What was the "last straw" that made you come out to SO?

[renaegee]

Coming out to a SO has to be one of the toughest decisions a CDer ever makes. The emotions, the potential stress on a relationship, etc. What finally made you brave enough to tell and be willing to deal with all that might have follow??

For me it was the urge/need to shave my legs. You can hide a lot from a SO, but it is tough to hide hair-free legs (at least mine). When I took that step, I knew I had to be willing to reveal my other side. I thought the marriage was strong enough to get through it and luckily I was correct.

[sonna]

just got tired of hiding it.............and i felt it was wrong to lie to her anymore.

[AllisonK]

This one is easy for me....I wanted my marriage to last. I love my wife and I always said I respected her. Well I wasn't respecting her if I was lying to her. She deserves honesty and trust and if I wasn't giving that to her then our marriage was not where it should be. She is a beautiful, kind, caring, loving, and understanding woman. Hiding things from her was not the way to go. It is a relief to me to get it off of my chest to her, but I am more relieved that the hiding and lying to her is over. It has made my marriage stronger and we are both a lot happier now that I can be completely honest with her. This is truly the woman I plan to spend my eternity with and I am so lucky to have her. Bunches and Bunches.

[sissystephanie]

To me the last straw was wanting to be totally honest with her. I told her that I was a crossdresser when I proposed to her. She accepted me "as is," and we had a very happy almost 50 years together before cancer took her! I am very glad that I told her when I did!! Honesty between man and wife is always the best policy!!

[Joanne f]

At the time i needed to spend a lot of time home with my wife so there was no " on my own time" to do what i had to do to feel normal which was mainly wearing skirts at that time , she knew about the underwear so i thought that i would take a gamble and tell her , i think i was thinking of myself more than her so i guess the last straw was not having the "myself time" ( not good)
Instead of doing it occasionally i assumed i would be able to do it at any time once she knew ,did not quite work out like that should i be surprised.

[Karren H]

Actuallty it was the easiest decission in my life... I screwed up.. She found some of my things... Asked "who's skirts are these". "Mine... I like to crossdress".... Boooommmmm... That was almost 7 years ago... I regretted her finding out just about every one of those 2,500 days...

[DonnaT]

It was after my wife had shaved my legs (her idea) and helped me to dress in her clothes, wig and makeup. I had been dressing with her for a few weeks, and she asked why I liked it. She thought I was pretty. So I told her.

[Barbara Ella]

A victim of late onset cross dressing (yes, I do feel that I was cheated out of those younger years) the three months of keeping it to myself once I started were the hardest months of 41 years of marriage with no secrets and no trust issues. This almost made it mandatory that I tell her. No one item triggered it because it all was so new to me. I had not even thought about what was going on.

Babes

[RADER]

I loved dressing all my life; but had limited time because of a thousand reasons.
My first wife hated it from the start. I told here just before we where married. At the time
she seemed OK with it to a point. Generally I was just wearing a girdle or an all in one
on the weekends. I was working Construction, and any under dressing was not going to
happen. We got divorced 9 years later, 75% because of my CDing.
I was single for about 15 years, until met my wife, about 6 weeks into our courtship,
I had her over for a cook out on an summer weekend. It started to storm, so we came
inside. I was soaking wet, and told her I was going to change out of the wet clothes.
She Said, "Why don't you put on some thing sexy"
Well I did, a short pleaded skirt, and top with bra and small forms.
I came down stairs, and she said "Well look at you"
She was hit with the cold bucket of water, but she is totally OK with my dressing.
We where married about 6 months later, and now for 18 years.
Rader

[Anna Lorree]

As I was wrestling with the common grief and shame, I began to be more distant and unreachable. She thought I was having an affair, and confronted me about it. I figured if I told her, she might stay. If I didn't tell her and let her keep guessing, I would lose her for sure. Telling her was the most difficult sentence I have spoken in my life, it was Friday, September 11th, 2009 at 5:35 PM. Interestingly, shortly thereafter, I lost most of the guilt and shame.

Anna

[Christine1954]

It was after I had a heart attack in 2007 I decided life was too short to carry on hiding the other side of me. It was a life changing event in many ways with regard to work and family life as well as the revelation to my wife. She has come to accept it to a fair degree and I am happy with this situation. I take small steps and know now when to back off, not to push it too fast.
Christine. :)

[Stephanie47]

Actually when my then two year old toddler daughter open the bottom draw of my dresser and pulled a red bra out of my lingerie box. :(

[Gillian Gigs]

It was the stress—Stress—STRESS—of knowing that one day it would all catch up with me. It seemed that she was more relieved than I was. All the odd behaviour started to make sense to her. It was a stress relief to her also. Over the years she has grown more accepting, which is nice for the both of us. In many ways it has caused both of us to be more open and upfront with each other.

[Eryn]

My last straw came with the realization that the depression and mood swings caused by not being able to talk about it was negatively affecting our marriage. It wasn't going to get better, so it was definitely time to talk about it. I knew that it was likely to hurt her, but she was already being hurt by my moodiness and at least with things out in the open we could deal with it better.

[Momarie]

Karen,

I love your spirit so much.
Even aside from the cd, jeans and hockey stuff, you are such an inspiration as a person.
Your outlook on life is so positive and your style and sense of humor are amazing.

I wonder sometimes if you still like your wife.....

It doesn't sound like she is very accepting of Karen and that must take a toll on you and your marriage.
Please forgive me if I am being to personal.

[sandra-leigh]

I got so sick and angry of being the kind of person who would deliberately omit and misdirect and sometimes even lie, that I determined that I would tell her if she ever asked. But it Wasn't A Good Time -- she was dealing with a seriously (terminally) ill father. I couldn't add to her burdens. But then in one of the times back from visiting her parents, she went looking for something she thought was stored downstairs, and found my part of my stash, and came up and asked me about it. My first instinct was to deny... so were my next three or four instincts. But I'd promised myself, so I replied by saying, "Oh, so that's where they got to." And so we talked for hours that day, and things turned out to be workable after all.

With her father being so sick, I don't know when I would have said anything if she hadn't asked. It hurt to keep it inside, but it would also have hurt to have blurted it out.

[Laura912]

It happened because my wife was dealing with depression. During some of the darkest times, before good medical control, she would elevate me to this undeserved level and express regrets that she didn't rise to that level. Depression will eat your mind and self esteem. She was dead wrong. So what could I do to help her realize the feet of clay? I told her that she was not the only one in the family who had a mental problem to cope with and that I did not deserve the sainthood. We were and are equal. The hard wiring in us may be different and something we did not ask for, but it is what it is. We cope. She helps. I help. Still going strong after 45 years.
Laura

[Miss Lisa]

As with babes I was a late starter. Curiosity got the better of me and I started trying on my wife's clothes. After 2 weeks of wearing her bra"s and underwear to work (it was winter) I felt I could not live a lie to my wife. I love her way too much for that. Was it an easy conversation??? HELL NO..... But after telling her she tried to understand even going as far as buying me some pretty dress"s and my own underwear... I took it too fast too soon which is why she is dissaproving about my dressing now but she has her moments when she says why don't you get dressed tonight. 2yrs on and still taking baby steps hoping that one day she will come to accept me as me a little more. Underdressing is now no longer an issue to her as I do it very day. I couldn't bear to lose my soulmate.

[Jenniferathome]

It was no physical thing for me. I already shaved my legs, for example, but I could feel myself pushing her away. There was only one thing between us that was causing this. I also grew weary of worrying about my wife finding my bag. Basically the hiding became worse than the telling. But I will add that I may be hiding still if not for this site and a few brave people who helped me get to the goal. Talking to my wife was the best thing I ever did.


I regretted her finding out just abour every one of those 2,500 days...
Karren, I have a question if you don't mind. First, i like the new hair. It looks fun. Now, the question. Do you regret because she found out and you wanted to be the one to tell her or because you never wanted to tell her?

[Michelle_CD]

I told my wife 6 months into dating her. Not necassarly as a last straw more as a need to be honest with her. I was wearing panties 24/7 except for when I was on a date with her. Figured if she stayed at my place sooner or later she might open a drawer or two when I wasn't there and discover something she might not like. She accepts it and participates to some extent, buying undies and a other things for me. She has only seen me fully dressed with makeup and wig once but other than that I can wear what I want when I want. She is great in that regard.

[AnitaH]

The guilt of hiding things from my wife was getting to me. Plus I began to realize that it was very likely that someday she would find out. Sooner or later something was bound to go wrong. In therapy I began to realize that I had transgendered issues it was then that I knew I had to tell her. I was hard to do but worth it. Now we both realize that my suppression of this side of me was affecting our relationship. She is somewhat supportive but appears to be improving. Even if someday it comes back to haunt me and it ends the relationship I still will not regret telling her. There is peace in being open with her.

AnitaH

AnitaH

[Tanya C]

When I first met my wife we began to develop a very close relationship quite quickly. We spent a lot of time together and we shared all our thoughts and secrets, even things we wouldn't tell anyone else. So naturally cding was one of the things I shared with her, and she was fine with it. Maybe because there was so much other heavy stuff going down in our lives that the issue of cding almost paled in comparison.

[Joanne Curl]

It was this forum. My wife was checking the history on my laptop because our daughter had used it and she was checking to see where she'd been when she saw this site. She asked me if I had visited the site and I told her I had. I'd made a decision that if she ever asked me about cross dressing I would tell the truth. I told her I am a cross dresser and tried to explain to her that it had nothing to do wiht her, that it was all about me. That was almost a year ago. She doesn't ask about it but she hasn't accepted it either. Our relationship is forever changed and she doesn't look at me the same or feel the same about me. I don't know if our relationship will ever recover.

[Cheryl T]

just got tired of hiding it.............and i felt it was wrong to lie to her anymore.

A big Ditto here from me.
I kept stealing time from her to dress and putting aside things that had to be done for those few minutes I could enjoy myself and the guilt just got to be too much.
Now I can dress whenever I want so it's no longer an issue. Things get done when they have to and we spend more time together.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Our relationship going from casual dating to talk of marriage and spending our lives together. She deserved to and had a right to know about everything. Also I wanted to share this part of me with her.

[AlisonRenee]

well....

We'd been dating for a very long time, and I was afraid of blowing it up by coming out to her.

But, it was also approaching that "commit or git" time - not imposed or suggested by her, but by me. I guess I wanted her to know before it went farther. So I told her. It freaked her out at first, although she was trying hard to reconcile it in her own mind. We did end up sitting down with my psychologist together to put all of the apprehensions and misgivings on the table and make sense of it.

She accepts me. She does still feel a little strange about it, but we've gone out a couple of times together, as ladies, and she discovered for herself that the sky didn't fall. :) In retrospect, what I've learned is that it was the discovering-for-herself that needed to happen for her sake. It would be easy to make this an all-about-me thing, "why can't you accept me as I am, etc", but that's not realistic or fair.

In reading this thread, I noticed that there's one singularly common theme that's been expressed, and that's guilt/depression/moodiness/pushing away over hiding and not coming out with it. Me, too. If she's the kind of person who'd love you anyway, it's only hurting her to keep it hidden. That's not an easy conclusion to reach but I think it's the right one.

And we got married in January, so I guess that's a happy ending. ;)

[Crystal77]

Mine wasn't really a last straw moment. My ex wife knew before we got married, but it was always something she used to ridicule me. When I reconnected with my high school sweetheart, I told her before we seen each other again. She is now my fiance and is good with it. She goes shopping with me and even took me to get my ears peirced a weeek ago. I feel so lucky now.

[Courtney_Glenn]

I told my wife before we were married. It seemed like the fair thing to do.

[Jessica86]

I was fortunate enough to have a dream. I was talking about Jessica in my sleep. It was one of those dreams where your wife/girlfriend wakes you up, screaming "Whose Jessica?!!!" So, I just decided she needed to know the truth.

[jillleanne]

Well, in my case it wasn't really straw. It was chiffon, yes, chiffon. I know, it's hard to believe we still wear chiffon around the house or to the grocery story, but we do. Thinking back I believe it also may have had something to do with the fact it was getting really hard to sneak out the door midday in heels on new hardwood floors we had installed. Also, the combination locks on the three spare bedroom closets raised some eyebrows by the madam of the house, as did the locks on the storage closets in the garages. I think it also may have had to do with an abnormal explosion that was building in my brain and had I not fessed up, my brain would now be all over the house in cute tiny little pieces, I think.

[kimdl93]

In my first marriage, my wife suggested that I wear her bra panties and stockings as part of a little bedroom fantasy - and it was pretty obvious to her that I enjoyed the expereince. Years and a failed marriage later, I started getting serious about my current wife - so I felt I needed to be honest with her. Fortunately, she was very open to the idea.

[ChubbyLeahCD]

So my story is a little different.
After a bad breakup I got back to porn to cope (years later found out I'm an addict).
On this amateur website the ladies would sell items they wore. So I bought outfits from a lady on there:
A see through blue nighty and matching thong, a blue, pink and aqua baby doll dress and thong, a stripper bra and panties set, a black nightgown and one of her novelty items.
Got it all online because I did not have a car in college and I would play dress up in my bedroom alone in an apartment I shared with 3 other guys. Met my rebound girlfriend and she was wild and liked the idea. But we had a nasty breakup and she tried to out me...didn't work but I panicked because she knew where I kept all my stuff. So I through away all my cute stuff worried she would come into my place and expose me.
A few months later I'm already dating my current wife and while she's on the computer my ex pops up on Yahoo and types she has pictures of me dressed up (which she didn't) and that the time her mom asked to see me dressed on cam
also gave them tons of pix. I loved my now wife back then and had to come clean. She was cool and told me I should contact the porn lady and get the outfits it had planned on getting before i met her and told me to go ahead and buy a pink teddy and matching g string from JCP. She was somewhat comfortable I could wear some of her stuff. We made love wearing a pair of her bikinis each...then we had a kid and for whatever reason even during the pregnancy I was ashamed of it. So I started hiding it again, and that just led to the desire to dress up not to go away, and I kept meeting people online just to show them pix of me. It got out of control and iwas exchanging very sexual e-mails with someone and she found out. I realized I have a problem with porn but she lumped the dressing up with the porn and I actually did too kind of. Though that no porn meant no desire to dress up but I was wrong. The desire exists, and we still have my outfits and do not know if she knows it happens, if she thinks it stopped or if she turns the other way.
I grew up being friends with more girls than guys and I wish I still had a girl friend I could talk to while I work on coming out again. I think that some of my mood swings and depression at times and even pulling away could be behind me hiding this. I don't know. Thought about calling Cigna's phone counselor to talk some.
I still like being a guy, do guy things and do not have a problem being the man of the house but I enjoy crossdressing sometimes. Do not want to be full time or to transition into. Don't a woman but it would be nice to be able to do girlie things and we both feel like it.

[Karren H]

Karen,

I love your spirit so much.
Even aside from the cd, jeans and hockey stuff, you are such an inspiration as a person.
Your outlook on life is so positive and your style and sense of humor are amazing.

I wonder sometimes if you still like your wife.....

It doesn't sound like she is very accepting of Karen and that must take a toll on you and your marriage.
Please forgive me if I am being to personal.

Not too personal at all... She isn't accepting and I do not blame her for that. She didn't sign up for this.... I wouldn't blame her if she kicked me to the curb for not telling her... But 36 years ago things were so different. It took a toll for a few years. Lot of stress... Doubt I will ever regain the trust lost on hat day....



Karren, I have a question if you don't mind. First, i like the new hair. It looks fun. Now, the question. Do you regret because she found out and you wanted to be the one to tell her or because you never wanted to tell her?

Thanks... Never wanted to and never intended to tell her... But also really never intended my crossdressing to progress as far and as fast as it did.....

[drag n fly]

Not too personal at all... She isn't accepting and I do not blame her for that. She didn't sign up for this.... I wouldn't blame her if she kicked me to the curb for not telling her... But 36 years ago things were so different. It took a toll for a few years. Lot of stress... Doubt I will ever regain the trust lost on hat day....



Thanks... Never wanted to and never intended to tell her... But also really never intended my crossdressing to progress as far and as fast as it did.....
I fessed up to my wife of 42 years about a year ago..I'd always tinkered with women's clothes, particularly shoes and stockings, but the last few years had me dressing more and more...Pierced my ears, etc.. She found a pair of women's shoes by the computer and asked me if i wore them. I answered in the afirmative, told her I was a crossdresser and transgendered....Also assured her I was heterosexual (maybe bi)...She dislikes it, but I think it explains why i am the way I am..Effeminate in many ways..I think I may have left the shoes out deliberately..I was getting desperate to tell her..It was building up inside me..the guilt... I'm so glad I did...No more hiding..I don't put it unnecessarily in her face, but I wear my nightie and girlie shoes in front of her..She accepts (not necessarily likes) me....But it's still better than hiding it.
I guess in these ways, you and I are in similar situations, Karren...You are much more advanced in your CDing..I'm just starting...I have no wig or forms (yet). and rarely ever dress completely. But I wear women's pants, shoes, and panties almost every day..most of the times a mans t-shirt type pullover...sometimes a women's (just ordered 3 turtlenecks from Woman Within). Androgynous..but, if one really looked, you could tell I am crossdressing. You, on the other hand are a very attractive woman when dressed..
I love your sense of style and vivaciousness. Keep it up..you make many of us happy...and be happy yourself..smooches Jackie

[ArleneRaquel]

In 33 years of marriage I never come out to be late wife.

[Miriam-J]

In 20+ years, I never came out to my first wife. After we divorced (for very different reasons), I was determined to never hide it again from my SO. After meeting the woman who is now my wife and after recognizing that we had fallen deeply in love with one another, we decided to share the many secrets we had kept bottled up from our previous spouses and others. This one came out of me with great difficulty, but she was great about it and insisted I model for her. I complied while shaking like I never had before, and she really made me feel comfortable. We've never turned back in 3 1/2 years. Just another reason I love her.

Miriam

[JamieG]

I came out to my wife almost ten years ago and a little over a year into our marriage. I didn't tell her earlier, because I naively thought it would go away after being married. However, after about six months I found that access to clothes (I'm ashamed to admit that I "borrowed" her things) and opportunity (with her taking some evening classes), I couldn't resist the temptation to dress. I began to investigate on the Web a little bit (after getting over the fear that my ISP would be snooping on my browsing history) and gradually began to accept that I was a crossdresser and it wasn't going away. I then resolved to tell her, but it took a while to work up the courage. Finally, the combination of a few drinks and a leading question gave me the impetus to blurt it out. It was rough at first, but in the end I am glad I did it.

[Tracy - new dresser]

my SO already knew about my underwear and stockings etc but she thought thats all it was, until i busted out and just said "im gonna buy a pair of heels.." We had a talk about my future CDing and if there was any boundries she has that i have to be aware of but in the end was all good :) Pretty much the next day we went shopping and helped me get $300+ of make up :)

[5150 Girl]

My first wife found my "Stash" and thought I was having an afair. I took some doing to convince her it was my stuff.. She never really acepted it, but as long as I kept it away from her it was fine.
After we split I knew it would be easyer to be upfront about it... However, when I met the Ploar Bear, I didn't have to tell her because it was Haloween and i was Sarah Palin that year, and she noticed I was to pretty for this to just be a holliday thing.

[SabrinaDubh]

I was tired of the BS that comes with hiding it. I had lost too many girlfriends, opportunities, and clothes over the years that when I met my wife I resolved to tell her as soon as the relationship looked like it had a chance to be a serious relationship.

[Jacqueline Winona]

years ago, when I "agreed" to dress up for Halloween she figured out that I liked to dress. I told her I don't know why (and still don't). She remains somewhat tolerant of it, I don't think she wants to know much about it, still trying to find that time to really talk more about it. But she will surprise me every now and then.

[Gocaps14]

21 years ago when my wife and first began dating she began ntroducing gay fantasies in the bedroom. I am not gay but have worn panties my whole life. I wanted to see if I could move our fantasies more toward crossdressing than me being with another man, so I put on a pair of her pink panties and dropped trou in the bedroom. It was actually met with some approval. Unfortunately, It became an all the time scenario with me and she began move away from my crossdressing. She tried to be supportive somewhat, don't ask, don't tell and don't get caught became our policy. Life is a struggle now.