands are very thin and long and though not small my very petite 5'2" wife's hands are not much smaller. Her fingers are probably the same length as mine but her palm is smaller. if anything it's my frame, long and lean, I have the achiteture of a 2x4, there is nothing I can do about that. I really don't know what to think about my shoulders, most people tell me they are narrow and as of late I have really noticed the loss of muscle mass in my arms, shoulders and chest. My sewing instructor thought I had broad shoulders, then again I'm pretty sure she thinks in GG because she said your so skinny after having 2 kids! So I guess they're broad for a GG and narrow for a TG, who knows. If anything its my over all lack of curves. I've noticed a lot of woman near my height a few even as tall as me and one must have been 6'3" but the big difference between us is hips, they all have hips and I don't. I keep waiting for the fat redistribution, I guess it entails losing all the fat you had and then getting all new fat? (I'm kidding) speaking of losing fat it took me 9 months to get almost A cups and 2 weeks to lose them! Really? That fast?!

Sally: it's not an act!

[LeaP]

Anyway I'm pretty sure the moral of this story is; don't hang out with trannies!

Maybe so - I've certainly heard this said before. Read one, question all. Or something like that. It likely had little or nothing to do with you. You look great.

Lea

[Marleena]

April I have a feeling the server just assumed you were all men based on your company. You look great! Don't overthink it.

[Stephenie S]

Dear April,

Please don't be discouraged. You did not waste all that money. You are quite pretty.

FFS can take as long as several years to resolve. You just started dear. Give yourself a break. This sort of thing happens. And there is a rule about hanging with crossdressers and trannies. The likelihood of being "read" goes up exponentially the more of them there are. (Or something like that. I can't remember exactly.)

People DO make mistakes occasionally, although this does not sound like a mistake. It sounds deliberate. Some people are jerks. One would think that a waiter, or anyone who deals with the public on a day to day basis, would know better. Obviously this one doesn't.

Next time, put your hand on your hip, look severely over the top of your glasses, and say in a loud voice, "Excuse me?" Try to imagine what a natal woman might say in such a situation. If it were an obvious mistake she might say nothing. You know who and what you are already, right? Or at least you should. If it were said deliberately, to wound or hurt, a natal woman might make a stink. "May I talk to the restaurant manager please?"

No one promised you a rose garden, but at the same time no one deserves to be abused. Regard this situation as practice training. Think about it. Formulate a response. It certainly may happen again. Next time you will be prepared. Or perhaps the simple act of being prepared will prevent it from reoccurring.

She certainly knocked you right back a whole year with one word, didn't she? Don't give her that power. Own yourself. And don't hang out with trannies.

Stephie

[Inna]

Hey hon, what had happened to you I presume happens to 99.9% of post-ops. I wasn't excluded from this group either. Right after my FFS for about 3 weeks post-op I was so swollen then any signs of wrinkly maleness was erased, on my way back from Mexico, everyone and I mean everyone refereed to me as "MAAM"! My confidence grew immensely and I truly thought that nightmare of my life is over, well.......

Then, in the office, after presenting my Dr. Lic. ladies there started calling me sir, all of them, I felt exactly what you felt, I wanted to dissapear, I was pissed off, on my knees again, a place I never wanted to revisit.
Then I though, maybe my Dr. Lic. because it still had Robert on it, maybe..... Then I visited Walmart to reorder my prescription and, yet another blow, without my id, approachig the counter, clerk welcomed me with "may I help you "SIR"

Hon, it is a process, it still takes time, and when I went off the hormones for the surgery, I had lost almost entirely my breast size, and I bet it didn't help facial features either.
All in all, I had learned that I never leave home without makeup, which I did that day, second, FFS and its cranial intervention takes time to reveal the true shape only after 6-8 months.
And thirdly, I am looking at your picture of avatar and you are a female babe, really, wow!

PS: hanging out with other not so passable girls may provoke questions about your gender as well, tough but true!

lOVE, Inna

[arbon]

I love your new avatar April - I think you look wonderful.

by your self I can't imagine anyone mis-gendering you with beautiful new face.

But when with other trans people I think cis people can't handle it trying to figure out who is what, it really does confuse them, throws them off and they say stupid things. To many "somethings off" signs from everyone.

Bet it never happens to you when you are with cis gender people or alone.

[CharleneT]

"... not the last time my gynecologist checked dear..."

[RachelOKC]

I wouldn't take it so hard, there's just some people who don't get it no matter what visage and gender clues we present to them. There'll always be that one boob who just can't manage to get it right or for that matter even try.

A huge breakthrough for me was in realizing that I didn't have to be ashamed about being trans and not caring if someone knew or not. Yeah, I don't like getting looks or hearing wrong pronouns but what can I do about it? Get into a confrontation every time? Tires me out just thinking about it.

I got "sir'ed" at the coffee shop last week and gave the counter lady a hard look over my glasses. I'm thinking, "HELLO, Do I LOOK like a sir?" It was mildly grumbleworthy, but I didn't really feel like spoiling my morning and had a good time with my friend afterward.

Oh, and about hanging out with your friends...yep it's true that hanging out with other TGs might get you all read faster. But, if you were to abandon them because they're trans, what kind of friend would that make you? There is NO REASON to be ashamed of who they are and be ashamed of who YOU are. Enjoy the company of your friends and be proud you have them.

[Aprilrain]

well I won't abandon my friend but the other two, just acquaintances. we eat at this place all the time normally we have a guy who "gets it" (i guess he likes getting a decent tip) I think this person was new, not sure. anyway I have been losing interest in attending this meeting for some time and i think that pretty much sealed it for me. I'm not ashamed of who I am but nor do i want to be a tranny for the rest of my life, its simply a quality of life issue. the truth is, obvious trannies have a lower quality of life. i didn't grow up thinking "boy id love to be one of those people i saw on Jerry Springer!" No for some stupid reason I thought I should have been a girl. I would have done this a lot earlier if i had thought i could have passed back then. I do better than i ever could have imagined but still. I know we all arrive here form different angles, for me it took nearly killing myself to finnally say F it and give transition a try, and if it doesn't "work" to my standards then IDK I guess higher doses of antidepressants.

Inna: same here the swelling gave me nice skin LOL. now that its gone all the acne scars and fine lines have returned.

[AKAMichelle]

Well it happened, I really didn't think it would, I'm still kind baffled actually.
I was out to dinner with some friends, two TSes and a CD. The server screwed up and put my dessert on another girls bill and hers on mine. Long story short in the course of explaining the situation she called me HE. :eek: I was mortified, pissed off and wanted to cry all at the same time. Not that it matters but I honestly thought this person (the server) was a young black man until he...er she introduced herself as Britney. Let's not make any bones about it I'm a bitch so when the gender ambiguous server brought our desserts I said, "thank you sir" and of course I didn't tip her. (I know, bitch, I'm ok with that!) the part that hurt the most was that I just spent $$,$$$ on invasive facial surgery in an effort to eliminate all of the masculine telltale features from my face. Not only did I blow a years worth of wages on this surgery but I have permanent weird side effects from it too. (like the top of my head is numb) needless to say that experience has shattered my new found confidence and I feel like I'm back to where I was pre FFS, constantly wondering if people "know" or not. :sad:

Anyway I'm pretty sure the moral of this story is; don't hang out with trannies!

I do have to say that I barely recognized you. You look so feminine.

I guess it is that if one person in the group is read then you get read. The true test is how you are treated out by yourself or with your BF.

[Bree-asaurus]

Sally: it's not an act!

I would have done the same thing.

And yeah... like Frances said... it's sad... but if you want to blend in, don't hang out with trannies. When just one of your group is spotted as a tranny, people question the whole group and any little sign they find is proof that you're a tranny too.

[Aprilrain]

Thank you to everyone for the support and kind words.

[PaulaAnn]

Hi; First of all, you look terrific and good luck with your transition. However I do take exception to your comment that "trannies" have a lower quality of life.I think that was an insensitive remark .I'm transgendered and I would dearly love to transition ,but my age,medical issues and other issues make that impossible .I do however feel every bit a woman as any one on this forum.
I try my best to look right and I'm enjoying the experience,always have , but I don't think my quality of life is any less than anyone else's.
Perhaps I'm being overly sensitive here but I had to comment . I don't wish to start a "them against us" thing though....we are all sisters aren't we ?
Paula.

[Bree-asaurus]

Hi; First of all, you look terrific and good luck with your transition. However I do take exception to your comment that "trannies" have a lower quality of life.I think that was an insensitive remark .I'm transgendered and I would dearly love to transition ,but my age,medical issues and other issues make that impossible .I do however feel every bit a woman as any one on this forum.
I try my best to look right and I'm enjoying the experience,always have , but I don't think my quality of life is any less than anyone else's.
Perhaps I'm being overly sensitive here but I had to comment . I don't wish to start a "them against us" thing though....we are all sisters aren't we ?
Paula.

It varies from person to person. There is no hard-fast rule saying one group's quality of life is better than another. But I do know that had I not transitioned, I would not be fortunate to have any kind of quality of life...

[giuseppina]

I'm sorry to hear of this, April.

If someone wants to drive home the point about poor service with a tip, a penny, nickel or dime is left. That lets them know the tip wasn't forgotten.

[PaulaAnn]

Hi Bree; well in my case , my life improved as I finally accepted who I was and a lot of the self doubt and fear went away .As you correctly point out quality of life varies from person to person.
I, (we), are just trying to make our way down a bumpy road.
Paula.

[Aprilrain]

Hi; First of all, you look terrific and good luck with your transition. However I do take exception to your comment that "trannies" have a lower quality of life.I think that was an insensitive remark .I'm transgendered and I would dearly love to transition ,but my age,medical issues and other issues make that impossible .I do however feel every bit a woman as any one on this forum.
I try my best to look right and I'm enjoying the experience,always have , but I don't think my quality of life is any less than anyone else's.
Perhaps I'm being overly sensitive here but I had to comment . I don't wish to start a "them against us" thing though....we are all sisters aren't we ?
Paula.

no disrespect intended Paula. I should have said MY quality of life as an obvious tranny would be lower. it was not an us vs them comment I include my self in the word tranny. However I don't what anyone else to know unless I tell them, thats just me each to her own.

[PaulaAnn]

Hi Aprilrain; No problem,and thanks for your input.It was an interesting post about your experience and I dare say it wasn't a good one.
Take care,
Paula.

[Persephone]

Damn! What a terrible thing to have happen! And no, you don't look "Sir" at all. Beyond your definitely feminine facial features, your smile and your eyes clearly say Girl.

Sometimes crap like that just happens for no good reason. I hardly ever get "Sir"ed, even dressed as a guy, so when it happens it is always a jolt. A couple of years ago I was out en femme for lunch and got "Sir." I still remember. So yeah, it hurts. But trust me, You are Woman.


The likelihood of being "read" goes up exponentially the more of them there are. (Or something like that. I can't remember exactly.)

Yep, although exponential may be a bit harsh. My formula is that the likelihood of being "read" is N squared. Two TGs = 4 times as likely, three = 9 times, four = 16 times, etc. Sad, but true.

Illegitimus non carborundum est (Don't let the *******s grind you down).

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Sammy777]

Anyway I'm pretty sure the moral of this story is; don't hang out with trannies!

That line unfortunately is all too :lol: and :( at the same time.
Something tells me your He/She server would not have done that if you were with three GG's :straightface:

I could see using "What would you guys like" because I've heard that many times out with GG's.
But calling/singling you out for seemingly no apparent reason was just BS on their part.


If someone wants to drive home the point about poor service with a tip, a penny, nickel or dime is left. That lets them know the tip wasn't forgotten.

LOL If you want to piss off the waiter/waitress proper what you do is leave a penny and a nickel.
Any server worth their salt knows the .01+.05 Tip means a penny for you and a nickel for the cook.
And if you want to send the point home you leave on top of or under an upside down coffee cup.
Really want to be mean - leave it in a still full and upside down coffee cup. :devil:

[Hope]

You know, I have screwed up the pronouns for cis folks before. It happens. We are hyper sensitive about it - but it isn't always meant as an insult.

One of the greatest gifts I have received from one of the girls here was a little over a year ago when I was going to meet in person with this girl for the first time. I was looking UGLY. Total boy in make-up. When we talked on the phone about 3 hours before we met I said "You will probably get read hanging out with me." And she said the awesomest thing I have ever heard a sister say "Probably not." Fu(# Yeah!

Passing is at least 50% confidence... I would guess closer to 70%... If you have that confidence - you will almost certainly pass, if you don't, you won't. Regardless of who you hang out with.

[Aprilrain]

Passing is at least 50% confidence... I would guess closer to 70%... If you have that confidence - you will almost certainly pass, if you don't, you won't. Regardless of who you hang out with.

I respectfully disagree. That night I had all the confidence in the world, when i looked in the mirror i thought there is no way i look like a boy anymore. That is why I named this thread "high Horse" because i was knocked right off mine! The server dint slip, she wasn't being malicious, she saw a bunch of trannies and gendered us males. I suppose if i were 5'8" and curvyish she would have used the word she but i'm not and never will be.

confidence has nothing to do with how others see us. It may make them more comfortable if we are secure in who we are but don't fool yourself, most people are just polite. A confident moose in a dress is still a moose and everyone will see it. If they don't its because their too caught up in their own life to notice.

[LeaP]

confident moose in a dress is still a moose ...

OMG - "confident moose" is going to stick in my head for weeks!

Lea

[TxKimberly]

I think it comes down to intent. I only get offended and upset if they INTEND to be rude and are doing it to get my goat. An honest slip up or mistake by someone who is otherwise been genuinely nice is not something to get angry about. We are unusual, we are not something that most people see or deal with every day - they can be forgiven for slipping up.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Confidence is a necessary but not sufficient condition to "pass" as a genetic female in all situations.

The folks that espouse it are often not passing but believe they are due to their confidence.. Confidence helps in these situations because people usually respond to confidence with respect

Sorry...that's the truth..

[Hope]

confidence has nothing to do with how others see us. It may make them more comfortable if we are secure in who we are but don't fool yourself, most people are just polite. A confident moose in a dress is still a moose and everyone will see it. If they don't its because their too caught up in their own life to notice.

Confidence has EVERYTHING to do with the way we present ourselves, which has to do with the way people see us, and interact with us.


Confidence is a necessary but not sufficient condition to "pass" as a genetic female in all situations.

That is why I suggested it was 50-70%... that other 30-50% can be pretty significant... O_o...


The folks that espouse it are often not passing but believe they are due to their confidence.. Confidence helps in these situations because people usually respond to confidence with respect

Sorry...that's the truth..

It is YOUR truth. Perhaps. And it is pretty belittling, but that IS why you shared it isn't it?

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Belittling? If you say so, you have this assumption in so many posts that people are out to get you... it makes me sad for you.
btw.. I said "often", you said 50%-70%.......same thing, no?..

I'd rather people know everything about the differences in how we all choose to live..
And know them clearly and HONESTLY..warts and all...
I am not going to apologize for my choices or my blessings, and neither should you..

If a girl wants to bet on "confidence" I say go for it....
if the options are there to enhance your confidence with all the medical and cosmetic procedures available, i say go for that even more.

It is a quality of life issue.
If a girl wants to blend in as female in every way, confidence will not cut it unless they are incredibly naturally blessed (like that model)...
and I don't think its helpful to say to that person, don't worry, you'll pass , just be confident..
they need to know they won't

..its not about me and you.

[Krististeph]

April,

Listen, take it from the raging C*n/T herself that you my dear have a beautiful face that is extremely feminine.
I would not say this it it were not true.
as for the silly little man you did just fine.

"If Julie in PA says it, you better believe it" :-)

Agreed, of course. hey, how many time to Gguys insult Ggirls on their looks? Men ARE pigs, that's all there is to it. Just keep your cool and let them know you disagree- the classy response is always the best. Despite my aggressive nature- the few times i've had to defend my gender- i've done this (and was actually surprised i reacted in such a controlled manner) and no question did i come out on top. I think CD and TG have to be ready for some real tests, they are have to be tough. I'm in awe of some of the things members have done here, the things they have said- i've actually written them down and changed them for non CD use- all you are really doing is asserting that you are a person and deserve to be treated as such. Amazing how well it works.
Various peopl can go on about 'attitude', but CD and TG have to be able to stick up for themselves- i'd bet on a group of CD or TG to win almost any verbal argument...

Even if you do not feel it at the time, a cool, self confident response is always the best. no, we're not perfect, but we are as good as we can be, and you simply cannot expect better than that.

[Aprilrain]

I don't think its helpful to say to that person, don't worry, you'll pass , just be confident..
they need to know they won't

Bingo! we aren't helping people when we tell them pretty lies.

[Badtranny]

Bingo! we aren't helping people when we tell them pretty lies.

I think we're misusing the word confidence. To me that reads like public speaking advice and that kind of confidence ain't gonna get it. I think what we mean to say is comfortable. I am at a stage in my transition where people are legitimately confused. I could literally go either way and I find that I can influence which way they go by my own actions. There is really nothing in my comportment that reads male so if I'm looking particularly feminine, I always get the ma'am. On the other hand if I pull my wallet out of my back pocket and dude it up a bit, I get the excuse me sir.

Last night I was out with a date and I was just in jeans and a sweatshirt but I was "owning" my femininity and I was treated appropriately by everyone without exception.

Confidence ain't gonna get you there, but it could be a tie breaker. ;-)

[Bree-asaurus]

I think confidence has more to do with how people treat you. You may or may not pass, but if you are going about your business like you belong there, people are more likely to treat you with respect.

But if you look like you're uncomfortable in your own skin, people see that as a sign of weakness. And what do we know about predators when they see weakness? They attack.

[kellycan27]

You know, I have screwed up the pronouns for cis folks before. It happens. We are hyper sensitive about it - but it isn't always meant as an insult.

One of the greatest gifts I have received from one of the girls here was a little over a year ago when I was going to meet in person with this girl for the first time. I was looking UGLY. Total boy in make-up. When we talked on the phone about 3 hours before we met I said "You will probably get read hanging out with me." And she said the awesomest thing I have ever heard a sister say "Probably not." Fu(# Yeah!

Passing is at least 50% confidence... I would guess closer to 70%... If you have that confidence - you will almost certainly pass, if you don't, you won't. Regardless of who you hang out with.

Sounds like she was trying to build your self confidence. A ton of self confidence may get "YOU" (used in the general) through the night, but it's going to take a hell of a lot more than self confidence to make the person on the other side of that counter to say.. That's a woman.

"I was looking UGLY. Total boy in make-up. When we talked on the phone about 3 hours before we met I said "You will probably get read hanging out with me."
Where was your self confidence when you made this statement?

[Aprilrain]

"You will probably get read hanging out with me." And she said the awesomest thing I have ever heard a sister say "Probably not." .


Sounds like she was trying to build your self confidence.

In all seriousness, when i first read this I took it as Hope's friend saying "I know I pass even if I'm with some one who doesn't". I was confused as to why that sentiment made Hope so happy, then I realized that she interoperated it as her friend saying "Hope passes therefore we will not get read"

[Hope]

In all seriousness, when i first read this I took it as Hope's friend saying "I know I pass even if I'm with some one who doesn't". I was confused as to why that sentiment made Hope so happy, then I realized that she interoperated it as her friend saying "Hope passes therefore we will not get read"

Actually, you had it right the first time. There was no hope of my passing. I wasn't even trying. I was "passing" as a weird looking metro-dude in girl's pants and too much lipstick on. The gift was the knowledge that it was possible to get to a place where one is so comfortable in her own skin, so sure of herself, and so confident that she was going to be read as the cis girl out for dinner with the uber femme metro guy... that she didn't even question it. The idea that she would be read as a tranny, even in the most adverse of circumstances didn't even cross her mind. For the girl in the ugly stage who is full of doubt, who is acutely aware of her huge paws, her deep voice, and her big tall frame to hear that from another - that is a powerful message. That is a word of hope. Considering that the suicide rate in our community is something like 44% - it is a word of LIFE.

I know that there are some here who like to think that they are being helpful by pointing out the "blunt truth" and they MAY even honestly believe that they are being helpful. But the real truth, is that no one who comes here needs to be reminded that this is hard, that this is a struggle every step of the way, that this is seemingly impossible. We have all known or believed that at one time or another. We have ALL had those moments where we have looked in the mirror and said "Dude, who the bloody he!! do you think you are fooling?" (And I suspect that our sour chorus do it more often than most). We have all looked at our bodies and known without a shadow of a doubt that we looked like men in dresses. Reminding us of that fact isn't necessary, helpful, or beneficial. It IS cruel and heartless in the extreme, but it isn't useful.

What is needed - what is helpful - what IS beneficial, particularly if it came from some of the self-styled "experts" would be a word of encouragement. An example to follow. A word of reassurance. Someone who has been in the ugly stage, and who has made it out, to stop and say "You CAN do this. It is HARD, but if you do the work, if you preserver, then one day you too can get to the place where you don't worry about "do I pass?" anymore, you too can get to the place where you can walk into a restaurant with a pack of freaky looking trannies and metro-dudes and know that everyone in the room will read you as exactly what you are - a woman." But then, I suppose you have to believe that about yourself, before you can say it to another.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Hope you are making up from thin air an entire narrative that doesnt exist.

all i said was confidence doesnt cut it you want to pass...confidence brings you respect...that's it.
...everything else is just in your head..Frankly you don't seem very confident at all.

When you walk into the bar and everybody looks at your group of "freaky looking trannies" and talks and stares, they will only see women if they are versed in an encyclopedia of political correctness.
A more honest way to say it is simply..you can do it.. you can walk in and be yourself, and if you hold your head up high and own it, people will respect you more and it will be ok. It's not a self mind F*k we are talking about here.

and what's more, I"VE DONE IT...we just had a small outing where i went out with a couple folks for the first time...they didnt look so great...but we had a great time..and we were stared at constantly, and no one in that room thought it was a group of women at my table...

By your statements, you assert that only by "your way" can we all support other transsexuals, that what i've said is not needed, helpful or beneficial......your words.. well screw that..

So pls read what is actually said, without imputing motives that don't exist.

[Aprilrain]

you too can get to the place where you can walk into a restaurant with a pack of freaky looking trannies and metro-dudes and know that everyone in the room will read you as exactly what you are - a woman." But then, I suppose you have to believe that about yourself, before you can say it to another.

This is exactly what I believed about myself when that waiter/waitress? called me HE! I can believe I'm the Queen of England that doesn't make it so. I would have been better off knowing before hand that given the context of the situation I was probably going to get read. This was not a matter of a lack of confidence, I've been doing this shit for over a year now, confidence is not an issue for me in fact I'd say my problem that night was cockiness! Too much confidence! Mine is an actual situation, you simply cannot argue with something that actually happened. Yours is a theory which could be debated until the cows come home.

[Zenith]

No one ever listens to me but I'll try. Read your thread and want you to feel better. You are still healing, give it a few months. The swelling will go down. And don't get so upset about some goofy server. We tend to get clocked in packs no matter what.

I snapped a quick pic of me before ballet last night. (I MIGHT put it up on my profile) The security guard was flirting with me and actually running ahead to open doors. And my class mates effortlessly strike up a conversation with full eye contact in the changing room au natural. Even taken to calling me "girlie". It's getting to the point where I almost cannot NOT pass. This isn't an ego boost for me, it's me saying it's totally possible to get there.

Give it time.

Edit: I won't post the pic. My friends here that know me on FB have seen it anyway.

[Jessinthesprings]

Hi; First of all, you look terrific and good luck with your transition. However I do take exception to your comment that "trannies" have a lower quality of life.I think that was an insensitive remark .I'm transgendered and I would dearly love to transition ,but my age,medical issues and other issues make that impossible .I do however feel every bit a woman as any one on this forum.
I try my best to look right and I'm enjoying the experience,always have , but I don't think my quality of life is any less than anyone else's.
Perhaps I'm being overly sensitive here but I had to comment . I don't wish to start a "them against us" thing though....we are all sisters aren't we ?
Paula.

I really took it as more for those who are full time and obviously unable to pass. Some transition anyway others do not. Either way I would say there is a lowered quality of life. Either you are treated as less than a 2nd class citizen or you hide from your true self. I'd say that fits the bill wouldn't you?

[Aprilrain]

No one ever listens to me but I'll try. Read your thread and want you to feel better. You are still healing, give it a few months. The swelling will go down. And don't get so upset about some goofy server. We tend to get clocked in packs no matter what.

I snapped a quick pic of me before ballet last night. (I MIGHT put it up on my profile) The security guard was flirting with me and actually running ahead to open doors. And my class mates effortlessly strike up a conversation with full eye contact in the changing room au natural. Even taken to calling me "girlie". It's getting to the point where I almost cannot NOT pass. This isn't an ego boost for me, it's me saying it's totally possible to get there.

Give it time.

It's been 4 weeks today most of the swelling is gone, just micro swelling now like around the nose where if you weren't me you wouldn't even notice it. I Know what you're saying a few days before the OP incident I was in the woman's restroom having a conversation with another woman about boots and, of course, men as in MEN!:brolleyes: just two girls talking. Everywhere I go with my GG friends it's "what can i get you ladies?" or "You girls blah blah blah" no hesitation with the ma'ams when out alone or with GG friends. Which is why it was a huge blow to my ego when our androgynous friend called me HE. Confidence was not my problem

[Zenith]

It's been 4 weeks today most of the swelling is gone, just micro swelling now like around the nose where if you weren't me you wouldn't even notice it. I Know what you're saying a few days before the OP incident I was in the woman's restroom having a conversation with another woman about boots and, of course, men as in MEN!:brolleyes: just two girls talking. Everywhere I go with my GG friends it's "what can i get you ladies?" or "You girls blah blah blah" no hesitation with the ma'ams when out alone or with GG friends. Which is why it was a huge blow to my ego when our androgynous friend called me HE. Confidence was not my problem

It actually takes a year for the swelling of FFS and GRS/SRS to go down. I didn't say confidence was a problem, but don't let the server bother you or diminish it. You should just "meh" it. I have been at this for three years, and my mannerisms are finally becoming automatic and unguarded. In the ballet pic I quicksnapped (there were women in there changing)...I just noticed my hand...totally subconsciously holding it in a very female pose...these things take time...

[Aprilrain]

It actually takes a year for the swelling of FFS and GRS/SRS to go down. I didn't say confidence was a problem

He actually told me it could take 2 years for complete healing! I think he's just covering his ass because I called him about a concern I have regarding my lip.

I know you didn't say confidence was a problem, I was just reiterating my point in general (not directed at you) that confidence only buys you so much and in my case too much can be a problem too when it turns to cockiness!

[Zenith]

He actually told me it could take 2 years for complete healing! I think he's just covering his ass because I called him about a concern I have regarding my lip.

I know you didn't say confidence was a problem, I was just reiterating my point in general (not directed at you) that confidence only buys you so much and in my case too much can be a problem too when it turns to cockiness!

Nah, Spiegel is correct. Be patient. I had most of the same surgery you did, by the exact same surgeon about 2 months ahead of you. And it's really starting to look good now. My nose was done by a separate surgeon, and I go in for my one year checkup today. It took that long for the tip to settle, and I am thrilled.

I think your use of "cockiness" really means "laziness". Just like in ballet you have to work at it until it becomes second nature. No slacking off. But over time (again I say this), it becomes so ingrained it isn't work but a wonderful ability...like ballet...

[Aprilrain]

I think your use of "cockiness" really means "laziness".

Nope, don't read between the lines Julie, I meant cockiness. I was so sure of the results of the surgery and therefore myself that even with the swelling (which really was more feminizing since it stretched out my skin and made all the acne scars and fine lines disappear) I felt that there was no way I'd be read as male. In what way did I indicate that I was being lazy?? It was a cold tuesday night, we were at a what amounts to a fast food restaurant, I was wearing a purple top with 3/4 length sleeves, jeans and boots, earrings and my watch. I had walked in wearing my parka (its F-ing cold here right now!) and carrying my purse. I was sitting with my legs crossed and my back straight (I was chilled and for some reason i don't like leaning back against the seat back when im cold). I wasn't wearing makeup but who wears makeup to a fast food restaurant on a tuesday night? I was looking way shabbier in Boston and getting called ma'am. I know I don't sound like a dude because I always get ma'amed on the phone. In other words I looked like any other GG would have for the occasion.
So I'm curious what you mean by lazy since you weren't there and don't know me personally.

[Zenith]

Why do I even bother anymore? Here comes the attacks. :straightface:

Yes, indeed you are showing your "cockiness" now and not listening to the gentle advice offered. FFS is not a panacea, and mannerisms are important.

You are reading volumes into a minor incident.

Edit: We can ALL improve mannerisms...myself included...

[Zenith]

Here is a perfect example. Then I will quit wasting my breath. Invariably when T people get together and visit with each other, we let our voices go as we relax. I have met scores of sisters across the country and it happens even with the best voices. Our voices drop. Just laziness. Have to be cognisant of this...

[Frances]

Here is a perfect example. Then I will quit wasting my breath. Invariably when T people get together and visit with each other, we let our voices go as we relax. I have met scores of sisters across the country and it happens even with the best voices. Our voices drop. Just laziness. Have to be cognisant of this...

I am so guilty of this!

[Stephenie S]

I might disagree just a bit. I think you have a lovely voice.

S

[Aprilrain]

I think your use of "cockiness" really means "laziness".


Yes, indeed you are showing your "cockiness" now and not listening to the gentle advice offered.

This not advice, this is you being presumptuous. Who's being cocky now.

[Andy66]

April, you look beautiful and not one bit masculine. That being said, I hope that one day soon you will be in a place where some random stranger's words don't ruin your day. :hugs:

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I don't know April, i could be wrong but i think you were getting a compliment on your appearance... and support for being confident about your ffs result...

perhaps an assumption was made, but the assumption was given your face, it had to be "something else"..

and its a really insightful observation that when i am with ts people, my guard drops...

[Traci Elizabeth]

Anyway I'm pretty sure the moral of this story is; don't hang out with trannies!


I could not agree with you more. Are you a Trans or are you a woman? If a woman then hang out with other women. It always works for me and I never get ma'am-ed