Beautiful things

[Frédérique]

"Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault. Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are the cultivated. For these there is hope. They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only Beauty." (Oscar Wilde)

Depending on how you look at it, or what side you’re on, or what you have chosen to believe, or see, or feel, MtF crossdressing is either the most beautiful thing imaginable, or the ugliest thing a boy or a male could do. I tend to agree with the above-quoted text, and say that those who find “ugly” meanings in relatively innocent crossdressing are indeed corrupt, without charm, and, it follows, beneath my contempt. I’ve been away from active participation on this site for a short time, looking into other interests that nonetheless involve crossdressing in a peripheral sense, and I have bumped into the ugly backlash against what we do, or what we aspire to do. To me, crossdressing is a beautiful expression, a magical world of make-believe that somehow reflects and enhances reality. To others, it is a crime against masculinity, wrong on many levels, akin to a virus that requires eradication if humanity is to survive and prosper...

I beg to differ, in fact I insist MtF crossdressing exists because of the presence of ugliness, or the absence of charm, and it takes root in an attempt to equalize the situation. I should explain that I have been away, in another world, and I’m still there right now, not too far away from the world of crossdressing and all its real-world consequences. At times I take a little vacation from CD’ing and look into other things, only to find crossdressing under a rock, where the ugly world puts it, or keeps it, lest young people, or impressionable types, discover it and “become” corrupted. It’s the ugly people who are corrupted, not US, but there’s no sense trying to explain this position, or this mantra of positivism and beauty, to those who cannot see or feel. In many ways, I exist, as I am, because of ugliness, even though the process of transformation via crossdressing can be very arduous under the circumstances. I must dress to be beautiful, in every aspect of that word, and combat ugliness. In a better, more positive world there would be no need for this conflict...

I’m sure that when a normal person, steeped in ugliness to a certain degree, encounters MtF crossdressing in one form or another, they immediately attach “ugly meanings” to it. These are topics that are discussed ad nauseum around these parts, reflecting barely hidden beliefs and/or prejudices that nonetheless reinforce a “bent” towards ugliness. It is generally assumed that MtF CD’ers are homosexual, and homosexuality is “bad” or “wrong” these days – the phrase “That is so GAY!” spells that out quite clearly, I think. Of course, effeminacy is equally wrong, according to the many purveyors of ugliness, and being a sissy is beyond the pale (even here). To me, effeminacy is beautiful, and I will continue to be effeminate in order to BE beautiful. Needless to say, I am also a sissy – I would say I’m “proud” to be a sissy, but I simply AM, and there can be no other way. I might as well say I’m proud to be alive, but I had nothing to do with that, either. I live in a world where I cannot be, as I am, for fear of the ugly world reducing me to tears – THIS is a fault, and something is terribly wrong, I’m afraid...

“Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are the cultivated” – I think “beauty” is open to interpretation, but how did I come up with my appreciation of beauty when all around me think that MY beautiful things are ugly? Perhaps I shouldn’t think too much about it, but I could be twirling around in my cute dress as I do my daily routine OUT THERE, rather than being content with a few moments of lovely peace in my closeted rooms. Since cultivation implies developing (or improving) oneself, seeking to become familiar with, or refinement, in this case via dressing and gender incorporation, how can this be a BAD (i.e. ugly) thing? I insist that what I do, and what all other MtF crossdressers do, is fueled by a need for beauty, according to each individual’s desires. I’m aware that some crossdressing is inherently ugly, or self-abusive, or a means to an (ugly) end, but, if you’re looking for beauty via crossdressing, dressing-up, playing at being a girl, or what have you, there are some who do this purely for beautiful meanings...

To me, MtF crossdressing can only be beautiful, so I see it that way. When I witness a depiction in the media that is ugly, I dismiss it out of hand. When I see a depiction of CD’ing in the media that is innocent and beautiful (and this is extremely rare), I embrace it, hugging it tightly, pressing it against my fake bosom and using it to reinforce my mental platform – in doing so I can stand up straight (good posture is required for crossdressing) and maintain my equilibrium. Just recently I saw a very innocent and beautiful depiction of crossdressing – so beautiful that it made me feel wonderful to be a MtF crossdresser, playing at being a girl simply for the expression of doing so, and letting the feelings of beauty wash over me. Does that make me one of the “elect?” It really doesn’t matter to me, as long as I can feel this way by dressing this way, and the depiction I referred to echoes these feelings. Of course, when the ugly people, representing the real world and all its real problems, were shown this little slice of beauty, cries of derision filled the room. The reaction was of angry condemnation, and the words “Wrong, wrong, WRONG!!!” could be heard, over and over, like a mantra of ugliness. You see what you want to see, or, in this case, NOT see, but hope (remember hope?) springs eternal...

On the wall, not far from my laptop, I have a little self-portrait painting I made of me (duh), as a boy in a cute dress. I can’t show this to anyone, for obvious reasons (outlined above), but I think it’s charming, innocent, and, needless to say...beautiful. It’s my own special way of confronting the ugly side of humanity...

Do you think MtF crossdressing is a beautiful thing, or do you have...ahem...reservations about it? :thinking:

[JessHaust]

I see my crossdressing as not only a beautiful thing, but also as kind of an enhanced englightenment. I understamd things about female life that I never could without it.

[MandySarahR]

It is a beautiful yet very personal thing. Very few I know would be accepting. which is quite sad. Though I am not beautiful when I dress in the physical sense, I am quite beautiful in spirit and in person. I love to love, love to care, love to share. I can easily accept if only accepted. Beauty is really between the ears ... and ever better in a bra and panties!

[Beverley Sims]

Hello Frederique,
Yes it is good to take a break and get things into perspective.
Yes, I have noticed your absence, probably not as much as others.
I do admire the way you join words of the English language together. It grabs my attention andI do need to read every word to comprehend what you are saying.
Me, I have been prattling on and enjoying myself. This is a great site, SO different from the perceived outlook of the rest of the internet.
I won't say welcome back as you really did not leave, just a pregnant pause so to speak.
You do have to look over the fence, get other peoples points of view and work out where you are going.
My wife has always asked where are we going, my reply. "This way"

[Jenny Green]

Frédérique - I always enjoy reading your letters, and your words today are beautiful and true, with one exception.

You said "I must dress to be beautiful". I know that is not true, because your words, in and of themselves, display your beauty regardless of any physical appearances.

[Shari]

Becoming beautiful or more beautiful is not my primary motivation when I dress.
However, I do feel beautiful when I do. It's a pleasant by product that whether real or perceived gives me a temporary peace and contentment. I like to think the beauty is real and that I can actually be a beautiful woman if only for a short time, even if it's only in my mind.
I never really gave it much conscious thought prior to your thread.
Thank you. The thought of realizing one's own feeling of beauty helps me to feel even better about myself and my "deviations" from society's norm.

[kimdl93]

I have to admit that for much of my life, I saw myself and my crossdressing as ugly and perverse. I don't come from a particularly conservative background, but nonetheless, I grew up with the impression that any deviation from the conventional male/female roles was shameful, degrading, etc. And of course, knowing from early childhood that I was deviating from those conventions made me, by extension, equally degraded.

I've finally grown to see beauty and even merit in crossdressing, in being feminine, and in myself. I'll admit to having reservations about who I can share this with - because many people still see ugliness where there is beauty.

[Sophie_C]

I believe in neither. It's simply PROBLEMATIC. People don't understand it right and give hate as a result. It's just a state of being, neither beautiful, nor ugly. People just don't get it yet in 2012.

[Lyric]

Beautiful, for sure. Anything that is a celebration of passion and joy that does not harm is beautiful. And anything that forces you to out of your societal cookie-cutter shell is, too. I think creativity is beautiful and we must be, by necessity, creative. But most all great creative efforts are done out of necessity.

[drushin703]

I declare; I am bound to this act of crossdressing with votive evidence. I too have taken the vows of beauty and, each and every day, lock horns
with the dragons of ugly and sissify myself to whatever harmonies my soul (or makeup mirror) may conjur. But I am very worried. Others see me as
comedy. And although I am dead serious when I am fully dressed, my cloths clean, my pantyhose without holes, my armpits shaven, it is hard for the barons
of ugliness to do nothing but laugh out loud. Can you imagine trying so hard to get something exactly right (beautiful) and have it shot down by the
townspeople?

Being and declaring oneself a sissy is the hardest barrier to overcome. Presenting ones bi or homosexual case befor the court of public approval can
be hard, although excusable, even befor the collage of the homophobes, but to acknowledge sissification is the ultimate masculine betryal.(the laughter gets even
louder). My auntie Doe, who lost a leg to diabeties and whos eyesight was ****ed up, managed to find out that I loved to wear girdles and play in my moms
high heeled shoes. She started to call me "sissie Dana", just for my embarassment and around the other kids, I was truly embarassed. When she died I
morned her loss but could finally feel a sort of freedom...freedom from her ugliness..

Crossdressing is not a cult.We dont pass out traks or pound on your door on sunny saturdays. Ours is a labor of love and true happiness, beauty and peacefullness.
It is not a club that you can just join, not a skill like carpentry or a game like darts that you can profect. You can start late in life but most of us started early
when both the image of beauty and the commitment to it was brand-spanking new.......dana

[KellyJameson]

I was thinking about you today hoping the forum had not lost your delicate touch and wondering about your movements outside of the virtual world and in the real one.

Ugly meanings are born of a barren soul, a soul insensitive to and incapable of love.
Love is a state of mind that is discovered by going into ones mind and finding the universe on the otherside. The illusion of separation creates the illusion of scarcity, the illusion of scarcity creates addiction to fill the emptyness in the mind/soul/heart because it is not in a state of love but trapped in the illusion of being separate and worthless.

We are born without the illusion of being separate (beautiful) but are made to believe we are separate( ugly) by being taught the fear of not being worthy of love (rejection by words and acts) so become separate from self by selfhate. Our souls have been murdered but unlike the body there is always hope unless we have murdered other innocent souls as revenge for having our soul murdered. The farther down this path one has walked the more difficult to turn around and find their way back to love.

Love is the absence of fear and fear the absence of love. The appreciation of beauty without attachment (ownership) is an expression of ones love of self, it is an act of joy, the joy of "being" that is only possible in a state of love (absence of fear). Understanding fear leads to love

This word "sissy" is important, I would like to understand it better if you ever care to write on it. The word and what it implies to me seems dangerous but yet I sense it may have hidden powers and deeper implications, it seems like it could be an act of courage to make this admission because it takes courage to be .... what? To be proud of being , to take honor in, symbolic of what? I wonder if I am one.