Frédérique
03-03-2012, 02:41 PM
Leave it alone and let people live their lives as they wish, there are enough people out there telling us we are right or wrong to do what we do, without us doing the same.
Whenever a thread is closed, either abruptly or after many “pages” of heated discussion, I always look at the final post to see what the moderator had to say – the quote above comes from the latest such episode, and it inspired me to think about the nature of support (thanks, Nigella)...
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here, together (well, dropping in from time to time), to support each other during our trek through life as crossdressers. In this sub-section, males dress in the clothing of females, either casually, expressionistically, questioningly, inevitably, seriously, non-seriously, or any other way you can possibly imagine. Regardless of intent, we all need support, for the world at large is unsupportive in the extreme, or blind to the reality that we alternative types endure. The genders are meant to be apart, so THEY say, and any incursion into no man’s land leads to intolerance, or worse. This place represents an oasis of sorts, where the lonely travelers can unburden themselves and not feel quite so isolated – you can read or write, participate or lurk, but support, and nutriment, is promised...
Nobody understands crossdressing, unless you’re a crossdresser, so who better to offer support? You may support your own misgivings, or the pains and misfortunes that CD’ing has heaped upon you, making you feel less sure of yourself and your unexplainable compulsion. Someone who is wondering WHY needs support, pure and simple – this person, this individual, needs to be propped up, if only to keep him from falling or sinking back into the world of opposites. This support is offered in the form of encouragement, assistance, or nourishment for the spirit within us all. Alternately, the need to crossdress must be verified, substantiated, or vindicated. CD’ing needs to be defended as a viable enterprise, or a meaningful expression that must be made, if only to ensure the health of the individual. It’s OK – you can lean on ME, my friend...
I came to sites like this to find kindred spirits, and I’ve found quite a few, but, since I was a MtF crossdresser for many years before the advent of discussion forums, I really don’t seek support for my particular brand of crossdressing. However, I find it very rewarding to support others via this meeting place, and offer what meager advice I can, since “support” is in the masthead. I am very much a middle-of-the-road typical MtF with no pretensions of superiority, and I can safely say that I represent a healthy majority within this loose “community.” I’ve seen evidence to support this viewpoint, within the varied discussions herein, so there is plenty to discuss or talk (write) about. In my case, I can only relate my humble experiences, or explore the meanings behind intolerance for MtF crossdressing (which are varied and numerous), so I do so – a space has been conveniently provided...
So, when someone comes along and professes an “I’m a better crossdresser than YOU are” attitude, in so many words, it’s very unsupportive and downright destructive – it makes me wonder where the person is coming from, i.e. does he/she realize that comfort is needed, not conflict? You can see such diatribes as inflammatory and destined for closure, and the clock is ticking each time some division is introduced into the proceedings. Some people have no support to offer, which is sad, unless they support an argument that shouldn’t exist in the first place. Here we are, apart from an expected (gender-specific) way of being, and a buttress would be welcome, if only to keep the clamor of reality at bay. I’ve been IN and I’ve been OUT, but I wouldn’t boast about either position in my quest to support other crossdressers and their inherent sensibilities...
Since I’m an artist, I’m also a member of an art discussion forum. That particular place offers support (well, what else?) for artists in the form of encouragement, resources, or what have you. I’ve been an artist for many years, exhibiting in literally thousands of shows, winning many awards and even judging on occasion, so I didn’t need any encouragement or support for what I do, but I thought it would be fun to “talk” to other artists (I’m rather isolated by choice, you know). However, many artists on this particular site would make, and then display an amateurish-looking painting, asking for comments. They needed to know that what they’re doing (or trying to do) has purpose, and discouragement would be very counter-productive. As such, I felt ill at ease and not willing to offer my own comments – I only supported individuals through technical advice, if at all. In other words, I have certain credentials as an artist, but not as a MtF crossdresser, so I feel more comfortable amongst my peers (not above them), adding to the support we all desire. It would be easy for me to tell someone “Your painting is terrible,” but I wouldn’t do it. And, it follows, I would never discourage a crossdresser with ill-chosen words...
Of course, MtF crossdressing springs forth from feelings that are not appreciated by males, or even females, here in the polarized atmosphere of the 21st century. Accordingly, these feelings are precious and a delicate touch is required if our aim is to keep this vulnerable flame alive. I am always conscious of my own beginnings, when (fortunately) there was nobody to stop me or fill me with shame, and I really grew to LOVE dressing-up. This feeling waxes and wanes, but never dies, and I will not contribute to someone else’s feeling of self-loathing. Many times I’ve offered support in private, becoming a supporter via a few carefully chosen words. It is indeed better to give than receive, but I gain encouragement from many individuals who take the time to send me a kind word or two. I am somewhat self-supporting, but heartened by those around me. In many ways I seek to bolster the reputation of crossdressing, in all its myriad forms, and to obstruct the tide of conformity that threatens to overtake the faithful, all in an act of cautious self-preservation...
Think of me as a supporting actor (or, in this case, actress) who is making the main character(s) look good. Now and then I will upstage an unsupportive individual, but he (or she) deserved it. The idea is to support each other’s need to crossdress, for it is something that the real world has little patience for – do you want to be like THEM, or do you want to cultivate your own garden and let your true feelings blossom forth? This is the nature, or essence, of support. Much like a garden, you may have to “train” the pretty flower to a support (such as a trellis) to help it grow – if you feel the same way that I do, something beautiful, like crossdressing, is worthy of support without reservation. I know many people on this site who are supportive in the extreme, never wavering, and never slipping out of character to un-dress an individual. I admire them, and I strive to be one of them, but I have a lot of work to do – in many ways, being comfortable with one’s CD self is not the best way to be, and any potential support I can offer just isn’t forthcoming...
In closing, crossdressers NEED support. This (CD’ing) is a very non-understandable thing to do, mysterious and yet (at the same time) so obvious, and it helps immensely to know that there are others who think about crossdressing even as they are “doing” it. I’m sure I’ll see you along this path sooner or later – relax, I’m harmless. I am merely Freddy, and I am at your service...
What is YOUR idea of support?
PS – I know that not everyone requires support, in fact the few times I’ve had my head handed to me unceremoniously (on this site) have been during an effort to BE supportive. Trust me…
:bighug:
Whenever a thread is closed, either abruptly or after many “pages” of heated discussion, I always look at the final post to see what the moderator had to say – the quote above comes from the latest such episode, and it inspired me to think about the nature of support (thanks, Nigella)...
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here, together (well, dropping in from time to time), to support each other during our trek through life as crossdressers. In this sub-section, males dress in the clothing of females, either casually, expressionistically, questioningly, inevitably, seriously, non-seriously, or any other way you can possibly imagine. Regardless of intent, we all need support, for the world at large is unsupportive in the extreme, or blind to the reality that we alternative types endure. The genders are meant to be apart, so THEY say, and any incursion into no man’s land leads to intolerance, or worse. This place represents an oasis of sorts, where the lonely travelers can unburden themselves and not feel quite so isolated – you can read or write, participate or lurk, but support, and nutriment, is promised...
Nobody understands crossdressing, unless you’re a crossdresser, so who better to offer support? You may support your own misgivings, or the pains and misfortunes that CD’ing has heaped upon you, making you feel less sure of yourself and your unexplainable compulsion. Someone who is wondering WHY needs support, pure and simple – this person, this individual, needs to be propped up, if only to keep him from falling or sinking back into the world of opposites. This support is offered in the form of encouragement, assistance, or nourishment for the spirit within us all. Alternately, the need to crossdress must be verified, substantiated, or vindicated. CD’ing needs to be defended as a viable enterprise, or a meaningful expression that must be made, if only to ensure the health of the individual. It’s OK – you can lean on ME, my friend...
I came to sites like this to find kindred spirits, and I’ve found quite a few, but, since I was a MtF crossdresser for many years before the advent of discussion forums, I really don’t seek support for my particular brand of crossdressing. However, I find it very rewarding to support others via this meeting place, and offer what meager advice I can, since “support” is in the masthead. I am very much a middle-of-the-road typical MtF with no pretensions of superiority, and I can safely say that I represent a healthy majority within this loose “community.” I’ve seen evidence to support this viewpoint, within the varied discussions herein, so there is plenty to discuss or talk (write) about. In my case, I can only relate my humble experiences, or explore the meanings behind intolerance for MtF crossdressing (which are varied and numerous), so I do so – a space has been conveniently provided...
So, when someone comes along and professes an “I’m a better crossdresser than YOU are” attitude, in so many words, it’s very unsupportive and downright destructive – it makes me wonder where the person is coming from, i.e. does he/she realize that comfort is needed, not conflict? You can see such diatribes as inflammatory and destined for closure, and the clock is ticking each time some division is introduced into the proceedings. Some people have no support to offer, which is sad, unless they support an argument that shouldn’t exist in the first place. Here we are, apart from an expected (gender-specific) way of being, and a buttress would be welcome, if only to keep the clamor of reality at bay. I’ve been IN and I’ve been OUT, but I wouldn’t boast about either position in my quest to support other crossdressers and their inherent sensibilities...
Since I’m an artist, I’m also a member of an art discussion forum. That particular place offers support (well, what else?) for artists in the form of encouragement, resources, or what have you. I’ve been an artist for many years, exhibiting in literally thousands of shows, winning many awards and even judging on occasion, so I didn’t need any encouragement or support for what I do, but I thought it would be fun to “talk” to other artists (I’m rather isolated by choice, you know). However, many artists on this particular site would make, and then display an amateurish-looking painting, asking for comments. They needed to know that what they’re doing (or trying to do) has purpose, and discouragement would be very counter-productive. As such, I felt ill at ease and not willing to offer my own comments – I only supported individuals through technical advice, if at all. In other words, I have certain credentials as an artist, but not as a MtF crossdresser, so I feel more comfortable amongst my peers (not above them), adding to the support we all desire. It would be easy for me to tell someone “Your painting is terrible,” but I wouldn’t do it. And, it follows, I would never discourage a crossdresser with ill-chosen words...
Of course, MtF crossdressing springs forth from feelings that are not appreciated by males, or even females, here in the polarized atmosphere of the 21st century. Accordingly, these feelings are precious and a delicate touch is required if our aim is to keep this vulnerable flame alive. I am always conscious of my own beginnings, when (fortunately) there was nobody to stop me or fill me with shame, and I really grew to LOVE dressing-up. This feeling waxes and wanes, but never dies, and I will not contribute to someone else’s feeling of self-loathing. Many times I’ve offered support in private, becoming a supporter via a few carefully chosen words. It is indeed better to give than receive, but I gain encouragement from many individuals who take the time to send me a kind word or two. I am somewhat self-supporting, but heartened by those around me. In many ways I seek to bolster the reputation of crossdressing, in all its myriad forms, and to obstruct the tide of conformity that threatens to overtake the faithful, all in an act of cautious self-preservation...
Think of me as a supporting actor (or, in this case, actress) who is making the main character(s) look good. Now and then I will upstage an unsupportive individual, but he (or she) deserved it. The idea is to support each other’s need to crossdress, for it is something that the real world has little patience for – do you want to be like THEM, or do you want to cultivate your own garden and let your true feelings blossom forth? This is the nature, or essence, of support. Much like a garden, you may have to “train” the pretty flower to a support (such as a trellis) to help it grow – if you feel the same way that I do, something beautiful, like crossdressing, is worthy of support without reservation. I know many people on this site who are supportive in the extreme, never wavering, and never slipping out of character to un-dress an individual. I admire them, and I strive to be one of them, but I have a lot of work to do – in many ways, being comfortable with one’s CD self is not the best way to be, and any potential support I can offer just isn’t forthcoming...
In closing, crossdressers NEED support. This (CD’ing) is a very non-understandable thing to do, mysterious and yet (at the same time) so obvious, and it helps immensely to know that there are others who think about crossdressing even as they are “doing” it. I’m sure I’ll see you along this path sooner or later – relax, I’m harmless. I am merely Freddy, and I am at your service...
What is YOUR idea of support?
PS – I know that not everyone requires support, in fact the few times I’ve had my head handed to me unceremoniously (on this site) have been during an effort to BE supportive. Trust me…
:bighug: