Therapists say nothing wrong with Cding so why so much stress?

[Marleena]

It's nice to see some progression from the old days when Cding wasn't acceptable behavior by the psychiatric community. Even though that has changed society hasn't caught up. This board still sees the daily struggles, and misconceptions. It's nice to see the transgender kids of today are gaining some acceptance today, albeit slowly.

I found a nice article on CDing myths, this one is a good read.

http://www.mycdlife.com/2009/08/crossdressing-myth-8-crossdressing-is-a-choice

Please take the time to read it if you have any questions about CDing it is very well written.

[Foxglove]

Hi, Marleena! Thanks for posting this. I wish cisgender people would read stuff like this. Sometimes I get the impression that we're the only ones who do. You see anti-TG articles and comments accompanying them that express some of the most unbelievable ignorance about Transgenderism. If people would take a bit of time to read what we say, maybe they'd learn something.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[docrobbysherry]

Only 3 things I can think of Marleena:

1. Not everyone sees a therapist.

2. Of those that do, few discuss Transgender with them.

3. Most folks have their minds made up about "us". And, would prefer NOT to be confused by FACTS!

[MarciManseau]

I think the stress is because we feel guilty for being "not normal", whatever normal is. Once we learn to accept who we are and like both sides, most of the stress goes away.

[Laura912]

The referenced article will resonate with a lot of people on this forum. However, it is written by a cross dresser which means to the general public it is already biased. Unfortunately for the general public, there are no references either. But it is a step , albeit small, forward. (There are just too many "howevers" and "buts" in this post!) :)
Laura

[suzy1]

A nice article that’s well written.
For members that have problems covered in this article it’s a must read!

Thank you Marleena.

SUZY

[kimdl93]

Thanks for posting Marleena! I know the society is changing and growing more accepting, but the stress isn't simply a result of society, but our internal voices. Her article points out a number of potent, enduring misconceptions that we as transgendered people carry within ourselves.

[Marleena]

My pleasure to post it.:) It would take hundreds of forum posts to cover all of it like she did in that article. Visitors to this site can learn from it too by reading.

[Stephanie47]

Interesting! However, it still does not answer a lot of questions. Basically, all societies establish parameters of normal, customary behavior. Usually there are sanctions levied against a person who violates the norms. That may include legal sanctions. Cross dressing has only become a transgression of the norms in a non legal sense. It still remains outside societies social norms. That does not mean a cross dresser cannot find acceptance within a smaller unit within society.

As to why a person may 'take a break' from cross dressing is still not answered. That may be the main issue as to why a male cross dresses. I know how I feel when I'm en femme. Basically, I do feel I am expressing a feminine side. And, that means I am doing typical chores society has assigned to females or the chores are gender neutral.

My longest period of total lack of interest in cross dressing was during military service. My mind never had a cross dressing thought. That was for two years. During that period of time I had no opportunity interact with women. It was strictly a male environment. It was not like today's military life. There was no opportunity to express a feminine side. That period of time was during a heavily and strictly male activity, i.e., combat infantryman in Nam or training leading to that activity.

I often wonder if the total absence of females or female influences caused the total lack of cross dressing desire. Basically, society's feminine traits would not have been a productive influence in a male combat situation.

[suchacutie]

Thanks for the post. I wonder how positive that article might be for spouses who are on the fence about all of this?

tina

[Marleena]

Thanks for the post. I wonder how positive that article might be for spouses who are on the fence about all of this?

tina

Tina I would hope it would help. Maybe some GG's will comment on it, that would be nice.:)

[Vickie_CDTV]

The behavior itself is not a problem, but the complications arising around it sure can be. It is along the lines of "It isn't the fall itself that kills you, it is the sudden stop".

[Marilyn Beck]

Thanks for posting the link. I can see why many CDers would find the article to be comforting. For me, the article reinforced my sense of isolation and left me feeling depressed.

It is pretty clear that the article is describing CDers who dress for self-expression (i.e., "being ourselves"). The article conveniently ignores those of us who may become aroused by CDing. In another article ("Crossdressing Myth #3: Crossdressers are Perverts") the author asserts that "some crossdressers are perverts" but absolves most crossdressers from being perverts because "the arousal phase is usually only temporary." So the author concludes that crossdressers who become aroused, other than temporarily, are in fact perverts. I don't really disagree with this conclusion, but I did not appreciate the author's use of the epithet "pervert" to describe someone afflicted with a paraphilia.

I really am happy for CDers (most of us, according to the author) who dress for self-expression and do not become aroused. I realize that CDers who become aroused by CDing have reinforced the "myth" that CDers are perverts. It is unfortunate that the very existence of CDers who become aroused taints the public perception of CDers who have more pure intentions. Nonetheless, it irks me when people who purport to speak for the crossdressing community conveniently ignore, or even disparage, a sizeable portion of the community who, through no choice of their own, become aroused by CDing.

[archAngelina]

Thank you, Marleena, for sharing that article it was a great read.

[suzy1]

For what it’s worth Marilyn, I totally understand and agree with you.
You make a good point.

SUZY

[Marleena]

Ahhh I missed that one! Seems I jumped directly to eight.:)

Here's from the beginning.: http://www.mycdlife.com/category/crossdressing-myths

[whowhatwhen]

The thought of everyone I know looking at me differently or as inferior, broken, psychotic, and anything else negatively associated with transgender.
In my example, for a few reasons in my life, my family is all I have as I've struggled to put myself on a right track.

The thought of losing their support isn't something I'd like to think about, yet I think more and more about my issues every day. Internalized stress is still the worst.

[Foxglove]

Thanks for posting the link. I can see why many CDers would find the article to be comforting. For me, the article reinforced my sense of isolation and left me feeling depressed.


Marilyn, I'd echo Suzy here, and urge you to try not to take it too much to heart. It's one thing that's painfully obvious about TG people: so many divisions among us and not all of us see the need to present a united front. So many people in the general public see all of us as perverts, and yet there are so many of us who want to claim, "We're the real TG's! Those other so-called TG's are just weird."

It's very ironic for me: we want acceptance from the general public, but we don't always give it to each other. Do your own thing, Marilyn. We're not all against you.

Best wishes, Annabelle

[sissystephanie]

The article is basically wrong on one major point!! Crossdressing is a Choice!! That is unless you have been forced by a wife or SO to wear feminine clothes! Yes, I am a crossdresser. But it is my choice to wear that clothing, not someone else's.

The fears that are mentioned here, and in many other threads, are most only in the minds of the person writing the post. Crossdressers say that they are afraid to go out in public dressed enfemme! Why?? Are people going to look a them? Who cares more, the people looking or the CD? Most of the time, the only one concerned is the CD. For the past 7 years, since my totally supportive wife died, I have been going out in public dressed totally enfemme but looking like the man that I am!! No wig and no makeup. Do I get looks? Sure I do, but in 7 years I have not heard one single negative comment!! Do I care about the looks? No I don't, because I dress to please myself not the rest of the world. If you have that attitude, you will be much happier and live longer. BTW, I am 79 pushing 80!!

[whowhatwhen]

I'm going to have to disagree there, if it were a choice for the love of god I would choose to be normal.
I wouldn't wish such confusion on anyone.

[Miriam-J]

"Pervert", another of those utterly useless and harmful labels that too many love to apply to those around them. Works for just about any variation from societal norms you can think of. Just like frequent sex, even if it's all heterosexual? You're a pervert. Interested in both sexes or the other sex? You're a pervert. You like to dress up or makeup like the other sex? Wear nothing at all? Have sex with multiple people, or someone other than your spouses?

It's so much easier to apply a label than to actually consider that the other person might have a reasonable viewpoint. Would be too dangerous, and might lead you to tolerate, or perhaps accept, or (god help us all) embrace the other person's viewpoint.

I'd rather exercise my mind a bit.

Miriam

[archAngelina]

NOTE: I read Marilyn Beck's post below me only after posting so I wanted to add a comment about her important insight. I then got distracted and didn't finish the post for a few hours that's why this seems a bit out of place.


I realize that CDers who become aroused by CDing have reinforced the "myth" that CDers are perverts. It is unfortunate that the very existence of CDers who become aroused taints the public perception of CDers who have more pure intentions.

I completely understand the point you're raising here. But the problem isn't with the arousal part, it's with the perception part. People are simply uneducated when it comes to understanding something like crossdressing.

Arousal is a perfectly natural thing, and "turn ons" are intrinsic to who we are. I would hope that any crossdresser would feel a least a little aroused, sexy, cute, beautiful, graceful, confident etc when they dress. There's any number of feelings that one can enjoy by dressing so adding "arousal" to the list is by no means wrong or less "pure" like you said. It is infact very pure in its intention.

The problem is people have this fixation with associating anything that makes them unconfortable as being wrong or inappropriate. Someone who is uncomfortable with the idea that a crossdresser would feel sexy wearing a dress and heels will fixate on the arousal factor and use that to justify their societally established disapproval of crossdressing as a whole. They call them perverts, sick, disgusting, lewd, improper, etc.

I've experienced this first hand when I began learning about the "Furry" fandom. Society has this definition of who and what furries are, bred and shaped by the media; the average person, if they're even aware of it at all, will simply assume it's a bunch of disgusting, perverted, sick, socially messedup people who have sex in animal costumes. Yet this is just a myth, that society holds as fact. Any furry con will have an absolute commitment to family friendly values and decentcy. If you visit the artist's gallery OF COURSE you could find an erotic section but does this mean eroticism is the only reason people identify with the furry fandom? Far from it! Humans are sexual, by very nature of being human they will mix their interests and their sexuality.

Because people are uneducated, and unwilling to put forth the effort to educate themselves, they find ways to justify their biases. Crossdressers who dress to feel sexy and explore their turn ons should not be punished for it, and those who dress as a form of personality expression should never feel they are being given a bad name by others. The only blame game being played is by those who simply are not informed or openminded enough.

obviously it goes without saying "Moderation in everything" (too much oxygen or water will kill you, go figure?) but i think you get my point here.

[busker]

The article is basically wrong on one major point!! Crossdressing is a Choice!! That is unless you have been forced by a wife or SO to wear feminine clothes! Yes, I am a crossdresser. But it is my choice to wear that clothing, not someone else's.

The fears that are mentioned here, and in many other threads, are most only in the minds of the person writing the post. Crossdressers say that they are afraid to go out in public dressed enfemme! Why?? Are people going to look a them? Who cares more, the people looking or the CD? Most of the time, the only one concerned is the CD. For the past 7 years, since my totally supportive wife died, I have been going out in public dressed totally enfemme but looking like the man that I am!! No wig and no makeup. Do I get looks? Sure I do, but in 7 years I have not heard one single negative comment!! Do I care about the looks? No I don't, because I dress to please myself not the rest of the world. If you have that attitude, you will be much happier and live longer. BTW, I am 79 pushing 80!!

Stephanie, I would say that you are likely in a very different category than most. You have done this most of your life, you obviously accepted this part of your interests a very long time ago, you may have lived in the same community for a very long time, you had an ACCEPTING, HELPING, WIFE, which many don't, and some have no support at all. It may be a choice to dress , but I suspect that there is something in you that made the CHOICE EASIER. I suspect too that for many, Yogi Berra's quip fits well enough: if you come to a fork in the road, take it."

[Kirsty_D]

The article is basically wrong on one major point!! Crossdressing is a Choice!! That is unless you have been forced by a wife or SO to wear feminine clothes! Yes, I am a crossdresser. But it is my choice to wear that clothing, not someone else's.




I don't have a choice about dressing, I'm driven by something inside of me. I have to dress, I can delay it but the longer I do the more I'm driven to do dress until it occupies every waking moment and I don't dress for sexual desires or relief.

[Marleena]

Unfortunately there is no perfect article on CDing. I posted a link to article 8 originally, which does a great job of explaining about Cding urges, (or so I thought) for spouses, family, etc. In fact it reinforced some thoughts of my own, and I learned a few new things..

I would not call any fetish CD a pervert, nor would most people on this board. The whole transgender category is a blend of different types of people and activities. It is just as diverse as the people here are.

[WifeofWrenchette]

I am a GG and am happy to accept my SO in any form that he/she wishes. He is a wonderful person irregardless of what he's dressed in. I'm glad this article was published and that you chose to share it with the board. It would be nice to have more accepting people out in public so that CD'ers didn't often feel they needed to stay inside.

[Starshastar]

Ok because I'm a little confused I'm new to a lot of things but not dressing so is there a "bad" difference between a cd that does it both for reason that it is what the person feels most relaxed and more like themselves in and for sexual reason. And the other that do it and have no arousel? Is there a norm or something I had to ask Im just confused if I offend somehow I'm sorry.

[Marleena]

Ok because I'm a little confused I'm new to a lot of things but not dressing so is there a "bad" difference between a cd that does it both for reason that it is what the person feels most relaxed and more like themselves in and for sexual reason. And the other that do it and have no arousel? Is there a norm or something I had to ask Im just confused if I offend somehow I'm sorry.

It's actually a good question with no clearly defined answer. Some Cders enjoy the sexual arousal aspect of dressing. Others find it relaxing and normal behavior for themselves.

If you ask a therapist if it's wrong to crossdress they will tell you it is normal behavior for you. There is no magic pill to make it go away.

[Darla]

Well - my therapist said there's nothing wrong with crossdressing, but rather in the problems it causes for my marriage. So really there's nothing wrong with it in relation to my issue with it. More so in how I've chosen to deal with revealing it to my wife and the mistrust it engendered. So - yeah no real issues. I love that about her (my therapist).

I think you'd be hard pressed to find any modern day therapist who openly discourages crossdressing, and if you did why would you stay in the room with them another minute?

[YorkshireRose]

Thanks for this Marleena, I found this oldish thread while searching for misconceptions on CDing. A really interesting article, maybe worthy of Pinning? Just a thought

Charlotte