Getting to know Robyn

[Robyn7778]

Last night I had a chat on Facebook that has really gotten me to thinking about where Robyn came from. My new friend told me that while she came to CDing relatively late in life, she did have some incidents in her teens, that she described in detail, that demonstrated that she has long had the desire to dress.

This raised some memories for me that I hadn't thought about in decades, but now have me thinking long and hard about who is Robyn? Where did she come from? How long has she been there? While I'm more self assured now more than ever before about the girl inside me - that is, I am now comfortable that she is there and that she needs an outlet - I'm still on what will likely be a long road to self discovery.

As some of you may have seen elsewhere here, last month I returned to dressing after a purge two years ago. I began CDing somewhat seriously about 5 - 6 years ago - relatively late in life. It seems that most of you here talk about having started CDing very young, at least in your teens and it's been suggested to me that adult onset CDing like mine is not the norm. So, while I've been rationalizing it all for the past several years as a long evolution, it now occurs to me that there were some early incidents that may indicate that I do have some latent feminine feelings and desires that developed much earlier in my life. And there is little doubt in my mind now that societal pressures repressed those desires, for a long time.

It's going to be a very interesting road ahead and where it will take me, I don't know. But I do know I love being Robyn. I love how girly and flirty and happy and confident I feel when I am Robyn. It's exhilarating. And the more I find the opportunity to let Robyn out, the more I will understand her.

I don't know if this is the right forum for all of this, so I apologize to the moderator in advance if my thread needs to be moved, but it feels good to get this out and I welcome, and would appreciate, any comments, observations, experience or advice from all.

Thanks.
xo

[Barbara Ella]

Robyn, like you I came to cross dressing late in life, age 65 in my case. How and why are the big questions my wife and i ponder all the time as we try to make all the pieces fit. Nothing hinted at this as I grew up, married, raised children, and retired. all I know is that during the last year of my "normal life" things just were not right. Now they are right. Surely more difficult, but right.

Yes it is a puzzling journey we are on. I am just so glad to be here with you all.

Babes

[suchacutie]

I was 55 when Tina was "born". Like you, my wife and I were (and still are) intensely curious about how the feminine being we now call Tina has affected my life, and how she will continue to affect it. There is no doubt that she is now a part of life, but before we identified her we had no perspective with which to guage her! It's now with hindsight that we pick up hints of where she had an effect as my wife and I talk about our life together (as we approach our 39th wedding anniversary). It's easy to wonder "what if we had known much earlier" but that's really ephemeral and unlikely to be helpful. Yet it is fun to note some part of our history and be able to say, "wow, Tina was sure involved in that!"

It really is fascinating!

[kimdl93]

I probably have a more typical TG story, because this all was part of me for as early as I can remember. So, I often wonder about those who come to CDing later in life...was it just more deeply repressed or have they really discovered something entirely new about themselves. It will be interesting to hear from late bloomers.

[Marleena]

Robyn, I'm kind of a late bloomer although I did CD off and on.

In my case I knew I was different from the other boys all along but was not sure what it was.

The mind is a powerful thing. I'll call it "survival mode" in my case. I was blocking out anything to do with being, or acting girlie after being shamed out of those thoughts by my parents. Boy did it catch up with me about 5 months ago! Memories that were hidden are coming back. My being angry and depressed now make sense. I was fighting the femme side all along because I was taught it is wrong. It is common for people to come to grips with this later on in life.

[Michaela51]

I too have come to cd'ing later in life. I had been feeling my femininity rising to the surface for a number of years before I started expressing what I felt. My theory for me is that there are a series of life issues which have combined to bring me to where I currently find myself. In my youth I had a family with two children that I had to provide for, that was an imperative for me and my maleness did that well. I have always had a feminine side to my personality, but the masculine was much more dominant during that time. As I got older and my family matured my masculinity was less required. Also, aging brought a shift in hormonal balance, there has been less testosterone available against any given amount of progesterone and estrogen. I believe that slowly changed my attitude about my masculinity (and my ideas of masculinity) allowing more feminine attributes to slowly rise to the surface. I am also 61 years old now and am frankly done with a lot of the male behavior that was seemingly required of me in my younger years. I no longer need to be aggressively pursuing a career or feel the need to present myself before women in any certain way, I'm done with all that. I want to be more gentle, caring, and considerate toward myself and those who surround me. I want to be more aware of the little things, and collaborate instead of demand. I want to be more feminine and take the time to express and enjoy that part of me.

[Noortje]

I think "late onset" crossdressing is more the norm than the exception. There has not been much research, but it is possible that many people suppress their feelings until they become inescapable later in life. For me personally, it was just like that. Somehow I managed to convince myself I was not a crossdresser, even though I was having all the thoughts, desires, dreams and fantasies of one. I managed to keep the lid on until I was 30, and then it blew. It's still complicated, and there is still this ever-present dread that I will turn out to be transsexual after all, but in general I have made my peace with who and what I am.