I'm going to sound like a royal a$$ but..

[JessHaust]

This board is full of girls who stay at home, wishing they could, would, might maybe, ............go out dressed. And most of you look at those of us who say we do and either don't believe it, or just think "sure you can, but things are different for me'
Well I really need to say, BS!, if I can do it you can. The only thing stopping you is you. All the fear, all the doubt is within you, and the solution is there as well, within you.
It's hard , but once you do it, it's like pandora's box, it will never go back in, and you will be so glad you let it out.
Find a group, find a friend, it's not hard, just the right words into Google, and there you are. (meet up, transgender,cross-dress and your city)
Do you really want to stay home, keep this bottled up inside yourself, forever? Is chatting with unseen, unknown people on the internet all you are looking for? I can't believe it.
The world is a really big, really forgiving wonderful place if you will just give it the chance. People will surprise you with understanding. You are the most critical thing in your life, not them, you only have to step outside to see this.
OK, there I have pissed off most of you, scared some others and maybe rung a bell with others, but If this arrogant, self righteous, hurtful diatribe of mine has motivated just one of you to actually put on your best dress and go out and enjoy life, it was worth it.

[goodnhose]

Jess,
I love your sentiment, it's true what you say and I do hope your words give someone the push they need to get out of the house. You didn't piss me off! As for me I'm waiting for my next life to be born a girl then I won't have a problem going out dressed.

[JessHaust]

Seana, sweetie If I looked like you I would not be waiting for anything!

[Miranda-E]

the "But I enjoy hiding" responses should be coming
in
3,,,

2,,,

1,,,

[PaulaAnn]

Amen to that Jess;I just came out on Tuesday night .....OMG !!it was great.
Paula.

[Vanessa Storrs]

I wish it were so easy to go out. For many good reasons many of us never leave the confines of the closet. It takes a lot to go out the first few times and suggesting that those who stay home are little sissy cowards benefits noone.
I have made many posts encouraging others to venture out of the closet and will continue to do so. I also respect those who choose to remain home.

[Lynn Marie]

Staying in the closet doesn't make you a sissy coward, but peering at the world through a keyhole will surely make you crosseyed! Didn't your mother tell you that.

May I add my encouragement to those of you who only need a little push. If the adreniline rush of your first time out doesn't kill you, you'll never go back to that cramped closet again.

[Melanie R]

My wife and Melanie together with other CD,s, spouses and family members returned Sunday from a 7 day cruise on the new Carnival Magic out of Galveston. This was a Mardi GRAS cruise with 3900 other passengers including over 700 kids. The acceptance and support of our group was totally positive. Our cabin attendant and head waiter was blown away by Melanie. They could not believe the transformation since because of a delay in delivery of our luggage they had to endure ugly Mel the first night.

[donnatracey]

Well said, Jess! It's comments like yours' that made me finally just decide to do it a month ago. By myself, to a local mall in the evening, 30-45 mins of "shopping ecstasy". It was so invigorating to be shopping for women's clothes dressed as a lady instead of my normal en drab mode where I slink around.....:doh:

After I left the mall, I said to myself, Donna, I can't believe you did it! If I can, others should be able to do it too.

[Vickie_CDTV]

I have been in the trans community for a long time, met countless people over the years, and believe it or not there really are people in unusual or volatile situations and really should not leave their house dressed. While yes some people could and make excuses because they are afraid, even if it happens to be the majority of those who make excuses, there are always exceptions and you can't group them all into the same box.

[Miriam-J]

I'm of the firm opinion that persuasion and inspiration will go much further than arrogance, self-righteousness, and hurtfulness. Perhaps your words will push someone out, but I hope that many more will be inspired as I have been by the words of instruction, sensitivity, and wisdom that I've found on this forum nearly everyday.

Yes, I have felt this inspiration and I am already seeking out the opportunities to get out in the world where my family and job will continue to be safe despite my activities. I've learned that such opportunities are far more available than I had thought, and it brings me great joy. Won't be long, and you'll hear about it. But it will come from the quiet words, not the loud ones.

Miriam

[NathalieX66]

Jess, I agree with you.
However there may be a number of folks out here on this forum, who by their own situations, can't or don't have the opportunity or luxury of getting out, and going public, not because of fear, but because of the repercussions. We must respect that.

I love going out. Sometimes I feel like I don't get to go out enough, then I realized that went out 3 times in two weeks, and I have to say "whoah, where am I going with this?"

[whowhatwhen]

Insufficient funds.
Oh, also the possibility of losing everyone if they were to find out.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not offended or anything but it's often a matter of "having" to be in the closet until things stabilize in your life.

[ronny0]

IMO everyone has a valid point.
Some of us as we are in our photos will never pass, others pass w/o any problems.
Sad part about our society is not everyone is willing to let others be themselves.
Some people go out of their way to find the one person to pick on.
Not always, but still their is a danger for those of us who don't pass, yet want to be out.
Even waking to your car in your own driveway, neighbors can cause problems that last for years.
Sometimes it is better to just hide in the shadows.
YET. If you sit at the mall, and do the people watching, GG's are not all beautiful / thin / cute.
They are not being chased after by all the guys. But they also don't have a five o'clock shadow.
I am sure I could go to the local mall tomorrow at noon, and strut my stuff, I am also sure 80% of the people would read me w/o even trying.
Now if I went in the evening, and dressed down, I might pull it off, but not likely.
Not a big deal if I get read, but also not my cup of tea to have everyone in the mall watching your every step.
We really need safe zones where people are more open minded and less likely to try to find fault.
Just my 2 cents. Yes all those that sit inside are doing it for their own reasons, some fears are worse than the real life event, but some are not.

[Danielle.N]

I have been in the trans community for a long time, met countless people over the years, and believe it or not there really are people in unusual or volatile situations and really should not leave their house dressed. While yes some people could and make excuses because they are afraid, even if it happens to be the majority of those who make excuses, there are always exceptions and you can't group them all into the same box.

I agree Vickie, and also understand why many feel they have to present excuses. Just saying "I'm not ready to be out" or "I'm fine without it" doesn't cut it around here sometimes.


I'm of the firm opinion that persuasion and inspiration will go much further than arrogance, self-righteousness, and hurtfulness. Perhaps your words will push someone out, but I hope that many more will be inspired as I have been by the words of instruction, sensitivity, and wisdom that I've found on this forum nearly everyday.

Yes, I have felt this inspiration and I am already seeking out the opportunities to get out in the world where my family and job will continue to be safe despite my activities. I've learned that such opportunities are far more available than I had thought, and it brings me great joy. Won't be long, and you'll hear about it. But it will come from the quiet words, not the loud ones.

Miriam

Very well put, Miriam.

[Julogden]

Jess, your posting is a combination of some excellent points as well as some utter bull. Not everyone is in the same situation as you are and also don't share your values, so for you to imply that everyone should do as you do is not a good idea. While most can probably go out at least occasionally with reasonably low risk, there really are some who have no business coming out.

So let's hope that your posting inspires the ones who safely can to get out and doesn't result in someone who should be more discreet getting into trouble.

Carol

[bridgetta]

well its not me with the issues. its everyone else.. and most important. family.. protect them.. life is a struggle anyway.. i dont need the extra attention.. screw that.. i like my secret as a secret..

[Barbara Ella]

I am pissed off that you think this would piss me off...Wait..so..that..means......I...am not really pissed off at all? We all know our limitations, and the only ones who might take exception are those that wish to do it but chose not to, and really have no reason. Lots have very good reasons. We must get our contentment in what we do, and if we are not content, it is our own fault, and we must live with it. I have been cross dressing for 6 months. I look at how many years it took some to go outside the home, and I am content with what i am doing right now. If I get lucky, I might do it once before I pass, even if in a wheelchair.

Babes

[Regan]

Jess

Comments like yours are why I love this site, pure honesty. I am actually putting plans to go out with one of the ladies here in the next couple weeks. Very nervous.

Regan

[susand262]

I wish I could do it. It's hard when your own wife can't except it. I just would like it if I could share something that is important to me with someone I care about.

[Amanda22]

I can appreciate your point, Jess. Thank you for being so honest and I do share the opinions you express so clearly.

Even though I go out en femme frequently and wouldn't be considered "in the closet" in a general sense, there are still hurdles on my horizon. These are things I haven't done yet because of lack of confidence, yet I know that I'll definitely master them in time. We all have another challenge ahead, don't we? I'm doing things now that I would have said I'd never do just weeks ago.

Maybe a person's initial challenge is to tell their spouse they crossdress, or go outside the house wearing something obviously feminine. Everyone has that one small step that feels like a huge leap. Crossing that first hurdle, though, means the next one is easier, and the one after that is even easier.

You already said it, but I'll add my "if I can do it, anyone can." I'm not exactly in a tolerant area here in Chattanooga, TN. It takes some courage, of course, but after repressing my true self for so long, I couldn't imagine living another day hiding myself from the world.

Great thread, Jess!

[EricaCD]

I almost never post here these days, but I'll unlurk for a moment.

What you have said, frankly, is nonsense. (And this is from a person who has had an active out-and-about life for six years.) Shoving and implicitly shaming people for not getting out the door is not constructive; some people indeed have valid reasons for staying in the closet. It's decidedly not your role to say otherwise.

The value of this forum, and it's a profound value, is that it allows the members to learn from the collective wisdom of our many experiences. You read about good outings, and bad. You maybe see a positive sign in your hometown, or a sad story about a similarly situated person who came to an awful situation. But the blessing of a forum like this one is that the participants can distill the collective experiences and learning of hundreds of others. And with that learning, people can make a much more informed decision about how best to live with the strange gender situation we have been given. Maybe they come to realize that they can in fact get out, and in that case YAY TEAM! I'll cheerlead with the best of them. Maybe they come to a more informed appreciation that they're best off remaining closeted. It may be a sad realization, but at least better than a decision made in comparative ignorance.

Against the benefit of learning from our accumulated wisdom, the presumptive values dictated by one person don't really stack up.

[Katesback]

Once upon a time I was in your situation. Scarred to go out of the house. The problem is if CD never leave the house how can they ever expect society to learn to accept them?

So back to comming out. I would say it was one of the scarriest things I ever did. But I learned real quick that if your strong nobody will mess with you. If you look like a prey animal then of course your going to get picked on. So you have to be strong and go live your life as you see fit. As time goes by you come to realize nobody really give a crap what your doing. One tidbit though. Women grow up and learn how to wear colthes. It takes a long time to learn how to wear heels and when to wear them. It also takes time to know when to wear sexy clothes. The point I am making is that many CD wear clothing that they have not learned how to wear and that makes them stand out. I would suggest wearing clothing that is age appropriate and more casual than heels and dresses. That way you tend to blend in better.

Katie

[JessHaust]

...., not because of fear, but because of the repercussions.

It is the fear of the repercussions that is the problem, the repercussions themselves are rarely anything like our expectations.

[busker]

the "But I enjoy hiding" responses should be coming
in
3,,,

2,,,

1,,,

I'm late, I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date. sorry, just got here and I enjoy hiding in the closet. While I too think that the only thing we have to fear, is fear itself, everybody walks in a different pair of heels, and it isn't really nice to shame people into going out when they are already scared s...less just dressing at home. That is peer pressure of the worst kind. It is almost bullying, if I do say so myself. We all have different reasons for dressing, and all have different psychological states we are in and those things don't always mesh in some easy way, as must be evident from the postings here. Frankly, in my neighborhood, I hardly go out at all as it has gone down hill in the last 10 years. In a nearby apt house, one of the tenants is in the can for attempted murder, another had a machine gun, drug busts were almost common for a while, so no I don't I'll won't be going out in a dress while I live here, but, I do get out, in women's clothes everyday...I just don't make it so obvious.

ps Miranda--this isn't aimed at you, just took advantage of your 3-2-1 idea.

[daviolin]

Well heres my 2 cents on the subject. I'm a life long cder. I was always excetted about the day I would venture out as a girl. That day came about three years ago. First I told my wife about my passion to dress. That went over like a turd in a punchbowl. Second, I met some other cder's on this site, to meet up with. That worked out real good. Very nice people. Third, I joined a tg group. That was great and informative. I really felt like Daviolin was on the road to exceptance. My wife finally excepted who I was. There still is a little tension, but not like before.
Anyway, I accually got burnt out on the fact of going out. I have more fun just staying home and playing house. I love doing photoshoots and play acting different women's roles. I found my comfort zone as Daviolin. And I am sticking with it. Daviolin

[Kittykitty]

For each flower there is a season to bloom. No amount of coaxing will convince a sunflower to open in snowy January.

An orchid may take 3-8 years to blossom.

[sissystephanie]

I have been going out in public dressed enfemme for over 60 years! In all that time I have NEVER been publicly derided or had negative comments yelled at me. Those comments may have been made, but not so I could hear them! To further confuse the issue, if that is the proper way to put it, for the past 7 years I have gone out in public almost every day dressed enfemme, but looking exactly like the man that I am!! My late wife used to do my makeup and fix my wig and when she died I just decided to go without! The only comments that I have ever heard were compliments on my outfits!

As was said earlier, the problems are mostly with the CD's! Yes, there may be problems with a wife or family but those can be handled if approached PROPERLY! That last word in the important one!! You can't just tell your wife that you want to dress enfemme, you have to explain to her WHY you want to!! All this can be done, and has by many crossdressers! Those are the happy ones!!

[Karenmarie]

Erica
Everything you said is SO true. Myself, I have been out many years ago. In fact, I was out quite a few times. Took it to
my wife and almost to a divorce. She passed away from cancer and like a fool, 2 years later got married again and for the last 17 years its been the same as with my first. My second wife....should have told her before we got married but I was scared to death.
Plus, thought MAYBE "IT" was gone. Of course, no, it is not gone. Now I'm 70 yrs. young, so not much time left. Oh well.
Really haven't been dressed in a while, but really doubt that I could even come close to passing these days. So, this forum does help me TREMENDOUSLY.

[Persephone]

(And this is from a person who has had an active out-and-about life for six years.) Shoving and implicitly shaming people for not getting out the door is not constructive; some people indeed have valid reasons for staying in the closet. It's decidedly not your role to say otherwise.

I'm possibly one of the most out-and-about CDs on this forum and I have to agree with Erica and with Vickie_CDTV, there is nothing wrong with enjoying who you are whether that means being in the closet or being out and no-one should ever be made to feel bad for who they are, period.

I post maybe 1/50th or 1/100th of the things I do and I primarily do that because I do feel that maybe such posts can encourage others to consider and to explore their options, but I do so knowing full well that leaving the closet is just not the right choice for everyone.

Each person here has to determine her own options and make her own choices. Those of us who post frequently may be able to provide information and support for those choices, but it is not our place to push or "dare" others into a life they may not be comfortable with.

To each her own!

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Stephanie47]

I would never recommend a person engage in potentially risky behavior without weighing the consequences of that decesion. Sometimes the consequences may be more than anticipated. And, sometimes well thought out decisions can backfire. Risk v. Reward.

[candicd]

If you are happy staying home and playing house, more power to you. Keep it up. If you want to go outside the door, make the 1st step.
Here is one thing I've started looking at (and someone hit on earlier)...most women outside that door are just average looking. If you turned your transdar on every woman you see that isn't a 7 or above, you could be wrong many times over.
If your hesitation in going out is the same hesitation of asking your 1st girl out, namely afraid of rejection, you need to make that step out the door. We will encourage you in any way possible.

-Candi

[Jessica86]

I see your point, and it isn't all necessarily true. People differ. Just like there are hetero or homo sexual dressers, there is never a dresser in the same situation as the next. I have been told by my wife to go out. I want to share it with her, but can't due to her being pregnant. I don't want her to go into labor and have to deliver the baby as Jessica! THAT would be weird. My wife tells me all the time I need to go out as Jessica by myself to experience it....before going out with her (which doesn't make any sense to me.) I have reasons why I don't go...but that is about to change. Possibly as early as tomorrow. I can't expose why this has taken me so long. Let's just say with a career like mine...everyone knows you...day or night. One slip up, and you're on headline news.

[mbmeen12]

Crawl, walk and run with me too. My wife is taking me to a night club were Gay, Lesbians and Crossdressers can get together. Friday nights is girls night (Lesbians). 1st/3rd Thursday of every month is for Crossdressors /girls :). Another night is for men (Gay). But every day of the month /evening, you may go as whom ever you want to be, free in spirit.
I am crawling as I type, but one day, I will get off my knees and walk out that door TBC...

[noeleena]

Hi.

How long does it take to learn a trade or fly a plane , iv done both ,& as my foreman said what took him years to learn = i can not teach you in 5 min's . it the same with many things in our lifes it takes time. so we should not expect others to do what we have done ,

Im a woman & i had to learn things tho for myself they were there, for most of my life ,yet to put in to action can take a lot of time for some,

Many can not just walk out the door for a lot of reasons, & i would not expect you's to do that . yes im a very strong woman & needed to be yet i had to get there, like my trade i needed to learn .

when i was training as a pilot there was a time for my self to go alone & i was bothered that i would be asked to before i was ....ready....

i was asked & when i was it was the right time for myself ,so if you are not ready dont go out, if you are get all the help you need in prep for that, because when you are ready it'll work for you,

...noeleena...

[rebekkadg]

This board is full of girls who stay at home, wishing they could, would, might maybe, ............go out dressed. And most of you look at those of us who say we do and either don't believe it, or just think "sure you can, but things are different for me'
Well I really need to say, BS!, if I can do it you can. The only thing stopping you is you. All the fear, all the doubt is within you, and the solution is there as well, within you.
It's hard , but once you do it, it's like pandora's box, it will never go back in, and you will be so glad you let it out.
Find a group, find a friend, it's not hard, just the right words into Google, and there you are. (meet up, transgender,cross-dress and your city)
Do you really want to stay home, keep this bottled up inside yourself, forever? Is chatting with unseen, unknown people on the internet all you are looking for? I can't believe it.
The world is a really big, really forgiving wonderful place if you will just give it the chance. People will surprise you with understanding. You are the most critical thing in your life, not them, you only have to step outside to see this.
OK, there I have pissed off most of you, scared some others and maybe rung a bell with others, but If this arrogant, self righteous, hurtful diatribe of mine has motivated just one of you to actually put on your best dress and go out and enjoy life, it was worth it.

I wish it was as easy as you say but there are consequences to what people do and depending on their situations it simply isn't worth the consequences for many. The social stigma to it varies widely depending on where you live and from different places people work and different families they come from. When faceing strong social stigma from all sides being "found out" can lead to a lot more than simply people's displeasure, it can lead to inability to continue at your job, hostile relations with relatives, open hostility to your presence from your community, and in some cases outright violence.

In addition to this we have people in our lives who could be greatly impacted. I know I don't want my wife to have to face these kinds of things because of me. Even if there isn't any signficant other in our lives the stigma can still taint the lives of various family members. The consequences to us alone are dire at times but it isn't even all about us. We can tell people to just get over it but bottom line is there is more of them and they can have a greater impact on our lives and the lives of those close to us than we can.

I am not saying there is never a good time to come out, but there is some long considering to do before you do so, and a lot of factors that go just beyond us that go into it. Yeah it is a big part of who we are, but it is not the whole of who we are and to just disreguard all those for the sake of our expression of gender is just reckless and self destructive. We all have to weigh our own situations and determine how little or how much we risk and how likely that is and that isn't going to be the same for anyone.

For those who have little to risk and little likelihood for loss I would encourage them by all means get out there and let the world know who you really are, but for those with much to lose and a high chance of doing so a lot more care and consideration must be given and may result in just keeping it a secret forever.

[sometimes_miss]

Well, Jess, I wouldn't say you sound like a royal ass, but you really have to learn to respect the decisions of others. Not all of us want to deal with the possible ramifications of being 'out' (and by implying that there are none, you do sound a bit, well, ignorant). I'm not sure why you even brought this topic up again. Why, to give us all a 'push'? Thanks, but no thanks.

[linda allen]

.................. there may be a number of folks out here on this forum, who by their own situations, can't or don't have the opportunity or luxury of getting out, and going public, not because of fear, but because of the repercussions. We must respect that.

I love going out. Sometimes I feel like I don't get to go out enough, then I realized that went out 3 times in two weeks, and I have to say "whoah, where am I going with this?"

I've been out, but only a few times and those were when my wife was out of town (a rare occurance). It was a lot of fun and I'll do it again when I get the chance.

I'm not ready for my wife to know I crossdress and I'm not ready for my friends, children, and neighbors to know. Why? Because crossdressing doesn't drive my life, other things do.

On one hand, I envy someone whose wife allows and participates in his (her) crossdressing, but on the otherhand, I don't want to change the life I have worked so hard to achieve.

[kimdl93]

Its been interesting to read through the 37 responses, so far, to Jess's OP. As a person that has grown increasingly "out" in recent months, I still can appreciate the very real obstacles, as well as the sometimes real fears, faced by some of our number. As far as I am concerned, its perfectly allright to live comfortably in the closet, if the closet is in fact comfortable for you. And I can attest to the satisfaction I take from being open to and accepted by a circle of family, friends and neighbors and being able to freely experience life and people. And I can also understand someone saying, been there, got the T-shirt and living quietly en femme at home.

The point is, there is no Right way, except the way that allows a person to feel at peace, complete and satisfied with life. Get there any way you can.

[JessHaust]

The social stigma to it varies widely depending on where you live and from different places people work and different families they come from. When faceing strong social stigma from all sides being "found out" can lead to a lot more than simply people's displeasure, it can lead to inability to continue at your job, hostile relations with relatives, open hostility to your presence from your community, and in some cases outright violence.

I have yet to see one single post here were a girl lost their job, was excommunicated from their family, or was subjected to violence (while in decent parts of town, there are always places to get hurt, CD or not)). Yes it has led to more than a few divorces, and for the girl in the neighborhood with the murderer and machine guns, I'd be afraid to go out as a man, that's not a CD issue, it's a neighborhood issue.

Look ladies, some of you get what I'm saying, that you biggest fear is fear itself, but some of you cling to that fear so tightly that you can't see straight. I know we live in a society where fear is a commodity freely passed around by our politicians, but the truth of reality is that it's really not as bad as you think it will be.
Before I took the steps I did, I felt exactly as you do. I would lose my job, my family would at best think I was a freak, at worst excommunicate me, my friends would all abandon me, and then make fun of me. But you know what? none of it happened. I'm still employed, My family loves me, my friends are still here, and now I have way more friends than I could have ever imagined, all from the CD community. If I had held on to the believe that the consequneses were too great, that the ramifications too steep, I would never be here, and you won't either.
I said that if only one of you made it out of the dark, safe closet then it was worth it, and it was, I have gotten private messages saying that they were going out now and that my little push was at least a small part of why.
Yes I can be an ass, and I could have minded my own business, but then maybe somewhere there would be at least one girl who missed the best thing in their life, and that would be a shame.

[whowhatwhen]

I see what you're saying but one thing sticks out: "I, me, my".
People will come out when they're ready, but we cannot benchmark ourselves by your life.

[Katesback]

It is great to see someone here who is keeping it real, telling the truth, and calling people on the countless excuses. It is funny how people can ignore the fact that countless Trans people have come before them and survived comming out. Of course my favorite excuse is the "my situation is unique". LOL yea right. They story is always the same. Its wether you get past the excuses or not.

Katie




I have yet to see one single post here were a girl lost their job, was excommunicated from their family, or was subjected to violence (while in decent parts of town, there are always places to get hurt, CD or not)). Yes it has led to more than a few divorces, and for the girl in the neighborhood with the murderer and machine guns, I'd be afraid to go out as a man, that's not a CD issue, it's a neighborhood issue.

Look ladies, some of you get what I'm saying, that you biggest fear is fear itself, but some of you cling to that fear so tightly that you can't see straight. I know we live in a society where fear is a commodity freely passed around by our politicians, but the truth of reality is that it's really not as bad as you think it will be.
Before I took the steps I did, I felt exactly as you do. I would lose my job, my family would at best think I was a freak, at worst excommunicate me, my friends would all abandon me, and then make fun of me. But you know what? none of it happened. I'm still employed, My family loves me, my friends are still here, and now I have way more friends than I could have ever imagined, all from the CD community. If I had held on to the believe that the consequneses were too great, that the ramifications too steep, I would never be here, and you won't either.
I said that if only one of you made it out of the dark, safe closet then it was worth it, and it was, I have gotten private messages saying that they were going out now and that my little push was at least a small part of why.
Yes I can be an ass, and I could have minded my own business, but then maybe somewhere there would be at least one girl who missed the best thing in their life, and that would be a shame.

[TGMarla]

What Jess says is all true, but simplistic. It is impossible to place every person's situation under the same umbrella and have one answer to suit all. Certainly, the fear factor is way overblown. But for every success story one hears about us venturing out into the public (well, maybe for every ten or so....), there's another story of how doing so has caused someone irreparable damage. I've said it before, and it bears repeating: Don't allow someone on these boards to bully you into doing something you're not ready to do. When the time comes, and you're ready to take that step, then do it, and not before. It may be fear holding you back, and perhaps only going out and actually being in public will allow you to overcome that fear, but only you know that, and throwing caution to the wind is not the best answer for everyone.

Do what is right for you. What's right for you may well change over time. But if you decide to stay home, you're not hurting anyone, and not hurting yourself all that much either. If you do decide to go out, then may your episodes be good ones, and fulfilling for you. But do it on your own terms, not because someone here brow-beat you into it.

[Marleena]

@ Jess, your original post clearly states for girls that want to go out dressed. You also knew some would not agree with you yet you went ahead and took the chance of posting.:)

In my case I have been out a couple times dressed in our own town, but mostly in the safety of our car. I have now planned a couple enfemme vacations for me & the wife out of town. Out of the home town is obviously best if you don't want to run into somebody you know. you'll be anonymous. I'm nervous but I need to do it. Having somebody with you at first can help even more with the jitters. TG social groups are a safe bet, or your SO if they are okay with it.

It's not for everybody but some of us will do it with the proper preparations.

[whowhatwhen]

Shaming works well keeping gay people in the closet, surely it'll work to get CDs out of it!

[docrobbysherry]

EVERYONE SHOULD SKY DIVE, RITE!? Makes as much sense as your post!:straightface:


the "But I enjoy hiding" responses should be coming
in
3,,,

2,,,

1,,,

3. Stress! What if u run into your kid's 3rd grade teacher? Or, your boss's secretary? Or, that girl u liked in school? It isn't that u WILL, it's just the thot that u COULD!:brolleyes:

2. Boring! I dress for MYSELF! And, sky's the limit! Go out dressed? In granny clothes to BLEND? Pretty POINTLESS!:eek:

3. DRESSING IS FUN! Why go out dressed when that's NOT FUN!?:sad:

[JessHaust]

EVERYONE SHOULD SKY DIVE, RITE!? Makes as much sense as your post!...........! Why go out dressed when that's NOT FUN!?:sad:

Wow, We are not in a Sky diving forum, it's a CD forum, just have a look at the URL, it tells the story!
How will you know that it's NOT FUN, if you never try it?

[MissMarcie]

Well I really need to say, BS!, if I can do it you can. The only thing stopping you is you. All the fear, all the doubt is within you, and the solution is there as well, within you.


Well, let me start by agreeing with you...
You sound like a royal a$$. You only know your situation and circumstances, not everyone else's. You can only speak for yourself, not everyone else. What works for you is fine, it may not work for everyone else. This is just another example of why this forum will never really be a "support" forum.

[busker]

I have gotten private messages saying that they were going out now and that my little push was at least a small part of why.
.

I think this was the point that many of us were trying to make--some people will go out as a result of PUSH from you, not something that came about through enlightened self interest and preservation. PUSHING means that someone isn't quite ready for the leap, and what happens now if that person happens to get assaulted? Will you help that person and family if there is one? It is easy to say jump, when the parachute is strapped to YOUR BACK. Encouragement can come in many forms and help people on the road to self discovery but it can be done without the need to bully. Needless to say, we are all happy that life for you is being out and about and feeling confident and secure where you are.

[Miranda-E]

Everyone's "unique" situation is the same situation we've heard 1000's of times. Its so unique its boring.


Well, let me start by agreeing with you...
You sound like a royal a$$. You only know your situation and circumstances, not everyone else's. You can only speak for yourself, not everyone else. What works for you is fine, it may not work for everyone else. This is just another example of why this forum will never really be a "support" forum.

What support do you really need if your not actually doing anything?
The whining about having to hide gets old when the person doing it has absolutely no intention of ever doing anything about improving the situation.

[Leanne2]

To me it depends how well we can pass. It's one thing to go out as a woman and have people believe that you are a woman. But it is entirely a different matter if you are instantly recognized as a man in a dress. That is no fun. I go out enfem all the time but only because I can pass most of the time. I wouldn't go out if I looked like a linebacker and I understand if others feel the same way. Years ago I was a member of TriEss. The chapter always rented a changing room next to their meeting room. That way someone could come in drab and then attend the meeting enfem. They looked like men in dresses but everyone understood and no one cared. We are all sisters no matter how we look. Leanne

[busker]

"It is funny how people can ignore the fact that countless Trans people have come before them and survived coming out."

Katie, If coming out in the trans world is so easy--why are there forever people saying how high the suicide rate is among TS?. Coming out is more than just wearing a pair of panties. Coming out in any form can be a mistake whether a person has had SRS or not. Or are some people just exaggerating to keep everyone IN THE CLOSET.? How many TS are integrated with the real world, and haven't just hidden away doing porn stuff for an income? Are there hundreds of TS fashion models--even Pejic hasn't changed his sex--but no doubt gets an earful from the fundamentalist right. People simply don't like things that are not black or white--as a culture, we have hardly changed at all, women are still battling over their reproductive rights and control over their lives. Except for some media attention and a lot of legislation MANDATING change, do you really believe even the gay community would be as accepted as it is today without that support? We are largely an ignorant society and in some cases downright stupid, more concerned with entertainment than the quality of life. So, to have someone push me into doing something that I believe would be against my best interests, borders on stupidity, not just ignorance. Things may be different in Florida where you can ride into the sunset on your Harley, but in Dayton, Ohio it is likely to be very different.

[busker]

Everyone's "unique" situation is the same situation we've heard 1000's of times. Its so unique its boring.



What support do you really need if your not actually doing anything?
The whining about having to hide gets old when the person doing it has absolutely no intention of ever doing anything about improving the situation.

Well, MissMarcie, looks like you have been read your MIRANDA rights.

[Miranda-E]

that gay community support and legislation mandating change didn't happen without a lot of work and a lot of people with the guts to say "I'm one too and this is wrong"
So change dayton ohio, or move out of it, but don't use it as an excuse.
At least Pejic has the guts to do what he does to get that earfull from the fundamentalist right. Yeah he painted a BIG target on himself, and he's doing damn well.

[Sandy Banks]

I'm ready, now all I need are some girls to join me!!!!

[suzy1]

Jess, you wonder if your thread sounds arrogant and self righteous………..yep!!!!!

[Katesback]

I should point out to you I did my entire transition in RED NECK Tennessee. Hey if you want to hide thats fine. If you feel that strongly that the big bad world will tear you up then your are actually quite correct. The fact is if you walk into the world with that feeling it is likely to become true. So yes by all means stay at home and play dress up and do what ya do. Its all cool with me.

As far as your questions about TS women. Well sweety this is a CD section where we discuss CD issues. I post about TS issues in the TS part of the forum. But your questions are not really possible to answer. See many of us just blend in and dont walk around advertising our existance. So its really not possible to answer your questions. There are a lot of pre op girls that do porn. Its a way to make money I suppose. Theres a lot of guys that like that sort of stuff.




"It is funny how people can ignore the fact that countless Trans people have come before them and survived coming out."

Katie, If coming out in the trans world is so easy--why are there forever people saying how high the suicide rate is among TS?. Coming out is more than just wearing a pair of panties. Coming out in any form can be a mistake whether a person has had SRS or not. Or are some people just exaggerating to keep everyone IN THE CLOSET.? How many TS are integrated with the real world, and haven't just hidden away doing porn stuff for an income? Are there hundreds of TS fashion models--even Pejic hasn't changed his sex--but no doubt gets an earful from the fundamentalist right. People simply don't like things that are not black or white--as a culture, we have hardly changed at all, women are still battling over their reproductive rights and control over their lives. Except for some media attention and a lot of legislation MANDATING change, do you really believe even the gay community would be as accepted as it is today without that support? We are largely an ignorant society and in some cases downright stupid, more concerned with entertainment than the quality of life. So, to have someone push me into doing something that I believe would be against my best interests, borders on stupidity, not just ignorance. Things may be different in Florida where you can ride into the sunset on your Harley, but in Dayton, Ohio it is likely to be very different.

[JessHaust]

.......But it is entirely a different matter if you are instantly recognized as a man in a dress. That is no fun........
I been recognized as a man in a dress many times, probably many more that I did not realize. But the times when I have, It's been more than fun. I've had people ask to take my picture with them, I've had them sit down with me at a resturant and ask questions, I've about decided that in many places I (and my girlfriends) are just plan rock stars. Most people love us, and the ones who don't never say a word that we can hear.
A lot of you are completely missing my point. I'm really trying to tell you that it IS NOT scary out there, the scary is in your head. Pose some questions to the girls here who go out, see if any of these terrible dire consequences have happened to them, I think you will find that if any have it is a tiny minority.

[BRANDYJ]

This board is full of girls who stay at home, wishing they could, would, might maybe, ............go out dressed. And most of you look at those of us who say we do and either don't believe it, or just think "sure you can, but things are different for me'
Well I really need to say, BS!, if I can do it you can. The only thing stopping you is you. All the fear, all the doubt is within you, and the solution is there as well, within you.
It's hard , but once you do it, it's like pandora's box, it will never go back in, and you will be so glad you let it out.
Find a group, find a friend, it's not hard, just the right words into Google, and there you are. (meet up, transgender,cross-dress and your city)
Do you really want to stay home, keep this bottled up inside yourself, forever? Is chatting with unseen, unknown people on the internet all you are looking for? I can't believe it.
The world is a really big, really forgiving wonderful place if you will just give it the chance. People will surprise you with understanding. You are the most critical thing in your life, not them, you only have to step outside to see this.
OK, there I have pissed off most of you, scared some others and maybe rung a bell with others, but If this arrogant, self righteous, hurtful diatribe of mine has motivated just one of you to actually put on your best dress and go out and enjoy life, it was worth it.

So many things wrong with the OP's opinion on why some of us don't go out and the reasons we don't. One thing I dislike about posts like this is that it "might" push someone out the door that is not ready. Kind of like a mother bird that pushes her baby chicks out of the nest thinking he will fly. The fact is some don't, they fall to their death because they're not ready to fly. So why are you trying to push those that are not ready out the door?
Some that are out think all of us want to go public when it's my opinion most have no desire for what you very wrongly call fear. For many, it's just good judgment and common sense, NOT FEAR!
Many of us have families to consider above and beyond anything.
Most of us have jobs that could be put in jeopardy
Some of us have a re[putation in our churches or community to protect.
Some might want to, but honor their wife's wishes not to.
Most of us tha identify as a crossdresser do not have the body, head, face shape and size to be looked upon as anything but a man in a dress regardless of the amount of money on wigs and makeup. And most of us do not want to be looked upon by anybody, including strangers, as being a man in a dress and laughed at. ridiculed or worse. In my opinion, if you are built like a football lineman with pronounced 5 O'Clock shadow that nothing can cover, then it's not fear at all, but good common sense! By saying all or most of us that don't go out publicly, is because of fear is in a way, calling us chicken! That's offensive.

The majority really do care what other's think, especially family... and most of all, their wife. Most people do care what others think! If not, then we, as a society are in serious trouble on a lot of fronts. Most of us are not so selfish as to put all the above at risk simply to go out dressed.

I see several members here that can and do pull it off without being read. I am very happy for them, and yes, even somewhat envious. I also see some that are only fooling themselves to think no one notices! And then those that know they don't even come close to passing or blending that simply don't care what others think. Yes, that's their right. Just as much as it is for the general public has to laugh and point at anything unusual and strange to them. Of course the majority of those that do laugh and point, do it without the person they are laughing at even knowing it. So of course many think they pulled it off.

In my last job, we had several CD's and or TS's come into the store. Only one made even me laugh! This poor guy was dressed in shorts, some sort of sloppy top and makeup that looked like it had been applied the day before! He also was built rather obese. He horribleoorible! Another was tall, about 6'2" Dressed in apants pant's and top outfit. Sjhe looked good and would fool 98 % of those that saw her. The only give away was when spolitelypolitly approachaskednd aske dif she needed any help and she responded with, " Why the F**k don't you people just leave me the F**k alone!" Now that's surely one kind of person that doesn'tdoes'nt care what others think of them!
Another is part of a couple. They are older, maybe around 65. They are polite and I have waited on them and had no issues with them. I might add, everyone in the store treated them both very respectfully. Of course she was dressed appropriate for her age. But she was not dressing and going out for the thrill of it, or trying to open a Pandora Box. She had more reason then us CD's have, that's for sure.

I have gone out to places where we are welcomed and expected to be. I dress at home and risked being stopped for some minor traffic offense. I have'nt done it since a nephew was killed on duty as a local police officer. He shared my last name and I would not want to dishonor him and his family if I was stopped by local police. Again, not fear. Call it self respect and honor.
To the new members, please don't think this is a majority opinion on going out or not. Pleae use common sense and good judgement and weigh the consquenses you could face in your community.

Simply put.....Going out dressed is not the bowl of cherries some make it out to be. Don't be bullied into thinking it's fear! In fact. some of us are brave enough, strong enough to use common sense and think of others before ourselves, or at least as much.

[Nigella]

This subject is one of the most divisive there are on the whole topic of crossdressing. There have been enough threads about the benefits and pitfalls of coming out of the closet. Each and every member has the right to make the decision for themselves, based upon their own circumstances and personal beliefs. We don't want or need any more threads ramming this topic down the throats of all and sundry. Leave it alone and let people live their lives as they wish, there are enough people out there telling us we are right or wrong to do what we do, without us doing the same.