She, Me or Us?

[taís]

All of us on the CD/TG boat have an identification with the opposite gender, to greater or lesser extent. Some people add to the existing personality, while others treat the secondary gender as a totally different person. How do you feel more comfortable when addressing yourself?

1. "She" (in the case of MtF). You buy "her" gifts, you find time to be "her", you dream about fulfilling "her" dreams. She's someone else that you become eventually (or frequently).
2. "Me". It's all a unit, even though in distinct presentations and scenarios. There is a transformation, but you'll not become "her"; it's still the same (not quite the same).
3. "Us". Umm... I hope you're seeing a shrink? (even though I find hysterically funny people who talk about themselves as a collective entity lmao)


Personally I've found I feel much more comfortable using "me". There was a time when it was easier — or even kinkier — to say "She likes to wear heels", but recently it just started to sound... so awkward. I like to wear heels, and present myself as a woman. (Now if I could use only one name...) I found that "she" was doing me harm, while "I" am loving to have a personality which can be very fluid in its presentation. When I stopped trying to accomodate two persons in one body things got so much relaxed... even though that brought a new set of (tough) objectives and challenges. (I'm not trying to imply that there's a way better than the other — I believe there isn't one — just sharing my particular snapshot to get the thread started ^ ^ or ruining it with too much metaphysics)

So how about you? I'd like to know how integrated are the two genders in your personality. "I'm two" or "I'm a mix"? And why? (Surely it's possible to be/use both; in this case tell the one you feel better with.) Everybody's invited to answer (and I'd love to hear from the FtM boys too).
This post was inspired in Anna Lorree's somewhat analog thread directed to transwomen (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?169134-A-persona-question) and in the ever amazing things that Anne2345 writes, particularly this post (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?169417-I-am-ANGRY!!!).

Thanks a lot ^ ^
;***

[sonna]

i like to use me i dident have a (fem) name till i joined this site. just dident want to use my real name.
but sonna has really grown on me. anyway i use me because im not two different people im just me.

[KellyJameson]

I say me but I think of myself as a she even though I am a he. I was seeing a shrink but he ran away. Call be Bob

[KaTanya]

I'll go with the grey area between "me" and "us". I used to make the joke about being a "lesbian in a man's body" (a lot), but upon furthur review, it was probably more of a series of veritas in vino moments.

It's not so much dual personalities as much as it is one augmented personality that I can dig deep into throughout this life, which, in spite of it all, has gotten slightly easier since I embraced it.

[AllieSF]

It is definitely "me" for me. I occasionally refer to Allie when I am too lazy to say "when dressed en femme". I do not have two personalities, alter egos or persona's, just one big mixed up one that I have finally learned to love and enjoy.

[Beverley Sims]

"Are you buying for your girlfriend'" NO.
"Are you buying for your wife?" NO.
"What size is she?"
"No it is to fit ME"

[Persephone]

I feel most comfortable with "me" (Persephone) and "him" (that guy). Can't remember when I bought him a gift or enjoyed wearing his shoes but I figure that letting him out of his cage once in a while (when I have to) is good enough.

Do I think I'm psycho? Nope. We live in a bi-gendered world with no really good common words for anything else and so the use of these terms makes people feel more comfortable. It also creates a degree of separation that allows my spouse and those friends who know "both" to not embarrass themselves or me by using masculine pronouns to refer to me en femme and feminine pronouns to refer to him en drab.

Simplifies things for everyone.

Hugs,
Persephone.

[JessHaust]

Jess is me, and I am she.

[DebbieL]

Debbie is ME,
Rex is a character I created to survive.
Debbie wasn't allowed to do the things she loved.
Rex was forced to do things he hated.
Hiding Debbie meant no integrity, no authenticity, no honesty.
Debbie gives me access to all that plus courage, compassion, commitment.
Debbie also has access to playfulness, acknowledgement, beauty, and love.
Debbie has attention to detail, impeccability.

Rex is a clown, they laughed AT him so long that he finally just exaggerated what they made fun of.
Rex is a nerd and a geek - couldn't play with girls, hated playing with boys, so read a lot of non-fiction.

Debbie is very much a "people person" and likes to be friendly and interact with people, men and women.

Debbie has all of the abilities Rex has, but if not given a chance to come out and play on a regular basis
Debbie will refuse to lend her skills to Rex.

When I'm out as Rex, and I see a woman in a pretty dress, I wish I was wearing the dress, the heels, the make-up, and could be as pretty as she is, or even more so.

When I'm in "Rex Mode" too long, I don't care too much about my weight, my figure, or even my appearance. When forced to stop doing Debbie, I've gained over 120 lbs very quickly. When I am going out as Debbie regularly, I'velost 100 lbs in 12 months.

[Kaz]

Interesting, I think I swing between the categories to be honest. In my head I am definately me - I am an integrated whole. But I can go for periods when 'he' seems like an alien and an act I have to put on. I can literally feel like I am FtM cross dressing at times when I put the drab gear on and play my male role. At those times I feel like I am really Kaz. I also have my moments when the whole CD thing seems like a drain on my 'real' life - a distraction that prevents me from getting on with things. Then there are tghe in between times when it just all feels okay!

I can work at home, which can be helpful, but I also have to work away a lot, especially at the moment (not staying over as I am a little 'cash-strapped'!). I am increasingly waking up and setting off as Kaz (without make-up though) and then cding into male form when I get to my destination, and doing the reverse to come home... At work, only the outer garments are male... so I feel like I am Kaz but just playing at being a guy!

But is Kaz 'she' or the integrated whole? There is a guy at work who is openly 'out' and dresses 'en femme'. But he insists on using his male name and is not pretending to be anyone other than who he is. Total admiration... I think I am still a bit fragmented but I enjoy being the 'actor'!

[Kerstin]

Internally I'm 'me', but externally I have to be two people. I feel like Kerstin is who I am inside, but that part of me has to remain largely a secret, at least for now.

[DAVIDA]

Well, Davida thinks that she should have her way all of the time.
Me? I don't care one way or the other.
But, both of US get along really well!:tongueout

[Joanne f]

I only think of me as me but in the early days i use to sometimes say to my wife " it is for Joanne" and she would reply " you mean it`s for you " so now it is just one person which just happen to have a legal name and a perfered name , i chickened out the other day when asked by a heath professional " what do you like to be called " it came close but i thought it would only confuse things , a good job that my wife was not there as she would have no doubt said " Joanne"

[Leyna]

Leyna is one of the many "me"s within "us." "That guy" is also part of "us." But only part. It would be nice to live in a world where "we" didn't have to play to category, and just be "us" all the time. Sadly, such a world doesn't exist at this point, so I am content to let the me's out serially. Well, most of the time anyway. ;)

(And yes, my shrink loves our visits. He sees me walking his way, and I can hear the cash register in this head ringing.)

[wanagione]

In the begiing I used to use she or us but I now know that it is all ME, I am amy .

[Matia]

I perceive myself as one person that presents itself in two forms, one is Matia the other is my male self its like a coin with two sides, when im dressed as a guy i refer to matia as her/she when im dressed as a girl i see myself as me and the male self as him. Its easier to present myself and to explain to people who know me, what i am talking about. It would feel strange to me to present myself as her as a guy and vice versa. The truth is i am never dressed as man and woman at the same time so its like the other part is not there at the moment. But it does feel strange to refer to me as a girl when i am talking about something i did as a guy, i could refer to that in thirs person but that would be even stranger. So basically if im Matia i am matia if im not im not

[girlieboy47]

I concur with Matia. Her comment pretty much encapsulates how I perceive my femme and male personalities.

[morgan51]

I am Morgan 24/7 sometimes I'm forced to present more my birth gender but thats just a necessary condition of work. When I get home I'm back to she. I flipped back and forth too long to want to be both. She is me thx.

[Nikki A.]

I don't really refer to her as she since she is not a separate identity, but rather a part of who I am. I buy me my clothes, not her, I wear them I do my make up.
Now when dressed, yes I am a different persona and want to be treated as I present. But she still is a part of who I am.

[Babeba]

This is definitely an interesting question to those of us on the outside of your bodies, it's great seeing the thoughtful replies.

I think of my partner as my boyfriend, as a single person who is fluid with a female aspect. However, I will refer to that female aspect by name for emphasis and also in public when we are out shopping, as a way of talking discreetly. I can call up and ask if Crystal might like a pair of shoes or a certain top.

[Marleena]

I say me but I think of myself as a she even though I am a he. I was seeing a shrink but he ran away. Call be Bob

Lol..at this answer Kelly.:)

Tais I was in an abusive relationship with "he". "She" came out to play as a kid but "he" put her in a closet! She got free once in awhile but "he" always put her back in there. This abuse went on for decades until "he" went into manopause. "She" finally got out this year in all her glory but "he" still won't let family see "her" other than the wife.

"He" is not abusive anymore "he" just shows up to protect her now. So I guess the two of them = "me", Marleena.

[docrobbysherry]

But, I separate myself from Sherry in posts here to try and communicate BETTER with other CD/TSs!:brolleyes:

Before I went to conventions and met other dressers, I didn't crossdress unless I was Sherry!:)

However, I found that other dressers were more comfortable with ME dressed than with Sherry!:straightface:

Then, I found out I was more comfortable dressed as Sherry than I was out as myself dressed!:eek:

Altho we look very different dressed, we r both the same personality!:doh:

So, I am she and she is me and we r all together! Get it?:heehee:

[ArleneRaquel]

I'm Arlene 24/7, and I love it that way. :)

[Barbara Ella]

For awhile I did refer to her differently, but did not give her a name. As i have progressed, i find myself using me more and more. i am one with myself but have two methods of expression for that self. I am probably many blended shades between the two extremes as i find "me' being satisfied/happy with even minimal female apparel at times. Sitting here this morning with just some lipstick and loafers on, and am content.

Actually, as i progress (only in sixth month of cross dressing) I am becoming more content just knowing it is available to me, whether doing it or not at the moment. I am me and I am happy most of the time.

Babes

[Lorileah]

I am schizophrenic. And I am third person. When I am in male mode I refer to Lori as "Lori". When I am Lori I refer to my male side as that lazy good for nothing bum. Really I refer to myself as "that guy"

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

I think I'm "me" no matter how I'm dressed, the shift in my personality when I'm all dolled up compared to when I'm just lounging around in total guy mode, in my opinion, is no different than when a GG is hanging around in her PJ's vs. in her LBD for a night out. I rarely use my old "Alyssa" femm name anymore, but when I do it is no more than a nickname really.

[Jenniferathome]

There is just "me". I'm not a different person in a dress, just a little more relaxed.

[Julogden]

I've always been in the "me" category, although as some others have mentioned, I do tend to view my masculine side as being "not me", more a character that I invented to hide behind when I was very young.

Carol

[freeindress]

After staring at a mirror in front of myself in a dress, I did not see anybody else than me, and my first name is too easily feminized to need another one.

[RenneB]

I'm thinkin that "we are me". I have a multicompartmentalized personality which is like a cameleon depending on the environment that I'm heading to. I an a changling kindof... Since I've been able to be dressed enfem for the better part of every weekday, it's really becoming quite 'normal' for me. I am what I am and don't have too many quams about it. It's just the way I was born. I'm accepting of that and am working at being the best 'me' that I can be.

Since discovering I was this way at the tender age of 4, I knew that there was something different about the way I felt and acted. Now I'm finally able to act on those dreams and desires to be who I was to be and who I am.

In the end, who knows what will be, but for now, I am Renne.

Renne.....

[taís]

omg SO many great replies and insights! you girls are wonderful. there's a lot of deep intimacy in the answers, thanks a lot for sharing. <3

yes, now I notice I missed the "Him" option. I see I shouldn't have linked the notion of a TG's primary/secondary gender to a genetic condition. :spank:
I also noted that there are clearly at least two (and probably more) layers of choice/action: one internal and another social, that may coexist even when they seem to conflict. (now the "Us" team seems more sane then ever! :D)

I wonder if there's a language that uses only one personal pronoun? :raisedeyebrow:

[jaglover]

I used to think that I should see two people or a least two personalities and almost felt guilty that I didn't - not keeping up with club etiquette, somehow. But nothing ever came of it and I know for sure now there's just me - a man who prefers to look like a woman, and whose personality traits are further over to the feminine side of the scale than other men's.

[Miriam-J]

It's definitely just me. Anything else sounds too irrational for this engineer. But I have to admit that my wife is right: I do act differently when dressed en femme. I'm not sure how much of this is due to the limitations of the clothing and makeup, and how much is the effect it has on me. What I've learned already from this web site is that there are no clear answers, but I'll never stop trying to understand.

Miriam

[Betty M]

Most definitely as SHE or HER. Female pronouns please!

[JohnH]

With myself it is me, or if it is in the third person, it is "he" or "him" . I would not be offended if someone used feminine pronouns - as long as I am not considered an "it". But that is not my preference. That is in spite of myself being on m2f hormones. I do not have male or femaie modes, just only my natural mode.

Johanna (John)

[Frédérique]

All of us on the CD/TG boat have an identification with the opposite gender, to greater or lesser extent. Some people add to the existing personality, while others treat the secondary gender as a totally different person. How do you feel more comfortable when addressing yourself?

On the CD/TG “boat,” I’m the seasick individual who is seated at the rear, using the prevailing winds to my advantage. I have a lovely green complexion, which happens to compliment my light auburn hair color. I really should avoid boats, along with all bandwagons...

To answer your question, I refer to myself as “Me,” because it (me) is all one unit, regardless of what clothes I’m wearing. However, there is no transformation – I merely amble other to the other side (via clothing). It’s all very natural, and barely worth discussing...


I'd like to know how integrated are the two genders in your personality. "I'm two" or "I'm a mix"? And why? (Surely it's possible to be/use both; in this case tell the one you feel better with.)

As I said (wrote), I am ME, so I feel OK with whatever form I take, since I remain the same. In this country “they” insist on making distinctions, in an effort to detect, reduce, control, and eliminate weaknesses wherever they are found. Gender incorporation is a simple concept only open to those who eschew distinctions and engage in the profession of being. If I have to explain why I feel incorporated, or why I am the way I am, or “who” I feel better with, then I might as well try to describe what it’s like to be alive as well. How did I do it? I didn’t – it just happened, or I just WAS, so I AM, and I remain so...
:straightface:

[Janelle_C]

I'm just little old ME, how mush of that is she I don't know yet trying to figure that one out. But its all me I have learned to love me the way I am. I wish it didn't matter what I wore when I go out but right now it does.:sad:

[Jennifer8]

calling myself him or her like its someone else is strange.

I sometimes dont get it when someone is like she or her and there talking about me. Im like wait what? me?

[WyomingDiva]

Interesting thread. My partner perceives himself as 'she' 24/7...and I still perceive him as quite male 24/7.

Perceptions are very subjective, aren't they?

[Misti]

1. "She" (in the case of MtF). You buy "her" gifts, you find time to be "her", you dream about fulfilling "her" dreams. She's someone else that you become eventually (or frequently).
Tais, now you've really got me in a quandary, because, until this moment, I hadn't even broached the subject of "Who am ‘I,’ actually? You see, I found "Her" during my first makeover and have been looking for that beautiful creature to come back out to play with me again ever since that incredible moment, “Somewhere in Time!” :love:
BTW I just had my third makeover, and much like my second one, "She" isn't quite back, yet. :daydreaming: And that's where my problem comes in because I have been living "Her" practically 24/7 ever since that "love at first sight" moment occurred a little over a year ago; which really makes me/myself/I a "Me!”
FYI That big gorilla is narcissistic and it is a perfect portrait of "Me!" (alas, it does not fall under your #2 definition, however).



2. "Me". It's all a unit, even though in distinct presentations and scenarios. There is a transformation, but you'll not become "her"; it's still the same (not quite the same).

My real problem, I think, is that I can't get to the makeup part above the shoulders and still be 100% approved by my SO, yet; so I ask you, "How can ‘I’ see 'Her,' er, 'Me,' you see, when it's been ‘Me’ all along?” OMG I'm confused, Thank God it's not by your #3 definition, or I'd really be a basket case, then wouldn't I? Well, maybe I am, at that? I've got to think about this a little more, excuse me please?

"Mirror, mirror on the wall..." :battingeyelashes:

[suchacutie]

There was no planning around what happened. It just happened. One morning a feminine side emerged and it seemed completely logical that this side should have a name. After a brief discussion the name Tina was chosen. It didn't take long to realize that we wanted to know what role this feminine side had played for 5 decades without knowing she existed. So, we instinctively let Tina develope so we could see who she was, and develop she did!

Tina has a personality, likes and dislikes, a fashion sense (still improving), and a whole list of other characteristics that have been somehow surpressed under my nominally male existence. When I'm presenting as a male, we talk about Tina quite literally as if she were a separate person because, in fact, she really is. Tina and my wife talk about my male side too, and that seems completely natural.

My wife and I talked about this separation and the phrase that seemed to sum up our thinking was that "there is one mind (database!) but two applications of the data stored there".

[silow]

Frederique Would like to talk to you. PM me please. Hope I didn't break any rules

[Jamiegirl1]

Just me,that is who I am!

[Mikaela]

I think it's more important to realize if it is semantics of language or an issue of identity.

Identity: I'm me regardless of how I look or what I call myself. There are different personality traits that seem to come up when en femme. I think it has to do with the fact that our own sense of self is a combination of internal traits as well as the external demeanor weighed down by the trivialities and experiences of life. Kae doesn't need to have some of the facades Mike does. On the other hand, I wouldn't say she's the 'real' me either. Integrating the two has happened in many respects and that has made my life better.

Semantics: As above, I referred to her (or to him when en femme) for clarity. If my girlfriend and I are out, maybe shopping, she'd ask "Would Kaela like this?" I refer to the closet with all of my girl stuff in it as "Kae's Closet", etc. I personally would not want my girlfriend to yell across an aisle to ask if a specific piece of lingerie or a dress will fit me.It's just a shorthand or done to avoid confusion or embarrassment.