Passing

[JessHaust]

Ok, ths is not what you think! This last weekend I had the oppertunity to go out two nights in a row. Both to live stage perfromances, one a burlesque show with 8 other girls and the next to a comedy play with one. At both events my friends and I were approached by GG's who were very complimentary. I got hugs and questions and compliments, it was great.
But I really don't pass and if I did, I would have gone unoticed. I would have missed the hugs and attention.
So my question is, would you really trade the wonderful way most people treat you when dressed in public for the relative anonymity of being a GG?

[docrobbysherry]

Jess, there's PASSING, and then there's, "Passing"! Don't confuse the 2! Going out to clubs with other girls can be lots of fun. But, that's NOT about passing!

Going out to Macys for a day of shopping and being taken for a female is "passing"! For many here it is, anyway!

[JessHaust]

Yes I know, and as I said, I do not pass and thats my point, I get far more positive attention simply because I dont pass and am seen by many as doing something fun, courageous, and exciting. If I passed they would never notice.
And theses were not clubs but regular theaters, open and attended by the regular public.

[Marleena]

Jess the girls that get out there really don't need to pass. It is wonderful if they are approachable like you though. It makes it easier for new TG girls to find acceptance.:) Misconceptions abound about who and what we are.

[AllieSF]

I love the interaction with others when out. That being said, I think I would prefer to pass perfectly and still maintain my approach when out. I think it may work? I hope it would work? Maybe I am better off like you say, getting noticed because I am so different and love every minute of it. Or .......??

[Barbara Ella]

Jess, that is a wonderful story about two wonderful evenings. And I love it that your story is really about just going out and accepting who you are and taking in what comes from it. As you point out, i believe that the vast majority of responses would be just as positive as the ones you got. Going out to sit down events is the perfect way to go out i believe (but what do I know, really, just talking here) since you can go through the anxiety to get in one place and be anonymous for a while to let any anxieties pass before intermissions etc, and even then you dont have to get up, depending on the bladder. Putting stress on you by going shopping where you are continually mingling is not appealing to me.

I am who I am, and would not trade it. I may never get to appreciate the level of public acceptance you have experienced, but that is my choice I guess, and I will live with it.

So very glad you had a wonderful time.

Babes

[Eryn]

As Persephone says "The chances of being made goes up with the square of the number of CDers in the group." As part of a group of 8 you didn't have much of a chance.

Now, when I'm out with my wife shopping I do much better at passing. Interacting with an obvious GG does wonders for one's presentation!

[Inna]

Hi Jess, I suppose the question caries weight, don't they always :) For a heterosexual male who crossdresses because of his embrace of the feminine side, attention directed at the obvious could seem feel wholesome, fun and such experience would be for some seen in a positive light.
However for the individual such as my self, the need to experience life as a woman in its entirety brought yet another set of discomforts and disillusion.
When I used to be spotted as a crossdressing male, influx of dread and devastation fulfilled my heart. For me nearly my entire life I felt as though Not a boy, however Not girl either, only when I finally allowed my true spirit to soar did I truly embraced a genuine (sadly non genetic) woman. Since then any non passable event was agonizing, until through tears and sorrow I finally got my wish and been granted the miracle of FFS.

I must say, the world never looked as colorful and mesmerizing as it does now! So I suppose as to the answer to your question, I have traded the attention for being just one of the girls, and I would never ever wished it otherwise.

PS. now and then I do get attention but that is another issue entirely :battingeyelashes:

[Salene]

If we were all GG's, we wouldn't be the unique group of ppl that we are. You can want to be a woman for a day or the rest of your life, but there is nothing wrong with wanting to be trans/cd either. We are beautiful and rare creatures ^.^ So no, I wouldn't trade it

[JessHaust]

Inna, Thank you for your perspective, I really had not thought of this from a TS point, and should have. Yes it's great for me and my friends because we are CD and not TS. I do have TS friends and you are absolutely right, it would not be good for them. It really helps bring home the point with me that while we all share some common interests here, we are all on our own journey and the destination is different.

[Jackie Bee]

Sixth day en-femme and tomorrow back to work. This is the most consecutive days
Iv ever done, three was my previous record. As a card carrying Femmiphile I have
no desire to dress 100% but this was a nice little run, restaurants, shopping, theater.
Do I pass ? no, do I want to ? at this time no. God half the fun for me is being the
center of attention. I love making heads turn and messing with normal people. I'm
not a woman and will never bee a woman I'm a male hetro crossdresser and I am the
show when I walk in the room. You either love or hate the attention, I love it.
To pass and have nobody notice me, that would bee no fun at all.

[JessHaust]

For those of you who don't have the pleasure of knowing Jackie in person, she is a real treat and one of the reasons our group gets such positive attention.
Her positive,' I am who I am' attitude just spills over on everyone around us. She is having fun and everyone can tell.
And yes, the theater she mentioned was the same one I attended, she was 2 seats down from me.
Jackie, thanks so much for everything you bring to the group.

[Karren H]

Hugs and attention? Obviously I'm doing something wrong because people don't treat me any differently enfemme or not?

[Jackie Bee]

Thank you Jess for the nice words you are to kind. I would like to add that I consider Jess a dear friend and she write's from the hart and she walks the walk "click, clack, click clack". Agree or disagree, I have never seen any thing misleading in any of her posts and I have enjoyed reading them all.

[Cheryl T]

Yes....I would trade the attention for the ability to go about my business without others noticing, except of course for noticing how I look in an outfit, or how I treat people.

[Lorileah]

The day I don't get noticed is the day I will quit spending an hour getting ready. If I don't want people to see me I will dress like I do during the week.

[Leanne2]

Karren, I'd hug you. I'd even polish your head for you. Just kidding! You are beautiful! I love hugs. My favorite hairdresser gives me hugs and tells me that I am beautiful. It's probably for the tips but I like it anyway. Leanne

[Billie Jean]

When I went to the club as Billie Jean I got hugs from several pretty ladies. I also got complimented on how well I matched my clothes. I certainly don't pass with my goatee. Billie Jean

[Kristy_K]

Considering my partner and I are over 6' 5" with heels. When we go some place we turn heads for sure. I think we do get treated a little better at times because we don't totally pass. And I love it. Also no matter how hard they try they can't forget us. So the next time we come it is even more fun for us because they still remember us.

Kristy

[Rachel Morley]

Hugs and attention from GGs? ... yes please! :) ha ha. .. but to answer your question, no, for the most part I wouldn't trade being treated nice for anonymity. I'm not ashamed of who I am but sometimes depending on the situation and how I was feeling at that particular moment I don't like people looking at me even if they are approving. Sometimes (if I feel safe) I have no problem with people knowing that I am a CDer and that I am not passing. Other times and places I feel uncomfortable if I can detect that I think people are staring at me and that they can tell. I guess it goes with the territory. I am what I am. I can't be something I'm not so if I want to go out en femme in public places I have to bite the bullet and somehow become a little "thick skinned". Thankfully, actually "amazingly" I should say, I usually don't have a problem as if I do get read, most people seem to ignore me. That's to say most of the time they make me feel like they are not aware or if they are aware, they don't seem to treat any differently than anyone else.

[Aloha Jayne]

Jess, what a wonderful thread! And all this time I thought I would have to pass to be out in public. Like you, I never will, but to think that I could actually get positive attention just being me has given me a breath of life. What I need sadly though is some friends. It would be very different out on your own not passing, but with a supportive SO or other CDs would make it a fun outing. I just gotta make me some friends.

[Miriam-J]

Thanks, Jess. This is one of those angles that I hadn't considered before, and yet it rings so true. Definitely makes it easier to get motivated to head on out the door.

Miriam

[Sarah Roberts]

I love it when a girl comes up to me and compliments me on my heels, or my top or dress or make up... All girls do that and that is what is fun about being a girl out there.. I get the chance to converse with other women about all things feminine.... Everyone woman I know dresses up, puts make up n and wheres her sexiest heels to get noticed and I am not any different than them..It's not about passing but about fitting in and enjoying the fem experience.

Get out there and have fun

[RenneB]

For me it's not the idea of passing vs. not passing it's the amount of attention that I'm getting. As you know there are all kids of males/females in this world and the ones that look like soccer moms/dads that are a lil on the heavy side wearing jeans sneakers a sweater really don't draw much attention.

Ahhh, but the minute you put on a skirt, heels and do yourself up, you're 'bout to draw attention. Weather its guys checking you out for a possibile 'hook up' or it's guys 'detecting that slight male movement that you just did' or it's GGs checking your outfit out to see if it matches with what they like.... or whatever. In general if you try to look good, at least in this neck of the woods, you're going to draw attention.

It's the level of attention now that I'm trying to control. I want just enough to get a few looks from others but not enough to get 'hit on'. Does this make any sence?

Sorry for rambling...

Renne.....

[NathalieX66]

Sometimes the novelty of not passing beats passing......just sayin'. :ms:

I can say that I can fly under the radar half the time, mainly because I'm the size & proportion of most women, so I don't get a lot of eyes on me.....but it's still a roll of the dice, just treat me nice (hey, that rhymes! :heehee:).