"How can I make this fun for you?"

[Jenniferathome]

Was the question I asked my wife tonight. And "this" was my crossdressing. I should also state that my wife is totally accepting, from the moment I told her to tonight. I can dress whenever I like (never in the bedroom we both agreed) and I can go out dressed when I like. In fact, she had planned on joining me in San Francisco for an evening out with Allie and Rachael. But tonight she answered my question with, "It's not 'fun' for me, it it just is.". So the moral of my story for all the crossdressers is that even if your wife accepts you, it does not mean they are "happy" about it. I am certain that my wife is happy FOR me, now that I have come out. She is happy in our marriage because we are totally open with each other, but she would rather go shopping with her husband than with her husband crossdressed. That seems fair to me. My intent in writing this is to help set an expectation for all the new CDs coming out. Acceptance does not mean enjoyment. Acceptance is all anyone can hope for and enjoyment is just a cherry on top.

[Jacqueline Winona]

Really good advice, Jennifer- and believe it or not, just what I needed to hear. I've been going through the two steps forward, three steps back issue lately. I keep reminding myself that there's still progress even if it takes a while to go forward again, but it's really nice to hear this from someone who is a little further along than me.

[Marcia Blue]

I am pretty sure my wife has the same outlook on my dressing. She is very tolerant yet wished it was not happening. She knows that I need to dress once in awhile. Dressing is part of who I am.

[susie evans]

i think as the years go buy things just sort of fall into place either it works or it don't after 40 years of marriage my wife just kinda rolls with the flow and it gets to be too much she says she needs a break from susie and we take one and some times it goes for a couple of years , last year she went through breast cancer and susie didn't get out for almost 9 month's but that's just fine with me , now things are getting back to normal and she says susie needs to get out more

hugs susie

[JessHaust]

My wife does not always join me when I go out, but the times she does, she really has a good time. She genuinely likes my CD friends, and often it's me that sadly declares the evening is at an end and suggest we should go home. I know I'm very lucky, and she is very rare. I guess I knew this when we first got together 33 years ago, it was in college at a campus showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show, and she picked me up! We've been together ever since.

[NicoleScott]

I have read so many times on this forum "I don't want tolerance - I want acceptance". Well, tolerance may be all some of us get, and many others of us would be delighted to just have a little tolerance. I have posted that my wife tolerates and accepts, and even encourages. But she doesn't participate because my crossdressing is not something that appeals to her either socially or sexually. She understands, to the extent possible, my need to crossdress, and allows me time and space to do my thing, but other than being supportive for my sake, she is rather indifferent about my crossdressing.
So, we have drifted into our own "Don't Ask Don't Tell" that's not about harboring secrets but rather not bothering to fill her in on all the details of something she's not interested in. It works for us.

[Lorileah]

I think you got a pretty good deal. You want to make it "fun"? Then do what you would do any other time to woo her, no matter how you present. Things are not as much fun when you have to plan your own fun. Spontaneity is much more enjoyable. (in case you have not noticed this before, the actual event is often less than what you imagined it to be). So you want to make it fun? Since she seems to be accepting of you dressing when you like (wow what a bummer for half the members here because the thrill of being "caught" is gone now), how about making dinner? Not something off the grill either, put some thought into it and put some effort into it. It isn't hard but it takes time, just like how getting ready takes time. A nice dinner, some nice music, some good wine (dump the cheap stuff and pop for something in the 10$ range). A nice dessert you can share. Conversation...remember when you did that? When you talked about "things" and not bills or house repairs or the car. You are dressed, relax and have some fun. Giggle, tell secrets, open up. After dinner sit on the floor in front of a fire or just around the coffee table. Look at her...look in her eyes, look at her like you never saw her before. Show interest in her. "I keep staring because I forget just how beautiful you are." "You have the most luscious lips, I just want to kiss them." or the creme de la creme "I love you." (honestly I never said that, I was always scared).

Or you could just go with what many here do and leave her in the dust while you try out you new freedom. That almost always works...not.

Think this: {{{{{Universe-your SO- Universe}}}}}.

PS you don't know how much I miss doing all that now

[Beverley Sims]

Make it fun by doing chores you would not normally do.
For me washing and ironing work wonders.
Remember she (she's the cat's mother) does the lawns sometimes as well.

[Jenniferathome]

My wife does not always join me when I go out, but the times she does, she really has a good time. She genuinely likes my CD friends.

Jess, I actually think mine will enjoy it as well. Perhaps not just for the chit chat, but for some thoughtful probing into the backgrounds. She's a bit of an academic but a half full glass kind of person and would offer up both thoughtful discussion and credible advice. Perhaps "fun" is relative. Maybe "enjoyable" is a better goal.

[Julogden]

I think that in the case of most wives who are accepting, they love their husband in spite of them being a CD rather than because they are a CD, two very different things. While there are a few wives/SO's who are attracted to their spouse because they're a CD, they seem to be very, very rare exceptions to the rule, unfortunately.

Carol

[Miriam-J]

I think you got a pretty good deal. You want to make it "fun"? Then do what you would do any other time to woo her, no matter how you present. Things are not as much fun when you have to plan your own fun. Spontaneity is much more enjoyable. (in case you have not noticed this before, the actual event is often less than what you imagined it to be). So you want to make it fun? Since she seems to be accepting of you dressing when you like .... You are dressed, relax and have some fun. Giggle, tell secrets, open up. After dinner sit on the floor in front of a fire or just around the coffee table. Look at her...look in her eyes, look at her like you never saw her before. Show interest in her. "I keep staring because I forget just how beautiful you are." "You have the most luscious lips, I just want to kiss them." or the creme de la creme "I love you." (honestly I never said that, I was always scared).


Thank you, Lorileah. This is the best advice I've heard on this, and it's a subject I've considered for quite a while. I'm conscious that I become a quieter, more passive person when dressed, and I hadn't adequatly considered the effect this would have on my relationship with my wife. Think I'll try some of this to see how it goes.

[kimdl93]

I guess you can't make dressing fun for her, but you can certainly do fun things with her, while dressed.