Which came first?

[Ayaka.N]

This is really a question for all of you who have a partner who knows.

I've been thinking about this a little recently and it's really one of the main problems that's stopping me from taking my other self further, that is the problem of being accepted as a romantic partner.

So, which came first? While I've read a lot of stories of people outing themselves after they got into a relationship, are there any members here who got into a relationship with your partner already knowing about both of your sides?

I'd really like to hear peoples thoughts on this.

[Janelle_C]

I was married and started to use sex games to introduce her to my fem side. That was thirty years ago. Now no games she's OK with it.
Janelle

[BRANDYJ]

I met my SO on an alternate lifestyle site where she saw pictures of me in both male and fem mode. That was 6 years ago and we are very happy that we found each other. So she knoew before we ever met face to face.

[Stephanie47]

When I got married I was not a practicing cross dresser. I had not dressed for years and thought it had been a passing moments of my teenage years. It crept back into my life. At first my wife was ok with me wearing a nightgown, garter belt and stockings. As it grew she cooled to the idea, especially finding a red bra. She could not understand wearing a bra, if I had no breasts. Cross dressing did turn off the sex life. It took a lot of time for her to get over it. I think she finally realized I was not a different person. Now it's DADT relationship which is fine with me.

[Marie-Elise]

I told my wife after 8 years of marriage. It was during a discussion when she told me about something she had been keeping inside for may years.

Anyway, she was the first (and only) person I've ever told.

She is fine with me being around the house dressed but I would like for it to go into our sex life. She has said it might but so far, there's been no sex of any kind.


I was married and started to use sex games to introduce her to my fem side. That was thirty years ago. Now no games she's OK with it.
Janelle

Just out of curiosity, what kind of sex games? Maybe I can try them.

[Tracy]

My wife knew everything, full disclosure, before we even met in person. My wife's teen daughter was a friend of my teenage sister, she lived about 400 miles away so we were introduced over the phone/online by my father and his wife. We texted, talked on the phone and online daily for a couple weeks before meeting in person. She has been 110% supportive since day one and seems to rather prefer it this way. :)

[JessHaust]

We met in college and as we dated we began discussing everything, really everything, so she was completely aware of my feelings long before we were married. It's been 32 years, and the most interesting thing has happened, since I have started going out as Jess, things in the bedroom have gotten better than they ever were before, go figure!

[Elle1946]

I was married before my wife found out. It was a rocky road for a while but now things are running real smooth and has been for the last 10 years.

[Missy]

yes my wife know about my cross dressing way before we got married and before we started getting more into the friendship how she found out was seeing bra lines under my shirt when she came over and after a couple few talks she just asked for me not to wear any of her stuff and for me to be careful. we have known each other since 1989 and been married for 10 and a half years she has at times got me bras and panties and nighties and other girly items
I love my wife

[Cheryl T]

Nope...I kept it secret for many years. Then one day she found out and it wasn't the right time for us so back in the closet I went. The about 8 years ago I brought it up again and we talked and talked and now everything is fine.

[LIKETODRESS2]

my gf know i told here teh first week me meet 6 years ago in april

[Kristyn Hill]

My wife knew I loved High Heels but she didn't know I had been wearing them since an early age. I let her in on it very early and has seen me wear them several times. She is now wanting me to fully dress up. I cannot wait. This is who I am.....Can't change. 1st post. Happy to be here.

[Miriam-J]

I told my wife about it a month into our dating, when we sharing many old secrets. She's been supportive and helpful ever since.

Miriam

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I already knew and was still going through my own acceptance issues before I met my wife, when we met I did not tell her at first because we were only dating. It was not until I knew things were becoming more serious and that we were entering committed relationship status and I knew she was the one, that I chose to reveal and share this side of me with her.

[reb.femme]

When I got married I was not a practicing cross dresser. I had not dressed for years and thought it had been a passing moments of my teenage years. It crept back into my life. At first my wife was ok with me wearing a nightgown, garter belt and stockings. As it grew she cooled to the idea, especially finding a red bra. She could not understand wearing a bra, if I had no breasts. Cross dressing did turn off the sex life. It took a lot of time for her to get over it. I think she finally realized I was not a different person. Now it's DADT relationship which is fine with me.

Almost my story here, except the sex hasn't withered, if you'll pardon the pun!
My wife came to me when I was wearing my teddy in bed, and boy oh boy....TMI....from here I think.
She too accepts me in lingerie, in fact she bought me a nightie and wrap for xmas, in addition to accompanying me to M&S for my underwear.
I've now got to progress to the dress buying stage, but I'm not sure how I wil drop this step forward on her.
A touch unsure how this will go, but a sharp intake of breath after this weekend and I'll go for it.
My sons are visiting this week so don't want to sour the atmosphere just yet :o

[Alice B]

I was almost 15 years into my marriage when I told myself and then my wife. She accepted the concept and for the past 5 years it gets better and beter.

[Rachel Morley]

Yes ... my wife and I met on a crossdressing forum (not this one) so she knew everything from the get go. She was interested and curious about the subject and I ... well, I was just trying to find some answers to why I feel like I do. Anyway, over a period of 18 months and many offline and sometimes often off topic emails, we met and fell in love. The rest (as they say) is history. We've been married 9 and a half years and we're still happy. The CDing is sort of a cornerstone to the relationship as had it not been for that we might not have met. Life is like that sometimes. It must have been destiny. :)

[Chrisnel]

My wife and I were only married a few years when she asked me to tell her my favourity fantasy. When I told her it was to wear one of her bra and panty sets she told me to go and put them on. It was years before we would match the passion that we shared that night. Its difficult to advise someone on when and how to tell someone - eventually you'll want to and I hope it goes well for you when you do.
Chris

[PretzelGirl]

We were married for about 12-13 years before my wife found. Of course that is also when I found out. So to your point, I didn't have any time where I kept it from her. She knew all about it as it grew within me.

[daarleane]

M first wife and I kind of found out about it together. We had been married for maybe two or three years at the time. I don't even remember how it happened, It just did. She has passed on due to cancer and I have remarried. My present wife was told everything about this subject while we were on a weekend trip. In fact I would say that we talked about everything in depth during that weekend. I for one was determined to know what her feelings were like before we went any further with our relationship. I had realized by then that these feelings were not going to go away but were in fact becoming stronger. After reading all about this for many years, I was determined that we were not going to start this marriage with any "secrets". we have been married now for five years and she is fully supportive.

[Julia_in_Pa]

I'm not a cross dresser but my story is valid concerning the OP's question.
My ex wife knew prior to our marriage that I was both intersexed and was on the path to transition.
She was not only supportive but found me and what I was having to do both unique as well as courageous.
She promised to love and support me unconditionally before during and after transition.
When the rubber met the road she reneged on her promise and we were divorced shortly after my transition.
That was over five years ago. It feels like it was yesterday.


Julia

[kimdl93]

I told my wife before we were engaged. It has been more than 12 years now, and we're going strong.

[sonna]

i did not tell my wife when we were first married she found my stash latter on down the road.
she hatted it then and hates it now. i really dont regret not telling her, and i know it was wrong to
lie to her but if i dident i would not have gotten know her like i do now. she said if she new before
we got married we would never of got married. (that meens we would have been friends eaither)
we are seperated but still living in the same house we are more friends i guess you can say.
i might not be her sole mate. but she is mine. so i will take what i can get.

im just glad we can at least be friends.

[sometimes_miss]

I've been thinking about this a little recently and it's really one of the main problems that's stopping me from taking my other self further, that is the problem of being accepted as a romantic partner.
You will read quite a few people here about being open with their crossdressing, and how they managed to attract a woman who was either o.k. with it initially or gradually became accepting. But the vast majority of women want nothing to do with us. I'm talking about >99%. I guess if you want, and you have the courage to be 'out', the best bets would be to try befriending some gay or bi women, and possibly they will give a good reference about you to their straight female friends. That's the way I would go about it if I had the courage to out myself. But I don't. But the odd thing is, most bi women (at least all the ones I have known) want masculine men, or feminine women. Not feminine men or masculine women.
Good luck. You'll need it.

[drag n fly]

My wife knew I loved High Heels but she didn't know I had been wearing them since an early age. I let her in on it very early and has seen me wear them several times. She is now wanting me to fully dress up. I cannot wait. This is who I am.....Can't change. 1st post. Happy to be here.
Welcome HiHills..Love your avatar...Sounds like a fun, adventurous time ahead...Go for it..Enjoy..lucky dog...smooches Jackie

[MarciManseau]

My situation is a lot different than most of the girls here. When I met Julie, I was already living and working as a woman, so she knows all about me, except that she's never met the old, sort of masculine me, and she never will. I'd never go back to my wrong side.

[Wonderwho]

I waited 26 yeare to tell my wife, i should have told her long ago, we both missed many years of
love and fun. She has accepted me, still loves me and is willing to work with me to make a
better life for both of us. All I can is tell your SO soon, there is a lot of life waiting to be lived.

[WendyH]

We were friends for quite a while before we became romantically involved. I told her about me after we had been friends for a few months, and showed her pictures of Wendy. Before I knew it, she was getting out clothes, shoes, and jewelry for me to try on. She actually encouraged me to go out more as Wendy, even persuaded me to spend a whole week en femme on vacation with her. We eventually fell in love and married; our fifth wedding anniversary is coming up this year. She has no problem with me being transgender at all; she loves me and is attracted to me no matter what "mode" I'm in. I'm so lucky! :D

[MarciManseau]

I waited 26 yeare to tell my wife, i should have told her long ago, we both missed many years of
love and fun. She has accepted me, still loves me and is willing to work with me to make a
better life for both of us. All I can is tell your SO soon, there is a lot of life waiting to be lived.


We were friends for quite a while before we became romantically involved. I told her about me after we had been friends for a few months, and showed her pictures of Wendy. Before I knew it, she was getting out clothes, shoes, and jewelry for me to try on. She actually encouraged me to go out more as Wendy, even persuaded me to spend a whole week en femme on vacation with her. We eventually fell in love and married; our fifth wedding anniversary is coming up this year. She has no problem with me being transgender at all; she loves me and is attracted to me no matter what "mode" I'm in. I'm so lucky! :D

Is it any wonder that we want to become women, or be more like them? We're all sooooo lucky :)

Hugs :

[Ally 2112]

I told my x wife and x GF before we got to serious .Both were at first acceppting then the dressing became an issue .I do not totally blame either one as i have to take some of the fault .I just needed to do it more and more and the fem side quickly took over in both relationships

[*Vanessa*]

I told my very supportive Ex of a 29 yr marriage on our second date. The reason I told her at that time was because I just didn't want to spend time with someone I couldn't share my life with.