Confusion

[Delila]

I have recently been severely confused. I started as a crossdresser but more and more I think of transition. The primary thing that I think about when considering transitioning is that I could never ever ever possibly pass. My build at minimum prevents such things as I am 6 feet tall and have quite wide shoulders. There are numerous other reasons that I could not pass well. It doesnt make the the thoughts of transitioning go away. The other thing I think of is my wife but honestly I doubt she would stop me if transitioning is what I really needed. Is there a point where your body issues become less important than transitioning? How do you deal with certain unchangeable masculine features?

[Kelsy]

Delila,

Through the process of self discovery many who crossdressed realize that it has always been much more than just dressing up! It becomes clear that the dressing is a symptom of something deeper, a way to express a covered and yet unrevealed reality. Transition is not for everyone and what you have to answer are questions about who you are. It will require that you be deadly honest with yourself and others and there are the costs which are extremely high. My advise to you is to get into therapy, if you're not already, with a therapist who specializes in this type of thing and get some answers.

Kelsy

[Miranda-E]

Eventually you realize the the crossdresser fantasy woman isn't required and you just become a woman.

[kimdl93]

Height and build need not be an obstacle. There are lots of people on this site that are well over 6' and are in transition. The question is whether you are driven by the need to transition. Its one thing to think about it, its quite another to commit ones self to changing yourself and your life in such a dramatic fashion. You seem very unsure and certainly are not ready to make a commitment to transitioning. So, for now, just take your time, focus on the present and enjoy what you have, and seek therapy if you're troubled by indecision.

[Julia_in_Pa]

Delila,

First and foremost if you are honestly feeling that you could be TS then what you MUST do is seek therapy.
I cannot emphasize this enough.

Concerning masculine features; Most TS and IS women don't have large sums of money to have surgeries to alter facial features, etc.
What do they do? If they feel they need to transition that's what they do despite what God gave them to work with.
I have a good friend who is 6' 2" and has broad shoulders.
She had to transition. She's employed, in a relationship and is happy and healthy.

You transition because you have to Delila not because you want to.
No excuses as to why you can't because those that do transition do so to preserve their life.
It's therapy time.


Julia

[STACY B]

Height and build need not be an obstacle. There are lots of people on this site that are well over 6' and are in transition. The question is whether you are driven by the need to transition. Its one thing to think about it, its quite another to commit ones self to changing yourself and your life in such a dramatic fashion. You seem very unsure and certainly are not ready to make a commitment to transitioning. So, for now, just take your time, focus on the present and enjoy what you have, and seek therapy if you're troubled by indecision. Its not all about MINI skirts an PLATFORM heels , All trans chix are not SUPER models , Yea there are a few that are super pretty an small an look just like girls ,,, But thats a minority,, Not majority,, An ya dont have to go around in a dress an heels all the time to present your self as a lady or something other than a man, Just be yourself an dress they way you want to,, Look around at other woman an girls ,,, They dont dress to the nines everyday ,, Take it slow it will come to ya in time, Its not all about the clothes its about the atitude lady. Ya act like a lady we will treat ya like one .

[Aprilrain]

Body issues are serious business. Like the other girls have said one transitions because one must. Let's be fair though being trans sucks! So if you know you will never pass be prepared to be able to deal with that. I personally have a very difficult time with my body issues and Mine are not that bad. I know girls who couldn't pass in a room full of deaf, dumb, and blind people and they are as happy as pigs in shit. It's very personal.

[Bree-asaurus]

The primary thing that I think about when considering transitioning is that I could never ever ever possibly pass. My build at minimum prevents such things as I am 6 feet tall and have quite wide shoulders.

Hrmm... where have I heard that before? Oh yeah... it was ME!


There are numerous other reasons that I could not pass well.

I thought so too... I still think so to this day.


It doesnt make the the thoughts of transitioning go away. The other thing I think of is my wife but honestly I doubt she would stop me if transitioning is what I really needed..

If you are indeed transexual, chances are that in time, none of that will matter anymore... you'll do what you have to do to be yourself, regardless of your obstacles.


Is there a point where your body issues become less important than transitioning?

Yes. The more you are able to go about your life being yourself, the more you will realize that the comfort and piece of mind that brings greatly overshadows your body issues.


How do you deal with certain unchangeable masculine features?

Chances are, you will always have issues with how you look. For the longest time during transition you will see a man in the mirror, even when others see a woman. You are your own worst critic. To this day I still don't send pictures of myself to my family because I think I look like a man in all of them. But I go out and be myself all the time and I have NEVER had a single issue being treated with disrespect.

[abigailf]

There isn't a woman (real, fake or TG) in the world today that likes everything about their bodies. So rest assured, you are in good company. There are things you can change and things you can't.

I started by changing those things that I would not mind changing whether I decide to transition or not. For example, removing all body hair both permanently and temporarily. Taking care of my skin and face. Growing my hair out. etc...

I am only 5'6" in comparison, but I have seen woman well over 6 feet. So you are not along there either.

Woman who swim usually have broad shoulders, that is not uncommon either.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

You need time with a professional therapy and hopefully a group of transsexuals and crossdressers willing to openly discuss life...
I am betting you don't really know what is "possible" as far as living as female.. meeting ts women will get you valuable info..

Don't transition unless you have to is a common mantra...its totally valid......If you HAVE TO, then your height and broad shoulders aren't going to stop you !! see what i'm sayin..

6' is chickensh%t... :heehee:
..i'm 6'2"...broad shoulders...prior to transition i weighed 238 lbs (never forget seeing that number)... i weigh 168 today....
Skinny and tall is much more passable.. you have to want it that bad...you have to "HAVE TO"...

yesterday at the market, i saw a girl easily 6'3'...altho i admit i am taller than almost every woman i've ever seen..

[Eryn]

Regarding height: I'm 6'2", 170 pounds. That is the 99th percentile for GGs. That means that 1% of GGs are that height or taller and this is borne out by my observations. I sometimes joke about it being "tall girls day" at the mall, but the fact is that there are far more 6'+ girls out there than we often imagine.

Also, the perception of "tall" to most people is "taller than I am." Someone who is 5'6" is going to perceive a 5'10" woman pretty much the same as a 6'2" woman. They're both tall to her!

When I'm out and about the people I get the most second looks from are women close to my height. They glance at my face, then glance down at my feet, then look up again. It's pretty much "Gee, she's as tall as I am....check for heels....wow, flats, she is tall! A smile usually follows. There is a sisterhood between tall girls as there is within any group that shares an attribute in common. :)

[Aprilrain]

yesterday at the market, i saw a girl easily 6'3'...altho i admit i am taller than almost every woman i've ever seen..

Being tall really gets to me at times and I feel very selfconcienous and I'm only a chickenshit 6 feet!

Kaitlyn I know what you mean in a room full of woman I'm the sears tower, lol. As if that were not enough! The worst part is being taller than most of the guys too! : (

[Jessinthesprings]

While it's not at all common I have met several genetic women who are 6'2" ore taller (I'm almost 6'3"). There are plenty of girls who face the same delimma. One of my mentors could not pass to save her life, but she is all girl in the inside and I really cannot see her as anything else other than a woman. It is not easy but I know people who get to know here see her the same way... Besides who cares about strangers

[EnglishRose]

Is there a point where your body issues become less important than transitioning?

Heck yes. I'm 5'18 (6'6 if you have to put it that way :p) and I realized that if you have to transition you HAVE to transition.

[Badtranny]

Here's the deal, losing weight (a LOT of weight) and getting a couple of hundred hours of electrolysis will do more to feminize you than I can describe.

I don't know what you look like so I can't speak to your potential but I do concur with the girls who say you do what you have to do. I mean if the choice is hot babe or regular dude, every cross dresser in the world would transition. Don't get me wrong, I was a mildly vain dude and I'm a mildly vain chick but I look much better now than I ever imagined I could. When I first started this journey (two years ago) I thought my face was okay but my body was gonna be a problem. I have now come completely around on that and think my body is coming along nicely but my face is gonna need some surgery. It's almost funny to think about that now because I have learned so much since I began. My best friend told me a few months ago that in the beginning she wanted to be supportive but she really didn't think I would ever be able to transition successfully. Now she says she can barely remember when I was a boy.

Transitioning is a decision you make when you just can't bare to pretend to be a man for another minute. I recognize now that I am very fortunate but I'm still 5'11" and my career is decidedly non feminine. No matter, I am now two solid years into transition, completely out to everyone in the world, and very close to finally resolving my FFS drama. Confusion is a good start but your mental health demands you get past it as soon as possible. There are a lot of people who torture themselves for years only to find out they are not prepared to go all the way.

I think coming out is a good test. Can you imagine it? Are you prepared for it? Are you ready to drop the facade of manhood?

[SuzanneBender]

There are so many wise and wonder women in this forum especially on this thread. If there was a like button I would hit it on everyone of your posts. Take it slow. Therapy is the best start and don't worry about what you will look like. Passing isn't the issue when treating GID. Surviving is.

[Hope]

You need time with a professional therapy and hopefully a group of transsexuals and crossdressers willing to openly discuss life...
I am betting you don't really know what is "possible" as far as living as female.. meeting ts women will get you valuable info..

...

6' is chickensh%t... :heehee:
..i'm 6'2"...broad shoulders...prior to transition i weighed 238 lbs (never forget seeing that number)... i weigh 168 today....
Skinny and tall is much more passable.. you have to want it that bad...you have to "HAVE TO"...

Let me second all of this.

As another 6'2" girl, who weighed 255# (also a number I will never forget) who is down to about 172... I have to say - you can be a tall girl, and pass without too much difficulty... what you cannot be is a tall fat girl and pass, perhaps at all. They guy-gut is just too much of a dead-giveaway. You can be tall, but you have to be rail-thin... because that is the way tall girls come - this is either boy hight, or it is model hight. I much prefer being model hight. Thankfully - this is something within your power to change.

And before you start crying for us 6'2" girls... I was out last night with a girl who is 6'8" ... she is gong to make it work, but she is going to have to learn to LOVE being the tallest girl in the room.

Whenever I am out and I spy a tall cis girl, I always feel better about myself... I imagine however that this is not a reciprocal experience, and I always feel a little bad about that.

[DebbieL]

Delila,
First and foremost if you are honestly feeling that you could be TS then what you MUST do is seek therapy.
I cannot emphasize this enough.

Julia

Very true. You're 30 years old now, and you are already beginning to realize that you want to transition. Many transsexual boys realize they WANT to be girls when relatively young, sometimes 5-6 years old, usually when others tell him he can't play with girls anymore and the boys start bullying him for being a "Sissy". Some of us wished for it, prayed for it, asked santa clause for it, and tried to prevent puberty from turning into men. Eventually, we lost the battle with biology and the testosterone turned us into something we never wanted to be. We surrender to biology and reluctantly try to do our best to live as men, hoping that the desire will subside when we start having normal sex, when we get married, when we have children, when we gave money, when ... and yet, we know deep inside that we really want to transition.

If you really are transsexual, it can be nasty roller-coaster ride. The desire to transition has to be balanced with consequences and realistic expectations. If I could be like Myra Breckenridge, going from looking like Rex Reed to looking and acting like Raquel Welch, I'd sign up in a second. Realistically however, I'm tall, even with hormones, surgery, electrolysis, and so on, I would have a hard time passing, but that doesn't mean that I don't WANT to transition.

For some, the conflict gets so intense that extreme measures are considered. In one survey, over half the transgendered respondents had attempted to commit suicide. For some, who get older, the tactics are more subtle, such as having DNR orders in a living will, and letting the next heart attack or stroke kill them. For a "normal" person, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but to the transgendered most-puberty MtF, the problem can seem permanent.

Getting therapy, and beginning the transition process, is a process that can take quite a while, even before beginning hormones. Normally, a candidate has to live for a full year as a woman before the more permanent changes can be made without it being malpractice. Doctors have some flexibility around when to start hormones, and how many.

Making the transition take time and money. Electrolysis and/or laser for facial hair removal normally takes several months to a year, and can cost several hundred dollars. Hormones need to be taken for several months before you reach the point where you don't need "fillers", and even then, many girls have implants.

In most countries, insurance doesn't cover it, and in the United States, the doctors who perform the procedures are not cheap.

When I actively started transition back in 1990, I figured it would take $100,000 for the transition and as long as 4-5 years to complete the process based on my earning power at the time.

When my wife showed me the letter the school social worker had written recommending "Supervised Visitation" addressed to a just my ex-wife told me was a fundamentalist Christian and very likely to order it, I had to decide whether to give my children up and never seen them again, or give up the transition. I chose the children, but that was probably a mistake.

Key "Transition Times" often include:
Onset of Puberty
Prior to Marriage - when we have no prospects.
When the sex goes out of the marriage.
After a divorce.
When the children are grown and out of the house.
When you are close to retirement age.
After retirement.

There are even some people, who, when terminally ill, will sell the house and use some of the proceeds to pay for transition, so they can go to heaven in the "Right Body".

Some even begin to consider reincarnation, but the trick there is that the new body won't remember how much the old one wanted to be a girl.

[Badtranny]

Electrolysis and/or laser for facial hair removal normally takes several months to a year, and can cost several hundred dollars. Hormones need to be taken for several months before you reach the point where you don't need "fillers", and even then, many girls have implants.

Your timetable is a little aggressive. Electrolysis takes TWO years at minimum. I've got nearly 200 hours in and last night was the first time we cleared my whole face in a 2 hour session. (major milestone baby)
Also, HRT results are measured in years not months.

[Bree-asaurus]

Your timetable is a little aggressive. Electrolysis takes TWO years at minimum. I've got nearly 200 hours in and last night was the first time we cleared my whole face in a 2 hour session. (major milestone baby)
Also, HRT results are measured in years not months.

And several THOUSANDS of dollars, not hundreds. Maybe hundreds a week or month... depending on how fast you go...

[EnglishRose]

Depends what you do but yes years for hair removal. I'm doing several laser sessions right now but will need many hours of electro afterwards, if all goes OK. (very dark hair on very pale skin. I R vampire)