Why be a woman?

[Brittany CD]

I really don't understand why we like to become women. I can understand that our love of women's clothes may motivate us to wear them, but I don't understand the motive behind becoming a woman. I'm a man, I identify as such, I have no desire to live as a girl in the slightest, and yet I want to put on makeup and a wig and become Katie. Why would we want to become women? I don't understand my desire to crossdress at all. It's something about me I really want to figure out

[sonna]

when you do let the rest of us know

[thechic]

Nice question ,with me i only want to be a woman because i find it quit repugnant and disgusting being born a man,such is life.

[RADER]

I like women; I think there real neat. So I like dressing as one ton try to put myself
in their shoes as it where. I find that dressing relaxes me, I find that dressing makes
me feel a little like a girl, witch I would give anything thing to experience one time.
I bet there is a thousand reasons for dressing, and no 2 are alike.
These are just a few of mine.
Rader

[suchacutie]

This is really easy. I'm not trying to be anything that I'm already not. The feminine part of me has always been there. All I'm doing is letting her be herself.

tina

[Bree-asaurus]

Some people crossdress because they like the feminine cloths.
Some people crossdress because it is a fantasy or a fetish.
Some people crossdress because it's a way to experience a feminine side to balance out their overly masculine day-to-day self.
Some people "crossdress" because they identify as somewhere between male and female.
Some people "crossdress" because they are repressing their true female gender and dressing up is currently their only outlet for their true self.
Some people crossdress for other reasons entirely.

You have to figure out why you do it for yourself. It may be something simple, it may because you have this whole different identity that you've been hiding from your entire life. Whatever it is, you have to learn to be honest with yourself and accept who you really are.

[JessHaust]

I really don't understand why we like to become women. I can understand that our love of women's clothes may motivate us to wear them,
for me it's not the clothes at all any more. Its the feeling of being feminine.

[Krististeph]

according to my wife, clients, and half of my co-workers- men are pigs. Partly true- women and girls can be nasty too- but consider an event i saw last year- slight rear end - two nice cars- the women got out- both 35-45, professional casual dressed- workday. they went to look at the damage, they said hello first- they were more concerned with greeting than immediately looking at the problem- makes sense- damage already done, but they would be having to deal with each other now for a bit, so they say hello first. Evidently it was not much damage at all, less than the deductable to buff out- in 10-25 seconds they agreed it was not worth a claim or anything- they hugged briefly- and drove off.

This is what attracts me to femininity- there's a sorority there. No- i don't think men are all bad- some of the thing they do are necessary- i'd just prefer to be on the prettier side.

[paulaprimo]

when you do let the rest of us know

ditto.......................................:eek:

[Stephenie S]

when you do let the rest of us know

Yup. This is by far the most common question here, bar none.

Unfortunately there is no answer. Find what works for you if you like, but for most, searching for an answer is an exercise in futility. Why not just enjoy it?

S

[Marleena]

I have no answer either. I just know the world is right when I'm enfemme.:)

[5150 Girl]

Nice question ,with me i only want to be a woman because i find it quit repugnant and disgusting being born a man,such is life.
I'll second that! Men suck!

[Bree-asaurus]

I'll second that! Men suck!

No.... men are awesome... as long as their not douche-bag ***holes :P

[Krististeph]

No.... men are awesome... as long as their not douche-bag ***holes :P

So as long as they are not men, then? :evilbegon:evilbegon

[docrobbysherry]

Let me ask U this question, Katie. How could u NOT want to become a woman?

After trying on; panties, some tite foundation wear, forms, nylons, heels, wig, a cute dress, putting on your face, looking in the mirror, and SEEING A SEXY, ATTRACTIVE FEMALE STANDING THERE!

How can u NOT want to become a woman if u can look and feel like one!?

If u can answer MY question, I think that'll answer yours, too!

[Bree-asaurus]

So as long as they are not men, then? :evilbegon:evilbegon

You're stereotyping ;)

I've dated plenty of good men. My current man, who I've been with for a year, is the one I will spend the rest of my life with.



Let me ask U this question, Katie. How could u NOT want to become a woman?

After trying on; panties, some tite foundation wear, forms, nylons, heels, wig, a cute dress, putting on your face, looking in the mirror, and SEEING A SEXY, ATTRACTIVE FEMALE STANDING THERE!

How can u NOT want to become a woman if u can look and feel like one!?

If u can answer MY question, I think that'll answer yours, too!

Being a woman isn't about wearing panties, nylons and heels...

[KellyJameson]

Hi Katie

Maybe the answer for you is in your thread posting "I'm a man, I identify as such". I wish those words were so easy for me to speak but they are not.

As a man and if you sexually desire women is this desire not about movement toward the opposite sex? The desire for two to become one ? To possess and be possessed by a woman ?

I have noticed there is an element of worship for women by men when I read many of the threads here, under these circumstances it seems natural to turn ones body into an altar as a symbolic statement of what is adored. For many I think they are paying homage to the female sex when they dress, a way of honoring by emulating. This combined with sexual desire makes for a potent cocktail because than ones own body becomes a eroticized altar.

I wonder sometimes if the same forces that shape our sexuality also shape our reasons or need to crossdress. Beauty inflames the males sexual desire but for others the desire to be beautiful as a woman is because they feel ugly as a man even if as a man they are thought to be beautiful
(handsome), the body becomes a prison that prevents the expression of ones essence.

For me I do not think of women as a group being morally superior or inferior to men as a group because I would than fear the danger of adding to the misandry and misogyny so prevalent in the world.

I crossdress because it has never felt natural being a man and so I rebel against what the fates and the world has tried to make me be.

[Chickhe]

For me it is a form of escape, but its not that simple otherwise I could have picked another activity. I found out what it means to me by trying it and letting my female version out sometimes and learning to just accept it and enjoy it.

[Jacqueline Winona]

It's just different for some of us. I have no desire to transition, but I can understnad those who do and it's just part of who they are and how they see themselves.

[Sammy777]

I believe [almost] everything has a grey area or a sliding scale to it.
In thinking about the OP's question I came up with the [over simplified] diagram below.

"Please excuse the crudity of this model, I didn't have time to build it to scale or to paint it."
Dr Emmet Brown

http://i614.photobucket.com/albums/tt230/samanthaM76/open%20album/scale.jpg

“If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it yourself.” Albert Einstein.

[Rachel Flowers]

It's true this kind of question comes up frequently. Sometimes not so tactful as this, we occasionally get "who the hell do you men think you are?"

I'm with Tina on this one: I can see now that Rachel has always been a part of my personality. Dressing up and being Rachel with my wife gives me such a feeling of relief, of warmth, of affirmation. Society can't cope with things that don't fit into neat categories, so many of us have spent decades repressing whole chunks of ourselves.

But don't ask for "the" reason men dress as women. You might as well point at all the people walking down the left side of a street and say, they're all exhibiting the same behaviour, there must be one common reason they're doing it.

Unless there are roadworks on the other side.

[Patsy]

I prefer female values - loving, nurturing, taking care, as opposed to male values - dominating, destroying, generally being an idiot; no contest really.

[susan54]

As has already been said, everyone is different. I love skirts and dresses and everything that makes me look good in them - but I hate wigs and make up. When I go out (usually with the wig and make-up) I am on stage. I don't imagine I am a woman, but I ACT as one, and lots of people love acting, again for a range of reasons. I love getting feedback on my outfits and how I have put my look together - but all the women who give me this feedback know I am a man. I actually have three levels - wearing a skirt as a man (often in public), wearing women's clothes (at home - with added bust - most of the time) and dressed and acting completely as a woman in public. At all stages I think of myself as a man - I am a gender tourist, and I like being a man.

[Gretch]

Why I decided to be a woman in my life? It's because I realized that I shouldn't be born as a man. I felt being born in the wrong body. It's just me.

[MiraM]

Some people crossdress because they like the feminine cloths.
Some people crossdress because it is a fantasy or a fetish.
Some people crossdress because it's a way to experience a feminine side to balance out their overly masculine day-to-day self.
Some people "crossdress" because they identify as somewhere between male and female.
Some people "crossdress" because they are repressing their true female gender and dressing up is currently their only outlet for their true self.
Some people crossdress for other reasons entirely.

You have to figure out why you do it for yourself. It may be something simple, it may because you have this whole different identity that you've been hiding from your entire life. Whatever it is, you have to learn to be honest with yourself and accept who you really are.

I wholeheartedly agree

[Raychel]

For me it is not all about becoming a woman, It is more about dressing in the clothes that I feel most comfortable. It is an escape from my everyday stresses of life, Just relax and be who I am.

I would never want to be a woman. They are goddesses in my eyes. WIth all that it takes to be a true woman, and tolerate a crossdressing husband. I could never do all that.

[Jessica Louis]

For me, women have such beauty and grace. The way they move and talk. How they can show their affection toward one-another. Please don't get me wrong, their are some caring and wonderful men out there and also some very not so nice women. I prefer to be one of the caring women because I just love their inner and outer beauty. Who wouldn't want to copy such a person. I just feel better mentally when I'm dressed.

Jessica

[Karren H]

when you do let the rest of us know

I'm not holding my breath! And who said I ever want to "be" one.... I just want to look like one!

[Kaitlyn Michele]

[QUOTE=5150 Girl;2750693]I'll second that! Men suck![/QUOTE

All men? or just men that arent crossdressers? :heehee:

[Silentpartner GG SO]

I prefer female values - loving, nurturing, taking care, as opposed to male values - dominating, destroying, generally being an idiot; no contest really.

Surely nobody needs clothes to have these values - why cant a man have these without the womens clothes?

I am a genetic woman but most of the time wear jeans and sloppy T-shirt, or fleece type shirt for practicality. It doesnt change my inner being, or my values or my behaviour just because I'm not wearing high heels & a skirt

and dont take this the wrong way because its not meant to offend but if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery then the way some guys look when dressed en femme is really not flattering to women at all!

[STACY B]

:devil::devil::D:D Did it all to the fullest you name it go ahead an try,, ALL of it an that was the easy part being a MAN !!!! Now try to be a WOMAN now thats the hardest thing that I have ever tried to do !!!! :eek::eek::eek::eek:: ITS THE ULTIMATE CHALANGE !!!!!!!! :battingeyelashes::battingeyelashes::battingeyelas hes: BRING IT ONNNNNNN

[Suzy Parker]

I don't Want to be a woman I just want to dress like a woman Becasue the clothes are

http://a1.ec-collected.myspacecdn.com/postto01/1/2b37dde2be43425087c9f44baacf7fba/s.jpg

[BRANDYJ]

Hi Katie


As a man and if you sexually desire women is this desire not about movement toward the opposite sex? The desire for two to become one ? To possess and be possessed by a woman ?

I have noticed there is an element of worship for women by men when I read many of the threads here, under these circumstances it seems natural to turn ones body into an altar as a symbolic statement of what is adored. For many I think they are paying homage to the female sex when they dress, a way of honoring by emulating. This combined with sexual desire makes for a potent cocktail because than ones own body becomes a eroticized altar.

I wonder sometimes if the same forces that shape our sexuality also shape our reasons or need to crossdress. Beauty inflames the males sexual desire but for others the desire to be beautiful as a woman is because they feel ugly as a man even if as a man they are thought to be beautiful
(handsome), the body becomes a prison that prevents the expression of ones essence.

For me I do not think of women as a group being morally superior or inferior to men as a group because I would than fear the danger of adding to the misandry and misogyny so prevalent in the world.

Kelly touched on something that I have felt for a long time. I know from a very early age that I admired women, starting with my mother. Next was a particular aunt, followed by a neighboring teenage girl and a cousin. Then my first crush on my verkindergartenkindergarden teacher.
Before I even knew a thing about sex, I was fascinated with the different way they looked, dressed and acted. I can remember their soft touinnocents an innocentd kiss or hug. I was very aware of their clothes and a glimpse of nylon and lace, the smooth skin and even their smell from perfume. Add that to their curves and shape so different from men. I think I so adored and admired them, that I wanted to emulate what I so worshiped about them. That early attraction to all things feminine, I'm sure was what started me on the road to crossdressing at age 10 or so. Like many of us, it started out very erotic and sexual. That started with my first ever orgasm when my mother's white nylon slip was left hanging on a hook in the bathroom. Later, when I'd try on anything that made me look and even feel feminine, I was pretending to be what I so worshiped and admired not even knowing. Unbeknown to me, this was the budding of my sexual attraction to the opposite sex. But much later it changed to the whole feeling of looking and feeling like what I so worshiped.
Maybe much like any child's play in a world of pretend I pretended to I was a cowboy. My early heros, the Lone Ranger, Daniel Boone, Roy Rogers, and Davey Crockett. Women in my life were also my heros, so I pretended to be one of them. The only difference is, I never stopped emulatg what I so adore and am attracted to....WOMEN.

In a book called "The Goddess Path", they touched on a few things that made sense. The authors suggested that male crossdressers where emulating the Great Mother Goddess and were on a path to be more in touch with her. They went on to say that many men wore long robes in a way to worship and emulate her. This long before any worshiped a male figure as a god. The earliest form of worshiping was worshipping Goddesses. They even suggested that was the beginning of the typical long robes priests and clergy still wear today. So even before Christ was born, men have been emulating women by dressing like what they worshiped.
It still feels good to dress and act like a woman. Why this form of pretend did not go by the wayside like my earliest pretending to be a cowboy is simply because I still worship all attractive women. It's a part of me andwho I am.

[Gillian Gigs]

Crossdressing is like having your cake and being able to eat it too. So, why not get the best of both worlds, I know lots of women already doing it and they love it. It is not that "men suck", it is just that they get macho and it spills out all over the place. Sort of like "pissing" contests, someone usually gets wet,and it is some poor bystander!

[KrystalA]

Asking why I crossdress is like asking why people exist at all. I do it because it feels wonderful, it feels normal, it's who I am.

[daarleane]

Crosssdressing allows me to be soft. It somehow gets past all the "manly" things I have been conditioned to do.

[Beth Mays]

I am really starting care less about the why's and a lot more about the how's .

[Sara Jessica]

I really don't understand why we like to become women. I can understand that our love of women's clothes may motivate us to wear them, but I don't understand the motive behind becoming a woman. I'm a man, I identify as such, I have no desire to live as a girl in the slightest, and yet I want to put on makeup and a wig and become Katie. Why would we want to become women? I don't understand my desire to crossdress at all. It's something about me I really want to figure out

Since you profess to have no understanding as to your own behavior (your desire to crossdress), you really shouldn't question in any way, shape or form as to why some of us wish to become women.

It'd be the same as me starting a thread with the comment "I cannot understand why a man would want to crossdress".

Many of us are in different places with this whole thing. We may not understand one another's motivations but at at the end of the day, a little empathy goes a long way.

[Sarah L]

For me, it's all about the clothes and nothing more. I would wear a skirt or dress all the time if I could.
I don't bother to wear makeup or try to look like a woman unless I am going out. I only do it then to blend in. Most people don't care what you are wearing, but I don't want to be noticed by somebody who might want to cause trouble.
Crossdressing does relieve stress for me, but I think the stress is caused by wanting to wear what society considers unappropriate for my gender. It's kind of a catch 22.
Having said that, I do find the male body to be just awful to look at, no matter what shape the person is in. On the other hand, I think the female body is a work of art. Just a wonder to behold. I love women and am attracted to them too much to ever want to be one.

[Sarah Doepner]

I'm not holding my breath! And who said I ever want to "be" one.... I just want to look like one!


Crossdressing is like having your cake and being able to eat it too. So, why not get the best of both worlds, I know lots of women already doing it and they love it. It is not that "men suck", it is just that they get macho and it spills out all over the place. Sort of like "pissing" contests, someone usually gets wet,and it is some poor bystander!


For me it's these things, thanks Karren and Gillian, and as Raychel says "It is an escape from my everyday stresses of life, Just relax and be who I am."

And I have to admit that it's an opportunity to be a little selfish and put everyone else on hold for a while. Since I'm not out to the world, when I crossdress, it's time to pay attention to me and use the time to relax and heal a little. A time to explore and face an interesting challenge of converting my image to something very different from what I present on a daily basis.

[Brenda Freeman]

I am a man and I like me! I also love to dress as a woman, I like how I look and how it feels. I also love how women look and dress, I guess I am drawn to that and always have been. I have never cared that much about dressing up and shopping for the latest in new mens attire,but love looking at womens clothes and the latest trends. Thats me! Thats why, and it took a long time to deal with it, but I did and am Glad I did! Is there more to it, not in my case.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

Being a woman isn't about wearing panties, nylons and heels...

Hear hear! I do all that as a man.




You have to figure out why you do it for yourself. It may be something simple, it may because you have this whole different identity that you've been hiding from your entire life. Whatever it is, you have to learn to be honest with yourself and accept who you really are.

I think I'm a blend of some of the examples of reasons you gave, but I will say for me I got a heck of a lot happier with it when I stopped questioning my motivations all the time and just embraced that I like certain things and while I may not ever truly understand where the motivation comes from, I'm better off just being accepting of myself and the things I like to do. Sometimes that means being a boy in boys clothes, or a boy in girls clothes, or a girl. and I'm fine with all of those options, or more if they come along.

[Badtranny]

Surely nobody needs clothes to have these values - why cant a man have these without the womens clothes? !

Just another mystery in the CD enigma.

I often wonder if there would ever be any honest answers to these questions. The repression and self loathing is almost necessary to be a crossdresser apparently. As a bonafide TG person I can say without a doubt that I never worshiped women or looked up to them in any way simply because they were women. I have never put a particular value on their clothes or mannerisms. I can also attest that what I'm wearing has very little to do with how I'm feeling on a day to day basis.

I think any CD would be doing themselves a favor by really examining how they feel when "dressed" and trying to get in touch with those same feelings when they're in "man mode". I am always amazed and fascinated at the power that is ascribed to the clothes. Some of the descriptions posted about "becoming" a woman are silly if not offensive to women. I don't want to be dismissive, on the contrary I am endlessly curious about what drives this behavior and I would love to see some real honest discussion about it.

If I had a boyfriend who was a CD, he would totally be like a science project for me. ;-)

[*Vanessa*]

You're stereotyping ;)

My current man, who I've been with for a year, is the one I will spend the rest of my life with...

There is no need to be so hard on yourself bree, ending ones life while still 'relatively' young is not the answer..

[RenneB]

Wow, this thread has really covered the subject pretty well and I'm not sure what I can add 'cept that I'm sure that when I was still in the womb, my brain stayed female while my body went the other way. Cruel trick I guess, but I'm adapting to this world the best I can.

Renne.....

[LeaP]

... I can also attest that what I'm wearing has very little to do with how I'm feeling on a day to day basis.

I think any CD would be doing themselves a favor by really examining how they feel when "dressed" and trying to get in touch with those same feelings when they're in "man mode". I am always amazed and fascinated at the power that is ascribed to the clothes. Some of the descriptions posted about "becoming" a woman are silly if not offensive to women. ... I am endlessly curious about what drives this behavior and I would love to see some real honest discussion about it.


One might well ask why women, when wearing pants, their SO's shirt, or even unisex wear like sweats, don't suddenly start exhibing stereotypical (deliberate word choice here) male behavior. (And no, that's not a riff on women's pants constituting male dress, either.)

You really have to ask whether it's mimicry, however accurately female behavior is understood, or if it's suppression.

There's a fine line to respect with crossdressing as regards offense to women, however. I get it completely when the behavior and dress seem to mock women or promote stereotypes, even when that's not the intention. Objecting to crossdressing on the basis of a CDer not being GG, however, is itself discriminatory.

Lea

[Cindia]

Some people crossdress because they like the feminine cloths.
Some people crossdress because it is a fantasy or a fetish.
Some people crossdress because it's a way to experience a feminine side to balance out their overly masculine day-to-day self.
Some people "crossdress" because they identify as somewhere between male and female.
Some people "crossdress" because they are repressing their true female gender and dressing up is currently their only outlet for their true self.
Some people crossdress for other reasons entirely. .

It's at least one of these reasons, I think. All I know is I like it and don't seem to be able to stop. Not that I'm even trying to stop anymore, its been a part of me since I was 4 or 5 years old.

[Bree-asaurus]

There is no need to be so hard on yourself bree, ending ones life while still 'relatively' young is not the answer..

HUH?!?!?!? I can't tell if I'm missing some kind of joke or if you TOTALLY misunderstood my post. Are you saying that being with a man is like killing yourself? Or maybe you think I'm referring to myself... but I am no man and have no plans to end my life :P

My current man, is my boyfriend. Our one year anniversary is in 8 days. He is the man I will spend the rest of my life with.

[*Vanessa*]

It's just a simple joke bree - a play on words to reflect your posts "He is the man I will spend the rest of my life with."

[Bree-asaurus]

It's just a simple joke bree - a play on words

OK, I just didn't get it at all... wanted to make sure you didn't think I was gonna kill myself :P

[BRANDYJ]

In reading all the responses, it is clear that we have those that are TS and those that are CD. So a line is drawn between the differences of what we think is the reason to want to become women. The CD responses clearly are from those of us that want to be part time women. The responses from our TS's not only want, but need to be women. Most of us CD's do not want a man or are attracted to them, while I would think that those that are TS and have undergone hormone and surgical transition,are attracted to, and want a man.
Simply stated, the reasons for CD's and TS's are very different. The TS feels they were born in the wrong body and most knew it at a very early age. So the CD might want to be a woman (part time), while the TS NEEDS to be a woman (full time).
For us CD'ers, the jury is still out whether our being a CD was something that happened in the womb or from early socialization.

[Sammy777]

OK, I just didn't get it at all... wanted to make sure you didn't think I was gonna kill myself :P

Yes that was a BAD joke trying to imply that he's not going to be your last B/F and the only way he would be was if you were to off yourself.

Perhaps a better line might have been:
Love lasts forever, to bad I can't say the same for relationships. lol

[Bree-asaurus]

Yes that was a BAD joke trying to imply that he's not going to be your last B/F and the only way he would be was if you were to off yourself.

Perhaps a better line might have been:
Love lasts forever, to bad I can't say the same for relationships. lol

Gotcha lol

I dunno... I like to hope for the best :)

[Aprilrain]

No- i don't think men are all bad- some of the thing they do are necessary- i'd just prefer to be on the prettier side.

us heterosexual girls know what men are good for! :heehee:

[Sammy777]

Most of us CD's do not want a man or are attracted to them, while I would think that those that are TS and have undergone hormone and surgical transition,are attracted to, and want a man.

Where to begin?????
One - Not all TS' are attracted to men, nor do we become attracted to them because of the hormones. Those of us that "become" attracted to men have always been that way.
Sexuality does not change, period.

TWO - You imply the whole reason behind going through all this shit is just so we can get a man.

If "most" of "us CD'ers" are not attracted to men then why so many "I want to be with a man"
[But only when dressed, because otherwise that would be soo gay] threads on here?

Narrow minded hurtful Stereotypes sting don't they?

[Pamela Julie]

Speaking for myself, i dress like a woman because I am a woman. Somehow I was assigned the wrong physical parts at birth.

Pamela

[Aprilrain]

Most of us CD's do not want a man or are attracted to them,
those that are TS and have undergone hormone and surgical transition,are attracted to, and want a man.

these are two rather tired assumptions.
at the support group I attend I'm a novelty being hetero, most of the girls are lesbians or are asexual
there are plenty of gay CDs, and i bet half of the "hetero" CDs have very repressed homosexual desires.

[Annaliese2010]

I believe [almost] everything has a grey area or a sliding scale to it.
In thinking about the OP's question I came up with the [over simplified] diagram below.

"Please excuse the crudity of this model, I didn't have time to build it to scale or to paint it."
Dr Emmet Brown

http://i614.photobucket.com/albums/tt230/samanthaM76/open%20album/scale.jpg

“If you can't explain it to a six year old, you don't understand it yourself.” Albert Einstein. Wow Sammy that's awesome, girl! Couldn't agree with you more! :battingeyelashes:

[carhill2mn]

Hi Katie, if you should ever come to understand why you desire to crossdress there are many here that would like for you to share that information with them.

Your question as to why you do not understand why "we would like to become women", quite nicely describes the difference
between feeling that you should have been born a girl instead of a boy vs. liking the feeling of being able to dress and look like a woman some of the time, ie., crossdressing vs. sex or gender change (transexual).

[carhill2mn]

these are two rather tired assumptions.
at the support group I attend I'm a novelty being hetero, most of the girls are lesbians or are asexual
there are plenty of gay CDs, and i bet half of the "hetero" CDs have very repressed homosexual desires.

Hi April, I am curious as to what type of "support group" it is that you attend.

[Da_vida]

For me it is important to understand what I do and why I do it. As the old adage goes "know thy self." As a PhD level psychologist I attempted to find a satisfying psychological explanation to no avail. However I did eventually come to a satisfying explanation that relates to the spiritual dimension of life and gives me a way of putting my seemingly "out of step" thoughts and urges in perspective. For anyone willing to read two pages of text, I've attached a fuller explanation of my unconventional answer to my life's biggest question.

Davida

[Lynn Marie]

I really don't understand why we like to become women. I can understand that our love of women's clothes may motivate us to wear them, but I don't understand the motive behind becoming a woman. I'm a man, I identify as such, I have no desire to live as a girl in the slightest, and yet I want to put on makeup and a wig and become Katie. Why would we want to become women? I don't understand my desire to crossdress at all. It's something about me I really want to figure out

Very well put, especially for a 20 year old. I feel just like you do, and I'm 68 years old! I don't have any answers either. The only difference is that I'm not trying to figure it out any more. I just don't really care. I'm just enjoying it.

[Launa]

If I were ever to figure out the answer to this question then I should be one rich dude or chick.

[Sammy777]

I find that dressing relaxes me

Dressing up and being Rachel with my wife gives me such a feeling of relief, of warmth, of affirmation.

I prefer female values - loving, nurturing, taking care, as opposed to male values - dominating, destroying, generally being an idiot; no contest really.

I prefer to be one of the caring women because I just love their inner and outer beauty.
I just feel better mentally when I'm dressed.

Crosssdressing allows me to be soft.

What is so wrong with having these thoughts, feelings or values that the only way they can be expressed is while wearing a dress?

It begs the question? If these are things deemed "not manly enough" to do then why do something deemed even more "not manly" to express them?


One might well ask why women, when wearing pants, their SO's shirt, or even unisex wear like sweats, don't suddenly start exhibing stereotypical (deliberate word choice here) male behavior.
Because when women wear such clothes we are not trying to look, act, copy, emulate, worship, be seen as or taken for men. That's why. They are just clothes to us.


Crossdressing is like having your cake and being able to eat it too.
I know lots of women already doing it and they love it.
Is the "All woman cross dress" dead horse EVER going to stop being kicked in here?


I can also attest that what I'm wearing has very little to do with how I'm feeling on a day to day basis.

Being a woman isn't about wearing panties, nylons and heels...
Both very true statements. I do not feel any more or less "womanly" based on the type of clothes I wear or the color my panties under them happen to be that day. :heehee:

[Aprilrain]

Hi April, I am curious as to what type of "support group" it is that you attend.

a TS support group..................

[Sammy777]

Wow Sammy that's awesome, girl! Couldn't agree with you more! :battingeyelashes:

Awwww Thank You Anna :D

[jillleanne]

Ah grasshopper,

The secret to finding the answer lies only within. Once you accept who you are, you will find your answer.

[Veronica27]

I really don't understand why we like to become women. I can understand that our love of women's clothes may motivate us to wear them, but I don't understand the motive behind becoming a woman. I'm a man, I identify as such, I have no desire to live as a girl in the slightest, and yet I want to put on makeup and a wig and become Katie. Why would we want to become women? I don't understand my desire to crossdress at all. It's something about me I really want to figure out

I have read through all the replies, and just as we all have different reasons for being crossdressers, we all bring our own biases to the keyboard when reading and responding to posts such as this one. When I read the question "Why be a woman", I could see several different possible interpretations, depending on what was to follow in the post. It could cover anything from pretending to be one, to undergoing radical surgery to actually be one.

I came to the conclusion that Katie is simply stating that she has an unfathomable desire to crossdress (which can be interpreted as becoming a woman), and yet this uncontrollable desire does not in any way lead to any desire to actually be a woman. Any crossdresser, who crossdresses fully with wig, forms, name etc. is portraying a woman, (i.e. becoming one), but is not necessarily "being" one in the sense of expressing his own internal feminine need to be one, sense that he is one, or gender confusion as to his real status. Katie can not understand the motivation behind this desire to "become", complete with wig etc., when there is no actual desire to "be". She can correct me if I have misunderstood her question.

The question as to why has no one correct answer, and is in fact a question with a dual meaning. Why can mean either "cause" or "effect". The jury is definitely still out as to the cause of our crossdressing. There are biological, behavioural, cultural, environmental and psychological considerations that may or may not play a part in any individual circumstance. We argue about these causes at great length on these types of forums, but few of us could ever be considered as "experts" in any of these fields and our arguments are primarily speculation. I detected very little of this in the current thread however.

The other "why" is the effect. We crossdress because we enjoy it is the simple answer and is the effect. However, because of the taboo nature of crossdressing from a societal point of view, that answer is not considered to be sufficient as it would be for something acceptable like golf or stamp collecting. So we delve into our own mind, and try to explain our various forms of enjoyment, and in so doing, often subconciously attempt to turn such an effect into a cause. At that point, our reasons become justifications.

To get back to Katie's question, the need we feel to justify tends to be more readily satisfied by the speculative nature of our "causal" arguments, than by our feeble attempts to explain our taboo defying enjoyment. Thus some of the replies are of the "because I am a woman" nature or else of the "I don't care why, I just do" nature. The remainder try to explain their reasons for enjoyment, but these are all highly subjective and therefore cannot provide any overall answers to the basic general question.

The replies that I most enjoyed were the ones that equate crossdressing to the natural heterosexual male admiration of and attraction to womanhood. These were explaining a possible psychological cause of crossdressing and were the few that tackled any of the causal side of why. As children, those of us who have been around a while can remember that much of our childhood play involved "let's pretend", whether it be cowboys and indians, cops and robbers, pirates, moms and dads, doctors and nurses or anything else. For us it was usually what we had just seen at the Saturday matinees. For modern kids, the pretend is mostly taking the controls of some video game, but the concept remains the same. Why are many of us afraid to admit that we are simply playing a form of let's pretend when we crossdress. Not everyone is, of course, but many including myself are.

Veronica

[sissystephanie]

I have been a crossdresser for over 60 years, and have never had any desire to be a woman! But like all males, I do have a feminine side and sometimes I do like to show it off! I love to wear feminine clothes, simply because of the fit, feel, and look of them. But even though in the past I did dress totally enfemme, complete with wig and makeup, I was not trying to be a girl!! I was just dressing like one, which I still do. However, now that my dear wife has passed on I no longer wear makeup or a wig when I am dressed enfemme. That of course includes when I am out in public. I go out as the guy that I am, but wearing feminine clothing from the skin out!! And in almost 7 years I have never had a negative comment!

[Rachel Flowers]

I've never found it easy, all my life, to associate much with other men. Their conversation, their attitudes, the "punchiness", the constant tussle for Alpha status. Through my work, first in accountancy, later in training & development, I've been able to associate with women generally and meet men who don't meet your (sexist, come on) sterotype, Patsy. Men like me. I don't know how many of them dress and it doesn't matter. I know men who are loving nurturing and caring. And I've met women who are aggressive, competitive, destructive.

But I'll give you this: almost every idiot I've ever met has been the owner of a penis. Perhaps that's where the term "dickhead" comes from.

[Richelle423]

I am proud to be a man.(I am a butcher by trade).My dressing just balances everything out.(when I'm outta work).

[Donna1391]

Hey it(feels sooo good) I love dressing up. I feel good about my self Hugs Donna1391

[BRANDYJ]

Where to begin?????
One - Not all TS' are attracted to men, nor do we become attracted to them because of the hormones. Those of us that "become" attracted to men have always been that way.
Sexuality does not change, period.

TWO - You imply the whole reason behind going through all this shit is just so we can get a man.

If "most" of "us CD'ers" are not attracted to men then why so many "I want to be with a man"
[But only when dressed, because otherwise that would be soo gay] threads on here?

Narrow minded hurtful Stereotypes sting don't they?

Hi Sammy, I surely did not mean to imply that all TS's go through transition just to get a man. I know better... Poor wording on my part. And you have enlightened me. I have read that "some" TS's become attracked to men after transition. so you are saying that all TS's were in fact attracted to men even before hormones and transition? OK, got it. And you are correct about the amount of CDers that seem to be attracted to men ONLY when dressed. Seems like quite a few of us. As for being narrow minded goes...Sorry that's not me if that's what you were implying. I have a tremenous amount of respect for all TS's; along with a lot of compassion for what they go through. Sorry you misunderstood the point of my post.

[Annaliese2010]

For me it is important to understand what I do and why I do it. As the old adage goes "know thy self." As a PhD level psychologist I attempted to find a satisfying psychological explanation to no avail. However I did eventually come to a satisfying explanation that relates to the spiritual dimension of life and gives me a way of putting my seemingly "out of step" thoughts and urges in perspective. For anyone willing to read two pages of text, I've attached a fuller explanation of my unconventional answer to my life's biggest question.

DavidaI read through your Reflections with great interest because you are a PhD psychologist, Davida. It is interesting and worth the read if for no other reason then how well you express yourself and your personal quest for an explanation to the duality you experience day by day beginning at a very young age and persisting through time all the way to the present. If adopting the reincarnation myth in an 'as if true' manner helps you make sense of the world then this is of great value to you personally and I am glad for you. I have a very strong background in the so called 'hard sciences' but remain open minded about such possibilities as reincarnation and the like. While reductionist thinking and the classic scientific method of Western Science has greatly expanded our understanding of the world & our relation to it, this method alone is clearly not the be-all end-all avenue leading to a more comprehensive grasp of 'reality'.

And yet, IMHO, neither is purely traditional Eastern thought. I find something lacking in ancient Eastern mythology no matter how elaborate and steeped in tradition are its ideas & precepts, the restating of these using terminology borrowed from quantum physics notwithstanding. No disrespect but I am immediately skeptical of books entitled 'Physics Of the Soul'...just a wee bit pretentious IMHO (lol), but probably sells big in India, I presume. Then again, who really knows anything about anything once you cross that line where direct observation is no longer possible i.e. leave the objective realm and dive into the deeply subjective.

It is a vast unexplored territory, the further one goes the less consensus there is, everything cloaked and confused by ancient terms and concepts that have no more bearing in this, the 21st century. A brave new world for professionals such as you, I would say. Exciting times, these! The net sum of all knowledge doubling at ever shorter intervals in our head-long pursuit of understanding on all fronts, those that involve the depth, scope and breadth of the workings of the human mind, no doubt the most challenging of all disciplines. Kudos to you, Davida, for your work at the vanguard of such a profound endeavor! In my opinion what is needed is to objectify the subjective, as far as this is possible...by some sort of systematic mapping of deeply subjective states using specific terminology as is standard practice in the 'hard sciences' of physics, chemistry, medical science etc, where terms have highly defined universally agreed upon meaning eg. the IUPAC for the field of Chemistry.

The futurist/scientist/prognosticator & author Ray Kurzweil, often the subject of articles in Wired magazine, has a female couinterpart (Veronica, I think..) and would agree with the main thrust of your Reflections though perhaps not so much with the reincarnation aspect of it.

Anyways, just saying...was interesting reading your article. Thnx for putting it out there girl! :battingeyelashes:

[Davena Doll]

I like to dress and act like a woman, to have sex with my BF

[docrobbysherry]

You're stereotyping ;)
Being a woman isn't about wearing panties, nylons and heels...
Maybe it isn't for U, Bree! But, it's sure as heck is as close to being one as I'm ever going to be! And, I'm VERY HAPPY with that!

As for u "being with the same man your entire life" I can only say this:
When u look back on that statement when your MY AGE, you'll either laff your head off at your naivety, or thank your lucky stars for being that ONE IN A MILLION!

[Pinky188]

Cause women are cool looking!!!

[Alexis L]

Ok, I'm a bit infuriated at some of the posts here, but maybe that's because I strongly identify with women, even if I don't have that thing that innate thing that classic TS and GG's have that tell them that they are women. Maybe it's also because I identify with other women in terms of certain personality traits.

Women are amazing. I was awestruck with the emotional depth and spirit that women have, both with the few ones that I dated and other women. I love women's spirits and emotional vibrancy. Women can light up a room in ways that no man can. Women are so attractive in terms of personality and looks and voice and so beautiful and gorgeous! Women are so much more emotionally vibrant and close than men! I feel much more comfortable being with a woman than a man.

And OMG, femininity is wonderful! Femininity is derived from women, and only women can set the benchmark. I ssoooo love being girly and womanly, the things I felt seeing myself as a girl/woman are so incredible as to induce gender dysphoria in me, its that if you can feel it, sense it, you can't go back!

Women are the life bringers of society, the embodiment of love, warmth, gentleness, softness, closeness, emotional vibrancy, attraction, and beauty. Women are the selfless, courageous, loving mothers that endure so much to raise the next generation of people, the managers of families, the gender with more of a moral compass, the nurturers, the emotional support base for their friends, boyfriends, husbands, sons, and daughters. Without emotional support, without loving mothers, what would society be!? A much more cold and cruel and ugly and unloving place. And of course, women are responsible for why you and everyone else was born! Many successful men had a loving mother and/or a supportive and inspirational wife that helped them be the person that they are and achieve the success (need only point to presidents as an example). Women are underappreciated and its such an unfair shame that the patriarchal society doesn't appreciate women enough!

In a fair world, anyone should be proud of being or wanting to be a woman!

[noeleena]

Hi,

I spos being a woman is just that ....Being a woman.....may be not 100 % yet not even a male 100 % , some of both. so thats got to be good.

As to dressing part of being a woman , tho i would say the... acting part ... i could not act at being a woman just not in me to do that .

So , being a woman is about liveing enjoying & expressing who i am & the best part is being able to do that.

...noeleena...

[Jenniferathome]

Women are beautiful, they're mysterious, they can change their look with clothes, makeup and hair styles. They can wear any color or fabric. Women have a shape that is all curves. As Elaine from Sienfield said, "Women's bodies are works of art, men's bodies are just utilitarian."

[Beverley Sims]

I thought originally Superman or Batman but they didn't blend in as well as wearing jeans and a top.
Women's clothes are easier to purchase as well. So a woman it is.

[Bree-asaurus]

As for u "being with the same man your entire life" I can only say this:
When u look back on that statement when your MY AGE, you'll either laff your head off at your naivety, or thank your lucky stars for being that ONE IN A MILLION!

I am well aware of the reality of it. I've been in failed relationships before. But if I'm with the man I love, I'm not going to be a jaded, pessimistic b****. I'm going to assume that this one can actually work. Otherwise I've already given up.

[KellieCD]

Why be a woman? ... ohh because it just feels so good! Women are simply beautiful and becoming one is so satifying. I'm not sure how to put those vague thoughts into explicit detial.

[Billie Jean]

I have 2 personalities, one male and the other female. They compliment each other. I love them both and thats what it is for me. Billie Jean

[Polly R]

I am a man and I like me! I also love to dress as a woman, I like how I look and how it feels. I also love how women look and dress, I guess I am drawn to that and always have been. I have never cared that much about dressing up and shopping for the latest in new mens attire,but love looking at womens clothes and the latest trends. Thats me! Thats why, and it took a long time to deal with it, but I did and am Glad I did! Is there more to it, not in my case.

That pretty much sums up me as well.

and Jenniferathome said:

Women are beautiful, they're mysterious, they can change their look with clothes, makeup and hair styles. They can wear any color or fabric. Women have a shape that is all curves. As Elaine from Sienfield said, "Women's bodies are works of art, men's bodies are just utilitarian."

I agree with that too!

I love my SO but I'm acutely aware that she married a man and although she says she is reasonably happy with Polly (And has helped me no end in recent years) I can't help thinking that what she's really thinking when Polly comes out is, 'Who's this that I married?' CDing doesn't half complicate life...

xx Polly

[Bree-asaurus]

As Elaine from Sienfield said, "Women's bodies are works of art, men's bodies are just utilitarian."

Depends on the woman... and depends on the man ;)

[Sammy777]

As for being narrow minded goes...Sorry that's not me if that's what you were implying. I have a tremenous amount of respect for all TS's; along with a lot of compassion for what they go through. Sorry you misunderstood the point of my post.

Thank You and you are Welcome.

As far at this part above goes, I was in a bit of a mood and tend to get a little bitchy lol Sorry.


As for u "being with the same man your entire life" I can only say this:
When u look back on that statement when your MY AGE, you'll either laff your head off at your naivety, or thank your lucky stars for being that ONE IN A MILLION!

Call me one of those naive girls or maybe just a hopeless romantic.
I hope I'm not the only girl that likes to think whomever I am with will be the forever one. :daydreaming:

[Bree-asaurus]

I was in a bit of a mood and tend to get a little bitchy lol Sorry.

Women... *sigh*

Am I right? Am I right?!?!



:D hehehehehe

[Da_vida]

Annaliese,
Thank you for your generous comments. A couple of items. I did post a comment on this site a few months ago that related to a more conventional examination of the topic, which I am happy to share with anyone interested. The problem for me is that neither biological nor social science seems to have been able to shed any light on this phenomenon. Thus, I went further afield. I don't agree with the classification of reincarnation as a myth. There is too much evidence to examined and refuted before that conclusion can be reached. Dr. Ian Stevenson at the University Virginia Medical College spent a career investigating reincarnation and compiling data about alleged cases. Some of these cases could be explained by other means but the other means are as big a challenge to scientific materialism as reincarnation (attached is a comment on scientific paradigms for anyone who can muster up the interest). As for Goswami, he is a professor emeritus in quantum physics at the University of Oregon and author of university textbooks on quantum physics. In short, he may be coming from left field in some people's opinion, but he is not a dilettante when it comes to talking about quantum physics and philosophical interpretations thereof. All that said, I do believe that we seek narratives that help us make sense of our lives and narratives need not be consistent with the prevailing scientific paradigm to be useful. Always interesting to encounter a thinking girl!

[bridgetta]

its not about being a woman.. its about FEELING!.. there is a big difference... in our brains we are tricked to believe. that men do. and woman feel.. we want to feel.. . clothing is a doorway to feeling.. different outfits create different experiences.. we are curious about that tension.. it is intoxicating and addictive and ultimatly we get confused sometimes between reality and fantasy.

[Contessa]

I am going to try this again, my other post went pouff. Any way what or who else should we be. I don't want to emulate men, I am a man. Although that might be a mistake I will find out after this. I remember when I was younger trying on either of my sisters or my mother's clothes. I liked it no I loved it then and now. I can't stop I don't want to. Its just how it goes women are the greatest and I love them and or me too. Why be a woman? Who else is there to be.

Contessa Marie

[sometimes_miss]

Some people crossdress because they like the feminine cloths.
Some people crossdress because it is a fantasy or a fetish.
Some people crossdress because it's a way to experience a feminine side to balance out their overly masculine day-to-day self.
Some people "crossdress" because they identify as somewhere between male and female.
Some people "crossdress" because they are repressing their true female gender and dressing up is currently their only outlet for their true self.
Some people crossdress for other reasons entirely.

You have to figure out why you do it for yourself. It may be something simple, it may because you have this whole different identity that you've been hiding from your entire life. Whatever it is, you have to learn to be honest with yourself and accept who you really are.

And don't get discouraged. It took me decades to figure out where the desire to crossdress came from, even though it was staring me in the face. And when it happens, you'll have that 'light bulb' moment we've all seen in the comic, and you'll feel, 'Why, of course! Anyone can plainly see it!'.

[kellycan27]

I really don't understand why we like to become women. I can understand that our love of women's clothes may motivate us to wear them, but I don't understand the motive behind becoming a woman. I'm a man, I identify as such, I have no desire to live as a girl in the slightest, and yet I want to put on makeup and a wig and become Katie. Why would we want to become women? I don't understand my desire to crossdress at all. It's something about me I really want to figure out

You answered your own question, it's because you are a man and not a woman.

[DCChris]

There is a wiki page on crossdressing http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cross-dressing with information there I think is worth the time to look at, especially the box on the right, which has lots of links about various aspects of crossdressing to include a number of research studies that have been done. I've found those things useful to read through and compare what I read here. Basically, what is said here -- there are many types of crossdressers with many types of interests and motivations -- squares with studies that have been done on the topic.

That the range of us can coexist here and discuss these things is testament to the success of this forum, imo