First visit to counselor

[Charla]

I decided to use my company's employee assistance program to discuss my issues with gender identity and crossdressing. Over the past couple of years I have found that I am spending increasing amounts of time trying to fix myself, s to speak, and in looking for ways to balance my need to express my feminine side with the need to maintain a family and career. It has become a significant disruption to life, so off I went.

She was very easy to talk to and had past TG clients - about 20 years ago. Unfortunately I felt like I knew more about the subjects than she did. She got a good intake but was unaware of what path forward to take. She at one point wondered if I had considered having a homosexual experience to see if that was what I wanted. I politely explained that I didn't feel homosexual, and what most gay men want is another gay man, not a man who is confused about his gender.

I finally asked what her views on horomones were, with the preface that I did not want to go through with SRS, but thought it would help me balance my inner conflicts. I based this on an experience about a year ago where was had to take estrogen for a prostate issue and noted that after 5 days on estrogen I felt better than I had in years! She told me that it would probably change my voice and reduce my beard...a lengthy education session followed!

Anyway, I will try talking to her one more time in 2 weeks to see if she has prepared herself any better.

[Miriam-J]

It sounds as though you started with the intent to deal with finding balance in your life. I wouldn't think this would be much tougher for a therapist to deal with than other conflicting interests, such as kids, wife, career, sports, or other recreational passions. The therapist should be able to deal with that even without a lot of preparation.

It appears from the later paragraphs that she really doesn't have a clue about TG or CD, and that she got distracted by the topic.

I'd find another therapist in a hurry. You can certainly do better, and there's no need to waste what I would assume are limited appointments under the EAP.

Miriam

[Karren H]

Sometimes just talking about it helps.... Was she wrong? Didn't think hormones changed your voice...

[Bree-asaurus]

I decided to use my company's employee assistance program to discuss my issues with gender identity and crossdressing. Over the past couple of years I have found that I am spending increasing amounts of time trying to fix myself, s to speak, and in looking for ways to balance my need to express my feminine side with the need to maintain a family and career. It has become a significant disruption to life, so off I went.

She was very easy to talk to and had past TG clients - about 20 years ago. Unfortunately I felt like I knew more about the subjects than she did. She got a good intake but was unaware of what path forward to take. She at one point wondered if I had considered having a homosexual experience to see if that was what I wanted. I politely explained that I didn't feel homosexual, and what most gay men want is another gay man, not a man who is confused about his gender.

I finally asked what her views on horomones were, with the preface that I did not want to go through with SRS, but thought it would help me balance my inner conflicts. I based this on an experience about a year ago where was had to take estrogen for a prostate issue and noted that after 5 days on estrogen I felt better than I had in years! She told me that it would probably change my voice and reduce my beard...a lengthy education session followed!

Anyway, I will try talking to her one more time in 2 weeks to see if she has prepared herself any better.

Your therapist has no idea what she's talking about. I would try to find one that specifically deals with gender issues. I would also recommend you talking about these issues in the Transexual forum. There is a wealth of knowledge in there and it caters to what you're going through more than the crossdressing forum.

Hormones will not change your voice or your beard AT ALL. What it will likely change (and it varies from person to person) is how you feel inside (the main reason you should consider HRT, since all the physical changes aren't guaranteed by any means) and potentially smoother skin, body hair reduction, fat redistribution, breasts, etc. The fact that you were on estrogen before and you liked how it made you feel internally is a clue to who you may really be inside.

And your sexuality, if you have any interest in men, is entirely different from your gender. If you have a wife, it is a horrible idea to consider a fling with a man, or whatever your therapist was talking about. Regardless of your sexual orientation, you are with your wife/girlfriend/whatever and her alone.

[Aloha Jayne]

I saw a therapist last summer a few times just to have someone to talk to. She was TG so I knew I could say anything I wanted. And that was very helpful. But beyond that, she didn't have any good advice. She even suggested I take up a new hobby. Geez, I've got too many hobbies now. I have found talking on the forum here for FREE to be much more helpful. Hopefully your's will be better able to help you find a balance in your life.

[carhill2mn]

There are two things that I find interesting about your post. 1) that you went to a company counselor; 2) it is not unusual for many counselors to not have much knowledge about CDs, "T-girls", etc.

I think that very few of us would choose a company counselor for many reasons.

Counselors that do not specialize in transgender issues frequently know less than the person coming to them. I have read of many who have ended up "teaching the teacher". I would not hold out a lot of hope that she will have become very knowledgeable in two weeks.

Good luck!

[Laura912]

From a medical viewpoint, the counsellor is nice but clueless. Dealing with TG clients 20 years ago is like doing a heart transplant once every twenty years. Things change. Thank her. Don't go back. Find another counsellor that knows the field...and hormones are not magic.
Laura

[Charla]

There are two things that I find interesting about your post. 1) that you went to a company counselor; 2) it is not unusual for many counselors to not have much knowledge about CDs, "T-girls", etc.

I think that very few of us would choose a company counselor for many reasons.

Counselors that do not specialize in transgender issues frequently know less than the person coming to them. I have read of many who have ended up "teaching the teacher". I would not hold out a lot of hope that she will have become very knowledgeable in two weeks.

Good luck!


Oh no - I did not go to a company counselor - I was referred to her through an independent company that offers the service to the company I work for.

[Charla]

Your therapist has no idea what she's talking about. I would try to find one that specifically deals with gender issues. I would also recommend you talking about these issues in the Transexual forum. There is a wealth of knowledge in there and it caters to what you're going through more than the crossdressing forum.

Hormones will not change your voice or your beard AT ALL. What it will likely change (and it varies from person to person) is how you feel inside (the main reason you should consider HRT, since all the physical changes aren't guaranteed by any means) and potentially smoother skin, body hair reduction, fat redistribution, breasts, etc. The fact that you were on estrogen before and you liked how it made you feel internally is a clue to who you may really be inside.

And your sexuality, if you have any interest in men, is entirely different from your gender. If you have a wife, it is a horrible idea to consider a fling with a man, or whatever your therapist was talking about. Regardless of your sexual orientation, you are with your wife/girlfriend/whatever and her alone.
Dear Bree - I totally agree. I kind of expected this when I could not find any qualifications in her training about dealing with GID. I am going through htis in the hopes that she may find that she needs to refer me to someone who knows their stuff.

[Charla]

It sounds like you went there with your own agenda. You wanted some hormones and to be told that was exactly what you needed right now.
I trued to avoid going with any agenda but it becamse clear that she didn't have a game plan. So I recommended HRT to start some thinking.

[Miriam-J]

Oh no - I did not go to a company counselor - I was referred to her through an independent company that offers the service to the company I work for.
For the record, this type of service is quite common in many larger companies. The therapists are fully independent of the company and confidentiality is assured. Still, the service surely offers an abundance of options, and you need to select one who knows something about this particular issue.

Miriam

[JenniferR771]

Keep an eye out on your confidentiality and privacy. I saw a counselor and somehow my diagnosis appeared on the billing paperwork. "Transvestic fetshism" . I had to pay part of the bill. The doctor changed that invasion of my privacy as all the three office girls handled my paperwork at various times. And probably the insurance company, (insurance was from my wife's office.)

[Sarasometimes]

Oh no - I did not go to a company counselor - I was referred to her through an independent company that offers the service to the company I work for.

Clearly you need a new referal. The most basic understanding, anyone with a therapist shingle should have is that. gender identity and sexual orientation are not at all related! I have taught way too many therapists. Until I found a GLBT group.

[Krististeph]

I spent my own $ when talking to a therapist about my CD TG (and other issues). Paid cash- no insurance, no legal chance of anything 'leaking'. it was worth it for me- plus, therapists like cash. Since you are the sole payer, as long as you are not talking about killing yourself or other- it's pretty much your game. And the freedom from concern about anything getting back to work- it was worth quite a few nice outfits...

[Kirsty_D]

My experience with councilors is similar. Some years ago I scheduled a few sessions but when I finally got up the courage to say I wanted to be a woman I wasn't really prepared for what came next and ran away from it all…

Next time round I'll make sure I pick somebody who specializes in this area, even if it means traveling a great distance to do it.

[docrobbysherry]

I trued to avoid going with any agenda but it becamse clear that she didn't have a game plan. So I recommended HRT to start some thinking.
Your posts seem different from other similar ones I've read here. Thank u for sharing with us, Charla! I think if u continue to post your experiences as u travel the therapist/doctor ladder in your search, MANY here mite find help, hope, and good advice!

[Charla]

I spent my own $ when talking to a therapist about my CD TG (and other issues). Paid cash- no insurance, no legal chance of anything 'leaking'. it was worth it for me- plus, therapists like cash. Since you are the sole payer, as long as you are not talking about killing yourself or other- it's pretty much your game. And the freedom from concern about anything getting back to work- it was worth quite a few nice outfits...

Your approach is making a lot of sense - I think I will cancel my appt and find someone on my own. As I reflect upon the session, I think she may just string me along to get paid for the max 4 sessions of "free" counseling - while not giving me much help. And I like Bree's suggestion of posting on thre TS board. Thanks, Bree!

[Stephanie-L]

A suggestion I can make, the magazine Psychology Today has an online counseller finding tool, you can put in parameters like gender of the therapist, location, educational background, if they are religious based (I would avoid this), and what areas they have experience or specialize in, including gender issues. If you are lucky you can find one who meets all of your criteria and also is paid for by your company. I agree that your first counseller is probably not going to be useful, she sees dozens of patients a week, and I doubt she will have the time or inclination to do the research needed to treat you properly. Good luck.......Stephanie