Did I screw up?

[karanne]

Let me explain. A few days ago I was sitting at home waiting for the alarm system girl to show up. At that time, I was wearing a white long-sleeved bodysuit, micro-mini skirt, a push-up bra to show off my cleavage, and boots. After she left, I changed my hiking boots for some 5" FM boots and went off to run errands, pick up stuff at the endocrinologist, drop off packages at the Post Office, etc. While I was out 'n about, one of my people calls my cell and asks me to stop by the office if at all possible. It 'wasn't urgent', which means one of the senior people was throwing a fit. Unfortunately, I missed the part about 'not urgent'.

I'm the City's Computer Gurl. I'm the head of my four person department, and thus mid-management. I interact with the State and County IT people, negotiate budgets, buy equipment, play the political games involved in defending my turf, try to get authorization to hire, do the interviews with HR that will never lead anywhere, and all the other things that need doing, as well as doing everything from desktop support (changing toner cartridges and showing people how to do something in Word or Excel) in City Hall itself. As such, my dress code is skirted suits, hose, heels, while my people can get away with jeans, running shoes and a city golf shirt. Even when we have a City-sponsored event like a pool day, I'm dressed conservatively: a one-piece swimsuit, partially because of my E-cup bust.

We have to 'share the load', which means the programming guy will take hell-desk calls when she's overwhelmed (as I do too). Our 'field guy' (actually girl) is usually out of the office, because the City has leased a lot of property in places like strip malls for various offices, which means she's on the road a lot.

Now, remember how I'm dressed. I'm dressed sexy, showing off my (admittedly short) legs, wearing my tiniest denim skirt, a push-up bra to show off my E-cup cleavage under a fairly sheer white unitard and FM boots with five-inch heels. Not conservative at all. If it was late at night under a streetlight, the vice squad (who I know) would be asking how much I charged a john. (grin) I'm running late, we're short-handed today because my field girl is out for doctor's appointments, and I don't have time to run home and change. I get to City Hall and stroll (you have to stroll wearing 5" heels!) into the IT department. I get a few wolf-whistles along the way (which is good for my ego), only to find that it's one of my 'problem-children'.

Some people require virtually no support, you never even see them, others panic when an icon is moved on their desktop and it's DEFCON FIVE!! OMG, it's a VIRUS!!! On that scale, this particular luser, the head of Finance, is about a 4.5 out of 5. She's a nice older lady (and bakes killer chocolate chip cookies), but very set in her ways, and prefers to use the 'old-fashioned' DOS-based programs instead of the newer ones required by the State of every city, county, and state agency. She's also a political ally in our internal turf wars, so I try to accommodate her as much as I can. I stroll into her office with the replacement toner cartridge for her department's laser printer, wearing the above-mentioned sexy outfit, instead of the usual skirted suit she's used to seeing me in. She blinks. Twice. I pull on the used t-shirt we use to protect our clothes (toner cartridges can be messy) and proceed to change out the cartridge. I do a test print, she does one as I box up the old cartridge for recycling and pull off the t-shirt, and we gossip a bit as I'm working. I show her how to change her desktop wallpaper to the newest photo of her grandchildren, all the while she can't take her eyes off my bust and the City ID hanging from the lanyard around my neck.

As I'm leaving (it's almost quitting time) she says, rather hesitantly, "Kara, you look nice. I wish you'd wear something like this more often, my daughter does."

So, did I screw up in not changing into a skirted suit? I had enough people see me as 'sexy Kara' as opposed to 'drab, conservative Ms. K'. Opinions?

[kimdl93]

could you post a photo of yourself in the outfit - people will find it easier to respond to your question if they actually see how you look in it.

[Krististeph]

I have little experience to answer your question.
Being a CD, I'd say not really, but to people who are not as 'evolved', your outfit may have been a bit racy.

But it is done. You cannot change it- so no crying. No worring. I might suggest- when you return to work, look nice- professional, but stylish= don't shy away from what you were, but do not feel the need o re-inforce it. if anyone says anything ales about your outfit- well, how would YOU counsel a subordinate if they came to you worried? Don't deny it- but it was your day off and you were doing your own stuff. They called you. not "in your face" but not apologetic either, with an attitude that says, no problem, and you will not be allowed to make it into a problem either.

make any sense? I'm not 'out' at work, but some of my clients and or co-workers probably think i might be gay, since they cannot tell te different between gay and TG or other gender dysphoria, and i simply do not bother to correct their view on any front, with the exception of telling them i am not gay if i am asked directly if i am. I give off enough 'don't f with me about this' vibes- i guess a few too many people see it as "don't even ask", but that's not the case- if asked, i'd probably tell, but with the understanding that it does not affect anything at work. Period.

Aside from the fact i love the name "Kara", and that if i were as brave as you, i might stuff a skirt suit in the trunk of the car 'just in case' for future availability- i would not worry about it. the comment seems quite genuine. Conservative is a business / professional decision... not a CD one.

Don't suppose you have any pix of the outfit, do you? :-)

-kristi (lots of advice from a chicken-ass....) :-)

[2B Natasha]

Your outfit Sounded a bit to casual for any office to me. That said. I think what your coworker was saying. Is that you need to loosen up a bit. Get out of the skirt suits and dress more casual. You can still look very professional that way. A nice pair of slacks, cute blouse and flats and your good to go. Heck. Even designer jeans, not the ripped type, that fit nicely and a pair of low heels with a cropped jacket and cami under would still project a professional appearance.

The days have changed as to what you can wear and how you are perceived. But the outfit you wore in that day. Not so much.

[Karren H]

If you really have E's how could you not be out?

[Beverley Sims]

What I saw of the picture in the previous thread I am assuming you are 24/7 anyway.

[karanne]

I am 'out' as in living and working as a full-time female. The head of HR knows (or has access to) my documentation, of course. So Karen, yes, I am 'out' and proud of my bust, and Karen, assuming your (ever-changing) avatar is a picture of you, how could you not be out as well?

I think I'm just conditioned from my time at the State to always dress conservatively, in skirt suits or dresses and heels. I enjoy wearing skirts, especially casual skirts, but I need, I think to wear the more conservative clothing to fight and win the budget and political battles. I can't do that as easily in a pantsuit. I also have a mental association with pantsuit = guy's suit, even though I know they're not the same. I equate skirts + heels + long hair = girl.

[2B Natasha]

That must be fascinating ti watch all the people you work with. Sort of a throw back to the mad men era. That's sarcastic by the way. But on a serious note. You mean EVERY department head and every person you go ti a meeting with wears conservative to that extent?

I can relate it to the morning traffic gal's we have here in Seattle. One is named Autumn Wells. The other Jenny Hogan. Both are extremely good on camera and could be almost sister they look so similarin their faces. The real difference is that while Autumn has worked at the tv station longer. She is still only the full in. Why? I believe it's the clothes. Autumn users to wear pant suits with shoulder pads and looked really severe in her dress. Jenny on the other hand dress quite a bit more feminine. While the both are taken very serious and are good. People relate to Jenny more.

My point is. Dressing nicely and fashionable is far more important then button down skirt suits and bland corporate.

Then again. I'm from the pacific northwest. Where a fleece vest cargo pants and Birkenstocks is considered fine appeal to go to a meeting in.

[ReineD]

I'll answer this by relating my own experience. I'm a GG.

Earlier in my relationship with my SO, I went through a phase of dressing over the top sexy when my SO and I would go to an alternative night club sometimes. I don't know what possessed me to do this, other than I felt the need to compete with all the beautiful college age girls who go there that my SO frequently "noticed". :p I need to say that I'm 5' 9" and wear a size 8, have long mid-back hair, so I can wear the short, short skirts, plunging necklines, or just about any other sexy, revealing clothing and get away with it ... but, these clothes are not really me. lol

On two different occasions, on the way home we had to stop at an all-night grocery store. Since my SO is not out in our town (other than the GLBT events we sometimes go to), she stayed in the car. I've got to say that I was embarrassed going in there dressed like a street walker (mini tight sweater dress with thigh high black leather boots one time, and the other time skin-tight satin leggings with a halter sequin top and 4 inch stilettos). I did get a lot of stares and why wouldn't I, dressed like this? Anyone would. lol But, I don't feel comfortable with "that type of attention" outside of a club when everyone else is dressed like that as well.

So, did you make a mistake? That all depends on the reputation you want to have, if you enjoyed dressing like this and are contemplating doing this again. There are girls who dress like skanks, and girls who don't. How people view the girls who do, is a function of their age and expectations of others. The younger people likely are more tolerant but I can well imagine there are boys who wouldn't want to bring a girl like that home to meet mom, and there are girls who look at a girl like this with raised eyebrows. Not that these people are uptight necessarily, but most people follow decorum for dress and believe there is a time and place to let their hair down. :)

FYI ... I have three single adult sons. They love looking at girls who dress over the top like this, but these are not the girls they are attracted to for romantic relationships. They wouldn't turn down a one-night stand, but this is as far as it would go.

[az_azeel]

I moved your thread into the main forum as it talks about dressing.....the lounge is not the place ...;)