Why so much harshness on here????

[michelleinktown]

Well ladies, twice I have asked certain questions on here and recieved not so nice responses from certain people who I can't figure out why they have to be so hard on me. Maybe it is just me but I am sensitive and I figure that perhaps there would be a nicer way to answer some of my questions and if it has to be done in a rude way maybe a private email would be a better approach. Anyway, like I said maybe it is just me but I am thinking of leaving this site. I feel like I am not 100% accepted on here , maybe because I'm new or maybe just some people have a harshness about them.

Yes muffin is not impressed

[Julia_in_Pa]

Michelle,

May I ask what has happened?


Julia

[Leanne2]

Yes, I don't recall your posts. What were they about? Leanne

[BRANDYJ]

Michelle, Don't let one or two people that have said some harsh things make you leave an otherwie very friendly group of peole from all walks of life. I read some of your posts and did not find anything harsh said to you, but I only rerad your forum posts. I am very sorry for the situation you are in with the soon to be ex-wife. That has to be just horrible to bare. I can only wish you luck and hope all turns out good for you. STAY! You are among friends.

[Kelsy]

Michelle

The majority of people here are very nice and helpful! most are spirited and we all have opinions!
Don't let anyone put you off! please try not to be too sensitive and be warned there are sharks in these waters!

[Katesback]

If you are that sensitive to be offended here then how can you expect to make it in the real world?

[Katesback]

Scarlet my comment is more supportive than you can possibly imagine. Really it is. Perhaps it will help people to think about reality and how they are going to face it.

[suzy1]

When I first joined I was gobsmacked by one P.M. I got.
Two years on and my skin is as thick a really old rhinoceros.

Please don’t leave because of a minority here Michelle.

SUZY

[Eryn]

Michelle, I went back and read your recent posts and can't find anything particularly harsh. In any group of people there will be a couple who use "frankness" as an excuse for being mean, but after a while you pretty much figure out who they are and learn to expect their responses to be that way.

The vast majority of the people on this forum are extremely friendly and supportive, don't let one or two bad eggs get you down. You've got enough on your plate as it is!

Hugs, Eryn

[Leanne2]

Michelle,
It's always good to get different opinions about our situations. Yes, we all love the affirming reply's that agree with how we feel about our problems. But sometimes we need someone to tell us, " What were you thinking!" Personally I haven't read any of your posts so I don't know what happened. I just don't get to everything in this site. I'm sorry that you are having a rough time right now. Keep posting and we'll help you as much as we can. Leanne

[AKAMichelle]

I guess the correct answer to your question is that nobody on here sugar coats things. They can be rather blunt which does hit pretty hard at times.

Personally I would rather get the good responses along with the tough to take ones from people who mean well.

[Kerstin]

Don't let a comment or two that you perceive as being negative drive you away. Some people are just more blunt in their approach than others, I doubt it was personal at all.

[arbon]

This forum can be a little hard sometimes with a lot of bluntness, people tend to be more straight forward with lots of different experiences, perspectives and strong opinions. It can be intimidating. But I've found a lot of benefit in it, even if sometimes it gets a little hard to read and under my skin. Really I think most TS forums I've checked out(at least on the mtf side of things) tend to be like that - they can be a little rough.

[Regan]

Michelle

I have had all types of comments but I also realize that I do need all points of view because I am at a point in my life that I will be making some large decisions, that will probably have a large impact on my marriage. So stay with it because this site has been a God send for me, I would never gotten as far as I have without the good bad and ugly.

Regan

[SabrinaEmily]

If you are that sensitive to be offended here then how can you expect to make it in the real world?

There you are, right on schedule.

[Marleena]

Michelle any new members coming into this TS forum are treated the same way from the same people. I cringe when new members post in this section. Once you've been here awhile you'll see it's nothing personal towards you. Some treat it as the school of hard knocks and being mean is to toughen you up.:)

Hang in there, no reason to leave the board.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

She started a thread about making a checklist...at first the comments were in the spirit of the post, but it degenerated when people took it way too seriously

[KellyJameson]

Hi Michelle and Welcome to the forum.

I suffer from a mind that is to sensitive and my feelings are easily hurt but on the flip side I try to remember everyone here has walked a very difficult and often brutal path that is here.

We all develop different coping mechanisms to try to survive and there are some very strong personalities on this forum but if they did not have that strength they probably would not be here to try and help others.

Have patience with us because we need you as much as you need us, the world is a cold,hateful place to those who are square pegs being pushed into round holes when most of the world is made up of round pegs, in time you will find your way here and make it a home.

[Hope]

This forum is a lot like life... there is a lot of crap in it. But just like life, you wipe the crap off, and keep the good parts. Ignore the crap.

Though there does seem to be a higher crap to gold ratio here than in other places... and I have asked the same question you are asking. My best guess is that being trans messes with one's mind... it takes whatever little personality quirk any of us come to the table with (and everyone has a quirk - trans or not) and it cranks it up to 12. So you end up with some folks who have some serious personality quirks getting together to try to understand something that is neigh on impossible to understand AND of absolute importance to everyone involved in the conversation? It is surprising that the forum is as well behaved as it is.

Believe it or not, things seem to be better now than they were 6 months ago... Though a few formerly really awesome people seem to have taken a turn towards the dark side, the overall discourse seems to be healthier than it was for a while. Stick it out - it is getting better.

Besides, as quirky as we all are - we are your sisters... and we do have your back.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Its very easy for some people to hide behind a made up or personer name & never really get to know the person behind the pic or thoughts that have been put on here for all to see, & of cause some people dont take other peoples thoughts feelings & how they feel about things in to considerastion when writeing & all so some things are said in anger so some times we do take that as being directed at our selfs, or one can very easyly .

I'v had things thrown at my self because of handycaps i have, & because of dyslixia how i explain what im trying to say does not allways come over quite right, this happened on three other forums so yes it can be hard, this was 5 years ago. & never used or been on a computer did not help. & i had to learn to write, & spell tho still not good .

my point is im still on the forums still trying to get it right, & yes some times it is hard, dont give up & if some one says something dont take it on board, just move on & enjoy what we have here, have fun laugh & cry & youll be okay, just give your self time to ajust to others .

Heres some thing you may think strange for me it is, i spent most of my life trying to keep away from males = men . & i said to Jos some 4 years ago about this & here i am back talking with disccusing many things about dressers & trans issues, , & i said what am i thinking walked right back to what i tryed to keep away from.. & as a woman i could not stand men. gee where did i go wrong...yea well..

I have met many many friends world wide, yea i know ...men... & you know what most are pretty good , so youll see how hard its been for myself , yet im still here,

Just hang around youll get to the point of you cant keep away.

...noeleena...

[jillleanne]

I just read all your posts Michelle. I would conclude you are right, you are very sensitive and take things to heart too easily. If you post a thread, try to word it is in a way as to say, " for me........ or my experience is........., etc." Your other option is offer up nothing on how you think but rather, ask what everyone else things or would do? That way, you will get all the different replies but not feel they are aimed at you, which they aren't. I suspect you are presently in a bery serious state of mind at this point in your life and humor/sarcasm/bluntness gets read the wrong way too quickly by you. Just relax and think about how to word a post and you'll be fine. Also be careful to post anything about being TS in the correct location thereby reducing the number of replies by non TS's, if that is who the post is intended for. Best you stick around for the main event later this week. You don't want to miss that now do you? Any snow in Ktown?

[Leanne2]

(So stay with it because this site has been a God send for me, I would never gotten as far as I have without the good bad and ugly.

Regan)

Regan, don't talk about Karren that way. We can't all be pretty. Leanne

[Sheren Kelly]

In any group of people there will be a couple who use "frankness" as an excuse for being mean, but after a while you pretty much figure out who they are and learn to expect their responses to be that way.

The vast majority of the people on this forum are extremely friendly and supportive....

Hugs, Eryn

Eryn, you are right on target!

[JohnH]

If you think this forum has harshness, try SkirtCafe.org . That is a forum for men who present as men who wear kilts, skirts, and dresses. You don't want to say much at all about makeup, be careful with the word of "pantyhose" and God forbid, say you are on M2F HRT.

Johanna (John)

[Gaby2]

Well ladies, twice I have asked certain questions on here and recieved not so nice responses from certain people who I can't figure out why they have to be so hard on me. Maybe it is just me but I am sensitive and I figure that perhaps there would be a nicer way to answer some of my questions and if it has to be done in a rude way maybe a private email would be a better approach. Anyway, like I said maybe it is just me but I am thinking of leaving this site. I feel like I am not 100% accepted on here , maybe because I'm new or maybe just some people have a harshness about them.

Yes muffin is not impressed

Hi Michelle,
I do hope you'll stay.
Not only are you in your late forties (there can't be enough of us, as far as I'm concerned!!!), but you certainly have a wealth of experience which will help others.
Your New Member Intro really shocked me, which I have only just read.
Don't worry too much about seemingly harsh (or indeed HARSH) comments - that's a matter for the writer concerned!
Just continue to (so caringly) treat others, as you wish to be treated.
:hugs: Gaby:)

[Tara Bordeaux]

Hey, you're dealing with a bunch of women and girls around here. There's bound to be a few bitches.

Don't let 'em get ya down. I've seen a couple nasty threads myself and wondered the same thing, but hung around a bit and
found the support outweighing the negative factor many times over.

[Frances]

I read the posts and do not see what was harsh from the responses. The following, however, seems a little snarky, but it's from you addressed to a post-op woman.


So let me try to explain something that you may or may not be able to relate to. Dressed as a woman I feel like a freak because I hate the way I look. I love dressing as a woman but I guess my conscience has the better of me. I have tough skin but I am tired of being embarrassed and as soon as I can afford it I will be getting FFS. I had some time to think about your response and have come to the conclusion that it really shouldn't matter how I dress on the outside it is how I feel on the inside. That being said I will decide on the morning of on how I will present myself.

Thanks AllieSF

I find this kind of attitude very common on this forum. Experience has very little currency here.

[Sammy777]

If you are that sensitive to be offended here then how can you expect to make it in the real world?
Scarlet my comment is more supportive than you can possibly imagine. Really it is. Perhaps it will help people to think about reality and how they are going to face it.

Nice to see you are back to your old self. I missed ya Kate ;)

[Bree-asaurus]

Nice to see you are back to your old self. I missed ya Kate ;)

She's not wrong... lol

There are bitchy posts, there are blunt posts, there are average posts and there are fluffy duffy happy pappy posts.

Some people confuse blunt with bitchy. The difference is one is... well... bitchy while the other is just the person not walking on eggshells.

Bitchy posts are just as bad as the fluffy duffy posts. Neither one really helps.

[kimdl93]

I do think that if one posts here, you can and should expect any manner of reply, ranging, as Bree says, from fluffy to blunt to bitchy and then some.

[Miriam-J]

Harshness in an open forum with hidden identities ... unavoidable. This is one reason I've never joined one before now. I'm a newbie, but have read a lot of postings already and even posted a few. I'd say that the ratio of support to harshness appears to be about 10:1. This is even better than at my office where there's no anonymity and a paid interest in behaving nicely. Unfortunately, it's just a fact of life everywhere. We can choose to focus on the negative that we can't do anything about, or laugh it off and focus on the positive to improve all those around us.

Miriam

[Sammy777]

She's not wrong... lol
I didn't say anything to the fact that she was either right or wrong.
I just missed seeing her around lately :D

[Misti]

Well ladies... muffin is not impressed

Been there, done that, got the T-shirt to show for it, too, Michelle. BTW It has taken me over 660 posts now to "try" to get a "thicker skin," and feeling exactly like you, I wanted to leave this "....... place!" But, like you, I was advised, wisely, to stick it out, get that thicker skin, and consequently use this "Fine Place" for the greater good of Misti; and it has all been worth my while, believe you me. Oh, I still have the urge to call it quits; every time I see those "Bitches start to get at each other's throat!" Know what? I quickly move on now to try and help those who are "thin-skinned Newbees" like ourselves to make it in this cruel world; and it most definitely is THAT!" :Angry3:
So, here's to success in whatever you want to do, here or elsewhere, Muffin. :love: But, please do stick it out, you'll get far more for/from it than the (est.)10:1 odds that it will be well worth your while - like it has been for yours truly. L&R,
M.

[michelleinktown]

Thank you ladies. I guess that I have good days and bad days like everybody else on here and the harshness I felt was on one of my bad days. With that being said since I posted this I am finding that there are a lot more nicer people on here than there are bitter people, so I will stay and hopefully develope some true and lasting friendship on here. It is hard to connect with people and especially at my age coming out I have lost lots of friends recently so I will stay and once again thank you all for the support. I needed that.
Hugs Michelle

[ReneeT]

Michelle,

Keep in mind that many of us here have pretty high estrogen levels. I do belive that correlates with bitchiness. My case study of one (me) proves it!