View Full Version : Coming out backwards?

10-30-2005, 09:36 PM
Right... now I'm out. I've come out to all my friends and some of my family (the ones who need to know at this point). But now things have become more complicated.
Now people think I'm male, which is what I was after. Good. However, the complication, as probably some of you have experienced, is that it makes the whole dating thing much more difficult. I mean, it would be horrible to get into some sort of intimate situation with a guy without him knowing-- wouldn't that be a shock!
Or to have a guy not be interested because he thinks I have a certain set of "assets" which he's not interested in, when really, I have exactly what he's looking for. Y'know?
Alright-- I admit, I'm presently in this situation. I'm nuts over a guy, and he thinks I'm male. I am pretty sure he's bisexual, which makes it a little easier at the onset-- I think he's moderately interested in me (even though he has a girlfriend back in England. Now, I'm not purposely trying to break them up or anything-- I'm not cruel-- but I wouldn't complain if he didn't have a problem).
Now, this guy is absolutely amazing, and has been behaving in such a way so as to lead me to believe that he could be bi (or he could just be overtly flirtatious with guys for fun, or because he was drunk) and that he may like me. I just don't know how to pick up signals. Let's see... A bunch of us were hanging out in the bathroom (mixed company-- a couple of girls were there) at our Uni's monthly party, and Al's friend was taking a leak, and Al bent over and stared directly at his junk. He grabbed the guy later. And he kept putting his arm around my shoulders... He kissed a couple of guys on the cheek... And when I was telling him about my acting class and how I had to do a scene where I was in the NAVY he stood 2 inches from me and shouted in my face, then continued standing there for about a full minute. Then he picked me up and carried me about 10 or 20 paces. Later on, he rested his head on my shoulder and said, "I love you." Now, he could have been very drunk (okay, I know he was very drunk, but that could just be how he acts), he could have been just having fun, or he could have been flirting and demonstrating his bisexuality. And I'm not sure which it was. Any opinions?

But I don't want to get involved without making sure he knows exactly what he's getting into! So, have any of you experienced this reversal of out- of- closet- coming? How did you handle it? Can anybody offer any advice as to how to do this without freaking him out? I mean, he's extremely laid- back and very liberal and accepting, so he wouldn't have a problem with it, but I'm just afraid he might take me coming out as intentional deceit and be angry or upset or something. I've dropped loads of clues to my actual sex and to the fact that I fancy him, so it just leaves the full explanation. And he's very difficult to catch alone, too. He's got a roommate and we usually hang out in a group. So... yeah.


kristi cd
10-31-2005, 01:10 AM
Can't say that I've ever been in a pickle like that before, but I think you can probably answer it better than any of us could, obviously. :rolleyes: :D It sounds like he's the kinda guy who would be cool with it, but if you've really duped him he'd probably be a lil pissed at first, I know I would be.Then again, he could have read you and is just bein nice and not saying anything for whatever reason, so you have to look at it that way too I suppose, especially if you interact mainly in group settings. I realize the latter is probably more remote than the former, but I guess you have to realize that most of the rest of us would kill to be in your situation. :D

I hope I haven't sent you completely mixed signals on this one, since that's apparently something I'm pretty good at. :rolleyes: Anyway, good luck, and I hope we get to hear how it turns out, with pics of course. OK, maybe not the pics part, gotta get outta CD mode. :p

10-31-2005, 01:04 PM
Cheers, folks!
I guess I'll probably just end up going with the flow and see how things pan out!
Thanks very much for your thoughts and advice!