I finally went into the OUTSIDE WORLD dressed en femme!!!

[Anne2345]

Until joining this forum, whether I recognized it or not, I have allowed fear to dictate the terms of how I live my life. I am transgendered, I am afraid, and I have been a closet dweller my entire life.

Over the past year, however, I have taken many baby steps, made positive strides, and made much progress in the development, evolution, and maturation of Anne. For instance, I have recently come out to certain friends and family, I now purchase my own makeup in person, I shop for my own clothes, and I regularly visit a nail salon (albeit all in drab).

These are things, however, that even just one year ago I could not imagine myself doing, even in drab. Simply put, such things seemed beyond me, and seemed very much impossible. In this, I refused to engage in any action that I perceived to be a risky undertaking. But the problem was that I considered everything to be a risky undertaking, which meant that I did nothing except dress within the warm, safe, comfortable, and lonely confines of my blessed sanctuary that was my closet.

And this was all very much fine with me, until it wasn’t. Reading the stories, adventures, and experiences of members on this forum, though, has led me to believe that perhaps certain things are possible. More importantly, I have begun to believe that not only are certain things possible, but that I can do these things, whatever they may be.

Regardless, if anyone told me a year ago that I would eventually go out in public fully dressed as a woman, I would have responded with a hearty laugh, a “yeah right,” an “it will never happen,” and a “get lost.” But that would have been a year ago. It may have even been six months ago. It would not have been, however, last evening. In fact, last evening, I did just exactly that – I left the safety of my closet behind, and for the first time ever, I went out into the outside world dressed completely as a woman.

While en femme, I used the occasion to attend a TG support group meeting. Prior to the meeting, I had never knowingly met another member of the TG community. Last evening, however, not only did I meet real, honest-to-goodness crossdressers and transsexuals, I made many new friends doing so, all the while presenting as a woman.

This is not to say, though, that the experience was easy. The experience was anything but easy. I was scared sh!tless from the very beginning, as I stood inside the comfort of my closet (a hotel room), looking at the door that would lead me to the outside world. At that moment, all made up from head to toe as a woman, I questioned my resolve, my courage, and my desire. I wondered whether I could open that door, and whether I could take those first couple of steps outside without collapsing into the fetal position.

Fortunately, I did not have to wait long, as I did open the door leading out, and I did walk out into the outside world. In this regard, I faced my fear, and my fear was substantial. Although I damn near let it get the better of me, I did not. That I did this, though, that I actually did this, I am quite pleased with myself, and proud. I faced up to my fear, and defeated it.

Even better, I discovered that in so doing, the world neither exploded nor blinked out of existence. Armageddon did not occur. The moon did not crash into the Earth. And the oceans did not rise up and swallow all of the lands.

In fact, it was quite the opposite. I was amazed by the reception I seemed to garner along the way. Everybody I saw either offered a warm smile, or simply did not take notice. Of course, the TG crowd was gentle, kind, understanding, warm, and absolutely amazing. But those other people that I saw, that saw me, were not the monsters my mind had previously made them out to be.

As a result, I had a fantastic, wonderful, and exciting evening. I went out into the real world dressed as a woman! Li’l ole fearful me. I did it! I actually did it! :)

[TxKimberly]

GOOD for you! I spent years looking out of the hotel door with my heart in my throat, wanting to enter the world SO badly but scared to death. I got past that a few years ago and have never looked back. Welcome to the fresh air and sunshine!

[ArleneRaquel]

Anne,
Best wishes. Going out enfemme for the first time will lead to many more outings, I hope that you enjoy all of them and that they are safe and very satisfying. Being scared for your first few trips to the outside world is the norm.:):thumbsup:

[Marleena]

Yay! One small step for mankind! Way to go Anne! No turning back now my friend.:)

[queenie]

Congrats on that huge milestone! I always thought the first step was the hardest. Everything after gets a little bit easier to handle.

[joandher]

ANNE My Darling you look every bit a natural woman and i for one would have no problem walking down any road with you, my only problem is why on earth you waited so long,

isnt it a fantastic feeling ????

[kimdl93]

Congratulations, Anne...and thank you for not causing the end of existence as we know it. I still have lots I'd like to expereince before that happens! Now, maybe we'll be able to meet for lunch!

[Sue Too]

My Dear Anne

I am thrilled for you. I have often heard it said that the longest step for a CD is the one they take over the threshold and away from the confines of their safe room. You have crossed that threshold. Now there are only new horizons ahead of you. I remember my first time like it was yesterday. I'm sure you will do the same.

You will still have concerns but each time it will be easier. The most important advice I can offer you is to remember that most people dont really care how you are dressed. You are a pretty girl and you should do well. My best wishes to you

Susan in Phoenix

[*Vanessa*]

Another sweet story Anne - congrats.
Being out in the elements is an awesome feeling isn't it, so real. Remember to breath :)

[StaceyJane]

Welcome to the daylight!

[Sara Jessica]

I'll save the obligatory congratulations for later as I feel compelled to bring this up because no one is doing their job around here.

For gosh sakes, what did you wear and where are the pictures??? ;)

[kimdl93]

Mea Culpa, Sara!!!! What was I thinking????

[~Joanne~]

I'll save the obligatory congratulations for later as I feel compelled to bring this up because no one is doing their job around here.

For gosh sakes, what did you wear and where are the pictures??? ;)

I was thinking it, does that count? lol

Congratulations Anne, You were where I am today and hopefully with some time, I may be where you were last night. Well, in the state of mind anyways ;)

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Good for you, it gets easier as you go. You have a very nice look, kind of sultry. Oh and yes, what were you wearing????

[Miriam-J]

Congratulations Anne, and it sounds like it won't be the last time. And thanks for sharing your story so well with all of us.

I've gotta follow in your footsteps soon, but my wife has promised to be there for me so perhaps the courage will be even easier to come by.

Miriam

[María José]

Congratulations Anne!

[Katelyn B]

Congratulations, I know how scary the first time out can be, especially in what is a pretty public place, I'm glad you're pleased and proud of yourself because you should be.

[carhill2mn]

Congratulations in over coming your fears! As is usual, the fears are much worse than the reality.

[reb.femme]

Anne, your profile photo is fantastic, breath taking in fact. I'm so glad you have achieved this milestone in your life and the obvious elation this has brought you. I look forward to my own 'release' but this is still a little way down the road for me. Sincere congratulations!

[LeaP]

Damn, Anne! I'm speechless!

Lea

[Polly R]

Dear Anne

Why were you so scared? From your picture, you really look the part - just wish I looked as good as you!

However, it's not that long ago that I took that first baby-step out and I know how scary it is. :o But once you've taken it, it's still a little scary each time but each time, it diminishes as you feel more comfortable with yourself. Just play it cool and blend in... :)

xx Polly

[kristamarie]

Good for you and thanks for sharing. I haven't quite made it that far but I don't think I am that far from doing the same thing. It is getting closer all the time.

[docrobbysherry]

"Oh, I've GOT TO READ THIS!", I thot after reading your thread heading!

Never let it be said that this site can't lead ANY CLOSET DRESSER down the "yellow brick CD road"! Or in even worse, as in MY case, down the rabbit hole with Alice! If u told ME Sherry would be out in public locally, alone a year ago, I'd STILL BE LAFFING!

Now, book your tickets to the Be All or better yet, the SCC in Sep, Anne! The grand mommy of them all! And, I'll SEE U THERE, GIRL!

[KimberlyJean]

Congratulations! I too recently ventured out on a Saturday morning to the mall and it felt great, I was imagining the scene from Shrek when they are chasing him with the pitchforks and torches but no one noticed or cared I wasn't a woman. I spoke to a couple of people and passed the teenage girl test. I was looking at shoes and they came up to find some for their Mom who just happened to also be a size 11. I stood there for a couple of minutes, tried on a couple of pairs, I think they wanted the one pair I tried on but they didn't say anything and didn't read me as male. Then their mom showed up and I squeezed past them to leave and they didn't even look twice at me. Now the guy at the counter asked me 3 times if I need help. Overall it felt really good, I had to go home because I had to pee really bad and wasn't brave enough to use either bathroom.

[Debb]

Congratulations Anne! Of course, we must all insist on knowing just how fabulous you looked, as well as felt. Hurry!

[JessHaust]

Anne,
sorry I'm so late to this post, but you have a way of filling posts fast!

I can't tell you how proud I am of you. Stepping out the first time is terrifying, the second will be as well, only less so, and it just gets better from there.
You are a well respected member of this forum and your story will go a long way to helping other girls follow in your footsteps (High heels I hope!).
Congratulations, a keep making me, and all of us proud!

[STACY B]

Told ya ,, No problems ,, Hell look how good you look ! I know if I do it you can ,, Im ugly as a BOWLING SHOE , No one realy cares an the ones that do are just mad cuz you got the outfit on that they wanted to sleal from there SO . OHHHHHHHHHHHHH POO ,,,,,,,

[Brittany CD]

Wow, I can't even leave my bedroom yet!

[drag n fly]

Wonderful Anne..You're beautiful inside and out..smooches Jackie

[TGMarla]

Yay! Good for you, Anne! I'm very glad to hear it. And I can say with certitude that my experiences have been the very same as you described. Look at you! You're......you're.......you're a woman of the world now!

[AnitaH]

Congrats to you. Glad to see you expanded your horizons and it went well for you. It wasn't that long ago that I stepped out in the light of day. Although a recent member here I was a lurker for a very long time and your right, this site has a way of opening one's mind to greater things. By the way you have a style of writing I very much like.

AnitaH

[Anne2345]

For gosh sakes, what did you wear and where are the pictures??? ;)


I am ashamed to admit it, but I did not take any pictures! :eek: I took longer to get ready than I thought I would (imagine that!), and I left my stupid camera behind in the hotel room. It wouldn't have fit in my purse, anyways! LOL!!! And yes, I recognize after the fact that I could have used the camera on my phone. :facepalm:

But I wore the grey sweater in the picture below, with women's jeans (sorry Karren). Instead of red lipstick and the long hair wig, though, I wore a nude color lipstick and the shorter wig, as shown in the other picture and my avatar. I also wore black, suede boots with about a one inch heel. So combine all of that, use a little imagination, and that's how I was dressed.

[LeannL]

Anne,
Congratulations. Your writing style really allows your emotions to come through. Your experiences are something that many, if not most, of us have experienced in one way or another. Personally, walking out in the world with female clothes was something I did in parts over many years.

What you have experienced is the drive your female self will push you to validate your female self by having the world around you accept you. We all ask why we need to go out in public even with the potential physical and verbal abuse when we encounter civilians. On this forum, you will find a lot of members who really find it makes their day when they are called maam or miss or some other equivalent. It is all about society saying you are a woman and accepting you into their world as such.

So Anne, welcome. I hope that you enjoy the ride. It will be exciting, tough, enjoyable and frustrating all at the same time!

Leann

[taís]

omg! you did it!!!
I'm here with a big smile on my face now. so happy for you!
congratulations Anne. be proud of yourself, girl, and never forget the strength you have!
here's a BIG hug
:hugs:

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Congratulations Anne. I must warn you though, once you step out of the closet, the door closes and you can't get back in....Not that you'll want to go back in.

[PretzelGirl]

Woo-Hoo! Now you have done it Anne. Time to go shopping because there is so much more room in your closet for clothes now that you aren't in there. :D

It seems it was all you wanted it to be and I am glad for you. I wish many pleasant trips out for you in the future!

[Jacqueline Winona]

You made my day, Anne! Nicely done! I really couldn't be happier for you!
Hugs, Janice

[Torrey]

Anne-

I can't begin to express how happy I am for you! I can tell you that my life has not been the same since I first ventured out. It only gets better...it's a whirlwind.

Hugs,
Torrey

[AllieSF]

Congratulations Anne. You have really taken more than a few baby steps. Watch out world, Anne is among us.

[Anne2345]

Woo-Hoo! Now you have done it Anne. Time to go shopping because there is so much more room in your closet for clothes now that you aren't in there. :D

That is really funny, Sue, and very well done! :D I must admit, though, that it did take a second for it to sink in through this thick skull of mine, but it eventually made it through. And your point is very well taken! Now that I have more room, I will certainly need new clothes for future outtings. So I will have to go shopping. I mean, I can't be seen in the same outfit more than once, can I? :eek:

[Kristyn Hill]

Great for you. Great story and congratulations.

[Tara D. Rose]

Well congratulations Anne. I’m so glad that you were able to take these first steps to go outside where there are people. I love to read stories like this. It reminds me of my first time going out. We live in the closet for a long time, then we get new desires, we want to go out. Then we ponder on where, when and how? It takes a lot of our thoughts as we decipher the good and or the bad of it. We read horror stories that make us think of just staying in and being safe, but then there is that other voice that tells us, no, we are not happy being suppressed or to allow society norms to dictate to us of what we can or cannot do. My first time out was SCC. I was so afraid to walk out of my house. My wife was already at the steering wheel. I had to make sure no neighbors would see me. Once the coast was clear, I ran to the passenger side and we were off. Going down the interstate I wouldn’t even look at others in other cars. I knew at this time, there was no turning back, and the closer we got there, the more my heart pounded. We pulled up and 50 people were out front watching all the new arrivals get out of their cars. I bravely got out, I thought I was going to hear all kinds of laughter and jeers, but it was good, all good.
Now that you have tasted those new found freedoms that can only be experienced,,,, before having an understanding of the joy it brings. Those endorphins are now released and you’ll want to do it more and more. It’s like the potato chip, you now want more. I want to go to the little walking trail park just one block from the hospital in the town you and I grew up in. And I’m going to do it, just as soon as the weather gets warmer.
So congratulations to you for opening a new door for you, and the peace that you found.


Tara

[JessHaust]

You will get faster at getting ready, used to take me 3 hours, now I'm down to 45 minutes. But there is really one BIG thing youre missing........a bigger purse! I started with a really cute clutch, but with wallet, keys, glasses(ok, im 53!), lipstick, gloss, brush, mirror, cell phone, the list goes on and on! Now I have a nice, and large purse, oh yea almost forgot, FLATS! After hours pn heels, you definately want a pair of flats in our purse!

[PretzelGirl]

I mean, I can't be seen in the same outfit more than once, can I? :eek:

Them are the rules. We don't make them up, we just abide by them.

If you continue going out, I truly wish for a pleasant experience each and every time. You deserve it girl! :hugs:

[Sara Jessica]

If you continue going out, I truly wish for a pleasant experience each and every time. You deserve it girl! :hugs:

Isn't that the truth? Nicely said Sue!

Now back to that outfit. I'd say really well done. Couldn't be cuter IMHO. But really, if you polled each and every one of us as to what we wore the first time we ventured out and I'd doubt there'd be more than a few, if any, who replied "jeans"!!!

Anne, echoing what Sherry said, our friend slippery slope isn't so bad, is she??? ;)

[patti1569]

Congratulations!!! That is a big scary step out the door, but you did it!!! Exciting isn't it.

[Robyn7778]

Congratulations! Thanks for sharing. I hope to follow suit very soon!
xo

[TGMarla]

That pic of you in the red lipstick rocks! In fact, unless things are way casual, you should stick to the red. Not all women can wear way way red lipstick effectively, so if you are of the fortunate few, you definitely should whenever you can get away with it.

[Jazzygurlcruz]

Congratulations. I started going out a little over a year ago and love it!

[Marissa]

Its great to see how far you have traveled in just one year..happy anniversary (since joining the site, that is). This past year would be a nice book to write about all that you have experienced with this being a very big one..the real world :) glad you took that step out.

[Elana]

I'm Sooo happy for you!! =) Its always fun going out dressed femme, my 1st time was the hardest also. But its nice to finally get out there to the open world dressed and being who we want to be =)