CDing and unsupportive family

[Cody Valentine]

Hello. I am new to this website and new to cding. I have a small problem about comming out to my family. I am only 18 so their support is needed for school and place to stay. If I tell them about my passion they might just dust it under the rug and not talk to me or they might kick me out. I understand that it's their house so I agree that I should follow their rules. However, it is going to start getting harder to hide. What my real question is should I try to hold out till I find another solution or try throwing it out there and seeing what happens?
By the way, glad this website is here, tried others but most did not help.

[Rianna Humble]

Hi Cody, :welcom: to the crossdressers.com family. When you get to know us a bit better, you might feel like telling us more about yourself, but there is no rush.

You certainly have a dilemma which won't be easy to resolve. We can offer you our opinions and support, but only you know your family.

Have you tried raising the subject of cross-dressing with your parents without going for full disclosure so that you can get a feel for their attitude?

If you do need to tell them, there is quite a good thread called How to tell your partner (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner) which I found very helpful when preparing to tell my aged parent.

[Leeiah]

hmm, just from my own experience I told my family and they were very unsupporting I mean they still loved me but totally did not support it and is against it. Thankfully I moved out of state to an apartment before I did. Parents have this saying my house, my rules which is very very true and I respect that. You may want to think about the right timing before telling them. Not saying you should hide but what I am saying is do not rush it make sure when you tell them whenever you do tell them make sure you try to get the best results out of this as much as you can. Not sure at this point in time that you are in the best situation to get the best results but only you will know that.~Leeiah

[Stephanie47]

Hi Cody and welcome.

You should have some idea how your family perceives alternate sexual life styles. How they react to news stories about gays and lesbians, cross dressers, etc will give you some sense of their beliefs. I'm a child of the 1960's. My parents thought male masturbation destined me to go straight to hell. I know from comments how they felt about gays. Bring up cross dressing? Not a chance in hell. Yes, when living with parents, there are reasonable rules to follow. I personally would not blurt out you are a cross dresser.

I would recommend seeking information and counseling from a teen support group, if there is one in your area. At eighteen I suspect your mind is swimming in confusing thoughts, which you need to sort out.

[Eryn]

Hi Cody, welcome to the forum!

You do have a dilemma. Remember that a secret once told cannot be untold, so tread very carefully! The question is, what would you gain by revealing your CDing to your family? If there are significant advantages to it then you should consider it. Otherwise, save such revelations for a time after you have achieved independence.

[ReineD]

There are lots of resources for parents of transsexual children, but not for CDing sons. Still, I've gathered a few links to websites. You might want to read through them all (there's are many individual resources in each place) and if you think that any of the information might help, pass it along to your parents.

As a mother, I would never, ever disown one of my sons if he came out to me about gender or sexual variance, and I've held this belief ever since they were born, even before I knew anything about this community.

http://www.rochester.edu/ucc/parents/transgenderchildren.html

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/story?id=3089992&page=1

http://www.lauras-playground.com/transgender_transsexual_children.htm

http://www.genderspectrum.org/child-family/resources

Take your time and read through these, even if you find only one link that will help. Information is key.

We also have a guideline for CDers telling their spouses, but honestly the same principles apply for other family members as well. You just need to do your homework first and prepare yourself for all of their questions:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner

[Cody Valentine]

Thanks for replying quickly and with great advice. Most of my family is against same gender relationships because of religion beliefs. They are not against the people as much as the idea. I live with my father in Chattanooga and I go to collage so I depend on him a lot. As time goes on it will get a lot harder to hide. I want to shave my legs but when it gets hot outside I don't want to be wearing jeans. And can't hide that easily from dad. I like the support group idea a lot. Will probably try searching for one near here.

Thank you for the links. I have reviewed them and they seem to be really helpfull. Your sons are really lucky to have a mom like you :). That being said, I am not sure my parents would disown me. They might because they don't want to think about me in that light or they think they failed as parents. I know they have not failed as parents. I turned out great:). But it is a problem that might become critical as time goes on. One thing I forgot to mention is about my major. It may seem trivial but if time is an issue along with support financially then pre-med might cause the situation to escalate with the extended schooling.

[sometimes_miss]

While you will get a lot of support for coming out to your family here, it doesn't always work out well. Especially when you are young; if you are not financially able to support yourself and have housing available immediately, I would strongly consider waiting to tell them. The possibilities for disaster are real and possible. When I came out to family and friends, NO ONE accepted it. NONE! I'm basically cut off from everyone; nearby, my mom ignores my crossdressing, my sister will barely speak to me. Friends, well, I had to change jobs and get new ones, and with careful questions know that none of them will accept my crossdressing either. So this one thing has pretty much isolated me from all family. Make sure you are prepared for the absolutely worst scenario before jumping into something. If you can deal with the worst that can happen, then o.k., go ahead. If you can't, then don't. Once they know, there's no turning back, and you may find yourself very, very alone. And if you're dependent on your family for your tuition, you could be destroying your future, all in the hopes of finding acceptance. If I were you, I'd wait. You can do it. Lots of us do. I didn't come out to anyone until I was over 40. And even then, it was a huge mistake.