on not choosing the WRONG name

[sandra-leigh]

I've been pondering names for a few years, considering the possibility of changing my name legally. Finding the "right" name isn't easy, but what I find somehow more frustrating is the task of avoiding the wrong name.

It can't be my grandmothers' name, or my mother or sister, or my aunts' or cousins' or cousins' spouses, or my closer second cousins.

It can't be anyone who is close friends with my mother. Or of anyone my mother had significantly bad experiences with.

Better if it isn't the same name as anyone at work, or their spouse. Or my friends or their spouses. Ideally it shouldn't be the same as any of the TG/TS gals I know myself or who are better known in our local community. I don't want to be seen as copying or "imitating" them. For the work-related names, I worry about being seen as being "creepy", or making people feel uncomfortable about having me associated with them.

One name that I have been favoring is also the name of a now-deceased neighbor. That's a bit of a glitch, but we got along quite well and I do not imagine she would be upset at being remembered. But after having had that name on the list for a few years now, I just realized a few days ago that it is the same name as one of our contractors who works at our home most days. So that name will have to be eliminated.

Another name I gave some consideration to, I realized was the same name as a woman I worked with 20 years ago during a high stress time at the organization... some not so pleasant memories associated with the name.

It feels as if every time I encounter or think of a potential name, 15 seconds later I'm thinking, "No, I can't use that, that one's taken, it was the name of ...." :sad:

Sigh.

[Michelle.M]

. . . Finding the "right" name isn't easy, but what I find somehow more frustrating is the task of avoiding the wrong name.

You might want to read this as food for thought:

http://www.tsroadmap.com/reality/nameindex.html

My name was derived from that of a girl I knew in high school who had a positive effect on me. Other friends of mine have chosen names suggested by the names of women who inspired them. I have many other friends whose names are either feminized versions of their male names, names they think they might have been given by their parents had they been wrapped in a pink blanket at birth instead of a blue one, or names inspired by celebrities.

How you get there is your decision. What considerations you use (i.e.: worrying about offending someone) are valid only if YOU think they are, regardless of what anyone else thinks. In my case, my [now legal] name is very common, so yes, it's already been taken and many times over.

This is YOUR identity! This is your big chance to tell the world who you are. Do this on your terms and it will never be the "wrong" name!

[Shelly Preston]

Choose a name that suits you not everyone else.

I can understand the reson behind not wating to use a family name etc, but in work organisations you encounter a lot of people with the same name.

If you think about it, thats why people get tagged when in hospital. Imagine the confusion if they thought I was due for a hysterectomy. :eek:

[Miranda-E]

It feels as if every time I encounter or think of a potential name, 15 seconds later I'm thinking, "No, I can't use that, that one's taken, it was the name of ...." :sad:

Sigh.

If you dig deep enough, they are all taken.

[Badtranny]

Hmmmm, I think you're trying too hard. Your life will give you a name if you pay attention. Many many years ago I was always hanging out with some other stunted adolescents (in our early 20's) and we would get into various goofy things, like aggressive skating. (inline stunt skating) We would practice grinding on rails and jumping from ramps and random things and there was this one jump that I kept trying to do called the Misty Flip. It's basically just an off axis backflip that you try and slow down mid spin. It's not incredibly difficult but it looks really cool and I thought if I could just do that, I would be the coolest skater ever. Anyway, I kinda sucked and I was never able to pull it, but one day after nearly killing myself one of my buddies said if you ever pull that jump we're totally gonna start calling you Misty. I said don't do that because I will have to punch you in the face every time I hear it, and then he called me a fag, and we went to 7-11 or something and we forgot all about it. Years later, (early 2009) I was cross dressing in front of one of my friends for the first time and she said I reminded her of one of her high school friends named Misty. So that was my name. A year later when I was talking seriously abut transition, my therapist told me that Misty was a little too dramatic and perhaps I should choose something more common for professional reasons. So we chose Melissa, so I can still use Misty as a nickname.

My name will eventually be Melissa Hobbes C***** (last name withheld for privacy) but my friends call me Misty.

[Sammy777]

Don't take this the wrong way.
But it sounds like you are either trying to please everybody all the time [impossible] or you are using the I can't use this name or that as a crutch to avoid actually doing it.

If the first, you have to overcome the fact that you will at some point run into someone with the same name and the only ways to avoid that are to A: not change your name B: pick some obscure name female not in much use today C: do it the Hollywood way and pick your name out of the dictionary, a fruit basket or off a map.

It is nice that you take family into consideration, but everything else you mentioned is rather ridiculous when you think about it.

[Melissa Rose]

Several years ago in Sacramento, Melissa Hobbes (a.k.a. Badtranny) and I went to a bar after a social event. She was still going by Misty at that time. Two GGs abandoned their boyfriends and came over to our table and asked if they could sit and chat. After getting our names, one said that Misty needed a new name because it was a stripper name. Now you know the rest of the story.

I eliminated a number of names for myself based on personal associations and a list of self-made rules. Finally, I got down to a short list of names and the one that felt right jumped out at me. In some ways, it is like naming a baby. You can be totally rational and logical about it, but you know what feels right when you look and hold the child. It is easy to over think it and not follow your gut and heart.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Sandra,

Before I was legally Julia I went by Julie.
Julie was the name of a girl I sat next to in 6th grade.
She was a very nice and kind soul.
I remember saying out loud in my bedroom one day after getting home from school that this was going to be my name.
That was back in 1977.
I altered it to Julia because of the name of the character Julia Sugerbaker in the TV show Designing Women.
Her no nonsense take no prisoners approach to people and life as it was written on the show was always admired by me.

Perhaps there is something or someone from your past that could act as an example for you Sandra

[LeaP]

It can't be my grandmothers' name, or my mother or sister, or my aunts' or cousins' or cousins' spouses, or my closer second cousins.

It can't be anyone who is close friends with my mother. Or of anyone my mother had significantly bad experiences with.

Better if it isn't the same name as anyone at work, or their spouse. Or my friends or their spouses. Ideally it shouldn't be the same as any of the TG/TS gals I know myself or who are better known in our local community. I don't want to be seen as copying or "imitating" them. For the work-related names, I worry about being seen as being "creepy", or making people feel uncomfortable about having me associated with them.

One name that I have been favoring is ... name will have to be eliminated.

Another name I gave some consideration to, I realized was ...

Sigh.

You can use ANY of those names. Freely! Everyone on the planet runs into people with the same name. No biggie. Parents PICK common names - that's why they're common!

What's the matter with Sandra or Leigh? Wait - don't answer that!

I'm partial to Leigh!


Your life will give you a name if you pay attention.


Yes, exactly. Mine works in many ways. It's a variation on part of my given name (more specifically, on a corruption of the part that has meaning to me), it's androgynous, which I like (though I use the feminine spelling). It is also the name of a favorite cousin. I.e., yes you can use a relative's name. It's funny, I first used it "out" today.

Lea

[Nicole Erin]

Finding the right name can take years. But yeah like said - if you dig deep enough, they are all taken.

As long as the name has a decent everyday flow for your generation then it will be fine.
Something like Jenna Stephanie Anderson or whatever.

I finally decided on Erin. I don't know how or why but something about it just felt right when I was deciding to get serious about a name. I used to go by something else but it was God-awful for my age group.

With Erin, sure I could look back on third grade and say, "Nope, it was the same name as that tall stoner-looking chick I didn't care for" but I don't think of that when I hear "Erin".

[Sammy777]

Here are a few links that might help you in your search.

Social Security page (http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/)
You can search the popularity of a single name or top names by year.

Baby names hq (http://www.babynameshq.com/)
Here you can search names alphabetically and also see the meaning behind them

how many of me (http://howmanyofme.com/)
A fun site to see how many people in the US share your name.
Searchable my First, Last or both together.

Hope these help you :)

[Jonianne]

.....Your life will give you a name if you pay attention.....

Yes! That is what I believe!

[RachelOKC]

You might want to read this as food for thought:

http://www.tsroadmap.com/reality/nameindex.html

Well...it's definitely thought out but I found it good mostly for chuckles and eye rolls. "Names sometimes associated with transgenderism"...perhaps a little *too* thought out!


Hmmmm, I think you're trying too hard.
...
A year later when I was talking seriously abut transition, my therapist told me that Misty was a little too dramatic and perhaps I should choose something more common for professional reasons. So we chose Melissa, so I can still use Misty as a nickname.

I agree with trying to hard. The way I see it is, what do you like? Then there you go! Why let someone else take away your favorites because of reason X, Y, or Z? You don't need approval either. My son has the same first name as one of his cousins. People expressed concern and I pointed out that there was little need to worry about confusion for kids who had different last names, are 16 years apart, live a thousand miles from each other, and see one another every three years.

Hearing about the therapist poo-poohing Misty makes me wince a bit. It always seems to drip of sexism when people refer to names as being ****ty, stripper-like, or even unprofessional. For the life of me, I'll also never understand why "Bruce" was supposed to have been a "gay" name.


Finding the right name can take years. But yeah like said - if you dig deep enough, they are all taken. As long as the name has a decent everyday flow for your generation then it will be fine.

I think it took me about an hour or two, but I went through a baby book, wrote down all my favorites and winnowed the list down to a very short few. I made my choices for first and middle names and have never had a second thought about it in almost twenty years.

Yep. They're all taken. With seven billion people on the planet, probably even made up ones up are already done!

And if you love a name enough then go for it, even if it's out of your generation. Be proud to be a Gertrude or a Britney. Just be sure that you can live with it! ;)

[Ally 2112]

Buy a book of baby names what ever one seems to fit choose it .It is almost like being born again to a new idenity or person .Also don't try to hard take your time it will come. Mine took 3 different names and 20 years before i was happy

[Rianna Humble]

how many of me (http://howmanyofme.com/)
A fun site to see how many people in the US share your name.

According to that site
There are 1 or fewer people who share your name in the US

That's good, because I am unique (the world wouldn't survive two of me :eek:)

[Eryn]

Before our children were born my wife and I came up with a set of specifications for names.

Our first child was named using these specifications. The name worked out fine.
Our second child came along and a name occurred to us that didn't meet many of the specs. We went with our hearts and it worked out fine.

My name was chosen with the sole intention of it being a screenname, but it has grown on me for FTF use as well. Sometimes our names just find us. :)

[Bree-asaurus]

Both my boyfriend and I just chose the opposite gender variation of our name. My parents named me Brian, so I chose Brianna. I figured if I didn't get to choose my name in the first place, why choose now? I don't even like Brianna and I never go by it... I always go by Bree.

Another option is ask your parents what they would have named you if they knew you were the opposite gender when you were born.

[Michelle.M]

Well...it's definitely thought out but I found it good mostly for chuckles and eye rolls. "Names sometimes associated with transgenderism"...perhaps a little *too* thought out!

Oh, totally! But I thought that page did provide a good summary of some of the considerations people use when selecting their names.

[Amber99]

Another option is ask your parents what they would have named you if they knew you were the opposite gender when you were born.

This is a good idea. Otherwise just try to pick a name that was reasonably popular when you were born, so it isn't obvious the name was chosen later. All my choices were names of girls in school when I grew up.

[Jessinthesprings]

I think you are going to drive yourself crazy. My only rules where pick a common name so I don't draw unnessicary attention to me (I'd rather be a fly on the wall), and not the name of an immidiate family member or friend. The rest for me was preferance.

[Kathryn Martin]

I chose my name mostly to reflect who I am. The one I chose, Kathryn, also was my grandmothers name who had a huge influence on me.

[STACY B]

You might want to read this as food for thought:

http://www.tsroadmap.com/reality/nameindex.html

My name was derived from that of a girl I knew in high school who had a positive effect on me. Other friends of mine have chosen names suggested by the names of women who inspired them. I have many other friends whose names are either feminized versions of their male names, names they think they might have been given by their parents had they been wrapped in a pink blanket at birth instead of a blue one, or names inspired by celebrities.

How you get there is your decision. What considerations you use (i.e.: worrying about offending someone) are valid only if YOU think they are, regardless of what anyone else thinks. In my case, my [now legal] name is very common, so yes, it's already been taken and many times over.

This is YOUR identity! This is your big chance to tell the world who you are. Do this on your terms and it will never be the "wrong" name!

OH NO I was so ugly they might have named me BRUNEHILDA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Badtranny]

Several years ago in Sacramento, Melissa Hobbes (a.k.a. Badtranny) and I went to a bar after a social event. She was still going by Misty at that time. Two GGs abandoned their boyfriends and came over to our table and asked if they could sit and chat. After getting our names, one said that Misty needed a new name because it was a stripper name. Now you know the rest of the story.

Holy crap I totally forgot about that!

I don't know why I don't hang out with my crazy friends more, those are always the best stories. ;-) luv ya.

[Princess Chantal]

Gee, Masquerade better get back to wearing the name tags but this time written with pencil!!!!!

[Nicole Erin]

We
I think it took me about an hour or two, but I went through a baby book, wrote down all my favorites and winnowed the list down to a very short few. I made my choices for first and middle names and have never had a second thought about it in almost twenty years.

Thing is when I knew I needed a new name, I had not given it much thought until I knew I was going to be more full time.
But yeah making a list of favorite names and narrowing it down from there is good. If you need a full name - First name is the fav, middle name is second fav. Or reverse them...

One thing you could do if practical is find out what your name would have been if you were born a girl. I am guessing you were born during a time when the doctors didn't know the sex of the baby the moment the sperm cell met the egg like they probably do now. So at that time, they probably had to have a boy and a girl named planned out for the big day when the baby popped out the womb and they got to find out the sex.

[sandra-leigh]

My legal name is one that has no feminine equivalent. It does, however, happen to be the original name of one of the famous TSs, so I am definitely going to avoid the female name they choose.

My legal name also happens not to have a female equivalent in meaning. The closest to the same meaning in popular culture would be Xena (The Warrior Princess), long after my generation. I don't feel much like I "belong to Zeus" (Xena); and fighting and strife are things I would rather leave beyond.

I happened upon nameplayground.com today; it has some good stats, going back a century, including a table of the most gender ambiguous names. Some of the other sites are better for exploring meaning, though.

The only name that has "fallen on me" so far was the one I used to use, Tess, but I had forgotten that sometimes my sister got called that.

I do not dislike Sandra, and it has some abstract meaning to me; I am considering "Sandy". But it has never "grabbed me".

On the point of my concerns being "rather ridiculous": keep in mind that I have life circumstances beyond those I routinely talk about. Some of them I am Not Allowed To Talk About Why I Am Not Allowed To Talk About Them :sad: . Mauvey- shades of purple-russet.

What my mother would have named me: some good Catholic name. Not exactly appropriate for me these days!


Gee, Masquerade better get back to wearing the name tags but this time written with pencil!!!!!

LOL!

[Sammy777]

Here is something people might not always think about.
What are the nicknames of the name you like and do you like them as well?
Example: I knew four GG's who got almost exclusively called the "guy" nicknames of their name.
Could you handle being called a guy's name all the time?

My name for example has three nicknames: Sam, Sammy and Mandy. [Mandy surprised me too.]
I don't mind that I get called Sammy or Sam a lot more then Samantha.
I happen to like all the variation but you may not.


According to that site
"There are 1 or fewer people who share your name in the US"
That's good, because I am unique (the world wouldn't survive two of me :eek:)

LOL It told me there are 64 of me. I would not call the site totally accurate but is fun non the less.

[Misti]

Hmmmm, ... your life will give you a name if you pay attention.... My therapist told me that Misty was a little too dramatic and perhaps I should choose something more common for professional reasons, ... but my friends call me Misty.

And a fine name it is, too, Misty. My choice of name came to me as natural as water running off of a duck's back; and as for "dramatic," if my "red" shoes continue to fit, I guess I'll just have to "continue" wearing them? :love:


Here are a few links that might help you in your search. how many of me (http://howmanyofme.com/) A fun site to see how many people in the US share your name. Searchable my First, Last or both together. Hope these help you :)

It has, Sammy, thanks for the URL. I really enjoyed the response. It was fun looking up my name....
• There are 7,826 people in the U.S. with the first name Misti.
• Statistically the 2138th most popular first name.
• More than 99.9 percent of people with the first name Misti are female.
Well, I suppose I'm in that 0.01 percentile group then? And, loving every minute of it.... :battingeyelashes:

[Hope]

My middle name was originally banned from consideration because it happened to be the first name of the woman I seriously dated immediately prior to my partner. It is the name of a serious ex... obviously a no-no.

This being removed from contention didn't really bother me... It isn't a name I particularly like (though I do like seeing it on official documents). It is a biblical name (and I took it because of it's biblical connotation) but by the time I had started the legal name-change process, I was WAY over the whole bible thing. WAY OVER. Having been kicked out of my denomination and all.

But here is the thing - My partner's middle name is Naomi. I simply HAD to be Ruth, ex girlfriend or not.

So my point is this - your name needs to be about you, not any one else. Should you remove some names from consideration? Yes, serious ex-girlfriends, current close friends and relatives, probably even immediate co-workers... unless you have a compelling reason to use one of those names. But you don't have to remove the name of every girl you have ever known or had a crush on, or met professionally. If you do end up picking the name of someone you come into contact with, you can consider spelling it with an alternate spelling to help distinguish yourself from her... or you can go with the same spelling... it is up to you.

It is YOUR name, it is about YOU. Pick the one that you like, that suits you.


OH NO I was so ugly they might have named me ...BRUNEHILDA

No joke - my partner picked out my first name (which is another technique to use) though I retained veto power... which is good, because otherwise I would have been Hildegard... Which is a perfectly lovely name, I just don't want to spend eternity wearing a hat with horns on it.

[Aprilrain]

when I joined this site I needed a screen name, Aprilrain popped into my head, it stuck.

[Shapeshiffter]

My partner picked my initial name{ Bridget}. Now that it is time to make it legal, I will use the older spelling and pronunciation{ Brighid}. No specific reason other than we both like it.

Brighid

[AllisonK]

I haven't really picked out a name but I do like the names Allison and Alena. They are both close to my real name and I think either one would suit me. Also my nickname is Alley-Cat so it could still be used or I could just go by Allie. Don't really know. I also like the name Melissa though. :)

[Aprilrain]

My partner picked my initial name{ Bridget}. Now that it is time to make it legal, I will use the older spelling and pronunciation{ Brighid}. No specific reason other than we both like it.

Brighid

be prepared to get called Brig-Hid just sayin!

[Miranda-E]

be prepared to get called Brig-Hid just sayin!

so true.
people that call out names in waiting rooms rarely have a lot of time to lookup the etymology of names and will call for brig-hid

[CharleneT]

I agree with Hope, pick a name you like and don't worry about the other who might share it. It is something you will live with for the rest of your life, pick it to fit your story. There are reasons why my name is very distressing to certain family members for example, but it was important for me to choose it... so I did. They will just have to find new associations - those about me. My middle name is foreign, maybe you could try that, then whatever associations you are worrying about won't be obvious.

Good luck !! :hugs:

[Misti]

Oh, and I also forgot to mention that my SO has given me the name, Lola (u know, "Whatever Lola wants..., etc., etc.) recently; and, since she doesn't know a single thing about Misti, and should never, ever know (that's said . Period :D ), that name is evidently going to be branded on my forehead from here on... :heehee:

So stay tuned. :battingeyelashes: L&R
M.

[~Emma D~]

Hi,
I believe the name you call yourself is so important and such an expression of who you are.

I wanted to be called Emma when I was young – don’t laugh, but, it was the name I chose after Emma Peel from the 1960’s The Avengers TV programme.

When I came out to my parents, Emma was the name I called myself.

I let Emma down many years ago, and on here I use the name Sarah Davis – which turned out to be the name of a famous TS Concert Pianist – not good in hindsight.

But, I know in my heart when I transition, I will be Emma again and I will change on here when I’m ready.

Go with the name that’s right for you. :)

[Paula Thomas]

I simply took the feminine for my GM name - "Paul" - "Paula".

[Melody Moore]

Hmmmm, I think you're trying too hard. Your life will give you a name if you pay attention.
That was exactly how I arrived with my name. I always liked the name Melissa or Mel for short.
The only issue with selecting Melissa is that it is also my youngest daughter's name, so forget
that idea. I have always had a lifelong passion for music and have played guitar since the age of
10. I also like to sing, so the name Melody made perfect sense to me. It is unique & find that
hardly anyone else has the same name. People also call me Mel for short which is also fine with me.
My former male name only bears one association with my new name and that is the first letter "M".

I also made the decision to change my surname to Moore because I didn't really like it as I never felt
like I belonged to my family and was always treated as the outcast or the black sheep of the family.

My middle name was also my father's name, so I felt that also had to go after the way he treated me
for most of my life. So I selected the middle name of Anne. I feel a little guilty now I did drop my father
name & family name because he has turned out to be the most supportive. He was upset at first when
I told him, but he told me that he understands & accepts the reasons now why I did change my name.

Also if I retained my family surname with Melody Anne, my initials would have spelt M.A.N. So no thanks! I
definitely had to pass on that idea. At the end of the day there is a lot Moore to Melody than meets the eye.

So Melody Anne Moore is now my legal name :)

[Inna]

post your picture and we will be glad to toss names we feel well represent you, after all, most names we end up with are names given to us by our parents, Moms usually see into the babies aura and are able to name them in respect. However I had seen some people whose names didn't sound at all like the person behind it :eek:

[LeaP]

post your picture and we will be glad to toss names we feel well represent you, after all, most names we end up with are names given to us by our parents, Moms usually see into the babies aura and are able to name them in respect. However I had seen some people whose names didn't sound at all like the person behind it :eek:

Your last comment resonates. I've never felt connected to my given name. It feels like it belongs to someone else.

Re: moms & names. I named my children. There was plenty of discussion and there were lists drawn up. In the end, at the hospital, the question was put to me. So ... what's the name going to be?

Lea

[Hope]

My boy boy name was a pretty common boy name, it was a good name... and I liked it well enough... it just was never me.

It is weird talking to a guy with that name now... I'm always like - "Yeah... that is a great name - for you."

[sandra-leigh]

Pictures... I can only think at the moment of one that has been taken in the last year or so, and it was in a very casual moment and not a bit pretty. I'll check to see whether my wife deleted it or not.

[Nicole Erin]

As long as you don't go with some TOO common name also...
I think these days for younger women, 78% are called either Boo or Baby Girl.

I could be way off on that though, it might only be 77%.

[Rianna Humble]

Moms usually see into the babies aura and are able to name them in respect.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of thoughtless parents out there too - I think of one customer I had whose first initial was A and his surname was Pratt or a family I knew from school, the Green family who gave both of their children the initials PEA

I was accused of being arrogant when I told someone that I felt fortunate to have had the chance to choose my own name.

[Dawn cd]

Like Bree, my femme name mirrors my original guy name. I was named Don, but occasionally at the office people would mis-hear my name and send letters addressed to "Ms. Dawn ********"

I figured it was a sign.

[Sammy777]

I also like to sing, so the name Melody made perfect sense to me.
People also call me Mel for short which is also fine with me.

Someone I know, one of the four I mentioned earlier in post #27 above is named Melody.
She goes by Mel, everybody including her family all call her Mel.
In wasn't until several months after knowing her that I finally asked:
"So what does Mel stand for anyway?" :lol2:

So don't be surprised if/when Mel becomes your unoffcial-official name.

[Melody Moore]

So don't be surprised if/when Mel becomes your unoffcial-official name.
If people call me Mel, that is fine, but everyone knows my name as Melody because that is how I always introduce myself.

[sandra-leigh]

post your picture and we will be glad to toss names we feel well represent you,

Could be interesting.

I hardly have any pictures of me the last couple of years, so I used my cell phone to pop off a quick one today on the way to work. This picture is the way I look most of the time (including at work), except that I prefer not to have the facial hair.

(Yes, that is a nasty part in my hair. I seem to have Type III "male pattern baldness" (http://www.ishrs.org/images/male-baldness.gif))

[JessicaM1985]

My advice is to just pick a name you really like, and if you're nerdy like I am, look up the meaning of it. I chose the name Jessica because it sounds pretty, there's an awesome Allman Brothers song with that name, it is a derivative of the names Jacob and Issac from the bible, and the meaning of it is '(S)he who sees'. Makes sense, since I'm finally able to see the truth about who I am and what I've gone through to get to this point.

Take the time to pick the name that YOU want, not what you think others want you to have. It's YOUR name after all, and it's going to be what people call you for probably the rest of your life, so make sure it's one that you really like.

[Inna]

You know, it is rather amusing but you do look like " Sandra" I seriously mean that, really!

[ArleneRaquel]

Before I became Arlene, I was Katrina Maureen,and Beyonce Welch, I still use Beyonce at another site, but I believe Arlene serves me the best. :2c:

[sandra-leigh]

You know, it is rather amusing but you do look like " Sandra" I seriously mean that, really!

A few weeks ago on FB, when I responded to a discussion, someone I do not know and probably knows nothing about me, responded, "Oh, you are such a Sandra!" :D

When I look at this snapshot, though, I get the impression my name should be Bigus Nasus .

[AllisonK]

I finally decided on what my name should be. I am going with Allison...Ally for short (wife likes nicknames :) ). It is simple and it's not a big leap from Allen.

[EnglishRose]

OP: You're a Linda. Don't ask me how I know. It just came is all.

(feel free to ignore this :))

[sandra-leigh]

OP: You're a Linda. Don't ask me how I know. It just came is all.


Interesting. I'm not sure I can live up to the Urban Dictionary descriptions of Linda (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Linda&defid=6063261) though! For comparison, Sandra (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Sandra) there -- though for the record, I have no children at all :o

[Empress Lainie]

This is always an interesting topic. We are the very fortunate few that get to choose our own names. My SO says that sometimes the names choose us, instead of vice versa. For instance, she just knew her name was Cynthia, just like I instantly knew my name was Lainie the first time someone asked what should we call you now?

I chose the name of our middle child, but we had agreed that our first boy and girl would be named after us, in my case he is the III. Now he is the only.

Funny thing, I had a gf my first love who I am still in touch with 58 yrs later, who was named Elaine but never went by Lainie. Then later I had a gf named Alice Elaine who went by Laney. I also knew that the mother of one of my students went by Lainie. Believe me, I did NOT name myself after any of these.

My old initials were AN, and I have always loved Anne so that is my 2nd name. I kept a form of my old name (which I had changed on the net months before transition day to the spelling Alynne, now pronounced uh-lin' as a third name. Then I changed my last name from a one syllable to a two syllable one because it fit better with Lainie, and my old name was changed by each generation from O'Neal to Neal to Neel. The original was Niall, the ruling clan of Ireland for 800 yrs, so I am the heir to the non-existent Irish throne, hence Empress Lainie.

My old name Alan was my middle name and then I had to go by my first name I never liked when I got on Medicare for disability for medical purposes, so I am now so happy to be able to use my first name instead of my second.

Funny thing, I just heard a song yesterday at Denny's called Sweet Little Alan (a girl). Wonder how they spell it on the song!

[Traci Elizabeth]

The fun is in selecting your own name irrespective of who else might have had that name in the past or in the present. You will NEVER find a name that no one else has. Even if you concoct a made up name, around the world, many other people have concocted that same combination of letters.

To me, a name should:

Be easy to pronounce,
Flow so easily off the tongue (as in the rhythm of the name) ,
Have complimenting syllables - mine are 2 + 4 + 2,
Be easy to spell,
Be easy to write,
and Not a name used by both males and females.

If you are going to go through the process of changing your name legally, for goodness sakes, select a new first, middle, and last name. You are a woman now correct? Why carry around any part of your MALE name you have had all your life. This is your opportunity to create yourself in your OWN eyes.

[Inna]

Sandra, you are analyzing the meanings of names like a true researcher.....believe me hon, if this continues, you will never have peace in your heart. Just like the sound of it, believe me no one does think of what given name means. And only until recently, almost no one knew nor was interested of the meaning of their name....cause it got no meaning other then a label others can call upon when talking to you or writing a forum reply :heehee:

[EnglishRose]

If you are going to go through the process of changing your name legally, for goodness sakes, select a new first, middle, and last name. You are a woman now correct? Why carry around any part of your MALE name you have had all your life. This is your opportunity to create yourself in your OWN eyes.

That doesn't explain changing your last name, though. I can understand if family is not accepting, or you want to start a new life, etc. However with a spouse accompanying and parents supportive, no way in hell I'm changing mine.

[Rianna Humble]

I changed my last name for two reasons:

1 To make a clean break with my old identity (sort of works)

2 To fly under the radar for a while - the Sun hatchet job put paid to that :sad:

[Michelle.M]

That doesn't explain changing your last name, though. I can understand if family is not accepting, or you want to start a new life, etc. However with a spouse accompanying and parents supportive, no way in hell I'm changing mine.

Well, I had a friend give me grief over my changing my last name, and I told her in a very ladylike way to shut up and mind her own business.

As transfolk the name is the most personal thing we choose for ourselves. Keep your last name if you want, or change it. There are solid arguments for either decision.

But the bottom line is that the decision that works for you is YOURS and not anyone else's. The way I see it, I don't owe anyone an explanation for my choice and nobody owes me an explanation for theirs.

[Bree-asaurus]

Well, I had a friend give me grief over my changing my last name, and I told her in a very ladylike way to shut up and mind her own business.

As transfolk the name is the most personal thing we choose for ourselves. Keep your last name if you want, or change it. There are solid arguments for either decision.

But the bottom line is that the decision that works for you is YOURS and not anyone else's. The way I see it, I don't owe anyone an explanation for my choice and nobody owes me an explanation for theirs.

I'm just quoting you because you're talking about last names...

Being the only "male" child with our family's last name (my sister took her hubby's last name), I was sad to think that our family name may end with me. But interestingly enough, my boyfriend doesn't want to keep his last name (his family's last name isn't worth much to him if you catch my drift)... so he said he would take my last name when we marry! YAY! And we plan on having kids! DOUBLE YAY! So my family's name WILL LIVE ON! :D

[Michelle.M]

... so he said he would take my last name when we marry! YAY! And we plan on having kids! DOUBLE YAY! So my family's name WILL LIVE ON! :D

Oh, that is just TOO COOL!

[Melody Moore]

Sandra, I hate to tell this, but I think you look like a Sandra, so I guess you are stuck with it :heehee:

But I do mean that in the nicest of ways :D

[sandra-leigh]

With respect to last names: I am proud (?) about the part of my history that I know. A group of people who over several generations have generally worked hard to support and nurture better living conditions for large numbers of people. If I had to choose a last name, I could do far far worse than to be associated with my family.

I do have a consideration that would be present whether I change my last name or not: if I start posting in my professional forums under a different name, it would take the regulars about half a day (at most) to figure out it was me. Dropping out of the professional forums is not realistic for me... google has about 400,000 hits for me. I guess it would at least be more difficult for a random person to put the pieces together with a complete name change -- but unless I drop out of sight, thousands of people would match the names without conscious effort.

hmmmm... maybe switch to an obvious pseudonym for my postings, let people become acclimatized to that, name change behind the scenes??

[sandra-leigh]

I managed to snag the casual snapshots my wife took about 2 months ago. The pictures reflect what I look like day-to-day. A little less flattering than the earlier self-photo, but more female looking IMHO. Sometimes I really look like my mother.

I'll be talking about names at my gender therapist appointment on Wednesday of this week.

[JohnH]

I don't think I will ever change my name - most likely I will leave it as "John". However the feminine version would be "Johanna", which is very close to the Hebrew and Aramaic male name equivalent to John.

At any rate I would retain my current middle and last names even if I were to change my first name.

I spoke to a female recruiter whose first name is Michael, and it is spelled that way. So it is not that unusual for women to have explicitly male names.

Unlike some others I do NOT want to make a clean break with the past. So at the most I would change only my first name, and then only to a close version of my masculine name.

A middle alternative would be to retain my legal first name as "John" but take on the nickname of "Johanna".


Johanna

[Beth-Lock]

The first Christian names I chose, too often were shortened into a single male name, by others by carelessness. This galled me, every time it happened. As a result when I chose my names for my legal name change, I tried to get away from that. The downside of that is that a number of people got tired and confused by my name changes!

It is a bit of luck for us, in being trans, that we are pushed into changing our names, and as a result, are able to choose one that pleases us. Most people on the other hand, go through life with the name their parents hung around their necks, like it or not. It also allows us to choose a name that is modern. I know of no transperson who has chosen, in recent times, a first name like Iris, Olive, or even worse, Dorcas, nice names though they may be. On the other hand, many have chosen names currently trendy among the young and of figures currently popular as celebrities, in the entertainment industry.

[sandra-leigh]

Actually.... Iris was one of the names I had under consideration. It means "rainbow" and is the name of a flower. It was approximately the 300th most popular female name for my birth year, which is quite popular as such things go. But (and this gets back to my original theme), it was the name of long time neighbors of my mother, died about 2 years ago.

These days I have been investigating names having to do with nature themes, such as flowers.

In particular, I have a soft spot for the local wild violets, which look sort of like this (http://bioweb.uwlax.edu/bio203/2010/yang_paj/side%20view%202%20Al%20Scneider.jpg) (sorry, picture is too high resolution to put inline.)

As I muse about why, I remember about the time I spent in the woods or meadows or camping when I was young; I came out of those times with a dislike of humans imposing order and preferences on nature. The part of my lawn that I love best is the ever-changing patch of wild flowers; and it makes me sad to trim our apple tree just because it gets in the way of where we prefer to walk. It makes me happy to see rabbits and birds and squirrels in our yard, evidence that we are still co-existing rather than the humans imposing order.

I much prefer to let things grow as they will. Including me!

I did not find many names along the theme of "wild, untamed, uncultivated" that did not include the word "wild" (which turns out to be quite an old word.) There also wasn't much in the theme of creeks and streams and rivers other than "Rhea" or specific place names. But it did turn out that in old English, the "lee" sound, such as in Ashley and Beverly, means "meadow". Beverly means "uncultivated meadow", which is somewhat appropriate. One of the meadow words turns out to be the "Leigh" that I had long ago tacked on for no particular reason other than to make the name more distinct...

(Oh yes, Beverly itself is, referring back to my original posting, not so acceptable. My mother's name starts with B and she often uses the initial.)

[Traci Elizabeth]

SANDRA, as much as I like you, if I spent as much time debating the pros and cons of a new name as you have, I would be bedridden with a severe migraine! :D

Yes, I know we all want that one perfect name that represents us, but I think one can ponder so much they never make a decision.

What I did was to go to a baby name web site and chose female names then went through the entire list from A to Z. Then without trying to find that one perfect name, I wrote each name that I really liked on a piece of paper. Then I looked at my list and to my surprise, out of all the existing names, I only had written down 8 names that really sounded perfect for who I see myself as. Out of those few, I eliminated three that the spelling could be either male or female names (and those 3 names were not on the top of my like list anyway). Leaving only 5 names. Of those five, my new first and middle name where in that list. And out of those five my 2 chosen names just popped right out at me. and I said, "YES!" that's me.

I did not consider who might have those names because to me, that has no bearing whatsoever.

Mind you, I come from a family who the first child born in each generation has ALWAYS been a boy and ALL have the exact same name (first, middle, and last) for as far back as we can trace our family tree. So I was brought up with my great grandfather, grandfather, father, and myself, having the exact same name WITHOUT distinguishing markers (i.e. Jr. Sr. Esq. or 1st, 2nd, 3rd, etc). Talk about confusion!

My point being is that to me it does not matter one iota who else has the name you select.

Just saying!

[Laurie Ann]

I was supposed to be a girl and Laurie Ann was to be my name so I figured that works for me

[danielleb]

I feel like a real oddball in this discussion!:D

I don't know why, but as a child I had many discussions with my mom about why I was named what I was, and what would it have been were I born a girl. I knew my name was never right, and I hated it all the way through, even the femme variant wasn't right for me.

I also remember for months on end day and sleepless nights I was racking my brain to choose my favorite female name. At the time not for the purpose that I would ever be able to use it, but thinking that there was a perfect name I needed to hear so I should look for girls with that name becuase it would be most likely that I could be attracted to them.

That gave me a first name I've carried most of my life and have chosen and owned from the start without question (not my name here :heehee:).

As for middle and last names, much in the spirit of Inna's thoughts, the world just surrendered those names to me, and I was paying attention enough to catch it. :) And in sort of a holisitc, melodic approach it fell into place for me in my own heart.

I watched sports (lots of different names from different countries) and listened to a ton of new music from people I'd never heard of. My advice; Live your life, do new things, and pay attention. It's out there, and you'll know when you find it. :)

[Pamela Kay]

I was supposed to be a girl and Laurie Ann was to be my name so I figured that works for me

Same here, Pamela Kay was supposed to be my girl name.

[sandra-leigh]

Dang. :sigh:

I remembered an uncommon first name I like, and I've been considering it. A moment ago, I googled it to see if someone else might already have the combination of first name with my legal last name. The answer was Yes, a minimum of 4 in the USA -- a bit unexpected as my last name is not common enough to expect a concentration of the combination of names. Still, I could live with it. But the first google hit was to someone whose priorities in life would be highly inaccurate for me.... I certainly wouldn't be pleased if people confused us :eek:

Guess I could always work on changing the last name. (I haven't decided yet on the point of keeping or changing my last name.)

[CharleneT]

Maybe you should go with one of those unpronounceable symbols, that would get around a lot of the issues that are road blocks in choosing you new name. Also, remember that just because you find a google hit on a name, that doesn't mean there is a person in actual existence with it, but rather that the combination of letters does exist in a web site somewhere ( which could even be a misspelling ).

I agree with Traci, although choosing a new name is very important, you are seriously over thinking it . . . :Peace:

[GirlieAmanda]

I know there are a lot of Amandas out there. Including Amanda Simpson-presidential appointee US Army. Sometimes you have to just go with it. Someone somewhere is going to have the same name unless your name is Metta World Peace or something. If you like it...go with it. After 20 years, I found out there were two Amandas in my family tree way back in 1890 and then in 1920.